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December 31, 2006

Wow, The Last Fucking Post Of 2006.

cowboybaby - dhlwaterbornedelivery - slipperygirl - victimandabrother

December 30, 2006


December 29, 2006

Boston, Ho! Somone Grab Denise Bauer For Me.

and you thought YOU were going to have a bad day? ouch. i smell aa in someone's future.

oh and i almost forgot - andy is in the lead with curveball

December 28, 2006

Wow, Almost Time For More Drinkin'.

man, will you cops please stop giving me tickets

yep, everything is bigger in texas, especially the barbeques!

December 27, 2006

Oh Jesus Fucking Christ, Quit Yer Bitching.

asianflipout - blackfairygodfather - reindeerhorse - waterproofbeercup - orlandobloom

December 25, 2006

Happy Birthday To Jesus Fucking Christ and Santa Fucking Sam

Santa's Toy Hunt and Santa Tracker in Google Earth

December 23, 2006

I Guess it's About Time To Start My Shopping.

cranevsmercedes - pcwarehouse - prayingronald - thirstylittledoggie

you might get kind of freaked out by these conjoined twins. i see the potential for the most mind altering blowjob you've ever received

December 22, 2006

The Last Friday Before Present Day!

hammeredindian - lastthingafishsees - tombradycaveman - wherearehershoes

December 21, 2006

It's Almost Time. Only Four More Days. And Happy Muthafuckin Birthday Samuel L. Jackson!

aviewfrombelow - bachelorxmastree - floridamarlinsbatgirl - godblessoursoldiers - unwrapthispresent

fuck you trom brady, your loss is my gain! plus as an added bonus, i still hope you die!

December 20, 2006

He Knows If You've Been bad Or Good.

i have some good news. britney spears is officially hot again. merry christmas everybody.

December 19, 2006

Some Guys have All The Luck.

Ernie, Love the site, I check it every day. You will get a laught out of this idiot... This happened in South Perth, Westarn Australia, right in the middle of the cafe strip yesterday! This guy came out of the garage thinking he’s so hot in his new car and knowing everyone was looking, so he floored it….straight into a pole! Keep up the good work! - Neil

December 18, 2006

Mountain Momma, My Sweaty Ass.

A great big thank you to the great state of West Virginia, for my speeding ticket of 74 IN A 70 ZONE. Awesome, thank you. Thank you very much. On the flip side, as much as I hate Japanese cars... Toyota, I'm impressed with your Matrix!

December 15, 2006

I'm Out Like The Fat Kid In Dodgeball.

Okay, thanks to everyone who wrote in and set me straight on yesterday's Lamborghini Murcielago video. The guy is shifting - he's just using paddle shifters behind the steering wheel, not the traditional floor shifter that I'm used to seeing. No need for anyone to get their panties in a wad over it. Thanks peeps.

But anyway, here's the deal. I'm departing for a two week venture to the land of snowbanks and frozen windshield wipers. Yeah, it's that time of the year again. My how time flies, eh? But anyway, my laptop will be coming with me and I'll be doing updates while I'm gone. So don't worry, you'll still get your daily EHOWA therapy. But not the full on long winded therapy like you're reading now... but the thumbnail and picture ones like I did when I went to visit dear ol Dad in Arizona this past May. I'm also going to be reposting (via the thumbnails) some of the more popular galleries I've featured this year. Kind of a Best of 2006 thing. And of course, my phonecam will be in full swing.

Ah yes, that reminds me. Best Tits voting. Just putting the finishing touches on the script. As always voting will begin with the sub-categories, progressing through to the final vote for Best Tits. You'll be able to vote once per day. And who's the current leader in Curveball? Well, we've had a few people start to cross the 30k mark now... first their was Diverk, and then there was Brent! So he's the man to beat.

this lonely woman is home alone doing housework, and a delivery guy shows up, and they get in on, and then her husband comes home

freedom to the beverage! sneak your choice of beverage into movies, concerts, ballgames, you name it!

December 14, 2006

I've Got A Surprise For You Kids.

Why Pauly Shore, you sneaky little man.

Plus, you are some Curveball playin' motherfuckers! First there was Jim with 26k, and then came Oskiller with 28k. Both died out on level 8. Now a reminder to everyone. You have to play the game on the site I specify. Why? Because I like apples. Plus, to make sure everyone is playing the same version and I know you haven't racked up a big score on an easier copy. And secondly. Where do we send the screen captures of our scores to? Do we send them to ernie@ehowa or webmaster@ehowa? Noooooo, we don't. Doing that makes you so gay.

brokensatellite - expensiveharddrive - wrongplacewrongtime

scarlett johansen + pussycat dolls costume = goodness. 5'4" of blond haired big titted goodness!

December 13, 2006

Did You Know 30-50% of The Body's Heat Is Lost Via The Head?

Yep, I learned that from reading books. Because reading is very important, so you should really try to read as much as you can.

Alright folks, I have to confess something about chicks. Now it may come as a shock to some of you, in fact you might even find it completely impossible to believe. But... and it pains me to to finally come to grips with this -- but as it turns out, there are some chicks out there who don't like me. Yes, yes, it's true. I've tried my very best to hide this embarassing fact, but I feel I just wanted to get this off my chest so I could begin the new year refreshed. I hope you don't think any less of me.

From the crazy-asses who brought you and comes the craziest site yet. These boys pay insane guys from around the world to do wild stunts and painful feats. See dudes sew their lips shut on film or light each other on fire. Car surfing, fights, broken bones, pranks and bike brings you ORIGINAL videos that the everyone on the net will be talking about. Vidmax...videos to the max.

Yep, they've got a lot of shit up there that nobody else has (cough...cough...lawyers...cough...) so if you have some time, definitely paw around and see what you can't find wrapped up there. Because we are in the season of good will, right? Where every little boy and every little girl gets what they want from Santa. And when I say good will, there are some limits, I mean c'mon guys, enough is enough.

Game Challenge... the end of QWERTY Warriors. Ar first I thought Eric was going to run away with this one after racking up 324k points, but no. An unknocn, never before participated Luke kicked everyone asses with 542,100 points. Luke, you sir, are the King Keyboard Nerd on this one. Next challenge? We're going to go for a little more mouse driven hand/eye coordination here. It's a newer rendition of the old Pong game from the Atari days, only this time it's 3-D and you can put some spin on the ball to fake the computer out. It's called Curveball and you have to beat 20,800.

because she's cranky that the media will no longer kowtow to her demands that she be its darling, lindsay lohan has fired off another classic missive...

uhhh, honey. yeah about your christmas present this year...

this is a good way for a comedian to handle a heckler. in a few minutes, we'll see pauly shore demonstrate a bad way

December 12, 2006

Only Twelve More Shopping Days Until You're Broke!

Yep, Christmas is right around the corner kids. And while I'm not wuite sure what Santa is going to bring me this year, but I do know what this guy is hoping for. New body panels for his Porsche. See, that goes to show you why you don't buy a nice car (a) in New York, or (b) park it outside. That's what garages are for, duh. Nope, I think I'll stick to my usual Florida weather, thank you very much. And down here we've got these dirty redneck girls and you wouldn't believe the stuff they can do with their tongue.

In fact, it's so nice, Michael Knight decided to retire here. Try to top that shit!

I’ve been a member for quite some time and this is my first email in. I know about something that you, being a muscle car guy, might enjoy. Once upon a time there was a game called Motor City Online, it was THE best racing game I’ve ever played, but alas, it all came to an end when EA decided to pull the plug some years ago. Now the boys over at Unleaded Games are working hard to revive the game. This is coming in the form of Motor World Online. It’s not going to be exactly the same, but I guarantee you it’ll be better. It will soon be headed into the beta testing phase and we currently have 500+ members chomping at the bit to get their hands on it. We’ve all been thinking of ways to spread the word, and your awesome website came to mind. The best part??? Unlike the original Motor City Online, this game is COMPLETELY FREE!!! No software fees, no monthly fees. Just Free. So if you wouldn’t mind writing a little blurb about it, the site is

Let's get it on! Plus, as an added bonus since you're Canadian, I look forward to kicking your ass! I've got driving skillz unmatched by anywhere else in the world. My parking skills however, do leave a bit to be desired, as I can't match the Japanese in that department.

TBS -- funny or not? Which of these videos is funny enough to move on to the finals and compete for $10,000? Watch them both, then vote for the one that made you laugh the most!

the last days of james kim recreated. looks like somebody should have have been in the boyscouts

ah guys, you haven't shown your manly side until you've driven around in the pez car. yep, i said pez

the complete list of really good reasons to use a condom. with pictures

December 11, 2006

You'd Jump For Joy Too, If...

Mel Gibson, you owe me another $8.00, motherfucker. I went to go see Apocolypto this weekend. And while it wasn't as bad as Passion of the CHrist, I still wouldn't consider it a good movie. A good story maybe, but not a good movie. Mel, you're brilliant in front of the camera. In fact, I'd probably consider you one of the best actors of your generation. But behind the camera you suck cock, man. Seriously. Give it up. Go track down Danny Glover, Make a Lethal Weapon V and get some self respect back, please. Do it for all of us.

For everyone else, here's the breakdown of the two and a half hour movie that should have been an hour and a half movie:

Main character is Some Mayan Guy (SMG). He lives in Some Mayan Villiage (SMV) with his tribe, and life is great and peaceful. The tribe gets attacked by the Bad Mayan Guys (BMG) and all the villagers are taken captive, but not before SMG hides his family out in some well. The BMG's take the prisoners back to some big fucking Mayan city where in start contrast to simple village life where everyone is equal, we're intoduced to city life: rich Mayans, poor Mayans, worker Mayans, and lazy Mayans. The women villagers are sold off as slaves and the men are taken up to be sacrificed on an altar. The SMG is actually on said altar and about to have his heart cut out when a solar eclipse happens. Some confusion and bloodshed later, SMG escapes and heads back to SMV to rescue his family from the well, but not before killing the son of the Head Motherfucker In Charge (HMFIC) of the BMGs. So the BMGs pursue SMG through the jungle. What BMG's aren't killed in animal attacks are taken out with a little

There, now that took what... 30 seconds? If you want to see it -- again, great story -- wait for it to come out on DVD so you can use the fast forward button. You can only see the villagers dragged through the jungle for a couple minutes before it gets monotonous. In the movie that scene is twenty minutes long. You begin to wonder who's being torturted worse, you or them.

Okay, website stuff. LBEH is going well, and we're approaching the $50k mark in donations. If you haven't helped out already - you're missing out! There are a lot of other -- and very crooked -- charities out there that would be happy to steal your money from you. With us, everything goes towards getting the troops home for Christmas!

We all have read about or seen movies entitled, ‘The Longest Day’, ‘The Longest Yard’, or ‘The Longest Mile’. Well, I am going to tell you about "The Longest Minute" of my life. by Doug White - September 16, 2006 as culled from the internet

Best Tits. All contestants that made the deadline are posted. I have to couch base with Casey and get the voting script back up and running.

Game Challenge. Dwight, you came close buddy, but MK just nudged you out. I'll close that game challenge tomorrow!

what happens to your body if you drink a coke right now?

yep, there's more than one way to skin a cat

December 9, 2006

Only Fifteen More Shopping Days Until Christmas!

And Holly says you're all her bitches.

As I was going through my site stats, I noticed links from an ebay auction. Sure enough, they had hotlinked one of my images (that I 'borrowed' of course). It was an image of a remote control that goes with my TV capture card. Well anyway, I changed the image and here's what you get! - Michael

December 8, 2006

I'm Not Listening! La-La-La! La-La-La!

And why am I not listening? Because I'm busy adding all the latest entries in the Best Tits contest. I've got a few more to add, and then voting will begin on Monday. For all you folks who asked when the deadline for entries was...well, it's this weekend. So if you plan on taking a shot at the $250 grand prize and wearing the title Best Tits on the List for 2006, you better find your camera and get ass in gear!

Update on QWERTY Warrior. At first, my gay friend Puddy thought he had some game going...

Big Ern, I got 36,000 on the “hard” and the 19470 on the “impossible” for QWERTY warriors. Kicked your ass, but I’m guessing I’ll be crushed by the EHOWA nerd factory. Hope all is going well – keep up the good work w/ LBEH! - Puddy

But it turns out he was right. He did get crushed. Soundly. More than once. So, it looks like Austin will wear the crown for awhile until someone with better ninja typing skills comes along. And Austin? Seriously dude, get out and get some sun for Christ's sake.

"This is my kindergartener's artistic rendering of a pair of scissors. I wonder what his teacher thought. I allowed myself just a small smirk when I saw it. I waited until my son was out of the room before I started crying from laughing so hard." - Guy

Hmmm, well not bad, but it sure doesn't beat the approved reading list I have set up for the chicks I bang. Yeah, I know, they get totally blown away by it. But alas, I must split because I have to go pick up my truck which needed a new fuel pump. So I leave you with an assload of links to visit...

excellent re-enactment by the history channel of a marine vs sniper battle in iraq. one kick ass grenade shot, and one kick ass at4 shot save the day

December 7, 2006

Remember Pearl Harbor!

That was the battle dry of our Pacific forces for over four years while they battled the crazy Japanese. The fuckers got my grandfather. Remember Pearl Harbor. Especially The USS Arizona Memorial, which is the final resting place for many of the battleship's 1,177 crew members who lost their lives sixty-five years ago on December 7, 1941.

Almost makes you wonder what woudl have happened if a modern carrier like the Nimitz were around back in the day, eh? Oh, someone already thought of that.

You called it! That homo! Fucker got to make out with Eva Green. What a waste. She has SPECTACULAR tits, too. In case you haven't Enjoy. Scott

Not that there's anything wrong with that. The guy just wants to see what it feels like to have nuts across the chin. Hey, to each his own, I say. Speaking of ownage, the ongoing battle between Eric and Austin has come to a close. The winner? Eric with 800. And yes, I have finally updated the Game Challenges section.

Which of course brings us to... what's next? Well, it's a game that I've linked to once or twice before using the little thumbnails. It's called QWERTY Warriors. Those geeks among us know that QWERTY refers to your keyboard (top left row, idiot!). The premise goes like this. You're in the middle of a battlefield and are being attacked by various enemies from all around you. Only instead of shooting at them with yoru mouse, each enemy has a word associated with it. Type that word, you guy shoots their guy. The more accurately you type, the longer you'll live. Somehow I sense this challenge is going to be won either by a nerd or a admin assistant. Well, bring it! You should be playing on "impossible" like I did, but I know I can't hold people to that. Cheaters.

the pearl harbor webcam - temporarily closed due to traffic so keep checking back

December 6, 2006

Define Irony.

It's when you accidently call a guy names Austin as Justin. Well, AUSTIN came back and retook the high score in Gyroball with 774. Still a few scores for that petering in, so I'll let that run till tomorrow before the next Game Challenge. In the meantime, Austin you have my deepest apologies for the mixup. After all, it is Christmas and time for good will towards men.

And let's talk about the definition of happiness. Tell me, does it make you happy if someone brings a camcorder to a topless beach and then posts the video in the interne? Does a bear shit in the woods? Well, according to this, he'd better not. But regardless, someone did make a topless beach video and it's right here. And I'm not fucking around about the no shitting in the woods thing.

Ernie - Alizee topless!! Winner! Keep the good shit coming! - Sean

I saw this and thought it was up your alley. I hope you haven't seen this yet. Check out the name of this EIU Player. Have a great day. -Chris H.

I love camcorders. I love topless beaches. But I hate fatr guys in lingerie. No seriously, I'm really not fucking around about that, either.

oh christmas tree, oh christmas tree, of all the trees most lovely. DO THE DEW!

saudi government-appointed executioner for mecca, abdallah al-bishi, discusses his calling and demonstrates his weapons and methods

December 5, 2006

So I Took My Car Into The Garage Yesterday And...

Okay, okay. Some of you were pretty nervous after I posted this picture yesterday and have some concerns about how Santa will make his rounds this year. Don't worry, Santa's got a brand new bag. So we can all relax and just enjoy packing on those holiday pounds like usual. Both the little redneck boy and his sister, the little redneck girl, are doing fine as well.

Here's a pretty graphic picture of a cat that's caught seven mice.

Casino Royale has been in theaters for less than a month, but already we're picking up intelligence about the next installment. One of our agents on the West Coast has learned both Daniel Craig (who [edit: Ernie thinks is gay] ) and Judi Dench will return for Bond 22, which has not yet been given an actual name. We now know that our new favorite Bond girl Eva Green's character (Vesper Lynd) will indeed by back in the next flick.

Uh oh, Justin. Who's the little bitch now? Looks like you two are married and you're gonna be the wife!

social meter scans the major social websites to analyze a webpage's social popularity. so how popular is your site, weiner face?

what beer gives the most alcohol for the money? beers ranked from best value to worst.

December 4, 2006

And You Don't Want Me To Haul You In, Do You?

LBEH has crossed $30k in donations, but we still REALLY need your help. We've got a bunch of tickets ready to go but waiting on funds. So please help any way you can! Until then, Christmas is cancelled until further notice. Sorry for the inconvience.

If what you drive says a lot about you, I wonder what this one is screaming? Hmmmm.

With the temporary demise of My Death Space, I have found a new source for my daily morbid fix, in that of My Crime Space. Not as many dead people, but still neat to live vicariously through other people's Myspace page. And remember, if you have a Myspace account and plan on killingsomeone, please add a game or two to your page before doing the deed, so that I have something to do when I get there. I'll think of you very fondly under the mistletoe. Thanks!

A few weeks ago, I posted a video compilation of Alizee - the sexy French singer with the amazing ass. Well, I am pleased to announce that she is in fact, NOT FRENCH, which took a load off my mind. As per her bio, she was born in Corsica not France. And although is a French territory and therefore one might argue she is French, I refuse to believe it. This of course leaves Mélissa Theuriau as the only hot French woman out there.

Current leader in the Gyroball challenge is Justin with 566 points. And he wanted to make sure to call the rest of you little bitches.

a very wise man once told me "if it ain't boeing, i ain't going!" -- how true that is! enjoy your airbus folks!

f-22 raptor photos and a few video clips

December 2, 2006

Nothing But Blue Skies Shinin On Me.

December 1, 2006

They Just Installed That Sign Outside Of My House.

Yeah, ever since I learned of the whole Jessica Biel/Derek Jeter thing, I've been acting out in some pretty dangerous ways. But don't worry, I'm better now. That's right, I've found someone else. She heals me. Well, her plus I've taken to watching basketball, too. It's actually very exciting if you can find the right team to watch.

But alas, today is a busy day for me with lots of stuff to do, so I'll keep this short.

From the internet: Indiana State Police Sgt. Rich Kelly's life was spared today. He was sitting along side I-65 conducting a level III inspection when another semi-tractor pulling a flatbed ran over the top of his police car. Sgt. Kelly sustained a broken vertebrae and was able to exit his car and use his cell telephone to call for help. The driver that struck him was going too fast and locked his brakes up thus losing control. Rich and his wife have 4 young daughters. The crash is still under investigation. [photos]

Your new Game Challenge, should you choose to accept it, is Gyroball and the premise is pretty simple. I eat penis and died on level 3 with 186 points. I'll do better later today. Oh, and welcome to December.

think you have some pretty kick ass christmas lights in place? add your house to the other 205 places in this online database!

use buildings found in google earth to spell out such holiday cheer as "ernie eats my penis" and "my cheap boss eats cock"

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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