Yarrrrr! I Guess She Be A Butt Pirate, Me Matey! Yarrrr!

Here's a really cool computer animation of how a virus invades your body. It's good to know while you're on your deathbed from THE SWING FLU OMG, or in prison getting buttfucked by a guy with full blown AIDS or some other STD.

Reason number 490,284 to keep an eye on your local newspaper: you catch gems like this. Cocaine is a helluva drug.

Sorry guys, I'm just back from a flight from Dallas, so in celebration of THE FIRST UPSIRT/NO PANTIES PICTURE FROM MEGAN FOX, Ford has unveiled the car of the future to suit the needs of every American: introducing the 1993 Ford Taurus. "I like it because it has heat and air conditioning, so my family can live in it year round." Ahh, it would be funny if it weren't so true.

Hey remember Debbie Gibson? Yeah, the Shake Your Love Debbie Gibson, aka the Mega Shark Debbie Gibson, if you prefer that. Well anyway, it seems she's turned into some piece of ass, eh?

I can't tell you how many emails I've gotten that follow the same script: "Like you, I resisted jumping on the Firefox bandwagon, thinking it was more of a fad than functional. But since you wouldn't shut the fuck up about it, I decided to give it a try and holy shit, you're right. Now after trying another web browser, I really can step back and see Internet Explorer for the raging piece of shit that it truly is. Cheers, INSERT YOUR NAME HERE."

Attention Oskiller, this Bud's for you. And by Bud, I mean how to resolve your no-image issue, sent in by no less than fifty people. They're probably all nerds, but that's okay. Anyway, it's actually an extremely simple procedure that at first may look a little daunting, but trust me it's a piece of cake. Even this doll could so it.

Fucking great, is there anything this asshole can't do? Next thing you know he'll be rescuing puppies from a burning building. Between these assholes and the Philly fan that fell off the cab, I don't know who's douchier.

Great Scott! it looks like Doctor Brown's time machine is on ebay! Oh don't worry, the real one is safely tucked away at Universal Studios.

The hottest babes at ESPN: Erin Andrews was a gimme but Shannon Spake in a firesuit trackside was an nice unexpected touch. Boy I'd sure let her blow into my breathalyzer, if ya know what I'm sayin.

steak house or gay bar? you make the call.

saudis issue 'culture clash' guide for travelers abroad.

vintage johnny carson: dom deluise and the famous egg trick.

fhm's comprehensive buyer's guide to lingerie. with video evidence.

interviewing with google? you might want to brush up on these brainbusters.

watch the newest real amateurs perform from their homes all over the world. NSFW.

can someone tell me how that short little insignificant fuck keeps pulling such quality ass?

more classic comedy: andrew dice clay's first show at dangerfield's club. hickory, dickory dock...

Wow This Daylight Savings Is Fucking Me All Up.

There are heroes everywhere. The person who calls 911 on their domestically abusive neighbors. The mentally challenged kid who bags your groceries. The person who rings up a $700 bar tab at 7 in the morning, who also goes by the handle "Kiefer Sutherland".

Honestly John, I was quite hesitant to jump on the Firefox bandwagon at first, too. Internet Explorer had such a comfortable feel to it that I wasn't too keen on giving up. It's like when you've been driving the same car for ten years, you know where all the buttons and dials are and can find all of them without even taking your eyes off the road. Then one day you find yourself sitting in a new car and right before you round a corner, you turn your windshield wipers on when you mean to put your turn signal on. It definitely takes some getting used to. I figured shit, it doesn't cost anything to download, so I did and slowly but surely made the switch. But hey, I'm not forcing this on anybody, I'm not one of these douchebags who doesn't understand that no means no. But after you've used it for a month or so, you'll find it's pretty perfect.

Huh. Well, sucks to be Chrome. I guess I was talking out of my ass on that one, eh? I presume it's still a hundred times more stable that IE. As for Topher's ads? Hey man, it's a way of life with porn.

Old and busted: $50k to turn your garage into a Pan-Am first class cabin. The new hotness: $100k to turn your garage into a wrecked submarine. Complete with a working periscope, because hell, what good would it be without that.

I know what that is, someone wrote in once with a solution (some configuration change), and I'll be fuck all if I can find it now. It's got something to do with the way Firefox is all super into privacy and not showing the referring url, so you're running into the htaccess issue I've mentioned before. So if any of you little Asian guys out there know what setting to toggle, let me know so I can post it.

There is actually very little known about what exactly causes a knockout but many agree it has to do with minor trauma to the brain stem. This usually happens when the head rotates sharply, often caused by a strike. There are three general manifestations of such trauma - the typical knock out which results in a sustained loss of consciousness (comparable to general anesthesia - where the recepient emerges and has lost memory of the event), a "flash" knock out where a very transient loss of consciousness (<3 seconds) occurs where the recipient often maintains awareness and memory of the combat, and lastly a "stunning" where consciousness is maintained despite extremely distorted proprioception, visual fields, and auditory processing. Here are some examples.

Ahh, yes, one more thing I forgot to mention about expanding banner ads and IE. For some fucked up reason, whenever there was an expanding ad loaded anywhere on the page, the vertical scrollbars disappeared. Fucked up, eh? So for example with Wikisnaps, the only article you could see was the top one. So if you went there today you could read all about the Claymore Antipersonnel mine, but would have no idea that just below that, Traci Lords was waiting. That was a tremendous pain in the balls for me. Oh, and I keep meaning to make a 'suggest an article' link on Wikisnaps, so if anyone would like to see a particular topic featured let me know. In the meantime, try not to be a douchebag.

these are two of the most awesome dudes to have ever walked the earth.

jason bourne + iraq / weapons of mass destruction = green zone.

how to order a beer... in seven different languages.

things you did in high school but still talk about.

a tribute to awesome mexican airbrushed tailgates

jon stewart mediates war between the white house and fox news.

the brazilian pygmy gecko has a pretty unique defense against drowning.

Let's Talk About Internet Ads Today.

First the big ass John Deere combine attacked a Chevy, then a runaway train went after a gaggle of them, and now a crazy bitch takes her turn. Boy, Chevy is catching hell lately, no? Oh, I'm sorry. She's not a crazy bitch, she's just a very passionate person. But I would like to know what brand golf club that was; it's a durable fucker.

But now I'd like to ramble for a minute or two about how internet advertising works, specifically our old friend the banner ad. You see within the past few months, an (annoying) new form of internet advertising has crept up, building upon what has been the staple of online advertising for years, the banner ad; and hence expanding banner ads were born. What's that? Ever been sitting in your mancave, thumbing through a magazine with a couple of thick pages in the middle, forming this little gap and like it or not, the fanning motion always seems to wind up stopping at some obnoxious cologne ad? I really hate that. Not because the magazine is doing advertising -- it's how they pay the bills -- but because that particular piece of advertising is so in your fucking face. That's kind of how I feel about some of the expanding banner ads that are out there right now. Not all of them mind you, hell even CNN has expanding banner ads now, just the ones that fuck up the site you're trying to read. Now your first instinct would be to blame the webmaster that owns the site, for putting up such shitty ads. God knows, I've made many such a complaint in the past. But since I started Ernie Street, its really opened my eyes as to how the whole online advertising machine works because every time I get a complaint I feel like a complete douchebag. So I'm going to give you a quick what's what on how internet advertising works. For starters we should understand a few terms.

When a Publisher signs up with an Ad Network, they don't go through and individually pick and choose which of the Advertiser's ads they're going to display... you're either all in or you're all out. The only real customization that can be performed is the size: long flat horizontal banner, tall tower style banner, square banners, etc. Once that's selected, you get one tiny snippet of code to install on your website, and that code pulls the corresponding banners from the Ad Network's website. And those banners are displayed according to some algorithm that tries to match it up with the site's content and does so indiscriminantly; very few Ad Networks will allow a Publisher to say, "okay I'll display that one, but not that one." Because of this, the Ad Network has an obligation to screen the Advertiser's ads; make sure there's no malicious code (which they sometimes do, the rat bastards), to make sure there's no errors that would cause a Publisher's web page to be displayed incorrectly, to make sure the ads are of the correct dimensions, etc. But occasionally, something sneaks through and fucks everything up. So when you come across something like this, there are two ways to address it. The first is easy, simply F5 to refresh the page and chances are you'll pull a different banner. This isn't so much a solution as it is a temporary work around, much like stepping over a thumbtack on the floor instead of bending over to pick it up.

The real solution is this -- and I'll admit it's a little hard to swallow for some of you like me, who are set in their ways -- ditch that piece of shit browser Internet Explorer. You see, expanding banner ads? THEY ONLY FUCKING HAPPEN IN INTERNET EXPLORER. Do they happen in Firefox? Nope. Google Chrome? Nope? Apple's Opera? Nope. It's only that piece of shit Internet Explorer that renders expanding ads and fucks it up for everyone else. Listen, I resisted switching to Firefox, too. Internet Explorer was so easy and familiar, I was like why bother? Well hear me now as a person who has been using Firefox for the past five months, and have come to the conclusion that anyone still using Internet Explorer is out of their fucking mind.

Another reason to switch away from Internet Explorer is because it's an unstable piece of shit. Wanna see a spectacular pair of tits? Go here. Now if you're running IE, after a few seconds you'll suddenly realize that your browsing session just locked up; your computer isn't frozen, it's just Internet Explorer. Why did this happen? is there something wrong with the web page? Nooooo, I can show you a hundred different pages on a hundred different sites that do the exact same thing. The problem is Internet Explorer is a piece of shit. Do a CTRL-ALT-DEL, go to processes and see how much CPU time Internet Explorer is chewing up. That's right, the whole fucking thing! And if you wait thirty seconds, Internet Explorer will realize it's fucking retarded, and ask you, "Hey should I stop being retarded?" OF FUCKING COURSE YOU'RE GOING TO SAY YES, WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY EVEN ASK YOU? But view the same page in Firefox and guess what -- NO PROBLEM. You know why? Because Firefox isn't a piece of shit like Internet Explorer. I've walked away from browser sessions and left Explorer on overnight, only to find my computer locked up tighter than a drum the following morning, due to the processor overheating. Seriously, Internet Explorer sucks.

In short, if you're having any kind of browsing issues; pages displaying incorrectly, blind forward to bullshit anti-virus programs, browser lockups... it's not that easy to identify the true source of the problem. But I'll bet you a dime to a bucket of shit you're using Internet Explorer. Do me a favor -- do yourself a favor -- give Firefox a whirl. Remember, you can have two browsers installed at the same time, so if you don't like Firefox (which you will) you can always switch back to Internet Explorer (which you won't). Just fucking try it. That or Google Chrome, I don't care. Just try anything besides Internet Explorer. Do that, and if you still have problem browsing the sites I link to, I promise to kiss your balls (or vagina) and give you an hour to draw a crowd.

Here's an example of a Halloween prank that went wrong, and one that went right. MSgt Myers was a little early on his return and I'm a little late on this one, but of all the folks who robbed of Nobel Peace prizes and ending with, well, you know.

It's not the Summer of '69 anymore, and I didn't know Bryan Adams was an accomplished photographer, either. And by 'accomplished' I mean, he got to take pictures of Pink's pair of tits, which actually are quite spectacular as well. Of course you can follow Bryan Adams on Twitter, should you choose.

jack satin’s calculations of the bill from the hangover.

what do these celebrities have in common? warning, vomit inducing.

three cheers for the houston texans for having the most patriotic cheerleader outfits.

claymore antipersonnel mine, traci lords, methamphetamine, manta ray, centralia, pennsylvania.

the jake/fart jokes have gotten old on two and a half men. but fortunately, the boob jokes still work.

Remember, Today Is Twenty-five Cent Tacos At The O!

Step 1: Build a motorized La-Z-Boy chair, powered by a lawnmower engine. Step 2: Get arrested for DUI while operating said chair. Step 3: Profit!

What the hell? I guess this guy was just as pissed as I was that Kentucky didn't rank a little higher in this list of Hottest Student Bodies of 2009.

Wow, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that 8/6/2009 picture is a girl who's ready for some help. I'm ready for some help myself; I need help in identifying this snake. You know, sometimes I sit back and wonder, just what the fuck are some white people thinking?

Become a guru of gravity and a master of motion! Addictive, cool and original - Inertia is a challenging physics based game with a polished look, great gameplay, and is quite addicting. Use the arrow keys to move, keep your wheel on the screen and collect the circles for points.

Michael Myers never says a word for the entire movie of “Halloween.” In fact, according to his doctor, he never said a word for the 15 years leading up to the events that take place during “Halloween.” So, like we did for Daniel LaRusso before, we decided to take a crack at figuring out what Michael Myers would’ve Tweeted throughout the course of the movie. We’re thinking it would’ve gone down something like this... OMG, my sister is making out with some guy. I’m watching from outside the window. I’m totally gonna spy on her. 9:32 PM Oct 31, 1963 from Tweetie. Nope, changed my mind, I’m gonna kill her instead. 9:33 PM Oct 31, 1963 from Tweetie.

That's just fucking crazy. Novice gun-boy that I am, I just don't think that I could ever warm up to the idea of handloading my own rounds. All it takes is one slip of the hand when you're measuing out the powder, double load one of them and boom! Everything comes crashing down around you the next time you're at the range. No thanks. I'll just as soon shell out $30 a box and keep my face.

The replaying of the Evil Dead Trilogy, I await with baited breath. The remake of Evil Dead, I dunno man, the jury is still out on that one. Sometimes it seems that no matter how well intended, some directors just don't know when to leave their best works alone. It's like a painter and one more brush stroke spoils a masterpiece. For example, George Romero has another zombie flick coming out, Survival of the Dead, and uh, I dunno. Somehow it just seems to lack that late 70's charm that's to prevalent in his earlier works that we all know and love. But at least he's still smart enough to work exclusively with slow zombies. Anyway, we'll see how that turns out.

Ahhh, Five Guys, how my heart pines for thee. My heart also continues to pine for April Macie, as this week she reveals she's into porn and double penetrations. Woo hoo!

one two three, four five six, seven eight nine, ten eleven twelve, ladybugs, came to the ladybugs' picnic.

the original V television series in its entirety. marc singer looks like a poor man's kevin bacon.

wow, and i thought growing up an ernie was tough. try being a harry potter.

from the onion: horrible accident sadly does not involve glenn beck

ten year old boy takes his wile e coyote costume way too far.

how to really browse the web without leaving a trace.

the bloodiest adult swim moments of 2009.

Universal's Halloween Horror Nights Was, Eh, So-So-This Year.

Well, I can all but guarantee the economy is recovering, because the average wait to get into the attractions at Universal's Halloween Horror Nights was around 30-40 minutes each, as compared to 10-15 minutes last year. In other words, there a shitload more people this year than I remember there being last year. So next time? Express Pass.

For those of you who haven't been, Universal Studios in Orlando puts on a hell of a Halloween bash. Well truth be told, all of the theme parks down here do it, I just happen to think Universal's is the best. The park is large enough to where it's not too crowded, although like I said it was more so this year than last. They've usually got four or five big attractions based upon movies that Universal has put out in the past year; I thought last year's was a better crop, with mohawk wearing guys chasing at you with chainsaws at the Doomsday exibit, but I guess they cycle the themes each year. This year was Wolfman (very lame), Dracula (I didn't make it), Chucky (downright stupid - who the fuck gets scared by a 2' tall doll?), and Saw IV (didn't waste 90 minutes in line). They had a few other haunted houses set up that weren't too bad: the Spawnings and Leave it to Cleaver, but they still weren't in the same league as last year's House of Zombies. The random costumed characters walking around with machetes and face fungus and a long walk down a path illuminated only by jack-o-lanterns, completed the nice spooky effect.

The one attraction I make an effort to hit each year is the Bill and Ted's Excellent Halloween Review. Trust me, it's a hundred times cooler than it sounds; it's a thirty five minute show that spoofs all of the top internet memes of 2009. If you've got half an hour to spare, it's an extremely entertaining show and you can watch it on this Youtube video, but remember to watch all four parts. You even get to see the occasional boobie. The one I saw had the blonde dancer was in a different costume for the opening dance sequence I saw, dressed up as The Bride from Kill Bill. She's a little curvier than Uma Thurman is, but she still wore the costume quite nicely, big tits and all.

So yeah, I was a little disappointed this year, I definitely plan on going back for next Halloween. But like I said, it's Express Pass time, baby.

Wow, pretty graphic photos there, Chris. They would almost make a good commercial for Chevy, eh? Question: Exactly what does "graphic dog vomit" look like? Answer.

home of cool: kids bedroom design with 100" ceiling tv.

the pregonaut - a non-breeder's journey into the unkown.

bikini chick comes full force with a kick to the reporter's nuts.

creative uses for after halloween pumpkins, starting with a bra.

sloppy seconds: the sexiest women who can't say no to athletes.

girls flash their tits just before smashing into a truck? nah, i smell a fake.

myfreepaysite.com, the world's first and only truly free adult megasite. NSFW.

this is a robbery. put all your money in here, no bait, no alarm and I have a gun.