Slickguns.com Bar Code Scanner App for iOS and Android Phones
Halloween themed t-shirts!
E R N I E ' S H O U S E O F W H O O P A S S
jealous? click here to get your website on ehowa.com for as little as $5 per day
|February 27, 2009|
PNB > PDB.
A sex-mad Russian died after guzzling a bottle of Viagra pills to keep him going for a 12-hour orgy with two women pals. The women had bet mechanic Sergey Tuganov £3,000 ($4,300) that he wouldn’t be able to satisfy them both non-stop for the half-day sex marathon. But minutes after winning the wager, the randy 28-year-old dropped dead with a heart attack, revealed Moscow police. One of the women, named only as Alina, said: “We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do.” [article]
We come together today to mourn the loss of one brave Russian, to share the grief we all feel and, perhaps in that sharing, to find the strength to bear our sorrow and the courage to look for the seeds of hope. Our nation's loss is first a profound personal loss to the family and the friends and loved ones of Sergey Tuganov. To those he has left behind--the mothers, the fathers, the husbands and wives, brothers, sisters, and yes, especially the two whores -- all of America stands beside you in your time of sorrow. What we say today is only an inadequate expression of what we carry in our hearts. Words pale in the shadow of grief; they seem insufficient even to measure the brave sacrifice of those you loved and we so admired. His truest testimony will not be in the words he spoke, but in the way he led his and in the way he lost his life -- with dedication, honor and an unquenchable desire to explore this mysterious and beautiful universe. The best we can do is remember Sergey Tuganov -- our Sex-Mad Russian -- remember him as he lived, bringing life and love and joy to those who knew him and pride to a nation. So long Sergey Tuganov, we hardly knew ye.
On a lighter note, Denny's is offering a new breakfast meal called the Nadya Suleman: You get eight eggs, no sausage, and the guy next to you has to pay the bill. Also, today marks the start of Daytona Bike Week 2009, and I have a question for those of you attening this year. Take a look at these Daytona Bike babes, paying particular attention to this one. She goes by the name Daytona Tei (Tae? Tie?) -- I met her once back in 2006. Smokin hot. Does anyone know if she's still around?
Also I've received numerous responses in regards to Sgt brian's question on Chance's medals. I can't post them all, but here are the most complete explanations:
In regards to Sgt Brian D.’s comment on PFC Phelps’ GCM, here is a portion of the GMC requirements; “During times of war, the Good Conduct Medal may be awarded for one year of faithful service. The Good Conduct Medal may also be awarded posthumously, to any soldier killed in the line of duty.” Greg
Hi Ernie, I was an active duty Marine from 2000 to 2005 so I have a little experience regarding USMC Medal regulations. About the GWOT (Global War On Terrorism) medal, there were two different GWOT medals issued the expeditionary and the service. Everyone was awarded the service version if they did 30 consecutive days of active duty service after Sept. 11 2001 in support of GWOT operations. Now I'm not 100% sure on the following, but I believe if you were deployed to either Iraq or Afghanistan then you were awarded the expeditionary version which I believe would then take the place of the service version. As for the good conduct medal, the first award can be can be awarded posthumously if the Marine is killed in action prior to the 3 year award date. So PFC Phelps would have rated both the good conduct and GWOT expeditionary medals. Hope this helps and I love your site, Cpl. Casey L
Proper military awards in the movies seem to be an obstacle that few ever get correct. But to be fair, I have lost count of how many people IN THE SERVICE have their awards on incorrectly, as well. The military ribbons on Chance Phelps (when in the coffin) were a goof. OOPS! His correct awards are displayed on his wikipedia page. For those that might have noticed, when Lt Col Strobl was at the burial ground at the end of the movie, in one scene his ribbons where also on upside down (combat action ribbon was his highest ribbon and yet it was farthest from his heart on his full dress uniform). For all they got right, and for the message they delivered of respect and deference to those who serve and give their lives, I say give them “a pass” on the minor details and move on. Commander Dan
And on that note, I'll close the Taking Chance topic with a short email from Ken:
Ernie, I have been an avid visitor to your site for many years. This is not my first note to you but it is my most somber. I wanted to express my gratitude to you for alerting me to 'Taking Chance'. After reading of the premise of this event I eagerly awaited the release of it. I did miss the initial broadcast but was able to watch it this evening. I had some concerns about viewing and explaining it to my 10 year old daughter but my misgivings were incorrect. I was concerned that she would not understand the gravity or the meaning of the film. I was wrong. I found it incredibly easy to explain the concepts of honor, respect and dignity as presented in the film. The concept of how soldiers honor us all, as citizens of this nation. The fact that even a ten year old, who has experienced little in the way of death and understanding the meaning of it, was able to get as much as she did in regards to honoring our fallen, is a testament to the power of this story. I do believe this film helped my daughter to understand why we thank our servicemen and servicewomen every time we see them, everywhere we go. Ernie, thank you for bringing this very important piece of work to my attention, please keep up the good work. Ken
Oh and don't forget, eighteen years ago today the first Gulf War ended when Allied forces liberated Kuwait. I'm sure glad we went through all that. Oh and sorry Puddy it's been one whole since the B-2 crash and and lo and behold, the pilots have been completely exonerated; faulty sensors have been chalked up as the official cause of the crash. and I am shocked -- shocked. I would have bet anything that they'd each still have tire tracks across their faces. So it would appear that Puddy is not the Poor Naive Bastard I made him out to be, but instead I am a Pessimestic Douche Bag (PDB). I do however, cordially invite him to suck my ass, just the same. Thank you..
Hey Ernie - keep up the good work. I saw one of the pics you linked the other day, and it reminded me of something. I did a quick and dirty Photochop to bring A to B. Sized for desktops! Hope it gets you a laugh. Doug in Virginia
Now that's fucking funny. Just like the movie Old School has more than its share of classic scenes, but this clip featuring Will Ferrell in couples therapy wondering about what kind of panties a hot girl is wearing has to be one of the best. Because there are hot girls and then there are Hot Girls Down Under. Watch these Aussie ladies strut their stuff. With obligatory 'Penal Colony' reference. Hee hee. beware of Catholic girls though, they're a little too religious for me.
five most unintentionally gay horror movies.
who gets what? stimulus infrastructure spending by state.
good(?) byes: how 20 movie greats fared in their final roles.
ahhh, southwest florida. how you have indeed stolen my heart.
we left two cameras on new york city benches. what happened next?
laser pointer + kiss x gene simmons / paul stanley = unwanted colonoscopy.
i have had it with these mother fucking capes on these mother fucking superheroes.
|February 26, 2009|
They See Me Rollin. They Be Hatin.
You want to know why our economy is fucked up? Total cost for parts and labor to repair my washer? A whopping $739.65 plus tax. Total cost to replace my washer with a brand new unit? Exactly $479.99 plus tax. Which of these two solutions is the warranty company groping for? The repair, of course. Even after I brought this price difference to their attention. This my friends, is why the economy is fucked.
See, its reasons like this that I carry a gun. Stories like that really burn my ass. I'd shoot that pellet gun wielding asshole dead where he stood, and then solicit you guys for bail money. because shit, everyone else is asking for money, why shouldn't I? Yet according to USA Today, seven out of ten people have no sympathy for Nadya Suleman the octuplets mom. And that’s just among her own children. Besides, I don't think she looks like Angelina Jolie, I think she looks like that cunt Janeane Garofalo.
Question. Does losing weight makes your penis bigger? Answer: Yes and no. If you are overweight, there is a layer of fat covering your pubic bone, just above your penis. When you lose weight, this fat goes away thus leaving more of your penis visible and hence making you appear longer.
If you thought nunchucks were only good for one thing, you were wrong. They aren't good for anything.
This is incredible news. I was in Atlanta today to do an estimate. I was passing by Atlanta City Hall East on Ponce Deleon. Where I witnessed five (presummed) illegals being taken away to jail .I not only callled my potential client and told them I was going to be late, but I made three illegal u-turns to come up with the following three pictures. And just to let you know I felt like I was breaking the law for taking the pictures, plus I didnt want to piss the people off that I had just u-turned in front of. I was tempted to just pull over get out and take the photos in detail, but I thought I might be thrown in the van with them! First Picture: what appears to be some type of undercover agent. There were also two other non-descrip people who were in charge and handling the situation. Second picture: see what I mean? The black guy in the blue shirt... he is my here! Third picture: was the wagon coming to get them. With these pics I wonder; was it only because it happened infront of City Hall East? Or did these guys just get off the bus from Laredo? Why would you sit out in front of city hall? Was it the city pan handling law, or a legitimate crackdown on illegal immigration? I personally was too scared to pull over to ask the guy in the blue shirt with fear of interfering and going to jail myself.
As for the job, I went by to look at the house that was probably worth one million dollars. An old tudour whose owner (or previous owners) already got what they paid for and now want it done right. But to get it there would be more time than I am willing to invest, especially with fiur additional guys.
To sum it all up: 30 minute trip to Atlanta. Just over 2 gals of gas (thanks to my Scion XB) - $4.30. 1 slaw dog, 1 onion rings, and 1 orange drink, plus tip - $8.00. Seeing five illegal Mexicans get in a blue van - worth the whole trip! - Steve.
Someone clever at the whole video editing thing sat down for an hour or twelve and made Star Wars into a silent film. Original suspicions of lameness quickly vanished upon viewing, as it’s actually pretty funny. I wonder what other movies they could do this with?
Chad Vader reenacts various 2009 Oscars nominated movies including Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Milk and Frost/Nixon. Although I'll admit, I totally don't get the Milk reference.
A-Rod got booed mercilessly for his steroid use, then promptly hit a homer in his first spring training game today here in Florida. Which is great except that he was trying to bunt.
i'm getting erniestreet going again.
stng cast to reunite. on family guy. wait, what?
future oscar roles? casting would-be video game movies.
eleven ways to get more bacon in your diet. you're welcome.
jon stewart explores the question: barak obama, hitler or anti-christ?
ten worst movie sequels. blues brothers 2000 was indeed quite horrible.
bentley continental supersports clocks in at 204 mph on the road to geneva motor show.
|February 25, 2009|
Things That Have Happened To Me This Past Week.
I have four smoke detectors in my house. They are all hard wired for power, with a 9-volt battery for a backup power source. One of those four has a failed battery, and is chirping an alarm every ten minutes or so. Each time it chirps, it freaks out Ike who isn't very fond of loud noises. I'm not sure which one is the culprit and have begun to remove the smoke detectors one at a time to see if the chirping stops. As of this morning I have removed three and of course the chirping continues. The final smoke detector is at the absolute peak of the living room ceiling, fourteen feet up. Two weeks ago I gave back the twelve foot stepladder to the person I borred it from. All I can do now is stand below the offending smoke detector with its incessant beeps, curse under my breath, and watch my dog tremble.
Also some ignorant cocksucker got my credit card number again. But this time with a nice twist: it's someone local. My card (number) was used twice at the local Wal-Mart here on Del-Prado. Once on the 23rd, and again this morning. I received the SMS right after it was used on the 23rd, but having just recently taken a small road trip, couldn't remember if this was a delayed charge buying gas or something. So I figured I'd monitor it for a couple of days and see if anything else comes up hinky. When the second charge came through, I knew something was up and cancelled the card a scant thirty seconds later. Now both charges have been disputed so I shouldn't lose any dough this time around. Again, having SMS messages sent to my phone each time my credit card is used is what saved the day; if you don't do the same you're an asshole.
Hey Ernie, I read that link to the different foods McDonald's sells all over the world. One I have personally eaten was the McLobster Roll sandwich. I'm here to say that it does as much justice to a lobster and a Big Mac does to a cow. Now being a man of some size, I've been know to eat things that others have been afraid to attempt, but that fucking monstrosity goes against nature. It's tough, chewy and tastes like something my dog brought home, chewed on for a week swallowed, threw up, chewed some more, swallowed again and then had it pass though his digestive tract. NASTY. Anyway, let's just say I didn't like it. Here's a picture of a fresh lobster roll from Maine. Fresh-off-the-boat lobster roll is an out of body experience. I live in Delaware and go up mostly for those every summer. Love 'ya man! -Sam
This is from my friend Rich that works in Prairie Village who saw this cop write a ticket to this old guy. Picture taken earlier today. His wife is being towed in a wheelchair behind him and yes the cop is issuing him a ticket. I have been laughing now for over 30 minutes. Straight. Jeff, Prairie Village, Kansas
Hey Mr. Ernie, The wife was out and about the other day and caught this with her cell phone camera. Check out that license plate. Cheers! Jerzy
My washing machine shit the bed, presenting me with my first opportunity to put my homeowners warranty to the test. It's one of the side-load models, which means it requires HE laundry detergent which foams less than the regular stuff. A lot of people think HE detergent is a crock of shit, but it's not. Try running your dishwasher on regular dish soap and let me know how that works out for you. I did it once out of ignorance and spend the next two hours mopping up soapy water from my kitchen floor. The same thing happens in a side load washer's pump if you use regular soap. Per the repair dude: if he sees you're not using HE soap when it's required by your unit, he's supposed to call the manufacturer and void your warranty. Ouch. Had I not had some sitting next to my washer when he got there, I'd have been fucked. So anyway, new parts for that are due to get here later this week.
The latter resulted in me having to use a laundromat last night, which is always a treat. No, I didn't get crabs this time. But was was approached by a black guy who offered to sell me a gold chain, and had to work around some rude old white guy that looked like Brent Spiner in Independence Day and had skidmarked underwear. Yay me! But I suppose it could be worse; I could get interviewed by Nancy Grace. And to Elizabeth in the control room? I love you.
Ernie, Just finished watching Taking Chance for the fourth time and each time I see it, it gets better and better. There is one thing that confuses me. The part where they open the casket to check his uniform and place some items in the coffin, you see his ribbons. There seems to be some inconsistency in his stack as shown and what he rated. First, they screwed up his GWOT. They gave him the GWOT expeditionary instead of the regular GWOT that every Marine rates. Second, he had a good cookie. You only rate the Good Conduct Medal after 3 years of "good" service. If he were a PFC for 3 years, he would have been NJP'd at least once and therefore, did not rate the medal or else been the battery turd in order to get non-rec'd every month. Now, I am not trying to stir up anything here, but the Marine Corps is very stingy when it comes to medals and it is very uncharacteristic and unheard of to award someone the Good Conduct Medal before the 3 year mark. The Chance Phelps website shows his stack with the good cookie as well which confuses me. If you or any of your readers have any insight into this, I would be very interested to hear it. Again, not trying to disparage a fellow Marine, but I am more then a little confused and intrigued right now. Sgt Brian D.
If I were to pull an answer out of my ass, it might have something to do with the vertical alignment of the flux capacitor reaching the apices right the lunar equinox while wearing blue socks? No? Uhhhhhh, anybody? Care to venture a more educated answer?
It all happened last summer. Employee Nigel Haskett was working at a McDonald's in Little Rock, Arkansas when he jumped from his post to take down a man who was abusing a woman in the fast-food joint. As the two men tussled, Haskett was shot multiple times. His recovery has required several operations amounting to $300,000 in medical bills. The woman, the judge, his fellow employees and the customer all think he's a hero. But McDonald's doesn't see it that way. Oh, and I smashed my big toe.
i'm getting erniestreet going again.
what kind of a crib will $500,000 buy you?
the seven biggest things ever stolen. who the fuck steals a bridge?
me so ronrey, oh so ronrey. here is kim jong il's e-harmony commercial.
the twenty-five most valuable blogs. and no, ehowa is not among them unfortunately.
welcome to my kitchen, i'm clara and i'm ninety-one years old. cheap meals from the depression.
bad mortgage, student loan, credit card debt, vegas trip? know someone who needs a personal bailout?
|February 24, 2009|
That's How I Roll.
People sometimes ask me how I make my living running EHOWA and if the down economy is affecting me. I tell em, eh, I'm doing okay. Other people have to work a little harder for their money. Take Kevin for example. Someone bet Kevin $250 cash that he coulnd't eat every item in the vending machine. For every item he can't eat, he loses $1. It's all fun and games until someone gets diabetes.
A group of local men braved dangerous broken ice and frigid waters in a fibreglass speedboat to rescue a pod of dolphins and help them back to open water, the mayor of Seal Cove, N.L., said Thursday.
Woo Hooo!! It’s Mardi Gras down in Lousiana, and that means it’s time to celebrate. But instead of just giving you the standard bead babes, we thought we’d offer-up something a little lot different for this year’s Fat Tuesday. And if you’re a boob lover, you’ve just hit the fucking jackpot. I present to you, Fat Boobs-Day!
See what it's like first hand to dump a motorcycle during a 95mph wheelie attempt, without all that pesky road rash and broken bones.
You know what's cool? Launching an remote control model airplane from your 10th floor apartment, flying around Rio DeJinero, and then landing it right back in the apartment. Although I'm not too sure it was still functional after the landing.
You can't handle the truth, but you can handle this collection of classic movie lines. I want my two dollars.
Welcome to Speak Out with Ken Sander. Tonight's issue is should New Yorkers carry handguns, or should they be allowed to have handguns? Or why a radio station should always screen your calls before putting them live on the air.
P.S. Not to be Captain Obvious, but I was just kidding about the Google Ad-Sense thing.
top ten codes you aren’t meant to know.
top ten tips for the ultimate strip club experience.
are you worth your salt? twelve food references explained.
united airlines boeing 767 trashed by a faulty firefighting system.
comparing the current economic crisis to three previous bear markets.
here's a rare sight: pictures of people. at work. no, really. hey stop laughing.
perhaps you should pay more attention to walt, rather than his 'chemistry set'.
|February 23, 2009|
Thanks For Being Such A Dickhead, TSA Guy.
So did you watch it? Huh? Did you? Did you? I did. And I cried at the funeral home scene, when some personal effects were placed in Chance Phelps' casket. But I did learn a few things that weren't in the original story. I learned that there was that interaction between Strobl and the original driver that took him to the Dover airport. I learned that somewher in Delaware is a TSA agent who feels like a complete fuckign dickhead right now. And I learned that Lt Col Strobl felt guilty about requesting a desk job instead of an assignment in Iraq. Here's an interview between Strobl and Kevin Bacon, who played him in the movie. And a behind the scenes look, including some footage of the Phelps family. All in all, I think it was pretty fucking awesome. I :heart: you, Kevin Bacon.
Now in other news, Lindsay Lohan still has big tits. And you think you know the McDonald's menu like the back of your hand? Think again. From McDonald's international, here are some menu items you have probably never tried before.
Ernie, long story short... Drop the girlfriend off at the airport. Go home. First flight delayed. Girlfriend goes to airport bar. Girlfriend drinks several $7 beers. Second flight comes up... National hero lands flight on Hudson River, saving all the passengers lives. Girlfriends US Airways flight cancelled. (She was in Omaha NE, but they canceled all US Airways flights). Girlfriend returns to said airport bar for more beers. Boyfriend picks up girlfriend after driving 60+ miles back to airport. Girlfriend tipsy and in a good mood. Boy and girl proceed to Harrahs Casino for lady's night (half off any drink and appetizer). $55 Harrahs credit = $120 in drinks, $40 in food = $25 out of pocket. Girl now HAMMERED. Considered ACDC concert. Boy: " Not a good idea." Girl: "Uggghhhh." Boy: "Time to go." I will put it this way. 75 MPH on the interstate + half rolled down window + puke = attached pictures. After thought... "in retrospect, my last strawberry creamsicle martini was a very bad idea." Hell, and I thought I was going to get anal! John M.
Call it a unique kind of most wanted list or simply an attempt to clamp down on the area's worst-kept secret. Working off a roster of the reputed fifty "most prolific prostitutes" in Clark County, Las Vegas police and prosecutors are taking unprecedented steps to keep repeat prostitution offenders off the Strip.
When you think of the mob the first name that comes to mind is Al Capone. Here's a short documentary chronicling Capone's rise to power.
The short and simple story of the credit crisis, visualized. A little slow to load/buffer because I'm sure their site is quite busy right now, but well worth the watch none the less.
best pig porn this side of a pork belly.
what happens when you microwave __________?
final episode of late night with conan o'brien, in its entirety.
mickey rourke wins at spirit awards, delivers best speech ever.
six dream jobs that might actually suck. i disagree about brewmaster.
and the oscar for best showcase of boobies in a motion picture goes to…
list of the ninety-nine things you should have already experienced on the internet...
transformation from beer gut guy to ripped abs guy to total fucking amped freak show guy.
find the five differences between the original picture on the left and the altered one on the right.
|February 20, 2009|
I Declare Today As John Massie Day.
Here's a great joke for you. Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin and George W. Bush walk into a bar.... nah I'm just kidding. They play Wii Sports!
You know what? I'm glad this photo of Rhianna got leaked to TMZ. People should see the truth exposed. My dad raised me old school where I was to never, ever raise my hand to a woman no matter how much she asks for it. That is of course, she makes a move on your twig and berries, or if you're Sean Connery and she can't leave it alone. Because then bitch? It's on. So my prediction out of all of this: Chris Brown is going to get his ass beaten by either (a) a crazed Rhianna fan or, (b) Jay Z himself. Remember, you heard it here first.
Ernie, several years ago during Mardi Gras, we were minding our own... just throwing back a few cocktails and throwing out a few (cases) of beads to the passers by on Bourbon Street. We were two stories up at the Inn on Bourbon, at Bourbon and Toulouse streets. This was Saturday before Fat Tuesday (Mardi Gras) proper. Across the street were some very evangelistic, hard core Christian protesters. These are the ones with the bullhorns, the 15ft wooden crosses, the coffee and the pamphlets that they throw in your face. They told every one around that could hear that they WERE GOING TO HELL. I'm all for free speech, but pressing pamphlets in my face is another thing. To top it all off, it was really beginning to interfere with the titty showing we were getting. Hmmm... Well a some ingenuity, a compressed air horn, and some magic marker did the trick. As we blasted the horn, most of the crowd stopped. Some aghast at what they were reading, most were just scrambling for there cameras, phones or just trying to get everyone else to look up at us. Needless to say, this sign along with the constant tossing of beads at, and around the protesters, led them to find another corner quite quickly. God Bless the First Amendment. "Laissez Les Bons Temps Rouler!!" - Let The Good Times Roll! John Massie, Lincoln NE
Man, what kind of an asshole would try to stop chicks from showing their tits? And speaking of assholes, the next time you have to watch A-Rod play dumb about his streoids, or Manny Ramirez whine about more money, keep this story in mind.
Cinemassacre presents the a look at some of the most memorable sci-fi monsters in the history of cinema. And the best part? The Stay-Puff Marshmallow man makes the list! W00t!
ten drunkest family guy moments.
r2-d2, with subtitles. fucking union labor.
puppies. webcams. lots of puppy webcams.
the uk officially racks up cool points with this ruling.
nine of the most entertaining cameos in movie history.
eight awesome cars they won't let you buy. i got dibs on the bmw gina.
|February 19, 2009|
From The Halls Of Montezuma, To The Shores Of Tripoli.
"The war I knew was totally savage ... The Japanese fought by a code they thought was right: bushido. The code of the warrior: no surrender. You don't really comprehend it until you get out there and fight people who are faced with a hopeless situation and will not give up. If you tried to help one of the Japanese, he'd usually detonate a grenade and kill himself as well as you. To be captured was a disgrace. To us, it was impossible, too, because we knew what happened in Bataan. You developed an attitude of no mercy because they had no mercy on us. It was a no-quarter, savage kind of thing. At Peleliu, it was the first time I was close enough to see one of their faces. This Jap had been hit. One of my buddies was field-stripping him for souvenirs. I must admit it really bothered me, the guys dragging him around like a carcass. I was just horrified. This guy had been a human being. It didn't take me long to overcome that feeling. A lot of my buddies hit, the fatigue, the stress. After a while the veneer of civilization wore pretty thin. I've seen guys shoot Japanese wounded when it was not necessary and knock gold teeth out of their mouths." — E.B. Sledge
"After the main force had retreated over the gorge [from the advancing Americans], they blew up the suspension bridge. The thousands who trailed behind were left to die. We were at the end of the line. Soldiers who had struggled along before us littered the sides of the trail. It was a dreadful sight. Some were already skeletons — it was so hot that they soon rotted — or their bodies were swollen and purple. What little they wore was removed by those who had less. Wearable boots were instantly taken, so most of the dead lay barefoot. The worms crawling over the more recently dead gave them a silver sheen. The whole mountain range was wreathed in the stench of death. — Ogawa Masatsugu
"The casualty rate was enormous. It was ghastly. Iwo Jima was a volcanic island with very little concealment ... Few trees. No grass. It was almost like a piece of the moon that had dropped down to earth. I don't think there's been any place with more dismemberment, more bodies cut to pieces." — Ted Allenby
"We didn't know what to expect from the Americans. The hard-core militarists were warning us that all our men would be made into slaves, would be sent to China to do hard labor, and all our women would be made prostitutes." — Akira Miuri
"We buried General Ushijima and his men inside a cave. This was the worst part of the war, which I didn't like about Okinawa. They were hiding in caves all the time, women, children, soldiers. We'd get up on the cliff and lower down barrels of gasoline and then shoot at it. It would explode and just bury them to death." — John Garcia
"In the Pacific, there were none of the European diversions. What you tended to see were miserable piles of dead Japanese and dead Americans. I was not a virulent hater of the Japanese. I didn't collect ears, as I knew some others did. We had been fed tales of these yellow thugs, subhumans, with teeth that resembled fangs. If a hundred thousand Japs were killed, so much the better. Two hundred thousand, even better. I wasn't innocent, either. You couldn't escape it. When I heard about Hiroshima, I felt great: We won't have to invade Japan." — Robert Lekachman
"In those days, Japanese soldiers really accepted the idea that they must eventually die. If you were taken alive as a prisoner, you could never face your own family. They'd been sent off by their neighbors with cheers of "Banzai!" How could they now go home? "General attack" meant suicide. Those unable to move were told to die by a hand grenade or by taking cyanide. The women and children had cyanide. Those who didn't jumped off cliffs." — Yamauchi Takeo
Ernie, Great site. I just thought I would clear something up for you. On today’s post you said, “in there she mentioned having a brother-in-law. So some stupid asshole married Anne Hathaway's sister, but not Anne Hathaway. Jesus, did that guy lose the lottery of life, or what?” I think she is probably talking about her brother in law that married her gay brother. I remember seeing her mention that in an interview elsewhere (might have been on the tonight show). Anyways keep up the great work and you can count on me for next years LBEH. Tristan
I realized that Madoff looked a lot like Washington, and thought it was very ironic. I posted this photo on flickr with the following caption “Hairstyles and wardrobe may have stayed the same these last 200 years, but integrity among the rich and powerful has changed dramatically.” Phil.
Ernie, This guy grew up in a small town about 20 miles from me and it was all over our local news. Here's a link to the first news article that popped up on Google but apparently he should have read your thoughts on gun control. He took his pistol, which HE THOUGHT WAS UNLOADED, pointed it at the back of his girlfriends head, and KA-FUCKING-BOOM!! He killed her and is now charged with felony murder. Keep up the great site - John
People gotta be careful with firearms, man. Especially around chicks, because things can turn pretty ugly in the blink of an eye. Perhaps not as ugly as Kenny Powers, but awful damn close. BTW< I think East Bound and Down is going to be motherfucking hilarious.
The annual Bullrun USA car rally has rapidly risen to legendary status as the most glamorous, high-profile “luxury lifestyle” automotive rally on Earth. Up to a hundred celebrities and various individuals from around the world embark on an epic seven-day marathon cross-country road trip, stopping to party elite in a different city every night. After paying a $20,000 entry fee, contestants in the Bullrun make their way from one luxurious checkpoint to the next, without any knowledge of their next destination until the day begins. Besides, where else can you watch a Saleen S7 Twin Turbo roll down the street?
Ernie, Thought you might like this. This guy bought a cave and built a home in it, here in St. Louis. Keep up the great job of providing me with your humor. Sander
Ernie, thought you might find this humorous. My friend (and boss) pulled an old Lowe's receipt from his pocket. Didn't know you could get these things at Lowe's! I think your subscribers might get a kick out of it. Keep up the great work! Kevin
You know, people should take the time to enjoy the little pleasures in life, such as juvenile humor in a store receipt. Stop and smell the roses and such. Like when Jennifer Love Hewitt decided to exercise on Jay Leno's Tonight show. The Ghost Whisperer star completed ten push-ups before host Jay pointed out that she was revealing more cleavage than she had intended. Either way, I watched the video twice.
We all love half naked, bikini-wearing celebrities and to show you just how much I love them, here are sixty-nine of the hottest, sexiest celebrities caught in a bikini at the beach. Have a lonely friend? Send them this page to cheer them up.
the eleven hottest daughters of rock stars.
the rise (and fall) of the famous smiling stripper.
naomi watts naked on the set of her hotel balcony.
hummers and saturns i can see disappearing. but saabs?
where the wild things aren't: a tour of an abandoned detroit zoo.
big papi speaks out against steroids. so shut the fuck up and listen.
kid's dad interrupts him while he's trying to show off his balls skills. funny.
looks like the wall street journal is trying to compete with boston.com's pics sections.
|February 18, 2009|
Let's See How Honest You Are.
I forget how my mind wandered onto this subject, but this morning I found myself reflecting back upon a moral question I used to pose to people way back when. It all started when I was sitting in the chow hall trying to stomach some of their "food" and flipping through an issue of the base newspaper called The Hansconian. Somewhere buried among the bullshit was an article about a husband and wife team that just recently joined the base's firefighting department. When I commented on how could military regulations (or some officer) allow something so stupid and dangerous to happen, the guys I was sitting with asked me what I was so bent out of shape about. And this I proposed the following situation and asked them each how they would react:
You're a firefighter. You and the rest of your company are battling a big building fire. You're manning the hose. Walking off on either side of you are two groups of your fellow firefighters; a group of ten on your right, and a lone firefighter on your left. Being a few steps back you can see flames begin to lick out of the ceiling and you realize the upper floor is seconds from collapsing. You can't warn the firefighters ahead of you. The only way to prevent said collapse is for you to spray the roof down with the hose to put the flames out. There is only enough time to spray one side; the ceiling on the side you don't spray will collapse and undoubtedly kill everyone beneath it. You only have a split second to react and there is only time to hose down one side and thus only save one group. Which to do you save - do you save ten or do you save one?
Of course everyone scoffs at me as if I've just asked them to add two plus two. Sure, "you save ten." Okay, no problem, says I. But let's add a small twist to that scenario; let's say that one person on your left is your wife (or husband). Now who do you save? And let's pretend you're not Terrence Howard or Chris Brown. Anyway, everyone always looks down at their plate when I ask this. They think. They furrow their brows. I get the qualifiers like, "Oh I'd spray the middle and have them each run to it," or, "I'd call in another hose." No, no, no. No cheating. You only have time to save one side. You choose who lives and who dies. You also have to live with yourself afterwards. Are you going to give the politically correct answer and tell me you're going to save the ten, letting your spouse die? Or do you give in to primal instincts and save the one? What do you do?
Before you answer -- or at least attempt to lie to me -- I'd just like say that over the next few years I posed that scenario to not only my lunch table, but to my Airman Leadership Class, to my co-workers (both military and civilian), my drinking buddies, and handfuls of others. And in all those dozens of people I've asked, there has been only one -- one single solitary person -- who's given me an honest and straight answer. His name was Zachary, and to his credit he was one of the most self centered people I've ever known. And that's not to say he was selfish or wouldn't load you $20 until payday, but when push really came to shove, Zach looked out for Zach's interests. And when I posed the first scenario to him, he indeed mumbled, "You save ten," in between bites of his hamburger. And when I posed the second scenario -- God bless him -- he didn't hesitate for a second. He didn't try to jerk me around and try to weasel out of the hard choice. He just shrugged his shoulders and said, "You save one," before stuffing some french fries into his mouth.
And that was that. It took almost four years but I finally got one honest answer. You've got a lot of guts, Oscar.
Hello Ernie. I just took the Texas concealed handgun license class last night. The instructor had some pretty interesting statistics. Thought it would interest you. A year after licensing began, Florida had just over 14% of populace licensed to carry. You would think Holy Shit!!! What's Texas gonna be? 50-60%? Nope. Just over 2%. Can you believe that? But...in 1998 the Houston police dept and other area agencies did a one day traffic stop survey where they asked everyone that was pulled over that day if they had a gun in the car. Not to get them in trouble, just to survey -- 86% said they did! That's quite a contrast to 2.8% being licensed. And that's just the ones that owned up to having a gun with them. Hmm... Take care. Kurt
Yesterday, Mr. Chi City gots his day in court! Nigga hit me with that Da! Da! Da-Dahhh! That's awesome. Actually, I should apologize. I didn't know but the word nigga is being replaced by the word President. My bad.
Fast cars and fast women seem like a cliche until they're thrown in your face. So thank RipeTV for doing the throwing. Enjoy the clip.
the top ten hottest stripper mugshots.
robert fagot or sally mangina? officer niggermeyer?
sunshine megatron pulls a fast one on, well, everybody.
now we have an idea of what grampa had to put up with.
oh you can have a $10,000 bill. and it'll only cost you $120,000.
old and busted: harley hearse. the new hotness: harley bridal carriage.
twenty photoshopped moments that would have improved great movies.
fifteen reasons to eat at mcdonalds every single motherfucking chance you get.
good news: ten year old chinese kids can still view ehowa while they make my sneakers.
|February 17, 2009|
Hey Has Anyone Ever Even Seen A $10,000 Bill?
And yet more food for your brain. Test your knowledge of the Presidents by dragging them into the proper order and press the check button to see how you scored. I'd like to think we can all get numbers 1, 16, and 40-44. without too much trouble.
I know not many of you watch hockey, and even fewer of you would be watching hockey in Florida where there are more iguanas than there are hockey rinks, but let me tell you something, you're missing out. Panthers announcer Randy Moller, who is a former NHL player, has taken announcing to new heights.
An interview with Anne Hathaway. Her lips are moving, but all I keep hearing is, "Breasts. Breasts. Breasts." But somewhere in there she mentioned having a brother-in-law. So some stupid asshole married Anne Hathaway's sister, but not Anne Hathaway. Jesus, did that guy lose the lottery of life, or what? The only thing he could do worse would be to not read this interview with Bruce Motherfucking Campbell.
Ernie, To paraphrase Crocodile Dundee's famous words - "Call that a knife,..THIS, is a knife!", - Mate, THIS, is a Bike! It's not built for comfort, .... it's built for MEAN!. Picture this, - you're cut off at the lights, so you flip to fire, and cut 'em off at the wheel arches - shit yeah!!. Love, pure love. Ernie, keep on doin' what you do mate, you're compulsory viewing DownUnder, brilliant, bloody brilliant!. Regards, Stu from Oz.
Shane here. I thought you might like this one. Shane
Hi Ernie, Been a longtime reader and happy I finally have something to contribute. Here are a few shots of a gas pipeline explosion that happened a few days ago outside of Carthage, Texas. No one hurt, but it’s bad-ass none the less. Bill
Ernie, You never cease to amaze me! The hilarious stories, great advice, and great content- I love your site! Anyways, I wanted to write and tell you thanks for again posting a link to your Glock Mishap. I have sent that out to quite a few people. It is nice to see that you are trying to put out some good information and especially safety when it comes to firearms. I too have a Kel-Tec, the P3AT (.380). I don’t remember which one you have but I love it. It is compact, light-weight and easy to carry but it does have the faults you have mentioned such as the appearance of a loose magazine though it’s holding on strong. I keep Hornaday 90 Grain JHP/XTP’s in my .380 and Hornaday 147 Grain TAP FPD in my 9mm. I know you get a ton of e-mail, but would you mind letting me know what type of ammo you have had good luck with. I can’t complain about the Hornaday ammo, but I’m always up to trying something different. Thanks for the entertainment and supporting our troops. Take it easy, Bruce
Well, I'd love to tell you that after weeks of exhaustive research and firing dozens of different kinds of ammunition, I finally settled upon Speer Gold Dots. But the truth is I use them based upon the recommendation of a friend, who is Le' Policia. i figure if they're good enough for him to put a burglar on his ass, they'll work just fine for me, too. And before anyone asks, yes both guns take the Gold Dots just fine, although the Kel-tec being so much lighter, is a little more susceptible to failure-to-feeds if you limp wrist it like a big raging pussybag.
Okay, let's take a look at how Globe Trotter wrapped up. And I'd like to point out that this challenge has one of the highels levsl of participation ever, bested only by Don't SHoot Yoru Eye Out. So first off if you didn't complete Globe Trotter -- or for that matter, didn't even realize the game had an finite end -- then you clearly didn't win the challenge. So that eliminated about 80% of the entries right there. Of those remaining twenty or so, the top three were... coming in with the Bronze is Josh with 19,678, followed by Mark with 20,213; both of whom kneeled before the greatness that is Eddie with 20,764.
family guy's ten funniest sex scenes.
well, patience paid off for someonebody.
wait. wait for it. wait for it. waaaaiiiiit for it...
top fifty fastest cars. slowest crawls along at 186 mph.
twenty defining moments in the sopranos. the curb-stomp should be #1.
cover up that ugly ez pass with your favorite teams logo from logotolltags.com
just in case the brits and the frogs go at it again - here's how to survive a nuclear attack.
as i'm convinced he had something to do with 2pac's death, i love a good suge knight beatdown story.
|February 16, 2009|
It's Full Of Foam Peanuts, No Doubt.
Here's a great way to start your day -- watch this US Army officer rip into some punk ass Iraqi policemen.
Great Top Gear challenge -- Jeremy, Richard and James race the stunning Alpine course in custom 18-wheelers hauling delicate cargo. Who will master his truck's eighteen gears and win the challenge? The better question is: Who goes up in flames? Literally.
Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Let it henceforth be known that I fell for it, hook, line, and sinker. Megatron 1, Ernie 0.
Ernie, Man you called it a couple months back! They must read EHOWA!! Thought you might like to read this link. It seems the U.S. is starting to use drones to patrol for those pesky pirates.. Arghhh! Let's just hope they're armed with HELLFIRE missiles. Chuck
Hey Ernie, I love your site, I visit several times daily and don't know what I would do without it! Yesterday I went to the Ft. Worth Zoo with my girlfriend for Valentines day and recorded this gorilla eating his own shit! What a special Valentines day treat! Check it out! Jamie in Dallas
Hi Ernie, Saw your Joaquin Phoenix post, but I couldn't hear the lyrics, so I found a better-quality leaked tape for you. I appreciate his honesty! Enjoy! Charley. Los Angeles
Hey Ernie, Two kids were playing on an oil pump in Oklahoma City and managed to turn the thing on somehow. One of them became tangled in the mechanism and had his arm removed. They would have had to climb over an 8' chain link fence with barbed wire to even get near it, and these pics are a graphic reminder why that fence exists. cheers- Jeff
Ouch. I guess that kid's Wii career is over. Here's Alec Baldwin showing off his unique Wii skills (read: masturbation skills) in this sketch that was so simple, and yet so memorable.
Oh, and the current leader in Globe Trotter is not Mark who scores a very respectable 16,293, but Sean who managed to complete the game and rack up 16,350 points doing it. You get a red star, Sean! One more day before I call this one, so I wouldn't fiesta just yet, though.
adblock plus and (a little) more..
five of the biggest pricks in congress.
the top ten most violent films. rambo rules.
raf tornado comes within thirty feet of mid-air collision.
drill sergeant joe b. fricks' twenty-eight rules for a gunfight.
a rock and roll infused mix of hot models, lingerie and motorsports.
drunk fan + bon jovi on loudspeakers + stadium cam = pure awesomeness.
in 1968, a white firefighter saved a black baby girl, touching the heart of a divided city.
a collection of some items being autioned off from michael jackson's neverland ranch. awkward.
|February 13, 2009|
You See, Jason Was My Son, And Today Is His Birthday.
Tom Savini was one of the first crew members on board for the film because the producers idolized his special makeup effects in Dawn of the Dead.
The scene with the snake was not in the script and was an idea from Tom Savini after an experience in his own cabin during filming. The snake in the scene was real, including its on-screen death.
Composer Harry Manfredini has said that contrary to popular belief, the famous "chi chi chi, ha ha ha" in the film's score is actually "ki ki ki, ma ma ma". It is meant to resemble Jason's voice saying "kill kill kill, mom mom mom" in Mrs. Voorhees' mind. It was inspired by the scene in which Mrs. Voorhees seems to be possessed by Jason and chants "Get her mommy....kill her!" Manfredini created the effect by speaking the syllables "Ki" and "Ma" into a microphone running through a delay effect.
The movie was filmed at Camp Nobebosco in New Jersey. The camp is still in operation to date, and they have a wall of Friday the 13th paraphernalia to honor the fact that the movie was set there.
Kevin Bacon's character, lying in bed with his throat impaled by an arrow, has the blood in his neck making little bubbles. Originally, it was just meant to seep out, but the arrangement of the tube with blood didn't work, and Tom Savini ended up blowing into the tube to make it flow, causing an unintended (but ultimately used) bubbling effect.
In the scene where Bill is found impaled to a door with arrows, his eye twitches continually because the eye effect that Tom Savini applied was actually burning his eye and causing him excruciating pain.
During the first few weekends of the film's release, makeup/effects artist Tom Savini would go into theaters for the last five minutes of the show to see the audience react to Jason emerging from the lake and grabbing Alice.
Betsy Palmer said that if it were not for the fact that she was in desperate need of a new car, she would never have taken the part of Pamela Voorhees. In fact, after she read the script she called the film "a piece of shit". Palmer worked on the film for ten days, for which she received $1000 per day.
The fake ending scene in which Alice is attacked by Jason, was shot three times. Once in September, then October and finally in November, when the temperature was 28 degrees outside.
There is rumored to be a deleted scene featuring the murder of Claudette. The crew of the film dismissed this, including Tom Savini, who said he never even worked on the opening scene. There is, however, a still of Claudette with a machete in her throat, although that may have been shot purely for promotional material.
Hi Ernie. Just had a go at US citizenship test and I got 22 out of 30 not bad for a Brit! wonder how many a yank would get if there was a british test? should be good for a laugh. Anyway gotta go, love the site and look forward to tomorrows page. Neil
Hey Ernie, Here is another railroad incident that I received from a friend. This is on the UP Choctaw sub just south of FTW. The car in the air use to be a box car, the rest is in the river below. The plan is to make a three point lift on car and ease it out of truss. Once car is removed they feel they can make repairs to truss and deck in 72 hours using heat straighters and two bridge crew team. Enjoy. Tyson
Okay. Game Challenge. Since nobody beat my 46,250 on neon Disks, I hereby declare MYSELF as the motherfucking winner. Both Bizz and Tom tied me, but since I was the first to that score... it's all me baby. Next up, we'll get your knowledge of world geography with Globe Trotter. Surely this will illustrate why the rest of the world hates us, yes? You have to beat my score of 6,372.
if valentines day cards told the truth.
how do you say 'ass beating' in norwegian?.
worst things that have ever happened on valentines day.
google proves humanity is sick and sad, yet absolutely hilarious.
share more valentines love from the creators of 'jizz in my pants'.
the fifteen funniest halo deaths - only really funny if you play halo.
find out what's in stock and where. i could have used this before christmas.
the top fifteen movies based upon stephen king stories. again, the shining sucked
|February 12, 2009|
So Those Would Be... Thimbles? Thipples? Thumb Hard Ons?
I scores a 29 out of 30 on this Citizenship test. As I'm going through the questions I could feel Mr. Westbay over my shoulder and I kept telling myself, "I'm good, I'm good." But as it turns out I missed question #22 because I read it too quickly. Stupid Ernie.
And the celebrity mashups just keep on comin: this summer Disney Pictures presents... Christian Bale as Sully Sullenberer... in 'Miracle on the Hudson'.
Hey Ernie, Long time reader, frequent contributor. That hamburger fatty melty looks a lot like a sandwich I saw Adam Richmod eating on one of his episodes of Man vs. Food. That show has become one of my recent favorites. Its on the Travel Channel (as you may already know). Also, I noticed that T-Shirt Hell hasn't shut down yet. I forgot to order by the 10th and when I went to the site to see if they had a smart-assed "We're closed. Now fuck off." message, I see that they pushed back the close date to the 16th. I'm starting to think that they "Going out of business" ploy was just to move some merchandise (kinda like the furniture store in every town that has been going out of business for two years). As always, love the site, keep up the good work and all that jazz. Later, Travis
I haven't seen the show but if they do more stuff like the Fatty Melt, then I'm in. I first linked to that sandwich a few months ago just as I was starting my weight loss bet with Barker, and have been Jonesing to make it ever since. I have to say, it was worth the wait. As for T-Shirt Hell, yeah I'm not sure what happened. A few weeks ago, an email got sent out to all the affiliates (which means that every time you buy one of their shirts via my link, I make a whopping $4 -- woo hoo, free beer!) and letting us know that yes, they really are shutting down for good. But I didn't receive anything noting the six day extension so my guestimate is Aaron/Megatron decided to tack on the extra few days because of a surprisingly strong response from the public. So as far as I know, Feb 16th is it man.
Hey Ernie. My group in a public relations class (PR campaigns) was assigned this project to help raise funds for the VOHP, or Veterans Oral History Project. The project was started a few years back and basically pays interviewers to go gather the most complete oral histories of as many veterans as possible. currently the program has collected over 600 from male and female vets, children, those who contributed at home, etc. I know there are several universities that do this, and even on a national level, but ours specifically relates to the program started at the University of Memphis. The grant money ran out and our client (the history dept) has had veterans on the waiting list die before being interviewed, solely because the program had no funding to send out an interviewer. Who knows what stories have been lost because of lack of funding? Anyways, just wanted to show ya the video. Hell if you linked it and it got a bunch of hits, who knows... maybe a few people would call or check out the website to donate. I know its a long shot, but to me it is really worth it. (not looking for a handout just thought you might find it interesting). Thanks and good job, as always. Nick
Actually funny as it sounds, I'm heading to lunch later today with a sixty-nine year Vietnam vet named Jerry. We're going to shoot some pool, which always kind of strikes me as funny as he's only got three fingers on his right hand. Where are his other two? Well, Jerry will be happy to tell you; some odd years ago, some 'little slanty eyed bastard in black pajamas' tried to cut his throat and following a brief discussion, Jerry took the liberty of crushing the Viet Cong soldier's head in with the butt of his M-16 to the point, "where his own mother wouldn't recognize him." Yes, it's always good to pay attention when an old vet speaks, lest ye walk a mile in his shoes. Needless to say, Jerry doesn't bowl.
How are you NOT all over this miserable cocksmoker? This guy sucks. You know, I had many other angry ideas first; from curbstomping to citizenship revocation, but really, that just feeds douchnozzles like his ilk. He just sucks and needs to go away. -Matt
What the fuck do I care about that asshole for? if you're enough of a tool to be in a reality television show, then you deserve all the abuse you get. And that goes for both of em. Unless of course, the woman looked like this. Then I'd care.
some crustacean death matches on japanese tv.
it's time to party like it's 1234567890 – 'cause it is.
like a particular website's colors? good, just steal them!
eight of the highest trained special forces units in the world.
getting around: fuel usage of various forms of transportation.
mark my words: joaquin phoenix will be in rehab before memorial day.
quentin tarantino x the dirty dozen + frank miller's 300 = inglorious bastards.
|February 11, 2009|
So Long Jeremy, We Hardly Knew Ye.
Jeremy Lusk, star of a daredevil sport known as freestyle motocross and a popular action sports hero, died early Tuesday from head injuries suffered during a crash Saturday at a competition in San Jose, Costa Rica. He was 24. Lusk, a Temecula resident, had been in a medically induced coma with swelling of the brain, at Calderon Guardia Hospital in San Jose. A spokesman at the hospital said he suffered severe brain damage and a possible spinal cord injury. Nicknamed "Pitbull" because of his tenacity on a motorcycle, Lusk was injured after failing to fully rotate a back-flip variation while soaring over a 100-foot jump. He slammed headfirst into the dirt on the landing ramp's down-slope. It was reminiscent of a similar crash he endured while attempting the same trick during the 2007 X Games at the Home Depot Center in Carson, but Lusk walked away from that incident. More cringeworth motocross crashes can be seen here.
Ophthalmology is the branch of medicine which deals with the diseases and surgery of the visual pathways, including the eye, brain, and areas surrounding the eye, such as the lacrimal system and eyelids. By convention the term ophthalmologist is more restricted and implies a medically trained surgical specialist. Since ophthalmologists perform operations on eyes, they are generally categorized as surgeons. An example of ophthalmological work can be found here.
Dude, I don't miss the snow at all. I thought I would but guess what? I was wrong.
MS Sea Diamond was a cruise ship operated by Louis Hellenic Cruise Lines. She was built in 1986 by Valmet, Finland for Birka Line as MS Birka Princess. The ship sank on April 6, 2007 after running aground near the Greek island of Santorini the previous day.
P.S. Hey Todd, I left a black chick under your pillow this morning. P.P.S. Yes, that was a Hamburger Fatty Melty that I made on Monday. And yes, it was fucking awesome. P.P.S. Here's the Nip/Tuck scene where a woman hacks off her tit with an electric knife. And if you don't like fake hollywood blood, then fuck you, I suggest you don't look!
cool: building a log cabin in alaska.
ten female 80s cartoons that ushered us into manhood.
huge graph taking apart the $819 billion dollar stimulus package.
my neighbour is jerking off in front of his window right now. sort of nsfw.
hot blonde chick shooting a barrett .50 cal sniper rifle - that's a $9k rifle, bt the way.
this guy is supposedly blogging the last thirty days of his life before killing himself. day 18
"auntie em slipped a plastic bag over her head..." - hollywood deaths, from d.w. griffith to river phoenix.
|February 10, 2009|
Flaherty's Sister Will Have Two Scoops.
The film Little Miss Sunshine might be remembered most for its climactic dance scene, but in my opinion the film's funniest scene is this car conversation featuring Grandpa sharing his absolutely fantastic advice about sex and heroin with his grandson. Why couldn't I have had a grampa like this?
Ernie, I am getting ready to buy a gun this weekend for concealed carry and was wondering what your thoughts were on the Glock G30. I think I remember reading that you have one and used to carry it. Was the weight the reason you stopped or was it more of a reason that you couldn't conceal it very well. I would like to get the G30 because it is a .45 but if the double stack is too big I am thinking about the G36. It is a single stack so that is nice, but it has four less rounds that it can carry. In reality I guess if you can't stop them with then what good is four more going to do for you. But, I also like the phrase "Better to have an extra that you don't need, than to not have one you do need." Just wondered what your thoughts were. Thanks for your time and the great site, Travis
This might be a little late getting to you Travis, but I'd actually steer you towards the G36. It's the same weight loaded as the G30 is unloaded, plus it's a little narrower. That may not seem like much but once shit starts sagging down your hip you'll realize the difference. Another thing to consider is the climate of where you live. If I were still back up in Massachusetts -- okay, let's fantasize for a second that Mass would actually let me carry concealed -- I'd probably carry my G30 ten months out of the year, and the Kel-tec the other two only during the peak of the summer. Here in sunny Florida, it turns out to be more of the exact opposite. It's the light Kel-tec inside my shorts for ten months out of the year and the G30 only during the peak of the 'winter' when I'm forced into a pair of jeans for a few months. As for the G30/G36 extra four bullets, my thought has always been this: if I shoot at you a handful of times and (a) don't hit you and (b) you're willing to stick around anyway? Then shit man, here's my wallet because you deserve to have it much more than I do.
Ernie. As the guru on all things awesome, I thought I'd pick at your brain. I've decided to become even more awesome myself, and after joining the NRA and looking to gun purchase. I'm a relative noobie to the gun purchase realm and was hoping your guruness could direct me. I think I'd like to have a shotgun and a handgun. But other than a mossberg shot (no clue which) I am stuck. Thoughts? Noah.
A nickel's worth of free advice: A passed road test does not an experienced driver make. Likewise, an signed NRA card does not a responsible gunowner make. Ask my kitchen wall. Now, since you're in Kansas so the first thing you want to do is learn as much as you can about your individual state's concealed carry laws. Once you've familiarized yourself with the basics, go out and buy a book and read it twice. No shit. And in between chapters of said book, go to your local firing range, rent some guns and see what you like. In regards to what handgun to choose, I will offer this one tidbit. Comparing my Kel-tec to my Glock is like comparing a Ford Taurus to a BMW 750Li. With the Glock, the fit and finish is absolutely perfect; everything fits together without so much as a gap the size of a human hair. All the plastic parts are filed and formed to perfection. I have absolutely no doubt that this gun will function just as flawlessly after 10,000 rounds as it did when it was brand new. As for the Kel-tec, i think it's a good quality gun, but not a great quality gun; I had to smooth out some rough edges on a few of the plastic parts and the magazine has got some play even though it's fully locked into the handle. But keep in mind it was half the cost, too. And don't get me wrong, I have absolute 100% confidence that if I squeeze the trigger it's going to go bang, and whomever is trying to steal from me is going to have a worse day than me. But even the owners manual sets the expectation that this gun's lifespan is about 6,500 rounds. The Ford Taurus and the BMW 750 will both do their jobs as they were designed to do: drive you across town. But they're two different cars. The BMW (or Glock or Sig Sauer) will get you there in a little more style with a few less squeaks and rattles, but at a higher cost as well. As for the shotgun? Oh that's easy... presuming you have an extra $3k laying around...
Ernie, Thought this might be of interest - LAPD approves Benelli M4 Tactical Shotgun for Individual Officer Purchase. It was posted on an LAPD site. Bo. LAPD Alumni
Ernie, I'm a pretty big old boy, always have been. I'm about 6'1" tall and dressed out for football in highschool in the neighborhood of about 265. Back then, I wasn't fat, I was built like a brick shithouse. I'm now at about 280 and I wear it differently but such is the aging process. A while back, a buddy takes me out to go shooting pistols. I grew up firing long guns, but had never so much as held a pistol to that point. My buddy starts me off light and gives me a S&W 9mm, nothing too fancy, lightweight and easy shooting. I squeeze off a couple of clips worth, couldn't hit anything at that point, but was overall having a great time. Then he pulls out what he referred to as his "special" gun which my pistol ignorant ass only knew of as a much bigger gun. I had heard the name Desert Eagle, but had never actually seen one. Before firing, he tells me it has a bit more punch and I might want to hold on a little tighter. I don't know if I ignored him, failed to respect the firearm, or if my friend needed a laugh at this point, but I suffered the same fate as this girl, except it broke my nose and turned on the faucet. As we're driving back into town, my buddy while fighting back the giggles has the balls to give me shit for bleeding on his firearm rather than dropping it after it struck me. Some people never learn, some people never learn. Rob
Old and busted: little David coming home from the dentist. The new hotness: Chad Vader coming home from the dentist. Because Vader always makes me laugh. I also like Jason Statham and kind of feel bad for him because he's been roped into Crank 2 which just seems stupid. But on the upside, it looks like Amy Smart seems to have taken a job as a stripper who likes electrical tape, so we've got that going for us.
guess what? obama did it too.
it's time to check the fucking weather.
the salvage of flight 1549, additional photos.
boston.com's pictorial on the australian brush fires.
thirteen banned (and some lame) celebrity commercials.
how to not fail at life (the quit bitching about the bitches edition)
now this is why you are fat, part one. - now this is why you are fat, part two.
wrestler chris jericho gets mobbed by a bunch of fans - after one girl spits on him he punches her in the face.
|February 9, 2009|
Hey Look, One Of Those Old Dicktaphones.
I went out on a motorcycle run with a bunch of folks yesterday, and about half the group were riding Victory motorcycles. Man those are some sweeeeeeeeet looking motherfuckers, especially the Vegas Jackpot. And surprise, they're made by Polaris Industries. Huh. But anyway, one of the guys had a t-shirt that read, "If Harley made an airplane, would you ride on it?" That made me lolz.
Holy crap, Mena Suvari is about to turn 30? Christ, it seems like just yesterday she that dirty little girl seducing with her cheerleading solo in American Beauty. Has it been that long already?
Now this is just terrible. The economy is so bad that someone was caught dealing crack at the Capitol building. And here are a few more signs of the failing economy. Because remember, the Declaration of Independence doesn't guarantee us happiness; but the pursuit of happiness. And everyone knows happiness is a four step process. Step one, get am hired by Walmart. Step two, things go downhill. Step three, the revenge. Step four, the festivities begin!
Well whaddya know, human look more like beef than I would have thought. But hey that's probably a common mistake.
Hey good news everybody, you can uninstall your anti-virus, anti-spyware and firewalls, as hackers all over the world have signed agreements that they won't hack anyone anymore. Don't laugh, it works for Al Queda. Be sure to sleep with one eye open for now on, because I'm pretty sure someone just pulled a fast one. Time to ease up on the brakes there, guys.
fifty skills i have and wish you did.
your guide to reality show standards for skanks.
top ten coolest fringe sports and the women who love them.
don't worry too much, unemployment is looking up. or not.
don’t be like jessica simpson: a lesson for young girls everywhere.
viktoria kutuzova at wimbledon qualifying 2008. best tennis ass ever?
knock, knock. who's there? emerson. emerson who? emerson big ol tits.
family finds somewhere in the neighborhood of $500 a year, just in lost change.
|February 6, 2009|
What? What? Jesus, Don't Be So Judgemental.
Wow, that guy at the Publix parking lot sure got famous awful quick. You know you made the big time when you're on The Smoking Gun. It's only about five or six miles from my house; had I known it was going down, I'd have gotten some Ernie Cam pics. Nice Lincoln, though.
Because Barak Obama is tired of your motherfucking shit. And if that site is too busy, it's also posted here.
You know the only thing cooler than watching the Crusty Demons launch their dirtbikes a hundred feet in the air and landing a sweet jump? Watching them launch their dirtbikes a hundred feet in the air and NOT landing a sweet jump. This episode is titled, "Broken Bones".
A lot of people commented on yesterday's, "wow you really can find anything on the internet," thumbnail from yesterday. Who knew that black amputee toilet hardware handjob porn existed? I didn't. So continuing the weird shit, here is G4's Olivia Munn dressed like a french maid and jumping into a giant pie. And to think, my high school guidance counselor said I should manage a banquet hall. Seriously.
Where's the Grammar Police when ya need em? I only scored fifteen out of twenty. I feel stoopid. Oh, so stoopid.
A brother can't catch a break - Comcast's awful customer service has turned Mr. Chi-City's house into a no-sex-zone.
If you got an email from a stranger who said they're donate $200 to a charity of your choice if you had them and a freind to a vegetarian dinner, would you do say yes?
Do you have what it takes to become a Swedish armed forces officer? And you should also note: Sweden is different from Finland. I'm just sayin. otherwise you might wind up on your ass.
get yourself kicked off the my little pony forum.
the christian bale flip out... according to the other guy.
cosplay girls all dressed up to play - eh, mostly safe for work.
it seems flaherty's sister's career as a fluffer might be in jeopardy.
dude, don't hassle the hoff with your weak ass scripts. he'll fuck you up.
so michael phelps busted smoking weed. newsflash: i don't care and neither should you.
|February 5, 2009|
Fuck You OPEC.
Boy I had a hell of a morning. It's getting so a guy can't even go buy groceries in peace anymore. I guess I partied a little too hard last night.
Want to know how hard hit the financial sector is? You can now purchase a share of Bank of America common stock for the same price as two of their fucking ATM fees. That's crazy. Citibank, whom my parents have banked with for years and years and I remember getting a green sucker each time my mom went to deposit dad's paycheck; is now trading at a measley $3 a share. Colonial Bank, which is where I almost opened an account when I moved to Florida, is at a whopping $0.60 a share -- makes me glad i stuck with my Credit Union back in Massachusetts. Yes, these are hard motherfucking times. My advice? Someone once told me, "watch your pennies and the dollars will watch themselves." And if you're one of the every increasing number of unemployed people, forced to give up your car and ride the bus around town, then here are eight steps to getting a job in a recession. Good luck.
This is what greeted me when I got home from work the other day. TOTALLY busted; that thing around her neck it the cover from the bathroom garbage can. -Motorhed.
Ernie- I like your website, read it everyday. As an ex Northerner ( upstate New York if I remember correctly ) you know that up here past the 49th parallel get our engines cranked when December starts lowering the thermostat. (Not really, that is why we go to South every chance we get). I am in the International Freight Forwarding business, and I get alerts about rail delays for freight coming east. This popped up yesterday - cool pictures. CPR wanted everyone to know that it really wasn’t their fault that the train was late. Essentially, the train that functions as a plow got stuck somewhere in the Rockies, and it took long time to clear the tracks. Keep up the good work, and even though I don’t always agree with everything that is posted, your site has more going for it than quite a few others I read. Jeff.
Okay seriously, I can't be the only person out there who still wants to fuck Paris Hilton, am I? I mean c'mon, you just wear a condom, right? Because when I'm done with her? Boom! She'll think she's been bosscocked. Because good things do come to those that put the toilet seat down.
Anyway. Neon Disks. The current leader is not -- I repeat, not -- Justin with 46,050. No, the current leader is the baddest motherfucking bounty hunter of them all -- ME -- with 46,250. It just takes a little concentration, that's all.
yeah, but the bf goodrich mud-terrain tires are okay.
drunk redneck + race track = brawl! "you want a chili dog, nerd?"
dumb blonde does a mic check in the studio. she was born to do this.
p.s. - if you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early... touché...
it's truly amazing what you can do with some corn starch and a audio speaker.
good news: ten famous stars saved by the heimlich. bad news: one of them was cher.
|February 4, 2009|
Man These Florida Winters Are Rough.
Game challenge! It's been awhile since we've had one, eh? Today we're going to play Neon Disks. Your goal is to launch your little green ball grey ball around and turn all the neon disks green. The little blue guide will show you the track your ball is going to bounce; my advice is to extend the guide as quickly as you can and perhaps you'll be able to top my score of 19,550.
So I guess this is kind of a good news-bad news thing. If your birthday were right around the corner, and you wanted to drop some hints as to what you wanted for your birthday, what would you ask for? I mean who wouldn't want a Porsche 996 TT? But what's a cool car like that without Katarina Myers to enjoy it with - she's a 5'10" tall surfing California babe. And as you debate those two things, just keep in mind that my birthday is in May, and in case you're wondering what to get me this is just a simple suggestion. Because let's face it; the car will be a lot cheaper in the long run.
Is this were I send shit? If so check this clip out of my nephew, he is a seventeen year old autistic and did this all by himself, aside from the moments of wierdness he does a pretty damn good imitation of Heath Ledgers voice not to mention the Joker! Big J.
Hey Ernie. Wrote you a few times. I found this while surfing. No slack. grasshopper
Poor Hugh Hefner sure is losing his mojo, eh? First Playboy is on the rocks, then he gets dumped by two girlfriends in a row -- and nobody breaks up with Hugh Hefner -- but now someone's published a list of Playboy Centerfolds that they wouldn't fuck. Now Latoya Jackson is a gimme, but ruling out Karissa and Kristina Shannon? Now that's just plain madness.
Now I'm a firm believer that Bear Grylls has been exposed as being the bullshit artist that he is -- everyone knows Les Stroud is the man -- but having said that, eating bone marrow from a week old deer carcass is pretty hardcore.
and you think your bartender is awesome?
one man's story: dear comcast, you suck balls.
another man's story: verizon fios, you suck balls too.
five real life soldiers who make rambo look like a pussy.
twenty seven original gi joe public service announcements.
one might wonder... what are the pet monkey laws in my state?
from the that-didn't-take-long department: the christian bale soundboard.
yesterday's engine disintegration test was pretty popular, so here's another one.
|February 3, 2009|
And You Wonder Why Nothing Ever Gets Done?
This week the U.S. Senate will consider a nearly $900 billion package of tax cuts and spending programs that are aimed at pulling the U.S. economy out of its downward spiral. Here's what is expected to happen next.
Senators will then offer amendments to change the legislation, which could include adding tax breaks and either redistributing or slicing out spending plans. These amendments could include proposals that would give tax breaks for companies that repatriate profits held overseas and for others to expand homeownership. Lawmakers could seek to remove language for programs like $400 million to help prevent sexually transmitted diseases, known as pork barrel legislation.
Republicans could then seek to use procedural mechanisms such as lengthy debate -- a filibuster -- to slow or block the stimulus package. To end debate, Democrats would need to seek a vote on cloture, which requires approval of three-fifths of the Senate -- 60 senators. This would clear the way for a vote on the bill. If the Senate approves the legislation, it will need to be reconciled with the different version that passed the House of Representatives. A group of lawmakers from each chamber will be appointed by party leaders to resolve the differences.
Once a compromise is finally reached, the House and Senate would again have to vote on the final version before it could be sent to President Barack Obama for his signature or veto. (Reporting by Jeremy Pelofsky in Washington, editing by Jackie Frank)
Hey Ernie, with less than 2 weeks until Valentine’s day, don’t waste your money on flowers or candy, buy her something that will really make her happy! Scott. Jackson, Mi.
I haven't read anything on the blogs/news yet, but I think Google may have a screw up. This could hurt e-tail and legitimate site's reputations! I always knew your site could harm my soul, but never my computer. I love the site. It gets me through my morning and I love what you do to support our troops. ~Kyle
Yeah, that was Google's SNAFU, although they did catch it pretty quick. But it's nice to have a visual memento of it, thanks Kyle. And speaking of memento, this one is for all my friends back in Boston. Let's revisit the Patriots' Superbowl loss in 2008. Yay!
Ernie, I've been a reader for several years now. As you've heard a thousand times, "love the site". I don't make alot of money, but I try to spare as much as I can for a good cause. I think the first time I ever made a donation was to Gypsy. She was the pitbull that fell victim to a dogfight. I was probably 19 or 20 and making about $8 bucks an hour at the time so I think I donated $5. Most of my extra money went to beer and strippers at that age. Anyways, that was the first time I really felt compassion for an animal. I couldn't help but get a lump in my throat when I looked at those horrible photos of Gypsy. Since then I've tried to donate to every animal cause you have supported. If I've missed any I'm sorry and I'll make it up on the next one. All this talk of dogs lately has made me curious. Do you still have any contact with the shelter that helped with her recovery? If so I'd be appreciative to know her status. Thank you sir! Mickey
I know, I know, I act like a tough guy all the time, but I've got this big soft spot for animals. Anyway, last report on Gypsy one year following her abuse was that she was doing just fine. She's been modified to ride a tricycle, but other than that, no lasting signs of the wounds she suffered, so that's good. If they ever found the cunt that who did that to her, why I'd... I'd.... I'd send the fucking A-Team after em.
june 2002, flight journal: "soyuz 5's flaming return to earth".
pittsburgh steelers fans can now show a little pride on their car.
find out how much your domain name is worth. keep dreaming, asshole .
audio from the christian bale blowup. no biggie, just letting off some steam.
think you can a uthor a better stimulus package than the folks in washington? now's your chance.
|February 2, 2009|
So How Awesome Is This?
My house sits on the edge of a small pond, which is ringed by houses. I know the neighbors on either side of me pretty well, but as for everyone else, only the occasional nod and wave. Yesterday I had a Superbowl party -- very exciting game by he way, go Steelers -- and got the chance to chat it up with the folks who moved next door a few months ago. I think I mentioned them before, the mom and the grip. Anyway, get this: evidently the neighorhood gossip who lives about four houses down has been telling anyone who will listen about what I do for a living. And which occupation did she assign to me? Blogger? No. Entrepreneur? No. Webmaster? No. Nerd? No. She's been telling people that I'm a motherfucking BOUNTY HUNTER. God knows how the fuck she arrived at that conclusion, but who cares? How fucking awesome is that? Seriously, all my neighbors think I fucking hunt people for a living. And everyone questions her crazy antics because she's always got her nose into everyone else's business, which usually pisses me off. But now? Shit. I have half a mind to send her a bouquet of flowers. You can't pay for rumors this cool. I'm a motherfucking bounty hunter, yo!
Hey Ernie, spotted this one on Craigslist. She's on the Dubai site looking for a Saudi Prince. DW
I'm confused. How can nearly 2,000,000 blacks get into Washington DC in sub zero temps, in one day, when 200,000 couldn't get out of New Orleans at 85 degrees with four days notice? Jon
But alas, I'm a bounty hunter with quite a hangover and a big fat juicy Five Guys' burger in front of me. And so I will be brief.
wow, shannon johnson is hot and loves dumb jokes.
how the camaro gained 827 pounds over 37 model years.
television's hottest girlfriends. dr lisa cuddy makes my list, too.
seven items you wont believe are legal. flamethrowers? mini-guns?
old and busted: adam savage. the new hotness: trashy redneck girl.
gi joe trailer: because knowing is half the battle, i know snake eyes is gonna kick ass.