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E R N I E ' S H O U S E O F W H O O P A S S
jealous? click here to get your website on ehowa.com for as little as $5 per day
|October 31, 2007|
A Halloween Safety Public Service Announcement.
As we all prepare for this Halloween season, please take a few minutes to read some simple rules to help keep everyone safe.
1. - Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.
2. - When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
3. - Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
4. - Don't go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out.
5. - If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
6. - When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER split up and go it alone.
7. - Don't have sex. Especially if you've noticed a few of your friends are missing!
8. - As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell.
9. - Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.
10. - If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, don't stand there sighing with relief, GET THE FUCK OUT!
11. - If appliances start operating by themselves, don't check for short circuits; JUST GET THE FUCK OUT!
12. - Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
13. - If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
14. - Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.
15. - If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely ambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
16. - If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
17. - Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
18. - If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had a full tank of gas, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and will most likely be eaten.
19. - Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.
20. - If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.
LET'S REVISIT SOME PAST HALLOWEEN MATERIAL HOSTED HERE ON EHOWA.
THE FIRST TWO TWO ROWS ARE SAFE FOR WORK. THE SECOND TWO ROWS ARE NOT SAFE FOR WORK.
|October 30, 2007|
Well, Things Aren't That Bad. Yet.
I've been feeling a little poo'ish lately, and I just can't seem to shake it. I'm eating better, I've cut back on my drinking, even hitting the gym a few times a week. But the doc says you can never get too much exercise, so I decided to take up an outdoor sport. Then I was at a loss of what to do: softball, riding bicycles, maybe basketball. Then for some reason, I decided to try out rollerblading. I think I'm gonna stick with that one.
So which costume do you think would earn you the better ass beating? This one, or this one? In the average lifetime one Briton will consume 4.5 cows, 15 pigs, 21 sheep, 1,201 and 5,272 apples. See more cool facts about our illdentured neighbors to the Northern-North.
The 25 Most Awesomilicious Horror Movie Kills. What makes this special? It's set to "You're the Best" from the Karate Kid soundtrack. I'll spoil the surprise and tell you the number one kill goes to Killer Klowns from Outer Space, which believe it or not, I watched on pay-per-view this weekend. Here's the full scene. You're the best, Around!
Hey Ernie, I've looked at your site for a while now and last week's post sort of shocked me because my brother was one of the Navy SEALs involved in Operation Redwing. Lately, a lot of sites, news, etc. have been misinformed but his name is Shane E. Patton. All the other information you have posted is correct though. I appreciate that you take the time out of your day to put something up to remember the fallen soldiers. Thanks, Chase Patton
[I then asked Chase's permission to post his email, and asked why he didn't mention his brother two years ago, at the time of his death...and he added...]
You can put up another site we've made or you can use his myspace page feel free to post a picture of him if you'd like also. The reason I didn't say anything back in '05 is because I was only 17 at the time Shane died. I also wasn't aware of your bad ass website. Keep up the good work I look forward to your site at work and at home. It's fucking hilarious! Anyway, I just wanted to express my gratitude towards you for caring about such things as fallen soldiers and take the time out of your day to remember them in honor of what they ultimately sacrificed. These are two videos shane made [one and two]. You can post these also. I wish Shane was still here [So do I...] - Thanks again Ernie, Chase Patton
And the two-way tie closes out Rotation. So what's the new Game Challenge? Move your mouse over the 'S' to start and carefully guide your mouse throughout the course without hitting any of the walls. Sounds easy, but when you're almost at the end and you accidently bump a wall because you reached the end of your mousepad and have to restart that level, it's frustrating. So try your luck at Pointer.
the most all emcompassing glock torture test ever - now with dropping out of a plane fun
old and busted: hitting a golfball out of buddy's mouth. the new hotness: hitting a golfball off your buddy's nuts. and failing.
|October 29, 2007|
So How 'Bout Them Sox, Eh?
Yeah, you know I can't let this happen without a post. Sox. World Series. Win. Victory. Spoils of war. Yeah Baby. And made all the more sweet by Gay-Rod abandoning the sinking ship. Mark my words: the Curse of the Bambino has not only been broken, but now it's back on the Yankees. They've got some tough times ahead. And as silly as it sounds, I kind of danced with the idea of the Rockies winning the next two, just to let the series make its way back to Boston for a hometown win. But then I realized that we're talking about the Sox, so fuck it let's win while we can. And so now we have two World Series Championships in the new millenium. Kick ass. There must be some big fucking parties in Beantown yesterday. I just glad there weren't anymore pepperballs in people's eyes, so maybe it's best the win happened on the road. And I certainly don't want to steal anyone's thunder, but it wasn't as emotional as the 2004 victory. I'm glad I lived in Boston for that one, and it's something I won't ever forget. Ah baseball. With the Raiders sucking ass like usual, what shall I do without thee?
There is currently a two way tie in Rotation. Carite was the first to reach level 8 and they have been tied by Mike. No, the number of moves left doesn't factor in, one just took the cap at the beginning of the level, the other near the end. So unless anyone makes it to level 9, looks like we'll have our first dual-winners. New challenge tomorrow.
Greetings Ernie, Once again sir thanks for all the titalicious entertainment you provide year round. I had another amazing season with 6 Grumpkins totaling over 4800 lbs. I damn near carved the largest in the world in NYC, got on Food Network Challenge, and carved pumpkins for Fox and ESPN. My constant snag is of course is the crazy time I spent shaving one of these guys out. So it's 778lbs of Grumpkin for the kids the next few days. When I was in Yankee Lake, OH I want you to know after Beth whips out the twins by the van, thinking of you, I tell her that no Grumpkin has ever been flashed and she says she'll be over. Yet I'm a man dedicated to his work, so when I stop carving and look up the band had left. At least the next weekend Beth returned and I got a shot with her. Big Al played with some cheerleaders as well. The good news is to keep an eye on the Wall Street Journal when I carved Rubin, Deputy Bureau Chief Susan Warren was there with me. You'll have to cheer me on that Halloween's a dead newsday as I have a shot at front page. Thanks for the traffic and enjoy the Grumpkins. - Patrick Moser
hey man, great site... you actually turned me unto a site a couple months ago by showing chris walken make a chicken on this imcooked.com site. Its a pretty cool site.. anyway, they have ron jeremy making an omelette - its pretty funny lol thought you would like it.. cheers! joe
A happy Halloween is watching your girlfriend to dress up as a naughty butler. A very happy Halloween, is watching her undress from being a naughty butler. This a very happy Halloween.
So I caught Transformers this past weekend, and altogether, eh, it was pretty funky. The ironic part is I usually hate movies with the main characters CGI'd (e.h. The Hulk, King Kong) because the actors interaction with the green screen is so obvious. This time, the CGI characters were great, it was the actor-on-actor scenes that made me want to gauge my eyes out. Virtually all the scenes with John Turturro were almost too painful to watch. it was just, well, bad. The battle scenes were entertaining, and of course Megan Fox wasn't rough on the eyes, but all in all, I'm glad I didn't shell out $15 to see it at the theatres. I'll stick to the stuff that's at least got one foot in reality, like Saw IV.
see, this is why you don't fuck with dogs
each presidential candidate as expressed in vehicle form
|12:09am - October 29, 2007|
Hey Johnny Damon, I bet not having a beard feels pretty stupid right about now. Douchebag.
By the way, did anyone else laugh when the homeplate umpire took a ball in the nuts?
|October 27, 2007|
Sorry, I Felt Like Poo Yesterday.
I think I had a mild reaction to the gadolinium injection, because I got home yesterday morning and felt tired as a motherfucker. Decided to lay down for a "nap" and the next thing I knew it was almost 5pm. Even now, I feel all spacey and shit. But I've got nothing to complain about really, there are others a lot worse off than me. So with only four more days to Halloween, I hereby dedicate this entire next paragraph to zombies. So I'm taking my entire stach of zombie links and splitting it down the middle. So any of you rolling your eyes because you don't enjoy zombies as much as I do, can rest easy knowing you've halfway home.
The world's best zombie spoof: Night of the Living Bread. Best lesson learned from a zombie movie spoof is, never put your penis in a decpitated zombie head, as shown in the Evil Dead spoof, Evil Head. Create your very own Emergency Zombie Defense Station. What are your chances of surviving a Zombie Apocalypse? Me, I have a 74% chance of surviving because I'd go find some friends, and I didn't even watch the How To Survive A Zombie Uprising video. Which is a nice update to this 1950's version. With a little makeup and costume guidance, I'll bet this soldier would make a great zombie for Halloween. There, all done.
Ernie, I’m a Deputy Sheriff in San Diego and have been out on the fires since Sunday afternoon. Usually getting about 4 to 5 hours sleep between my shifts. When I got the call to go in, I grabbed my camera as well. Here are a few photos I took over the last four days. I live in the City of Poway (Pow-way) and work there as well. I had my wife and family evac 0430 Monday morning when it looked like the fire was coming our way. It stopped about ½ mile from my house. The 2003 Cedar Fire did the same but we lost a few homes about a block from my house then. The last few photos of the engines and fire fighters were taken at Poway High where they’re using the school as a staging area. The fire fighters have access to the gym for showers and some sleeping areas but some of the guys decided to buck out doors. I had to be real quick and quiet so as not to disturb these guys. Really enjoy your site and keep up the good work you do. Mark T. [large photos]
Lake at Mission Viejo, CA on fire... three miles from my work. [photo]- Randy
This is how you can tell the shit really hit the fan over there in Cali-for-ni-yay.
50 fun facts about credit cards. female fact #51 omitted - yes you do have to pay them back
|October 25, 2007|
Since They Have Big Tits, Would You Let Them Bite You?
Today's obligatory zombie drivel: "These days, you have to watch your back. Danger may be lurking where you least expect it. You may find a relative, friend or neighbor coming after one thing: your brain." See, I told you a CostCo was the way to go. I know, I know, death shouldn't be funny, but I can't help it when I see a good B-rated movie. Plus it's almost Halloween and you know I love zombies. So I guess it's so long to good ol' Tacoma.
Most people become introspective at the start of a new year, but winter has always been my time of resolution and change. A time for looking in the mirror and objectively examining one's character. To unwind the fabric of the psyche to see if our thought processes are based on selfish motivations and obfuscated reality, or on the firmer foundation of faith, justice, patience and goodwill. It is a time to right wrongs and heal wounds. A time for activity and purpose. A time for resolution. So I resolve to be a better man. A man of introspection and consideration. A man for humanity. A man whose auto-pilot is set on a steady course to enlightenment. Yes, I will change! Man does have the ability to change! I will be progressive and free-thinking - in tune with the universe. I will listen intently to my brothers and sisters - especially the sisters, for I have not been fair to them. I promise, from this day forward, I will I will resist the temptation to constantly correct you. I will not spend my time finding fault with your logic. I will hear you! I promise to listen and not just stand in front of you, mouth open and drooling, staring at your tits.
Speaking of which, you have to see these Lindsay Lohan vagina pictures. Although we all know that Lindsay is an absolute slut even when she's fully clothed, it's never a bad thing when she actually goes and proves it by showing her bare little "firecrotch" to the world. (I promise you won't want to gouge your eyes out at these). Therefore, this is basically a brief tribute to Lindsay's naked vagina. Amen.
Current leader in Rotation is Carite who made it to level eight. How the fuck he did that, I dunno since I shit a brick on level seven.
petra nemcova topless body painting pics. yeah i guess these would be considered nsfw. unless you work for playboy.
old and busted: "it's five o'clock somewhere." the new hotness: "it's sunset somewhere." so watch em live via webcams.
|October 24, 2007|
It's The End Of The World As We Know It. And I Feel Fine.
From the time I posted yesterday's update, an additional three quarters of a million Americans have been ordered to evacuate their homes. That's one million people displaced from a 21st century, civilized, industrial nation. That's insane. What the fuck is going on? Here we've got a converted DC-10 passenger jet makes a Phos-Chek drop on a wildfire. And here we've got fire helicopters, desperate for water, refilling their water tanks from the lake at the ninth hole of the TPC Valencia Golf Course. This is fucking nuts. But I suppose at least these people are listening and obeying the evacuation orders, unlike some southern Louisiana city I know.
Hi Ernie, So my dad lives in Escondido, CA. VERY close to all the fires. Smoke filled neighborhood, all packed waiting for the evacuation order. While trying to figure out how close everything is to him in Google Earth, I came across this. It is a plane flying over a fire, looks like it is getting ready to dump on it. There are also a couple of trucks, maybe also involved in fighting the fire. If you zoom out you can also see other fires burning in the hills nearby. I doubt it is from the current set of fires but it is still pretty cool. -Michael
Hey Ernie: I'm here in San Clemente CA - These fires are fucking insane. We are surrounded here but far enough away from the active fires that we should be safe. Although, there is plenty of fuel here to burn. I just checked out the smoke from the fire on adjacent Camp Pendleton Marine Base - that blaze is not going to stop until it hits the ocean some 35 miles away from where the lead edge is currently. One correction on your daily update for the 23rd. There are 500,000 displaced in San Diego alone. Include Orange, Los Angeles, San Bernardino and soon to be Ventura Counties, and the total is more like 750,000. The really bad part is that people are dying but not from the fire. Many hospitals, nursing homes board and care units have to evacuate as well, so the infirm are dying from the trauma of relocating. Lets all say a prayer for them. I have lived in So. Cal. Since 1968 and never has it been this bad, so bad that Mexico is sending in fire fighters to pick up the slack. There is not a hotel room to be had for 300 miles in any direction. Everybody in So. Cal. stay safe. -Alan
I'm sure for a lot of people over there, it feels like the fucking apocalpyse. And if you think about it, for them it is. Think about it, how much of your stuff can you fit in your car, after packing in your family and the bare essentials for living? Maybe you've got room for a few photo albums? The small safe in your office (which holds the deed to your soon-to-be-non-existant-house) and maybe some emergency cash? Then you're out on the dusty trail. And when you get back everything is gone. Not just the stuff on the ground floor, but everything. Beds? Gone. Clothes? Gone. Computer with all your business info? Gone. Business? Gone. House? Gone. Cars beside the house? Gone. Motorcycles in the garage? Gone. Garage? Gone. Kid's treehouse? Gone. Convience store down the street? Gone. Favorite movie theatre? Gone. Gas station? Gone. Grocery store? Gone.
So for those poor fuckers in Southern California, what's the difference between a wildfire and hell opening up to swallow everything? None. The only thing we're missing is zombies (and wasps). And speaking of which (you know I had to go there) I have a question. The Resident Evil movies I know all star Milla Jovovich. We've all seen them, some of us more than others. So when I look at this movie trailer that's dated for 1998, what the fuck is it from? I'm sure if it weren't for the horrible acting, and the horrible special effects and the horrible editing, it might have been a good movie. I searched IMDB and no dice. Was it just a feeler-type trailer, I wonder?
this is why you never order custom cakes from walmart, no matter how cheap they are
so how long have you been waiting for me to utter these five words: falling hillary clinton bikini screensaver
paris hilton's cryogenics, gisele bundchen’s bikini, halloween costumes, burned homes, a mind blowing game and more...
|October 23, 2007|
The Sin Would Be Letting Those Puppies Go To Waste.
I know, I did two updates this past weekend, where as I normally only do one. I guess I decided to burn the midnight oil, so sue me. But seriously, are these Southern California wildfires fucking crazy, or what? Kind of makes hurricanes not seem so bad. The worst thing we've had to worry about this year is rising gas prices. There's already a quarter of a million people displaced from their homes. And much to my surprise, the Council for American-Islamic Relations is raising money to help those families who've lost their homes, regardless of their religion. Ha Ha! Just kidding! They're calling the declaration of a mistrial in the case against the Texas-based Holy Land Foundation (HLF) Muslim charity a "stunning defeat" for the prosecution. I gotta be honest, I really hate those guys.
Want a perfect example of how the Russian AK-47 is a superior weapon to the American M-16? Watch this guy rip through 300 rounds almost non-stop... to the point where the wooden handgrips actually catch fire. But it keeps on shooting. There's no way the M-16 could do that. Want a perfect example of how German engineering is an assload better than French engineering? You know, besides that whole World War II thing. Germany is known for building vehicles of extraordinary quality; Mercedes-Bens, Bavarian Motor Works (BMW), Audi, Porsche. And the French, they build things like the Citroen. Enough said.
Hey Ernie. It was your passion for military services that originally attracted me to your site. I know your quite the patriot, but thought this piece of Canadian History might interest you. The Halifax Explosion was the largest artificial explosion before the A-Bomb and remains one of the largest non-nuclear man made detonations. - Richard
Good luck recovering from the wasp bite ...Just be glad you aren't a peach! - Alek
Game Challenge. This next one doesn't have a score, but does track how far you can advance through a series of puzzles. There's no cheat codes, so I'm not worried on that front. The goal of Rotation is to spin the germs in the big petri dish, to look like the little petri dish. You only have a set number of moves allowed per level, so it's tougher than you think. I mad it as far as level 6 before my brain ass'ploded. It made me very sad.
You may remember some of these Gemma Atkinson bikini pictures from when she appeared in both Zoo and Nuts Magazine earlier this month. Well, now her delicious breasts have found their way on the pages of her official 2008 calendar.
the top ten things you didn't know about bruce lee. surprisingly, more german engineering.
the top ten dumbest celebrity quotes. believe it or not, jessica simpson made the list
|October 22, 2007|
Lieutenant Michael P. Murphy, United States Navy.
On June 28, 2005, deep behind enemy lines east of Asadabad in the Hindu Kush of Afghanistan, a very committed four-man Navy SEAL team was conducting a reconnaissance mission at the unforgiving altitude of approximately 10,000 feet. The SEALs, Lt. Michael Murphy, Gunner’s Mate 2nd Class (SEAL) Danny Dietz, Sonar Technician 2nd Class (SEAL) Matthew Axelson and Hospital Corpsman 2nd Class (SEAL) Marcus Luttrell had a vital task. The four SEALs were scouting Ahmad Shah – a terrorist in his mid-30s who grew up in the adjacent mountains just to the south. Under the assumed name Muhammad Ismail, Shah led a guerrilla group known to locals as the "Mountain Tigers" that had aligned with the Taliban and other militant groups close to the Pakistani border. The SEAL mission was compromised when the team was spotted by local nationals, who presumably reported its presence and location to the Taliban.
A fierce firefight erupted between the four SEALs and a much larger enemy force of more than 50 anti-coalition militia. The enemy had the SEALs outnumbered. They also had terrain advantage. They launched a well-organized, three-sided attack on the SEALs. The firefight continued relentlessly as the overwhelming militia forced the team deeper into a ravine. Trying to reach safety, the four men, now each wounded, began bounding down the mountain's steep sides, making leaps of 20 to 30 feet. Approximately 45 minutes into the fight, pinned down by overwhelming forces, Dietz, the communications petty officer, sought open air to place a distress call back to the base. But before he could, he was shot in the hand, the blast shattering his thumb.
Despite the intensity of the firefight and suffering grave gunshot wounds himself, Murphy is credited with risking his own life to save the lives of his teammates. Murphy, intent on making contact with headquarters, but realizing this would be impossible in the extreme terrain where they were fighting, unhesitatingly and with complete disregard for his own life moved into the open, where he could gain a better position to transmit a call to get help for his men. Moving away from the protective mountain rocks, he knowingly exposed himself to increased enemy gunfire. This deliberate and heroic act deprived him of cover and made him a target for the enemy. While continuing to be fired upon, Murphy made contact with the SOF Quick Reaction Force at Bagram Air Base and requested assistance. He calmly provided his unit’s location and the size of the enemy force while requesting immediate support for his team. At one point he was shot in the back causing him to drop the transmitter. Murphy picked it back up, completed the call and continued firing at the enemy who was closing in. Severely wounded, Lt. Murphy returned to his cover position with his men and continued the battle.
An MH-47 Chinook helicopter, with eight additional SEALs and eight Army Night Stalkers aboard, was sent is as part of an extraction mission to pull out the four embattled SEALs. The MH-47 was escorted by heavily-armored, Army attack helicopters. Entering a hot combat zone, attack helicopters are used initially to neutralize the enemy and make it safer for the lightly-armored, personnel-transport helicopter to insert.
The heavy weight of the attack helicopters slowed the formation’s advance prompting the MH-47 to outrun their armored escort. They knew the tremendous risk going into an active enemy area in daylight, without their attack support, and without the cover of night. Risk would, of course, be minimized if they put the helicopter down in a safe zone. But knowing that their warrior brothers were shot, surrounded and severely wounded, the rescue team opted to directly enter the oncoming battle in hopes of landing on brutally hazardous terrain. As the Chinook raced to the battle, a rocket-propelled grenade struck the helicopter, killing all 16 men aboard.
On the ground and nearly out of ammunition, the four SEALs, Murphy, Luttrell, Dietz and Axelson, continued the fight. By the end of the two-hour gunfight that careened through the hills and over cliffs, Murphy, Axelson and Dietz had been killed. An estimated 35 Taliban were also dead.
The fourth SEAL, Luttrell, was blasted over a ridge by a rocket propelled grenade and was knocked unconscious. Regaining consciousness some time later, Luttrell managed to escape – badly injured – and slowly crawl away down the side of a cliff. Dehydrated, with a bullet wound to one leg, shrapnel embedded in both legs, three vertebrae cracked; the situation for Luttrell was grim. Rescue helicopters were sent in, but he was too weak and injured to make contact. Traveling seven miles on foot he evaded the enemy for nearly a day. Gratefully, local nationals came to his aid, carrying him to a nearby village where they kept him for three days. The Taliban came to the village several times demanding that Luttrell be turned over to them. The villagers refused. One of the villagers made his way to a Marine outpost with a note from Luttrell, and U.S. forces launched a massive operation that rescued him from enemy territory on July 2.
By his undaunted courage, intrepid fighting spirit and inspirational devotion to his men in the face of certain death, Lt. Murphy was able to relay the position of his unit, an act that ultimately led to the rescue of Luttrell and the recovery of the remains of the three who were killed in the battle.
This was the worst single-day U.S. Forces death toll since Operation Enduring Freedom began nearly six years ago. It was the single largest loss of life for Naval Special Warfare since World War II.
The Naval Special Warfare (NSW) community will forever remember June 28, 2005 and the heroic efforts and sacrifices of our special operators. We hold with reverence the ultimate sacrifice that they made while engaged in that fierce fire fight on the front lines of the global war on terrorism (GWOT).
OPERATION REDWING KIAs- On June 28, 2005, three of four SEALS on the ground (Murphy, Dietz, Axelson) were killed during combat operations in support of Operation Red Wing. ON the same say, a QRF of eight Navy SEALs and 8 Army Night Stalkers were also killed when the MH-47 helicopter that they were aboard was shot down by enemy fire in the vicinity of Asadabad, Afghanistan in Kumar Province.
SEAL Delivery Vehicle Team 1, Pearl Harbor, Hawaii.
Lt. (SEAL) Michael P. Murphy, 29, of Patchogue, N.Y.
Sonar Technician (Surface) 2nd Class (SEAL) Matthew G. Axelson, 29, of Cupertino, Calif.
Machinist Mate 2nd Class (SEAL) Shane E. Patton, 22, of Boulder City, Nev.
Senior Chief Information Systems Technician (SEAL) Daniel R. Healy, 36, of Exeter, N.H.
Quartermaster 2nd Class (SEAL) James Suh, 28, of Deerfield Beach, Fla.
SEAL Delivery Vehicle Team 2, Virginia Beach, Va.
Gunner’s Mate 2nd Class (SEAL) Danny P. Dietz, 25, of Littleton, Colo.
SEAL Team 10, Virginia Beach, Va.
Chief Fire Controlman (SEAL) Jacques J. Fontan, 36, of New Orleans, La.
Lt. Cmdr. (SEAL) Erik S. Kristensen, 33, of San Diego, Calif.
Electronics Technician 1st Class (SEAL) Jeffery A. Lucas, 33, of Corbett, Ore.
Lt. (SEAL) Michael M. McGreevy Jr., 30, of Portville, N.Y.
Hospital Corpsman 1st Class (SEAL) Jeffrey S. Taylor, 30, of Midway, W.Va.
Army Night Stalkers
3rd Battalion, 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment (Airborne), Hunter Army Air Field, Ga.
Staff Sgt. Shamus O. Goare, 29, of Danville, Ohio.
Chief Warrant Officer Corey J. Goodnature, 35, of Clarks Grove, Minn.
Sgt. Kip A. Jacoby, 21, of Pompano Beach, Fla.
Sgt. 1st Class Marcus V. Muralles, 33, of Shelbyville, Ind.
Maj. Stephen C. Reich, 34, of Washington Depot, Conn.
Sgt. 1st Class Michael L. Russell, 31, of Stafford, Va.
Chief Warrant Officer Chris J. Scherkenbach, 40, of Jacksonville, Fla.
HQ Company, 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment (Airborne), Fort Campbell, Ky.
Master Sgt. James W. Ponder III, 36, of Franklin, Tenn.
Lieutenant Michael P. Murphy, United States Navy, Medal of Honor Recipient.
Photo Gallery of Lieutenant Murphy. So long, Sailor. We Hardly Knew Ye.
An Interview With The Sole Survivor - Hospital Corpsman 2nd Class Marcus Luttrell
|October 20, 2007|
Insert Your Favorite Oktoberfest Weekend Here.
The An-225 Mriya (NATO reporting name: Cossack) is a strategic airlift transport aircraft which was built by Antonov, and is the world's largest flying airplane ever built by the most commonly accepted measure, maximum gross takeoff weight. The design, built to transport the Buran orbiter, was an enlargement of the successful An-124 Ruslan. Mriya means "dream" (inspiration) in Ukrainian. With a maximum gross weight of 640 tonnes (1,411,000 lb), the An-225 is the world's heaviest and largest aircraft. The Hughes H-4 Hercules, known to most as the "Spruce Goose", had a greater wingspan and a greater overall height, but is considerably shorter, and due to the materials used in its construction, also lighter. In addition, the Hercules only flew once and never climbed above 70 ft, making the An-225 the largest aircraft in the world to take off multiple times. The An-225 is also larger than the Airbus A380 airliner, and considerably bigger than the Antonov An-124, 747-400ERF, and C-5 Galaxy, the nearest equivalent heavy airlifters. In November 2004, FAI placed the An-225 in the Guinness Book of Records for its 240 records. [photos]
the story of u-505, the first enemy vessel captured at sea by american forces since the war of 1812
doug is in the lead with 72805
video archive oif the daily show with jon stewart - going back to january 1999
|October 19, 2007|
Ahh, The All American Dream.
Hey the next time your girlfriend comes home and comments on how I'm hung like an elephant, I want you to have some point of reference as to what she's talking about. Find that disturbing? You're welcome.
Ding Ding. Current leader is Nathan with 63,725 followed by Jeremy with 56,265. Somebody else send in a higher second place score, but since it had been edited with some text, I'm not count it. The rest of you can try to beat Nathan, because he's spanked most of you easier than taking candy from a baby.
Hey regarding the Turkish resolution thing. I got various reples on this, some seemed very well thought out, and others not so much. reghardless, most persons speculated that the Congressional enthusiasm for this resolution stemmed from a desire to steal resources away from the Iraq war effort. True or false, eh, I'm not going to get into that. But one of the replies I received was from a Turkish citizen. He had a lot to say, so I posted everything here so as to not clog up the front page. He also included pictures of his wife & kids, but I won't be posting those because there are some weirdos out there.
STEWIE: “There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore.”
STEWIE: “Easy! Massage the scalp. You're washing a baby's hair, not scrubbing vomit off your Christmas dress, you holiday drunk.”
Yep, the 100th episode of Family Guy is coming up in a few weeks.
Oh heay I forgot to mention before. If any of you send in movie entries to win the Smokey and the Bandit Trans Am make sure you let me know, so I can pump you up with as many votes as possible.
hmmm, if you're a mechanical dunce like me, see how you do on ford's mechanical aptitude test. more logic than anything, really
|October 18, 2007|
I Have Met Satan And He Has Wings.
Let's say that you've been slacking on the landscaping maintenance in the front of your house. Specifically, say... trimming back some flowering bushes. And let's say that you suddenly get a wild hair up your ass and decide to start trimming. And it's a snip-snip here and a snip-snip there. And out of the corner of your eye, you spot some flying insects. Now they'd buzzing too fast for you to get a good look at, and besides your attention is focused on making sure you don't snip off a fingertip with your garden shears. So there's a little voice inside your head that suggests, "Hey they might be wasps." But you can't get a good look at them, so you don't know for sure. Here's my advice: error on the side of caution and just presume they're bad news. Because if you don't and they are, you just might stumble upon the Cobra Kai of wasps' nests. That's right: they strike first, they strike hard, and they show no mercy.
So here I sit, twelve hours after being stung, the back of my hand angry and swollen, and all I can think about is how fast he struck. "Sweep the leg, Johnny." I mean it was just fucking amazing. He didn't land and look around for a few seconds; maybe stop and take some GSP coordinates to make sure he was on the right guy; maybe do a last minute weapons check. Nope, I swear to God this little bastard flew in asshole first, stinger at the ready. I don't think his feet had even touched my hand before popping in for this brilliant explosion of pain. The speed, man. It was incredible. I just so happened to be looking at my hand the very instant he landed and even then I didn't have time to react...
Time 15:34:00.01 - To: Brain. From: Eyes. Message: Alert! Bee. Right hand. Woop! Woop! Alert!
Time 15:34:00.010000000000000001 - To: Brain. From Hand. Message: HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT!
Time 15:34:00.02 - To: Hand. From Brain. Message: Shake!
And by then it was too late. Before the Brain-To-Hand had even made it onto the wire, this little paper wasp had cornholed me. In an instant you go from totally-calm-guy to howling-asshole, dancing around your driveway and shouting expletives. And of course, I have to get hit by the Peter North of wasps. Let me tell you, if this little bastard had nailed anyone with a bee allergy, you wouldn't have made it more than two steps before keeling right the fuck over. I spent the next two minutes squeezing the sting site and forcing a few tiny beads of been venom out. And even so, this morning my hand still looks like this. So I am typing with only seven fingers today kids, the other three are too painful to move. Plus, do you have any idea how difficult it is to wipe your ass when it feels like you're wearing a baseball glove? The little prick. Better not screw up my bowling game tomorrow, or I swear I'll burn that whole fucking bush down.
Okay. The winner in Palantir is Roger with 505k. That was kind of a wiley one, I know there was some scoring issues there, but it was too far into it to pull up stakes. I actually checked with the game creator for the next challenge, just to make sure all was well, and it is. So the game of Ding Ding is now in session. Click and drag your mouse to link at least two like colored balls. The more you link, the more points you get. Fail to link at least two balls together, and you lose a life; you have five lives per level. A very relaxing game you can play at your own pace. No countdown timers, no slight of swollen hand required. The trickiest part is diagonal linking, if you're off a little bit it's easy to break up your chain which is frustrating. I made it to level 8 with 38,110 points before too long. of course, if connecting balls isn't your kind of thing, you can always play Guess the Celebrity Booty. The first one is of course Camerian Diaz, but you'll have to guess the crotch one on your own.
So here's a question for you. If you were diagnosed with terminal cancer, how would you cash out your chips? Wither away in some hospital bed doped up on morphine? Not me baby. I'd go out like this guy did. Grab one last brew and go skydiving. Without the parachute. So long Mr. Parachuteless Skydiver, we hardly knew ye.
and i got erniestreet.com back up and running - still a few things to work out - SAFE FOR WORK.
why real men love the road warrior. mmmm, dog food.
more chuck norris facts. but i'm pretty sure chuck norris won't like these ones
|October 17, 2007|
What Happens Behind Closed Doors...
So the new way I set up the thumbnails seems to be getting a better response. The first row is all SFW links; the second is all NSFW. I had experimented with changing the border color for the NSFW links to red, but it looked kind of retarded. Perhaps the overall page layout might be due for an extreme makover, so who knows? If only I had someone to help me... Anyway, the current leaders in Palantir are Jeremy with 397k followed by Abi with 341k. I've got a kick ass new game picked out for tomorrow, so today is your last chance to get in a Palantir score.
Ernie - you always link to various galleries of beautiful women, but how about a little something for us girls? Gloria.
As much as I was tempted to post a picture of my pasty white ass, I decided to link this instead. Enjoy ladies. But please don't do anything stupid with it.
Hi Ernie, Thought you might be interested in this, please forgive me if it is old news to you. Two guys in a M5 go from Manhattan to the Santa Monica Pier in 31 hours and 4 minutes and you can check out 32hours7minutes.com. Great site, keep up the great work. Drew
Damn man. IQ test got me good, and its very well hidden. Shit! I think I crapped my pants a little. Good one dude. Take care. Love your site. It helps me stay off the cigarettes during my work day.Keep up the good work man. Stephen
Multi-million dollar, double-decker jet – 550 passengers-capable – unparalleled luxury and sophistication – million-dollar campaign to promote its appeal…. And what do these ‘sophisticated’ passengers watch on TV? Daniel
Hey there's going to be a Halloween party at my house, and I just picked out these folks to be my bartenders. Anyone want an invite?
thank god i didn't get around to buying the lg env yet, because if i did only to find this motherfucker next month, i'd be pissed
you're on millionaire and your $250,000 question comes up Office Space... you've just got to show your 37 pieces of flair
|October 16, 2007|
I Bet This Will Burn Your Ass.
A study conducted at Bly University has indicated a direct correlation between audio/visual recognition and the general intelligence of adult males/females. The theory concludes that the better a person sees and hears, the more intelligent that person is -- due to the fact that information enters the brain for comprehension, if only by microseconds. The study compared adult male and female college graduates and found that males process the information faster 63% of the time. A subsequent intelligence test revealed that males had had an average IQ approximately 11 points higher than the females. I dare you to take the test!
Hey look everybody, it's my Britney Spears impression!
There is a new leader in Palantir, and that would be Mark with 310,600. Although Brandon did have this to add...
I beat you...barely... The scoring on that game is fucked though...I had 600,000 then made the last shot only to see my score reduced to 269k...Bogus! Brandon
Yeah, I'm not entirely sure how scoring on that game goes. I believe it has something to do with the 'Attempts' field, as it seems to increment every time you click. But alas, don't get bogged down as a score, is a score, is a score.
I apologize if I've been ignoring things lately, I've been spending time with my new circle of friends. -Fritz
Hey there Ernie, I was reading your post the other day about being mechanicly declined, and I loved the link to the camera inside the engine. I found this and thought you might enjoy it too. Keep up the great work. Ty
This guy tries a backflip from what looks like maybe a 30' tower? How the fuck can he not kill himself? I mean sure, the ol' tuck and roll absorbs some energy, but damn. You'd have better luck with three monkeys and a goat getting it on on a rooftop.
the “vinegar boy” saga, as told by aaron - as culled from reddit
when I was finally admitted into the bowels of trenton state prison to interview multiple murderer richard kuklinski, it wasn’t at all what I had expected...
|October 15, 2007|
Hey When Did Zeno Move To Florida?
First off, let's get to the Game Challenge I forgot to post over the weekend. The new game is called Palantir and it's a ball shooting puzzle game. You have six stations around the hexagon to shoot from, and you can bounce your shots off the side. Put three like balls next to each other to get them to disappear. Your goal is to clear the entire board of balls. Doing so automatically ends your current game and starts a new one. I was able to do so in about 4-5 attempts yielding a high score of 267,920. And like my dad always said, if you take care of your balls, they'll give you a lifetime of pleasure and fulfillment.
If fighter pilots make movies, and bomber pilots make history, what do cargo pilots do? They make jokes, that's what.
Hi Ernie, As a lifelong Cleveland Indians fan, I want to express my appreciation for your post on 11/8. You summed up my sentiments totally about the Red Sox, even though you guys have gotten a title within our lifetimes! As long as one of our teams crushes the dreams of Yankee fans everywhere, we have Defeated the Empire. After that, whoever wins, God bless! Cheers, Charley. Los Angeles
Hey Ernie - love the site, been a long-time reader and sometime contributor. Since I know you are a Red Sox fan, and me being a life-long, die-hard Indians fan, I thought I would pass this along to you. Kinda says it all, doesn't it? GO TRIBE!!! Mark
Hey listen, I'm totally serious when I say I'd be okay with seeing the Indians advance. Sure I'd prefer the Sox go, but if Cleveland gets it's first big ass party in 60 years, it works for me. I'm sitting home on the couch either way. But it's amazing to see how many people hate the Yankees as much as they love their favorite team.
Hi Ernie, Love the site. I took this in Bermuda. Not something you see every day. Dingman
Awwww, that makes me happier than dolphin cock. The only thing I need now is a good Pooh, and I'm all set.
wondering what to get me for christmas? the production 2008 dodge challenger would be a nice place to start
they comfort. they kneel. they pray. they kick your ass. they're the chuck norris karate kommando nuns
|October 13, 2007|
If The Shoe Fits.
I know, I usually don't rant on the weekend, but this is a special occasion. I need your help. I need someone to explain to me why this Turkey-Armenian-World-War-I-Genocide-Bill thing is such a big fucking deal. If I understand the events in question correctly, Ottoman Turks killed an assload of Armenians during World War I. Those they didn't kill were raped, pillaged and forced from their homes. Okay, that much I understand. The U.S. now some ninety years later, trying to pass a bill that would officially label this event "genocide". Okay. Soooooooooo, what's the big fucking deal? I mean in Turkey, people are protesting in the streets, burning American made products, and boycotting American businesses such as McDonalds. But why are they protesting? As far as what happened in World War I, if it walks like a duck and it talks like a duck, it's a duck. If you persecute one specific ethnicity almost to extinction, uh, I'm no Rhodes Scholar, but I think that's called genocide. It may not have happened on as big a scale as the Germans would later do in World War II, but it was genocide none the less. I understand it's not one of the most pleasant things to own up to, but ignoring it isn't going to earn any good karma points either. It happened over ninety years ago, so what's the big fucking deal in achnowledging it now? For Christ's sake, if Canada adopted a resolution declaring the American treatment of Native Americans during the 1800's as genocide, sure it might make us a little uncomfortable because it's basically true, but I can't see any streets filling with protesters burning hockey sticks. Can someone explain to me why this is a big fucking deal to the Turks? It's not like they're going to lose their library card over it.
And to the American government. Don't you think doing this ninety years after the fact is a little like closing the barn door after the horse is already out? Why push so hard for this resolution now, especially when Turkish goodwill is so important to our foreign policy? If the bill passes, the Turkish government will most likely restrict our use of their airpace for military flights in and out of the region. Is that cost worth it? Why didn't we push for this bill ninety years ago right when it happened? Or 10 years ago? Or hell, even 10 years from now? It's not like if we get the resolution passed this week, the dead Armenians will suddenly spring back to life. Can't this issue wait until a less volatile time?
"We're going to say your mom wore combat boots ninety years ago. "Are not." "Are too." "Are not." "Are too." "Are not." "Are too..."
I just don't get it - what's the big fucking deal?
cool, i'm alone in hating the french. here's 20 reasons why the british hate the french, too
|October 12, 2007|
School For The Mechanically Declined.
Me, I'm not the most mechanically inclined person out there. Knowing this, I try to stay away from anything mechanical if I know it's fucked up, because I know I'll just fuck it up even more. Which is why whenever something happens to my Nova, it always goes down to Mike's Custom and Performance to get fixed. I don't have any problem understanding mechanical concepts; it the physical manifestation that gets me. So the concept of how a car engine works is easy -- intake, compression, combustion, exhaust. But visualizing it in action has always been a litte bit of black magic. So if you're in the same boat as me, take joy in these guys who stuck a tiny heat and pressure resistant camera into an engine cylinder as it was running. Here's what they saw. Pretty fucking neato, eh?.
As for Twist, Nate continues to rule the game with his 4,508. The next closest score is Stephanie and she's 500 points behind. SO if nobody beats Nate by tomorrow... new challenge!
Police aren't quite sure what to do when they realize the graffiti this guy is doing isn't by applying anything to the surface, but instead by removing the filth on the walls. Neato.
Ernie I clicked on the Bulletinboard forums you touted and agree they are extremely cool. One of the songs was this. At first I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I laughed. - Lee
Friends and I were heading down to Hollister for a weekend of wheeling when we passed this douche in a Viper. Probably the slimiest looking guy I’ve ever seen and some of the biggest fake tits I’ve ever seen on a chick gracing the passenger seat. Almost died laughing. Enjoy and keep up the good work. I do have to say though I miss the days of frequent e-mails site is good and all but I’d trade a few tits for some classic stories. Stay frosty, Bryan
Believe it or not, Bryan, I am making an effort to write more. Hence the recent flurry of Striptenders, using 'nigger', and fessing up about quitting my job... that sort of shit. I do have a small mental list of topics I do want to drone on about; gun control, sex offender registries, and my presidential aspirations to name a few. So more writing is definitely on its way. What I've been doing over the past couple of weeks is cataloging what I call my 'feature' pages -- pages dedicated to a particular story or series of pictures. They're all here. As for the jokelist, it is back in swing, although I'm not sending out jokes every day like I was before. I'm concentrating more on quality over quantity this time around, so the mailings are every couple of days. The signup form is on the SEARCH page.
Sure, Britney's virginity is love gone. But if you want, you can have the box it came in. I'm sorry, too soon?
Ernie, Been a follower of your website since probably 2001. I think I may have emailed you once, but don't know what momentous occasion could have prompted it. However, after doing a quick search and not seeing anything like it, I thought you'd appreciate this picture of the sign in front of the newly opened Paul R. Smith Fitness Center, here at Fort Benning. The place is pretty fucking sweet. Everything from a rock wall to a great pool to awesome exercise equipment and tons of room. Probably the nicest gym I've ever been in! By the way, I'm leaving for Ranger school Sunday, 14 Oct. I've given to LBEH the last couple of years and would like to do it again. However, barring injury, the earliest I'll be home is 15 Dec. Is there a way to send funds now? Cheers! Brian
LBEH. Eh, we're getting towards that time of the year again, aren't we. Actually, per Kat's request I left the donation page up all year. This way we've got a few thousand in the bank ready to go when we start taking ticket requests, so we don't have to delay buying tickets until we're accrued the funds. And as far as the gym goes... pppsh! I have top spend $30 a month to go to a place like that! And look at you; all you have to do is carry around a 90lb rucksack every day, get shot at by guys with AK-47's and RPG's, work eighteen hour days, live under the constant threat of IEDs, and an eat food with sand in it. I got jipped!
dyslexia is a specific learning disability that manifests primarily as a difficulty with written language, particularly with reading and spelling... and its pretty fucked up.
the top ten rap songs white people love. okay smarty, go to a party...
|October 11, 2007|
Hold On To Fred, Son! Here Comes The Cavalry!
So last week I stumbled across and posted the video of the original 1977 Smokey and the Bandit Pontiac Trans Am being restored. It was one of the original cars used in the filming of Smokey and the Bandit, and probably is one of the most recognizable cars in America. Seriously, if you're sitting around in a Saturday afternoon and you come across ol Fred's big long ears, you know you can't turn away. It's one of the few movies I'll watch right to the end, no matter when or where I find it. But anyway, what I didn't know regarding that Trans Am restoration, is they're going to GIVE THE FUCKING THING AWAY when they're done with it. Which really surprised me, because a restored late 70's Trans Am will run you almost $40,000 and that's for one that doesn't have anything to do with the movie, other than look a similar paint scheme. These guys are giving away one of the actual cars from the movie. Can you imagine what this car is worth? So if any of you out there have some amateur movie skills, I highly suggest you put them to good use.... recreate a scene, send that bad boy in , and then take me for a motherfucking ride!
bandit chase scene 1 -
scene 2 -
scene 3 -
scene 4 -
Ah, that's when movies were movies. The car crashes were real. No computer generated fireballs. And stuntmen wore their casts with pride. Such mindless violenece and yet we somehow found a way not to bring guns to school and shoot people.
Ernie, Love the site man. I've been lurking for years, but never felt like I had much to contribute until now. The very moment I laid eyes on the license plate, I immediately thought of you. Hope you can use it, and enjoy! Jon.
Ernie, this bud's for you. Greg.
Ernie, This is a picture of one of my favorite intersections in the whole world. It is located in Klamath Falls, Oregon. I remember my days as a cop around there, these sign would constantly get stolen. Now it looks like they will need to steal the whole post now. Take care and keep making me laugh. Mad Mike
Ernie. You have an amzing ability to come up with so many different links and clips that it boggles the mind...yet you could only find a Spanish dubbed clip for Wild Thing?? Steven
Awe, c'mon! I thought I was being clever. Baseball. The great American pastime. Dubbed over in Spanish. Irony. Humor! No? Okay, fine. Here's Neve Campbell making out with Denise Richards from the movie Wild Things. Better?
One parting note. A few different people suggested that I stop mixing up the SFW and NSFW thumbnails. So what I'm doing for now in is putting the SFW thumbnails all in one row, and the NSFW ones in the other. You may find a few babe image in the SFW side, these will most likely be bikini shots, sexy pranks, things like that. You may even find a few non-babe images in the NSFW row... usually that will be for gore, or something extremely sexual in nature. Mmmmm, gore.
where are they now: internet edition. the top 50 websites of 2001
66 celebrities that blog. well, 67 if you count me. everyone knows about wil wheaton, but flea? and anna kournakova?
|October 10, 2007|
Ernie For President In 2008.
One of the topics I always tend to shy away from is politics. Not because I don't feel it's an issue worthy of discussion, but because you don't come here for that. If you were in search of political commentary, you'd likely go visit sites such as Daily Kos or Right Wing News. The only time I break this self imposed moratorium is when current events are dominated by politics. Generally, this happens every four years, and I'm sure everyone is aware this circus is right around the corner. It is here, about one year before the elections, that the candidates really start to pick up steam in their efforts to kiss up to as many registered voters as possible. But as with most politicians, trust no one. True, some of them get our attention in a positive way and make us view them in a different light. While some of them -- in this case Mitt Romney-- make us sit back in disgust and wonder where the fuck the world went wrong. So much for, "Of the People, By the People, For the People", eh Mitt? Anyway, I expect politics to be rearing its ugly head over the next few months, so I hope you'll bear with me.
Twist. Ha, I knew this one was going to do better. I've had a lot of people write in and say they wasted their entire evening on this game, only to spend an hour after that trying to uncross their eyes. The current ambidextrous king is Nate who got us on the board with 4,508. Which is a pretty big fucking accomplishment, let me tell you. Give it a try and you'll see what I mean.
Here are some pics, I hope you like them and when do you usually update? - Ron.
Eh, I deally I try to get each days updated posted by noon, but sometimes it takes a little longer to find all the material. For example, if I told you about a video that involved two cute brunette girls playing half naked in their panties, wading in a river, you'd get pretty excited right? And if I told you that video ended with a concussion, you probably wouldn't believe me, would you? But alas, it does. And you can all but hear the skull fracture, too.
Three weeks left to Halloween. My Cardinal costume is getting kind of dated, so I'm looking to spice up my aparel this year. I'm in a toss up between the Man-Eating Shark and the Fortune Teller costumes. The latter, just because I want to say to people, "I forsee you will be kicked in the nuts," and then before they can react... kick them in the nuts.
a repost because it's so damned cool - top 100 music videos from each year of the 80's. are you gettin' it? armageddon it.
father of 2 + heroin addiction / 1 aids infected needle = 2 sad kids and 1 full coffin. with pictures.
|October 9, 2007|
Don't Laugh, Your Turn Is Next.
Okay, seriously, prepare to be fucked up. The last Game Challenge kind of lawn darted; I had a total of only nine entries. So G-Ball is out, and I have something new for you. You don't need lightening fast reflexes, or a super mouse clickie finger. It's 100% hand-eye coordination. And I guarantee it will leave you cross eyed. It's called Twist and you'll need two hands to play, so please put your dick away. There are two balls within a circle. One is controlled with the WASD keys, and the other buy your arrow keys. Your goal is avoid the obstacles within the circle for as long as possible. I know it sounds easy; and it is. But at the same time it isn't. You'll be surprised at how little motor control you have when you're send conflicting signals to each of your hands. It's a total kick in the balls. Be advised there is a high score board, and after weeding out the 2,000,000,000+ point hacks, the highest EHOWA named score wins!
What do you get when you add a weedwhacker motor to an ordinary steel framed mountain bike? I'll tell you. You get 83 miles to the gallon. You get a cruising speed of 18 mph. You get a top speed of 36 mph. And you get absolutely 0 chicks. None. Zero. Not one. Except for maybe these girls.
Ah, the fall is here. The leaves are turning. A nice fire takes the chill out of the air. And Alek Komarnitsky has all 6,000+ of his Halloween lights, inflatable pumpkins, a Frankenstein and a Homer... all available for you to remotely control. And why does he do it? To raise money for the University of Maryland Center for Celiac Research, of course!
things other people accomplished when they were your age
remember the sega rocket slingshot ride i talked about? we've seen the fat kid cry, now watch dad
the week in review - for the craigslist lover in all of us
|October 8, 2007|
And Cerano Is Going To Need A Rocket Up His Ass To Catch That One.
At this point, I'm still pretty confident that the Cleveland Indians are going to beat the Yanks in their best of three series. Not so much because I think the Yankees suck -- they do -- but because I think the Indians are too good a team to drop three in a row. So even though the Yanks won a game yesterday to prevent the Tribe from sweeping the series, I'm not too worried about a comeback. What I am pretty pissed off about, is that Johnny Damon was the hero. I'd take a pitch high and inside for a trip to the ER, than see him enjoy any shred of glory. And just for the record, the Sox get to rest up this week before squaring off against the Indians, and while I'll certainly be pulling for the Sox I wouldn't altogether cry in my beer is the Indians went on to the World Series, for two reasons. First, for a team operating with one third the Yankees payroll to have a shot at winning their first World Series in almost 60 years, I'm cool with that. Even if the Sox have to fall. Second, this is the team that brought us such classics as Major League. Who among us doesn't remember the scene when Charlie Sheen walks out from the bullpen with Wild Thing playing in the background? You know, let's all relive that classic moment of American cinema history right now. So if the Indians beat the Sox I won't be delighted, but I'll still sleep easy knowing the Yankees are sitting home on their asses, watching the Burly Sports Show right along side me.
Let this be a warning to you all - there are about 2,067,240 germs on my keyboard right now. That's equivalent to the number of germs on 413 toilet seats.
A nice link to celebrate Halloween and also stir up more trouble from the incident in Jena, LA. Fun for the kids. - Fritz
As long as you're posting RvB videos, why not post this one. Real Life vs The Internet. - Scott.
Ernie, here's a pic I snapped of a sign at a lawyers office near where I live. Prices come with a bonus! Obviously, if you look at it just right with the fence in front of the bottom of the sign you get the real story...Enjoy! Steve
What's the toughest part about being a Goth kid's father? When he calls home and says, "Great news Dad, I'm getting married."
Model of Japanese ingenuity - place pedometers (step counters) on the bikini tops of girls, have them jump up and down for a minute and count how many bounces their boobs can do. To quote the two Guiness guys... Brilliant!
okay, i’m tired of beating around the bush. i’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. i’m articulate and classy...
has anyone else ever fantasized about being able to wander around a shopping mall that's been slated for destruction?
|October 5, 2007|
How About Some Pope Jokes?
A rich businessman was vacationing in Rome, and was intent on seeing the Pope. There he stood in a big long queue with a rather expensive suit on - hoping the Pope would notice how smart he was, and perhaps talk a few words with him. As the Pope made his way slowly down the queue, he walked right past the businessman, hardly even noticing him. The Pope then stopped next to a homeless man, leans over and whispered something in the man's ear, and made his way on again. The businessman was shocked. So he immediately goes into town and buys a more expensive suit. The following day he again waits for the Pope, and again the Pope walks right past him only to kneel down and whisper something in the homeless man's ear. This infuriated the important businessman, so he offers the homeless man $1,000 dollars for his rumpled clothing. Of course, the homeless man accepts. So the third day, the businessman dressed in the homeless man's filthy clothes, works himself into the line of people waiting to see the Pope. The Pope makes his way slowly up through the crowd and when he finally reached him, leans over and spoke softly into the businessman's ear, "I thought I told you to fuck off twice already."
A man walked in to Joe's Barber Shop for his regular haircut. As he snips away, Joe asks "What's up?" The man proceeds to explain he's taking a vacation to Rome. "ROME?!" Joe says, "Why would you want to go there? It's a crowded dirty city full of Italians! You'd be crazy to go to Rome! So how ya getting there?" "We're taking TWA," the man replies. "TWA?!" yells Joe. "They're a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late! So where you staying in Rome?" The man says "We'll be at the downtown International Marriot." "That DUMP?!" says Joe. "That's the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and slow and they're overpriced! So whatcha doing when you get there?" The man says "We're going to go see the Vatican and hope to see the Pope." "HA! That's rich!" laughs Joe. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on THIS trip. You're going to need it!" A month later, the man comes in for his regular haircut. Joe says, "Well, how did that trip to Rome turn out? Betcha TWA gave you the worst flight of your life!" "No, quite the opposite" explained the man. "Not only were we on time in one of their brand new planes, but it was full and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old flight attendant who waited on me hand and foot!" "Hmmm," Joe says, "Well, I bet the hotel was just like I described." "No, quite the opposite! They'd just finished a $25 million remodelling. It's the finest hotel in Rome, now. They were o overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the Presidential suite for no extra charge!" "Well," Joe mumbles, "I KNOW you didn't get to see the Pope!" "Actually, we were quite lucky. As we toured the Vatican, a Swiss guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into this private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, after 5 minutes the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand. I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me." Impressed, Joe asks, "Tell me, please! What'd he say?" "Oh, not much really. He just asked, 'Where'd you get that fucking haircut?'"
Every time a new Pope is elected, there's a whole lot of rituals and ceremonies that have to be gone through, in accordance with tradition. Well, there's one tradition that very few people know about. Shortly after the new Pope is enthroned, the chief rabbi seeks an audience. He is shown into the Pope's presence, whereupon he presents him with a silver tray bearing a velvet cushion. On top of the cushion is an ancient, shriveled parchment envelope. The Pope symbolically stretches out his arm in a gesture of rejection. The chief rabbi then retires, taking the envelop with him and does not return until the next Pope is elected. The new Pope was intrigued with this ritual, whose origins were unknown to him. He instructed the best scholars of the vatican to research it, but they came up with nothing. When the time came and the chief rabbi was shown into his presence, he faithfully enacted the ritual rejection. But, as the chief rabbi turned to leave, he called him back. "My brother," the holy father whispered, "I must confess that we catholics are ignorant of the meaning of this ritual enacted for centuries between us and you, the representative of the jewish people. I have to ask you, what is it all about?" The chief rabbi shrugs and replies: "but we have no more idea than you do. The origin of the ceremony is lost in the mists of ancient history." The Pope said: "let us retire to my private chambers and enjoy a glass of wine together, then, with your agreement, we shall open the envelope and at last, discover its secret." The chief rabbi agreed. Fortified in their resolve by the wine, they gingerly pried open the curling parchment envelope and with trembling fingers, the chief rabbi reached inside and extracted a folded sheet of similarly ancient paper. As the Pope peered over his shoulder, he slowly opened it. They both gasped with shock... It was the check for the last supper.
But enough about the Pope. Let's talk about the four reasons I'd never be able to never play poker against Jennifer Tilly.
But enough about Jennifer Tilly. Let's talk about the one reason why I'd never wear moose scent.
i'll have a nice glass of shut-the-hell-up, if you have a nice glass of frog juice. deal?
royal marine sergeant lifted a two-ton truck to save a comrade who was seconds from drowning. don't make him angry.
|October 4, 2007|
So What Are Your Hopes And Dreams, Baby?
Shit. I forgot where I parked my car. Can you tell me what section it's in?
A few weeks ago I posted something that warranted a reponse from Puddy, one of my friends. I forget exactly which video he was responding to, but I remember it was of some teenage boy doing something completely idiot and demeaning. And there's a lot of this type of material on the internet today. Can you imagine come into work and finding the guys posted this picture of your son around the office? As that kid's father, what do you say to that? Anyway, Puddy's kids are all very young and his tongue-in-cheek comment was, "As a parent, I am suddenly very scared at how many ways there are that my children could potentially disappoint me." And to that I say, Puddy, just be glad you don't have any girls. Because it's only a few more months until Santa and his elves are coming, and they know if you've been naughty or nice.
On this Russian talk show, this very ugly talk show guest seems obsessed with her own big tits. Watch her keep staring at them and adjusting herself. Come to think of it, I keep staring at them, too. And so does this squirrel. And this dog.
When he was promoted to officer rank at eighteen, S. L. A. MARSHALL was the youngest shavetail in the United States Army during World War I. He rejoined the Army in 1942, became a combat historian with the rank of colonel; and the notes he made at the time of the Normandy landing are the source of this heroic reminder. Readers will remember his frank and ennobling book about Korea, THE RIVER AND THE GAUNTLET, which was the result of still a third tour of duty. Unlike what happens to other great battles, the passing of the years and the retelling of the story have softened the horror of Omaha Beach on D Day.
For the love of sweet Baby Jesus Ricky Bobby, will people please stop sending me the video of Paris Hilton getting burned on the Letterman Show last week. All Dave did was question her about her time in jail. So here it is. Yes, it was funny but please stop sending it to me or so help me God I will shoot you in the face.
wait for it... wait for it... waaaiiittt for it...
the top ten movie tattoos of all time. i call bullshit because there's no seth gecko
andy woerner and his crazy rocketeer friends have built a 21-foot long x-wing model that can actually fly. nerds.
|October 3, 2007|
It's Be Nice To Wildlife Day.
Watch some IR gun camera footage of four insurgents getting snuffed, but the little dog in the top right corner hauls ass at the first sound of thunder. Hurray for doggies!
I bet it you had to make a list of the top ten things you didn't expect to see today I would bet watching a Japanese girl, dressed in a cat suit, giving head to an octopus tentacle... would be nine of them. And you thought today was going to be a slow day.
Game Challenge. Remember those little party games you used to get at a friend's birthday party when you were a kid? The ones where you tilt the board back and forth to run a little steel ballbearing through a wooden maze? Yeah, G-Ball is kind of like that, only will want to make you smash your keyboard. Yes, you can cheat and enter codes to advance to the higher levels, but since you accumilate points on the lower levels, there's no sense. Personally, I think level 2 is harder than level 3.
Everyone loved the video of the dumbass in the ultra-light that yanked his parachute on takeoff. But yet we only see the crashes and the downside of such sports. Here's one with hang gliders skimming just a few feet off the ground, in a new pseudo-sport called Extreme Speedgliding. For those of you wanting to see nothing but crashes, don't worry, I'm sure it won't take long.
Here's a short video of a hot chick in fishnets crossing and uncrossing her legs. Oh and surprise, that wasn't a chick, it was a guy. Enjoy the rest of your day, you homo!
ha-ha-ha! here's a novel idea. the melding of porn + blackjack. if you get 21, you get a video. everything else gets a random porn pic. hit me!
one site collects all the top rated videos from youtube, google, liveleak, metacafe... you name it. sure saves a lot of searching on my end.
|October 2, 2007|
Boy Do I Feel Special.
It's amazing how much an ear infection can fuck with your balance. I haven't walked straight for three days, and I'm not even drunk. I've been on antibiotic eardrops since Friday and they haven't been doing dick. Went back yesterday and got some oral antibiotics, so we'll see how those go. Now I know why mom always told me to keep my ears clean. Everything your mother used to say in a 24 hour period, condensed down to two minutes and fifty-five seconds. Kinda be better if she didn't sing it, but I suppose how the hell else would she remember it. I can't even remember to take my pills on time.
The winner in Astrum will be TRIPP WITH 4,544. Ah, the more things change, the more things stay the same. New challenge tomorrow.
See here in the US, we have boy bands like N'Sync and the BackDoor Boys. Down in Brazil, they have girl bands, like these six hot dancing babes. Sure you can't understand a fucking word they're saying, but with bodies like that do you really care?
Hey Big Ern, just wanted to let you know that the "contact us" link at the top of your home page is missing, or at least I can't seem to find it [Ernie: I took it down, too much spam]. Anyway, here's another one from your friends at The University of South Carolina: our football team's new starting quarterback is named Chris Smelley, so of course the hottest t-shirt on campus now is now this. - Eric.
One of my co-workers here took a picture of this on his way to work this morning. The picture is from his driveway. Cameron.
And to anyone who says illegal immigration hurts the US, my only argument would be without so many Mexicans, we'd never get to see a smokin hot weather girl like this. Besides, they're still better than the Irish.
"i was born with what are known as "fused genitals," which means my penis and testicles are, in simple terms, all one thing..."
"...many misconceptions about personal finance could leave you out of pocket if you act on them..."
|October 1, 2007|
Wow, It's October Already.
Holy crap. Is this year flying by for anyone else or just me? It feels like my New Years Eve party was yesterday. Now all you poor fuckers up north have to worry about raking leaves up from your lawn already. Wow.
So I saw Resident Evil: Extinction this past weekend. Let me tell you how to make that movie: Take 1 part Reaper subplot from Blade Trinity. Take 1 part hidden military facility from Day of the Dead. Take half a part of propane explosion from the Dawn of the Dead remake. Take half part cannibal family from Judge Dredd. Mix those with 97 parts of suck. Serve in a short red dress. Now I completely realize you're never going to get an Oscar calibre performance from a zombie movie. And I'm cool with that. I go into the movie with my expectations set at a realiztic level. But this was just fucking dumb. I mean, zombie crows? Zombie crows flying into steel cage reinforced windshields. Zombie crows flying into steel reinforced windshields and breaking them out? And you'd figure that after five years of having to survive in an zombie-apocolyptic setting, people would learn not to venture off into a dark room all by yourself, lest they be bitten. And of course have to hide that fact until suddenly turning into a zombie themselves is convenient for an already thin plot line. Oh and random people off the street know how to fly helicopters. Magical helicopters that despite being small designed for 4 passengers, can carry 15+ survivors and fly them from Las Vegas all the way to Alaska on one tank of fuel. Dumb. And just when you thought it couldn't get any dumber, the evil mad scientist sprouts tentacles from his arm. So seriously? Dumb. I would say the only saving grace to the entire movie is knowing you've already seen the star completely naked. And this coming from a zombie connoisseur.
How the hell this bear could climb up under a bridge I dunno, but I'm glad people took the time to save him. Bears are people, too. But let's talk Astrum for a second. The leader continues to be Chris with 3,651. If no one bests his score by tomorrow, I'll declare him the winner and we'll boost over to another game.
the five most magnificient cinematic beatings of joe pesci. include raging bull, unfortunately
pcworld magazine presents in pictures: the strangest sights in google earth