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Ernie's House of Whoop Ass!
November 26, 2014

Revenge Is An Act Of Passion; Vengeance Of Justice. Injuries Are Revenged; Crimes Are Avenged. - Samuel Johnson

The rioters of Ferguson are pleased to announce they have looted and burned the following businesses which were directly responsible for the death of Michael Brown: St.Louis Fish & Chicken Grill, Family Dollar, Dollar Tree, O'Reilly's Auto Parts, Beauty Mart, A.J. & R. Pawn Shop, Walgreens, FedEx, Cakes and More, JC Wireless, AT&T, STL Bread Company, Conoco, Auto Buy Credit, Phillips 66, McDonald's, Red's Barbecue, Taco Bell, CVS, Beauty Town, Little Caesar's, Ferguson Liquor, Public Storage, Sam's Meat Market, Medicine Shop, Commerce Bank, Auto Zone, Toys R Us, Amoco, Quiznos, Dellwood Market, Chop Suey restaurant, TitleMax, and Antonio French's Heal Stl Community Center.

Earlier this week the New York Times published a story that included the home address of Darren Wilson and his new bride. So turnabout being fair play, it's only fair if someone publish the home address of both resporters who contributed to that story. So you should know that Julie Bosman lives at 5620 North Wayve Avenue (APT 2) in Chicago and Campbell Robertson lives at 1113 North Dupree street in New Orleans. Like they say, what's good for the goose, is good for the dirtbag New York Times reporters.

But speaking of Ferguson, the lovely Chelsea Ferguson is a 24 year old social media stripper and ex-student who claims she's learned more from stripping than she did at university. Can you tell me what airline is she about to fly out on?

That Maxim poster was never a cover of Maxim. It is however a poster of their 2001 hot 100, number #80. Her name is Carol Grow. Ryker

Nothing to see here, just photos of a great white shark stalking a surfer, move along people.

So I lied. So I can't tell time. So maybe some communist bastard's going to make an appointment pop you a new asshole in your forehead. You're Marines now. You improvise. You adapt. You overcome. Let's move. Four minutes! Clint's movie by the way, is not exactly based upon true events, but takes its name from the Battle of Heartbreak Widge, the story of which is told by Korean War veteran Paul Linerode.

These rock and roll posters: The Foo Fighters, Guns & Roses, and who else?

What an EXCEPTIONAL DOG!!! And, apparently, he never tires! Rick

Wow, easy there, Rick. Sounds like you could use some cock and zombies.

Even though I think bump fire stocks are kind of a novelty item, I do think the ATF may side against them one day and since Bump Fire Systems is wholesaling theirs due to a legal battle, I finally broke down and picked up a one of their Bump Fire Systems Stock for $100 shipped after the coupon code"blk_friday_week" -- of course I got fucked for an extra $6 since the company is located in Florida and I had to pay sales tax. Truth be told, these bump fire stocks only supplement skill with technology -- here's a bump fire stock vs a standard semi-automatic in the very capable hands of professional shooter Jerry Miculek. And when I say professional shooter, I mean PROFESSIONAL SHOOTER: Jerry set a workd record when he fired 12 shots from a revolver in under 3 seconds. Now I just imagine being able to pay for the ammo it'll burn through.

It started with sealing an open bag of chips, and evolved into America's most popular brand for holding items tightly: the Chip Clip. But if you're clever, you can also reseal those pesky metalized food bags with this super secret technique. No clips, no tape, no stale chips.

November 25, 2014

What, Too Soon?

Express, Inc. is an American fashion retailer that caters mainly to young women and men. The company is headquartered in Columbus, Ohio and New York City. Express clothes are designed at the Express Design Studio on 111 Fifth Avenue New York City, New York in Manhattan's Flatiron District. In 2009, Express denim line was expanded with its extra low-rise Zelda jeans as well as introducing two new styles. One is a women's denim, barely boot-cut in either the low-rise Zelda or the regular-rise Stella. Express operates over 600 stores in the United States and generates $1.8 billion in annual sales.

"Get Money" is the third and final single released from the Junior M.A.F.I.A.'s debut album, Conspiracy. "Get Money" became the group's biggest hit, peaking at 17 on the Billboard 100 and was certified platinum by the RIAA on July 9, 1996 for sales of over two million copies, and was ranked number 3 in Billboard's Top Hot 100 Hits of 1996. The song is popular with pop culture refences for the lyric, "fuck bitches get money." The lyris has been adopted by many caucasian teenagers as, "Disregard females, acquire currency."

Gadzooks was a mall-based clothing retailer founded in 1983 as a t-shirt business owned by Texas businessmen, Jerry Szczepanski and Larry Titus. After achieving success, Gadzooks expanded its product line to sell a broader assortment of clothing aimed at young adults. The company logo included the Volkswagen Beetle and all stores had a life-size version of part of a Beetle inside. In 2003, it dropped its shrinking male clothing line to focus exclusively on female clothing. The store promoted this with ill-received ads with statements like "Proud to be Sexist" and "Stop Equality". Gadzooks filed for bankruptcy twice and in March 2005, Forever 21 purchased the chain and closed underperforming stores, reducing the number of locations from 243 to about 150.

Last year when the USA got their asses handed to them in the World Cup, the one bright spot was goaltender Tim Howard, who made 16 saves, the most ever in a World Cup match since they started keeping track of such things back in 1966. The previous record, set by Peru's Ramon Quiroga, was 13 saves 35 years ago back in 1978. The momentousness of the occasion did not go unnoticed by the internet, and by the following afternoon the Tim Howard saving things meme had taken shape. With that in mind, Giant's wide receiver Odell Beckham made what can only be described as the best fucking catch I've ever seen. So of course people have been hard at work overnight photoshopping the Beckham catch into a variety of different, unexpected situations. A few repeats from Howard, but all in all, the results are pretty funny.

Hey Ernie, Love the site, visit every day. The car in the picture being vacuumed out by the girl in the camo and crocs is an early Seat Ibiza, they're part of the VAG group and made in Spain but sold throughout Europe. Dave (UK)

Those ribbons were national defense, iraq campaign, global war on terror, and sea service. National defense and gwot are gimmies, iraq and sea service from a deployment. Chick is meh. Nick

I am still looking for what issue Maxim magazine this poster is from.

The Creative Inspire P580 speaker system brings home theatre audio quality to the desktop. When used with a Creative Sound Blaster 5.1 sound card it gives an audio performance of stunning quality and realism - perfect for a breathtaking home theatre experience in games and movies. Used with a 4-channel sound card, it can up-mix the input to 6-channel surround sound. The 17 Watts RMS wood subwoofer gives room-shaking results, while the five satellites, each offering 6 Watts RMS, ensure optimum acoustic dispersion for a truly immersive 'sound stage'. The Creative Inspire P580 wired remote features a headphone socket as well as volume/bass controls.

A FUCKING UNDERWATER CITY: Usually when people talk about colonization in the future, the discussion turns to outer space - people living on the moon, on Mars, or on a giant space station. But there's plenty of room for humanity to spread out right here on Earth, provided we find a way to live under the water. And engineering company Shimizu has revealed their plans for a way to do just that – it's called Ocean Spiral, an entire city under the ocean.

Hey Ern - This is clearly not a S & W Model 19 - as you pointed out - offered in Stainless steel the Model would be a 66. However, with a full barrel underlug shown in the pic would make this weapon a 6" Model 686 chambered in 357 Magnum. While a Model 629 closely resembles this - the smaller diameter of the barrel makes it a no brainer for the 686. Bob

Love the game Mainland, the secret is to store up your items. You can't take money from round to round but you can take the blocks, plagues etc.... Steve

West Coast Choppers is a brand that began selling screen-printed t-shirts and stickers with the company's Iron cross/Maltese cross logo while founder and "master marketer" Jesse James was finishing high school, packaging the accoutrements of the chopper lifestyle long before any actual West Coast Choppers customs had been ordered or sold. Even after the company did begin building custom choppers, 60% of revenue still came from sales of WCC-branded marketing tie-ins such as clothing, beverages and tools. Yearly sales of approximately 12–15 motorcycles at prices of around US$ 150,000 each actually lost money for the company, but attracted positive attention. The Long Beach, California headquarters of West Coast Choppers shut down in 2010, however was later reopened in 2013 with a new headquarters in Austin, Texas.

Things a little tight this Christmas season? Want to get the kiddo's something nice anyway? Here's your chance to WIN A PLAYSTATION 4 FOR FREE.

440 rounds of 54R for $93 with free shipping is about as good as you're going to get these days

There are 10 million members at Adult Friend Finder, all of which looking for fun filled action to keep warm this chilly season. Even if you don't want to hook up, sign up for free and check out tons of nude photos and profiles. With 10 million members, you may find the chick next door looking to get laid. And you ladies, don't be shy. Tons of guys are waiting for you, too. Just take the one minute to find some people in the area! So sign up for free then go to your e-mail to confirm your account and get busy!

November 24, 2014

I Had Lots Of Balls Friday Night, Trust Me.

The Boss Lady is a huge fan of the Hunger Games saga, so of course I was obligated to see Hunger Games Mockingjay part I this weekend. It was, well, meh. The first hour of the movie was a complete snoozefest, leaving my mind to wander out of boredom and look at everything in the fucking theater except the screen. I spent the majority of the two hours thinking one of two things to myself. Either, "Boy, I saw that coming a mile away," or, "I saw yer boobs." Personally I think the series ran its course with one movie and the first sequel looked forced. With that in mind, Philip Seymour Hoffman was his usual awesome self, and I predict his absense will make Part II suck even more. Woody Harrelson was painfully underutilized. Natalie Dormer's acting was cardboard thin and looked like she was readig her lines from a hobo's cardboard sign. Although at least now I know why she shaved half her head. Julianne Moore seemed to be phoning it in as well, and I suspect she was blackmailed into taking the role. All in all, 4 out of 10. it wasn't I-WANT-MY-MONEY-BACK bad, but if you want to see it my advice is wait for it to hit Netflix.

The Smith & Wesson Model 19 is a revolver produced by Smith & Wesson on its K-frame platform, chambered for .357 Magnum. Retired Assistant Chief Patrol Inspector of the U.S. Border Patrol, famous gunfighter, and noted firearms and shooting skills writer Bill Jordan consulted with Smith & Wesson on the design and characteristics of the Model 19. The Model 19 was produced 1957 to November 1999, and featured blued carbon steel with wood or rubber combat grips, an adjustable rear sight, semi-target hammer, serrated combat-type trigger. The S&W model 66 was the same K-frame, only offered in stainless steel with a smooth target-type trigger, and was produced from 1970 until 2005.

If a handgun isn't your thing, or those of you still looking to get your hands on an AK, here's a Yugoslavian made Zastava M70 N-PAP AK-47 for $449 -- which comes with twelve 10-round magazines. Useful in some states, but for those of us not living in the Occupied Territories, you'll want to get your hands on some nice 30 rounders instead: Tapco mags are the most inexpensive but if you're willing to shell out a couple extra dollars per magazine, steel is never a bad choice.

Okay Marines, I recognize the National Defense Medal, but what are the other three?

Ernie. Those three gals are in front of Espit Chupito, Carre Aribau 77 Barcelona Spain. Jambo

The best part is if you back up a little bit in Street View, the grafitti on the adjascent security gate is still there. For this next challenge, I was going to ask you what happened with this re-election campaign, but after doing a double take on this one, I've decided to go in a different direction. So tell me, what issue of Maxim Magazine is that poster?

Sometimes translating stuff is a very tough job. Especially if you're Asian and you have never had anything to do with any indo-European language. So then if you're gonna have a street sign that you have to translate for tourists to understand as well, you might not want to use your trusty Google translate, or the results will be very similar with what you can see here.

November 22, 2014

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

jimmy kimmel's celebrities read mean tweets #8

newtown shooter: parental denial, breakdowns, missed opportunities

in honor of ferguson, missouri: 42 powerful photos that show human compassion in the face of violence

here are 27 relatively simple things that will make your home extremely awesome. 28 if you invite me over for beer.

your weekend boob dump: one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - nine - ten - eleven - twelve - THIRTEEN

November 21, 2014

Let's bring Em Home Has Completed 38 Airline Tickets So Far.


You know, with everyone having their own mobile phones, it's a wonder phone booths even exist anymore.

When a girl you've just had sex with reveals she was born with both a cock and a box, but says she, "did not lie to him per se," you'd probably be in rehab, too.

Tracking down Benny's market is easy, it's located in Torrance, California. Almost too easy. So stepping things up a notch, what bar did these three girls just come out of? I Googled the telephone number on the security placards, which led me to Expansiva Seguridad, and popping that page into Google Translate gives me you get Mataro (Barcelona) in the Contact section, and given Mataro'sclose proximity to Barcelona, my hunch is the bar is somewhere in downtown Barcelona. Especially since on the door there's a sign written in three languages (catering to tourists) which reads, "Please respect the rest of the neighbors. Thank you."

Dear Sir Ernie, Like you, I'm enjoying all the massive snowfall from Florida. Anyway, I think that background movie isn't a movie, it looks to me like Eric Bischoff from the WCW doing some corny royalty wrestling bit. Just my 2 cents. Your loyal minion, Matt

Looking to feed your hungry AK, or preparing for the riots that should kick off on a few hours? You can pick up some 700 rounds of Romanian 7.62x39 123GR FMJ in sealed spam can for $139 until the end of November, or until their supply runs out.

Given the canouflage pants and knockoff Crocs, my first thought was a Walmart shoppper, but I don't think this is an American made car. Any idea what kind of car she's vacuuming out?


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