E R N I E ' S H O U S E O F W H O O P A S S
Ernie's House of Whoop Ass!
|August 31, 2009|
Wow, August Is Gone Already?
Hey remembere this picture of the squished Smart car that everyone keeps forwarding around? Turns out it's horse hockey. So hopefully people will stop sending that in now. Because I need another copy of that like I need a hole in the head. [WARNING: really fucking gross].
As we review a the twelve sexiest countries in sports -- note that Jordan doesn't make the list -- I ask you: is it me or does number five, Serbia's Biba Golic look a lot like Stacy Kiebler? Well, either her or my new babysitter.
this is in the rose rock capital of the world, noble, oklahoma. noble is 5 miles south of norman, okla. hometown of the university of okla. so close, yet so far. tommy
Hey Ernie... Saw this going over to the Halloween shop in West Dundee, IL. Thought you might get a kick out of it! Jim
My daughter and I were in Stockholm and she snapped these photos at a street fair and around town. Dave
Ernie, Your fans are the people Wikipedia is trying to route out! I love it! Long time fan, Piggs
Okay, I have a very pointed question for you. I can't decide which of these two sentences is more bad ass. "Daniel had a machete at the start of the fight, but he dropped it because the voice of God told him to kill the leopard with his bare hands." Or, "As his lady friend got chomped on by the pit bull, nine year old Drew decided it was dog-stomping time and applied a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu chokehold. That's right: He choked the dog out." Eh, I guess it all depends on your perspective of things.
ten best selling cars of all time.
thirteen interesting facts about dreams.
AWESOME. AWESOME. AWESOME. AWESOME!
the top ten sci-fi movies that should never ever be remade.
final destination was #1 at the box office. here's every single kill ever.
when you lose at quakecon, pedobear runs up to your children and carries them away.
hd super slow motion video of big wave surfer dylan longbottom in a twelve foot monster barrel.
|August 28, 2009|
Look Before You Walk.
So I didn't tell you about my encounter with the St Regis River. It was, oh, I dunno, day two or so of the vacation. We were all wading through the river, which beneath its waves is completely peppered with boulders and sharp rocks carried by glacier waters eons ago. And the water is very high in tannic acid, so it's got a brown tint to it, limiting visibility to maybe a foot or so. It looks dirty, but it's totally natural. Anyway, wading through the river, carefulls picking and choosing each foothold so as to not mash my legs up, when I hit a clear spot. Or so I thought. Two steps beyond that, I slammed my left at shin full speed into what can only be described as the Sharpest Rock in North America. It punched a motherfucking hole in my leg, right ot the motherfucking bone. Through the stars managed to lift my leg partially out of the water, and even though I couldn't get my shin out of the water, I can see blood just fucking jetting from this nickel sized hole. And the river is clean, but it ain't that clean.
Did I put any ice on it? No, of course not. Why would I bother, I wasn't feeling any pain. But the next day? Oh boy. From my knee to my ankle was one big cylinder. You want to talk about cankles? I had kneekles, all the way down. Did the whole scab over? Sort of. it had what I call a 'false scab', where as it's made of dried puss instead of dried blood. So that had to be cleaned out. And did I have any neosporin or peroxide? No. What did I have? Jack Daniels. And so I spent a half an hour in the cabin's bath tub with a leatherman and a bottle of Jack. First prying off the pus scab, then yanking out bits of dead flesh and rock with the pliars, and then after a gritting my teeth... a little Jack for antiseptic. That last part hurt more than reaching the pliars into my leg to yank out bits of dead Ernie.
Over the next couple of days the swelling didn't really want to go down much and there was a pretty distinct line running halfway up my leg... normal Ernie color on top, and angry infected Ernie on the bottom. It got to a point where I'm looking at my leg and thinking, "Huh. I wonder what sepsis looks like?"
But in the end, I ditched the Jack and duct tape, in favor of some peroxide, neosporin and band-aids. The swelling gradually went down to where I could walk without a 'full' feeling in my leg. I still have a pretty good hole in my leg but eh, looks like I might be able to keep it after all. But I did manage to get into the New York lottery so hopefully I'll win the lottery and chill with Zoe.
ninety years of losing your luggage.
put her in, coach: the ten hottest wives in college football.
seven (more) outrageous items spotted at the 99¢ only store.
the fifteen states with the fastest broadband. yay florida ... oh wait.
an ex klan member tells a funny story of how one black man beat the klan.
the southern poverty law center counted 926 active hate groups in the united states in 2008.
|August 27, 2009|
Let's Talk Inglourious Basterds.
When you walk into a theatre to see a movie directed by one Quentin Jerome Tarantino, you can expect three things: fragmented storytelling, lots of dialogue, and lots of blood. I have to admit that I was a little disappointed because he seemed to be rather stingy with the last of the three. There were several scenes in the movie where I worked my ass up to the edge of the seat, giddy like a school girl and thinking to myself, "Oh this is going to get nasty." But alas, I didn't; or at least not by Tarantino's standards. Aside from one German soldier getting his head bashed in with a baseball bat -- a scene filmed from a distance, by the way -- it really wasn't all that bloody.
Case in point; and this is a little bit of a spoiler, but only one scene. One actor I think was horribly underutilized was Til Schweiger who plays Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz, a German soldier the Inglourious Basterds break out of prison and recruit to help kill the Nazis. Prior to one particular scene, a good solid minute of screen time is devoted to Stiglitz sharpening his weapon of choice -- a bayonet -- before they go into a tavern meet a German double agent. So you just know somebody is doing to get stabbed, right? And in said tavern, the Basterds inadvertently get involved in a drinking game with a German SS Major who is unaware his new drinking pals are actually Allies. In a variant of Indian poker, each person writes the name of a famous person on a card and passes the card to their right for that person to lick and stick on their own forehead. The goal being for the recipient to guess the famous person by asking a series of questions. Well, Stiglitz is sitting to the left of the SS Major, so as the cards were passed to the right and the Major blindly sticks Stiglitz's card to his forehead, I fully expected their to be a bullseye drawn on it. And then a split second later, I was waiting for Stiglitz to bury his bayonet in the Major's forehead... such would be a very Tarantino'esque scene, yes? But it didn't happen out that way. Stiglitz's card read, "King Kong", they play out the game and afterwards you wonder where the last five minutes of your life went. I won't tell you how that scene ends but it was, eh, okay.
It was a good Tarantino film, but not a great Tarantino film. The two chicks in the film are Melanie Laurent -- who I think looks like Cortney Love had she never found heroin -- and Diane Kruger. Of the two, I prefer Kruger, since I've had wood for her ever since the first National Treasure. Given she's German born and Europeans have no problem with nudity I decided to do a little Googling and guess what? She's got no problem gearing down. Gotta love those fuckin Germans, eh? Well, you know, unless your last name ends with -Stein or -Witz. Hey you guys can't eat bacon right? Yeah, neither can this little redneck kid, anymore.
Hi Ernie, Here's a link to a fire truck rollover accident that happened here in Raleigh, NC, July 10th. A ladder truck apparently took the turn too fast and rolled over onto its roof. More pictures are here. Fortunately there were no serious injuries. The city might have to eat the $700,000 cost. Thanks - keep up the good work! Barry
An old National Lampoon ad parody for which VW sued them. Jim.
And from the You-Have-Got-To-Be-Fucking-Kidding-Me Department: Steven Seagal is currently a deputy sheriff of his home community of Jefferson Parish, Louisiana. And in November 2008, A&E announced that they have begun filming Steven Seagal: Lawman, a reality show that follows his on-and off-duty work in the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office. Seagal stated that "I’ve decided to work with A&E on this series now because I believe it’s important to show the nation all the positive work being accomplished here in Louisiana—to see the passion and commitment that comes from the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office in this post-Katrina environment. Riiiiiiiiiight.
Good news: Loving mom takes daughter out for some driving lessons. Bad news: Daughter kills both after driving over a bridge. Looks like someone isn't mommy's favorite anymore.
Funny dog video...dont be offended if you love Obama. Shumpy
Ernie: Here's a new piece that seems like it would be a big hit with your audience: Cheap Booze Taste Test. Our consumer reporter finds the best falling-down-drunk drinks under $5.00. (You've got admire a guy who donates his liver to science.) Would appreciate it if you could give it a link from EHOWA! John
Hal Needham asked Jerry Reed to write a theme song for the movie, Smokey and the Bandit. A couple of hours later, Reed presented "East Bound and Down" to Needham. With an acoustic guitar, Reed started to play it and Needham immediately stopped him. Thinking Needham didn't like it, Reed offered to re-write the song. To which Needham replied: "If you change one note, I'll kill you!" The song went on to become one of Reed's biggest hits and in addition to my father, made truck driving cool. Well, that and you get to call people every name in the book.
a look at some of the world's biggest and best liars.
i do still have the conan sword and I keep it in my office. here's a picture.
so, i wonder exactly how long does bill murray spend in groundhog day?
twenty-one oddly named places and the stories behind them.
|August 26, 2009|
I Want Mah Scalps.
One of my favorite old school musicians is Louis Daniel Armstrong, nicknamed Satchmo or Pops, who was was an jazz trumpeter and singer. Coming to prominence in the 1920s as an innovative cornet and trumpet player, Armstrong was a foundational influence on jazz, shifting the music's focus from collective improvisation to solo performers. With his distinctive gravelly voice, Armstrong was also an influential singer, demonstrating great dexterity as an improviser, bending the lyrics and melody of a song for expressive purposes. He was also greatly skilled at scat singing, or wordless vocalizing. In 1968, Armstrong scored one last popular hit in the United Kingdom with the highly sentimental pop song "What a Wonderful World", which topped the British charts for a month; however, the single did not chart at all in America. The song gained greater currency in the popular consciousness when it was used in the 1987 movie Good Morning, Vietnam, its subsequent rerelease topping many charts around the world. Armstrong died of a heart attack on July 6, 1971, at age 69, 11 months after playing a famous show at the Waldorf-Astoria's Empire Room. Shortly before his death he stated, "I think I had a beautiful life. I didn't wish for anything that I couldn't get and I got pretty near everything I wanted because I worked for it." He was residing in Corona, Queens, New York City, at the time of his death. He was interred in Flushing Cemetery, Flushing, in Queens, New York City. His honorary pallbearers included Governor Rockefeller, Mayor Lindsay, Bing Crosby, Ella Fitzgerald, Guy Lombardo, Duke Ellington, Dizzy Gillespie, Pearl Bailey, Count Basie, Harry James, Frank Sinatra, Ed Sullivan, Earl Wilson, Alan King, Johnny Carson, David Frost, Merv Griffin, Dick Cavett and Bobby Hackett. Personally, I like it best when, "What A Wonderful World" is mixed with killing zombies.
Now that Cash for Clunkers is behind us there was of course a lot of hub-bub because three of the top four vehicles were foreign. In fact, the only one of the Big Three automakers to even make the list was Ford with it's Focus and Escape. In fact my brother and I got into a pretty heated discussion, his view being the program should only have been offered to American cars, where as I backed letting the consumers choose for themselves. So, given thats how it went down and only 20% of the top ten vehicles purchased were American, that can give you some kind of an idea as to how much confidence we have in American automakers. But it doesn't stop there; there's also Beoing vs Airbus (EADS), too. Last year Boeing protested when the contract for the Air Force's new tanker was awarded to Northrop/EADS, and the winning bid was eventually overturned because the Air Force changed their criteria halfway through the bidding process. Round two of that battle is supposed to start next month. And on the civilian sector, Boeing cancelled it's 747X and instead drafted up its 787 Dreamliner a few years after Airbus first graced a drawing board with the A-380. The Airbus A-380 -- a big bloated whale that it is, has been flying for four years now. Boeing's Dreamliner? Not so much. It's been nothing but delay after delay after delay. So I guess things don't look too good for Team USA.
Well, today I'm off to see Inglorious Basterds. As a Quentin Tarantino film I obviously know what to expect, I just hope that it lives up to the hype and that the advertising was at least somewhat truthful.
And while you couldn't drive worth a damn, I guess a special thanks to Ted kennedy for keeping my Hanscom AFB alive through the 1993 & 1995 BRACs. Without him I probably would have been PCS'd to Maxwell. Eesh. So long you red nosed bastard, we hardly knew ye.
emperor penguins, the american nazi party, whale sharks, the t-90 battle tank, and hollow point bullets.
the top one hundred law firms. yet crane, poole, & schmidt nowhere to be found.
john scalzi's guide to the most epic fails in star wars design. stupid emperor.
the late movies: very public cellphone disruptions.
|August 25, 2009|
Houston, Uh, We're At Stable One. The Ship Is Secure.
Yeah, decided to return to base a day early so I had an extra day to unwind and wasn't in a rush to get the van clean all of the sand and dog hair out. Plus oh, having a new motorcycle waiting to be ridden didn't hurt things. And no speeding tickets by the way, so fuck you West Virginia!
I learned a few things EHOWA-wise though. Such as my auto-updater took a great big shit the day after I left, so I had to do everything manually from a little picnic table at St Regis Falls. Turns out we had a power outage in my neighborhood, which made the UPS shut down my PC and with it, the update script. Stupid LCEC.
My thanks to everyone who ripped on me driving a minivan -- no I didn't buy one, it was a rental for the trip. Given the drive puts some 3,500 miles on the vehicle in a matter of two weeks, I'd rather put a rental car through that punishment rather than my own. Normally I rent a Toyota Matrix for the journey but since I now have two dogs in the back instead of just one, I now require more room. And as lame as it sounds, that Routan was one cool motherfucker. Underfloor storage, room up the ass, and even at 4,300 pounds curb weight it managed to pull 25.2 MPG. I'm not going to go so far as to call it a hot ride, but I suppose if someone put a gun to my head and made me drive a minivan... this would be it. But alas, the bad ass Routan goes back to Hertz later today.
I'd also like to thank the few people who wrote in to ask why my posting style has changed (READ MORE...) and where I was. Obviously that much like Playboy in Bizarro-World, you don't read the articles, you just look at the pictures. Especially since you all know that I get bitten by the vacation bug every August. Although admittedly I did do it a little different this time, including the "READ MORE..." article quippets instead of spelling out E H O W A with the five daily updates.
Well, today is sort of an unwind and catch up day -- you try driving and living on nothing but fast food for 24 hours straight and tell me you're not a little fucking wired -- so I'll keep this brief. Oh, and as far as what I did with my gun when I crossed into New York? I'll never tell.
pearls of wisdom - shit my dad says.
visual effects: one hundred years of inspiration.
ten sexy ladies over 40 who still got it. fuck me santa!
ten allergies. i want to meet the girl who is allergic to underwear.
english -> japanese -> english -> japanese -> english -> japanese -> english.
landlord gets revenge on a guy pissing on his building by posting photos from his security camera.
|August 21, 2009|
I Climbed A Mountain Yesterday.
This page was born because of my righteous anger at Trek "fans" who repeatedly talk about "Playboy Kirk" or the Star Trek "Babes" in an appallingly sexist way. Here's proof that Kirk was NOT a playboy and Star Trek was NOT a sexist show. It was an anti-sexist show: one of the first, and one of the all-time best. From now on, when anyone rolls into the Trek fan forum, spits their gum out onto the floor, and oafishly declares that Kirk was a heterosexual horndog who porked all of the chicks, I want you all to boldly and confidently SCOFF at them. Scoff also if they say that all the TOS women were bimbos in miniskirts who were nothing but eye-candy. The only proper reaction to such ill-informed opinions is round, sound scoffery... as I herein demonstrate. [READ MORE...]
On the morning of May 9th,1980 at 07:38, during a violent rain squall producing high winds and almost zero visibility the empty phosphate freighter SUMMIT VENTURE piloted by Captain John Lerro slammed into the #2 South pier ( over 700 feet from the center of the channel ) of the southbound (1970) span , it knocked 1261 feet of center span, cantilever , approach and roadway into Tampa Bay. Thirty-five people , most of them on board a Greyhound bus bound for Miami plunged 150 feet to their deaths in what is now one of the worst bridge disasters in history. Rescue crews and divers were immediately dispatched to the scene, but of the victims who made the fall there was only one survivor , whose truck had luckily landed on the deck of the SUMMIT VENTURE. There was one other lucky guy - the picture is here - Richard Horbuckle - his car was on the verge of falling off, 14 inches from death, screeching to a halt just shy of plunging into the bay. [READ MORE...]
the ten stupidest apocalypses.
three remarkable file recovery tools.
ten failed attempts to break a bottle over someone's head.
the ten funniest vidoes of fat people breaking things with their fatness.
|August 19, 2009|
Oh No, A Pirate Attack.
Photography lost its innocence many years ago. In as early as the 1860s, photographs were already being manipulated, only a few decades after Niepce created the first photograph in 1814. With the advent of high-resolution digital cameras, powerful personal computers and sophisticated photo-editing software, the manipulation of digital images is becoming more common. Here, I have collected some examples of tampering throughout history. READ MORE...]
"From what I'm told, Entourage's Jeremy (Ari Gold) Piven was a decent guy to be around and was allegedly working the WWE Divas hard in securing contact info. Nothing wrong with that for a healthy, young, single man who enjoys being cool and shaving every 3rd day or so. I was told that Piven was easy to work with and seemed happy especially after he got Kelly Kelly's phone number. That's the word on the street. I feel a TMZ story in the air." So says WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross. So, The Piv scored Kelly Kelly's phone number? READ MORE...]
Photography, much like sex, can be done extremely well if you have the right knowledge and equipment Camera manufacturer Nikon recently released their new D300s, a 12.3MP, USD 1800.00 camera that is also capable of shooting video up to 720p. To demonstrate the power of their new device, they handed it off to outdoor sports photographer, Robert Bösch, and photo journalist, Ami Vitale, and the results are unsurprisingly impressive. READ MORE...]
Anna Paquin of True Blood is obviously smoking hot, but she always left you wondering (well, left me wondering) if her boobies were just a tad too small. I could never really tell for sure, but now the guessing game is over and we can watch her fully nude in a hot and steamy sex movie. Okay, maybe its not a full feature film , but it is a great clip of her having sex with a vampire on the first episode of season two of True Blood! Here are some snapshots from the scene, which are obviously going to be NSFW. READ MORE...]
twenty-one drinking rituals from around the world.
forty far-out facts you never knew about woodstock.
ex-pedophile shares tips on how to make your kids less attractive.
a fly falls prety to a spider's web only to encounter a wooden spoon. will he survive?
|August 17, 2009|
Insert Your Favorite Chilly Weekend Joke Here.
The Vail Veterans Program summer retreat is a program designed to help recently severely wounded U.S. military forces rehabilitate and rebuild confidence through outdoor activities, including rafting, fly fishing, skeet shooting and horseback riding. Most of the wounded are flown in from Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, D.C. Some 250 wounded troops have participated, both in the summer and winter programs since 2004. The visits to the Rocky Mountain retreat have been incorporated into Walter Reed's rehabilitation program for troops who have suffered from traumatic injuries, including amputations, brain injuries and other severe wounds, most of which sustained in combat in Afghanistan and Iraq. [READ MORE...]
A Scottish soldier has been praised for making the longest recorded kill in Afghanistan after shooting a top Taliban fighter from almost a mile away. Corporal Christopher Reynolds took out the Afghan drug lord during some of the hardest fighting of the war so far. The 25-year-old, of 3 Scots, The Black Watch, kept watch on a shop rooftop for three days to eliminate the target. But he admitted the top-level Taliban fighter – known as Musa – was so far away it took him a couple of attempts to get the aim right. Initially Musa, who was with four men, did not even realise he was being shot at. But Cpl Reynolds, of Dalgety Bay, in Fife, together with his spotter Lance Corporal David Hatton, worked out different factors such as wind speed and the trajectory of the bullet to hit the target. Musa, who was more than 1,500 metres away, was taken out with a single shot to the chest. [READ MORE...]
Australia's hottest export, Victoria's Secret Miranda Kerr has made global headlines again. How? With the release of her brand new uber-scorching swinsuit photos. Meanwhile, another Victoria's Secret Angel, Alessandra Ambrosio was melting the sidewalks in Midtown Manhattan by giving an ice cream cone the treatment men across the world can only fantastize about. Oh, but to be an ice cream cone! Our Facebook "FANS" page has the exclusive up-close-and-personal pics. [READ MORE...]
Use Dot-o-mator to create domain name suggestions. Just enter a word in the left box, and choose some endings (or enter your own). Click to combine them. If you see a name you like, you can check its availability or save it to your scratchboard. [READ MORE...]
bikini cinema hottie recites her favorite star wars quotes and activates my lightsaber.
enquiring minds want to know: how long is a severed head conscious for?
first rule of broadcasting: turn off your mic when you unzip your pants.
galleries of girls kissing - broken down by nationality!
eight more things a burglar won’t tell you.
|August 15, 2009|
I Hope The Philadelphia Eagles Finish Dead Fucking Last.
The Urban Grower is the only Internet show that tells you how to harvest two pounds or more per light. You'll learn how to produce the biggest, juiciest yields you've ever seen. Urban Grower tells you how to buy the best grow lights, mix primo soil, buy healthy clones and add C02 to your grow room. We give you the latest techniques for air exchange, humidity control, getting rid of mildew and mold, air movement, beating disease & insects, and the ever-important harvesting and curing. This show is available only on the Internet and only from Advanced Nutrients Medical. READ MORE...]
Every year we gaze enviously at the lists of the richest people in world. Wondering what it would be like to have that sort of cash. But where would you sit on one of those lists? Here's your chance to find out. READ MORE...]
In the old days a door was a door. It was a huge piece of metal or wood that kept the cold and unwanted (also, often cold) people out. Now it seems they’re weak and transparent and are just designed to keep the big, stupid idiots out. Across the web there are an abundance of videos showing anti-door skills. We’ve picked our favorites for you to see. READ MORE...]
This is a Simon game played on mini trampolines: the trampolines light up in a pattern, and the player jumps in response. This is actually Revenge of Trampoline Simon, I made the first version a few years ago for the Cyberbuss Costume Ball, but the police made me shut it down after like an hour. And not for the obvious reasons: they decided that of all the things going on at that party, the big fire hazard was the extension chord running to my Simon game. Boobs. Anyway, that version was somewhat limited since I wired directly into an actual Simon game, connecting relays to the outputs to trigger my lights. It worked great, but it gave me no flexibility: if I wanted to change anything about the gameplay at all (for example, give people a bit more time to respond to the pattern), no dice. Hence Revenge of Trampoline Simon, which I coded from scratch. Now I can set every aspect of the play, from how long the pattern is, to how fast the computer shows you it, to the various delays. READ MORE...]
the ten most historically inaccurate movies.
list of films that most frequently use the word "fuck".
porn statistics. as depicted by a semi-nude female body.
watch this tennesse rookie punter pull off an amazing trick play
the complete list of chess openings. i'm a queen's gambit man, myself.
six ways to pay for health care that don't involve recycling courtney love’s needle collection.
|August 13, 2009|
I Know How You Feel Honey, My Ass Hurts Too.
Ford trucks now keep a running tally of what construction tools are back on board and which may have been left on the job site. It's part of Tool Link, a $1,120 RFID tag option for Ford trucks. That sounds like a lot until you leave a $1,000 sliding compound miter saw on the job site overnight and it's not there in the morning. Ford developed Tool Link with DeWalt. READ MORE...]
If you've ever been to the coast there's a good chance you'll have come face to face with either a jetty or pier, both of which are man-made structures that extend from the shore out into the water. Generally (there are exceptions) a jetty is made of stone and rests on the bottom of the water's bed so as to restrict its flow, in turn either protecting the harbour or providing a dock for ships. Piers, on the other hand, are usually pile-supported decks, generally used as walkways for pedestrians, fishermen and researchers. Usage aside, both jetties and piers are visually charming structures which add a certain amount of character to beaches and harbours around the World, in some places serving as major tourist attractions in their own right. Below are just some of them, accompanied by interactive Google Maps. READ MORE...]
We already knew that the Patriots were a bunch of dirty cheaters. But now that Big Papi and Manny Ramirez were busted for their steroid use on the Red Sox, at least one sports fan felt passionate enough to write a song about it. It’s the same guy that did “Black Guys Don’t Play Hockey“. He’s not the greatest singer/songwriter in the world. But he makes a good point. And he’s kinda funny – like if Weird Al sang at the church in your neighborhood. READ MORE...]
The inmates say they sprinkle it on bologna sandwiches and spaghetti for a kick. But you only need a dash — a spoonful is more of a dare for the brave. Hot sauce — Jailhouse Fire Hot Sauce, to be exact. On Friday morning, minimum-security Hillsborough County Jail inmates and employees sold hot sauce and plants outside the Falkenburg Road Jail. Inmates grow the plants there as part of a vocational program aimed at giving them real-world skills. READ MORE...]
you see these logos almost every day - let's see how well you remember them.
get those panties: seven life lessons for geeks in john hughes movies.
the most awesomely funny movie review of g.i. joe you’ll see today.
the top ten tweets from the top celebrity twits. thanks slash!
the six main reasons why most pro athletes go broke.
the top ten movies to make any dude cry.
|August 12, 2009|
Apollo 13 Flight Controllers, Listen Up.
Give me a go no/go for launch. Booster? Go. Retro? Go. Fido? We're go, Flight. Guidance? Guidance go. Surgeon? Go, Flight. EECOM? We're go, Flight. GNC? We're go. TELMU? Go. Control? Go, Flight. Procedures? Go. INCO? Go. FAO? We are go. Network? Go. Recovery? Go! Capcom? We're go, Flight.
Launch control, this is Houston. We are go for launch.
Roger that, Houston. They see me rollin. They be hatin.
|August 7, 2009|
Ferris Bueller Better Take His Lipitor.
Retouching on a previous subject, U.S. Flag Code (4 US Code 1) specifies that (e) The flag should never be fastened, displayed, used, or stored in such a manner as to permit it to be easily torn, soiled, or damaged in any way, and (k) The flag, when it is in such condition that it is no longer a fitting emblem for display, should be destroyed in a dignified way, preferably by burning. And while I'm a very firm believer in displaying the flag properly, somehow I see absolutely nothing wrong with what this father is doing. Weird, eh?
Admittedly, soething just doesn't smell right about this scenario, when the second guy sits down, you have to admit he's got a lot of valid points. Women are fucking crazy, mostly because they don't know their role. But that's okay, we can set them straight in no time.
Enos Strate was born in Hazzard County to a loving family, and grew up as friends with Bo and Luke Duke. At the age of sixteen, he enrolled at the Hazzard Police Academy, graduated at the age of nineteen, and was promptly hired as Deputy Sheriff of Hazzard County by J.D. Hogg. Enos was always honest and straight, despite the corrupt state of law enforcement in Hazzard County. He was a polite and coy, yet bumbling young deputy, whose ineptitude as a police officer, as well as his crush on Daisy Duke, usually inadvertently served to help the Dukes in their attempts to foil the crooked Boss Hogg and his stooge, Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane. Daisy often exploited his weakness for her by sweet-talking him into revealing their schemes. When Enos's incompetence was shown, Rosco would usually respond by exclaiming his nickname for him, "Dipstick." Enos was known for using the expression "Possum on a gum bush" whenever applicable. Despite his amiable, bumbling ways, Enos is invariably the most capable of the Hazzard PD dealing with real threats: he usually is the one to handcuff the bad guys or draws his gun to cover them. And his show, "Enos," was indeed one of the ten worst spinoff shows ever.
Finally, you might find these failed children's books to be somewhat disturbing. Yeah. So long, John Hughes, we hardly knew ye. Your fucking number is up this time, Swayze.
billie jean. as performed by three hot korean babes. underwater.
seventeen actors who played themselves in movies, including bruce fucking campbell.
james may from top gear u.k. takes an emotional ride to the edge of space in a u2 spyplane.
old and busted: drinking and driving. the new hotness: drinking, driving and sleeping.
medical conditions in toon town: p-p-porky has p-p-parkinsons.
|August 6, 2009|
And This Is Why Nobody Fucked With Paul Tibbets.
Paul Warfield Tibbets, Jr. (February 23, 1915 – November 1, 2007) was a brigadier general in the United States Air Force, best known for being the pilot of the Enola Gay, the first aircraft to drop an atomic bomb in the history of warfare. The bomb, code-named Little Boy, was dropped on the Japanese city of Hiroshima. He was interviewed for documentary films about the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, including Men Who Brought the Dawn (1995) and Hiroshima (2005). Tibbets was born in Quincy in western Illinois, the son of Paul Tibbets, Sr., and the former Enola Gay Haggard. He was raised in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, where his father was a confections wholesaler. The family was listed there in the 1920 U.S. Federal Population Census. The 1930 census indicates that his family had moved and was living at the time in Des Moines. Thereafter, the family moved to Miami, Florida. Tibbets attended the University of Florida in Gainesville and was an initiated member of the Epsilon Zeta Chapter of Sigma Nu fraternity in 1934.
On February 25, 1937, Tibbets enlisted as a flying cadet in the Army Air Corps at Fort Thomas, Kentucky. He was commissioned a second lieutenant in 1938 and received his wings at Kelly Field, Texas (later Kelly AFB and now the Kelly Field Annex of Lackland AFB). Tibbets was named commanding officer of the 340th Bomb Squadron, 97th Heavy Bomb Group flying B-17 Flying Fortresses in March 1942. Based at RAF Polebrook, he piloted the lead bomber on the first Eighth Air Force bombing mission in Europe on August 17, 1942, and later flew combat missions in the Mediterranean Theater of Operations until returning to the U.S. to test fly B-29 Superfortresses. "By reputation", Tibbets was "the best flier in the Army Air Force". One of those who confirmed this reputation was Dwight D. Eisenhower, for whom Tibbets served as a personal pilot at times during the war. In September 1944, he was selected to command the project at Wendover Army Air Field, Utah, that became the 509th Composite Group, in connection with the Manhattan Project. On August 5, 1945, Tibbets formally named B-29 serial number 44-86292 Enola Gay after his mother (she was named after the heroine, Enola, of a novel her father had liked). On August 6, the Enola Gay departed Tinian Island in the Marianas with Tibbets at the controls at 2:45 a.m. for Hiroshima, Japan. The atomic bomb, codenamed Little Boy, was dropped over Hiroshima at 8:15 a.m. local time.
So we're coming down. We get to that point where I say "one second" and by the time I'd got that second out of my mouth the airplane had lurched, because 10,000 lbs had come out of the front. I'm in this turn now, tight as I can get it, that helps me hold my altitude and helps me hold my airspeed and everything else all the way round. When I level out, the nose is a little bit high and as I look up there the whole sky is lit up in the prettiest blues and pinks I've ever seen in my life. It was just great. I tell people I tasted it. "Well," they say, "what do you mean?" When I was a child, if you had a cavity in your tooth the dentist put some mixture of some cotton or whatever it was and lead into your teeth and pounded them in with a hammer. I learned that if I had a spoon of ice-cream and touched one of those teeth I got this electrolysis and I got the taste of lead out of it. And I knew right away what it was...
In the 1960s, Tibbets was named military attaché in India, but this posting was rescinded after protests. After his retirement from the Air Force, he worked for Executive Jet Aviation, a Columbus, Ohio-based air taxi company now called NetJets. He retired from the firm in 1970 and returned to Miami, Florida. He later left Miami to return to Executive Jet Aviation, having sold his Miami home in 1974. He was president of Executive Jet Aviation from 1976 until his retirement in 1987. The U.S. government apologized to Japan in 1976 after Tibbets re-enacted the bombing in a restored B-29 at an air show in Texas, complete with mushroom cloud. Tibbets said that he had not meant for the reenactment to have been an insult to the Japanese. In 1995, he called a planned 50th anniversary exhibition of the Enola Gay at the Smithsonian Institution, which attempted to present the bombing in context with the destruction it caused, a "damn big insult". An interview of Paul Tibbets can be seen in the 1982 movie Atomic Cafe. He was also interviewed in the 1970s British documentary series The World at War. Tibbets briefly commanded the 393rd Bomb Squadron during his tenure in the 509th Composite Group. The 393rd is one of two operational squadrons under the same unit his grandfather commanded, the 509th Bomb Wing. Tibbets was interviewed extensively by Mike Harden of the Columbus Dispatch, and profiles appeared in the newspaper on anniversaries of the first dropping of an atomic bomb. Tibbets expressed no regret regarding the decision to drop the bomb. In a 1975 interview he said: "I'm proud that I was able to start with nothing, plan it, and have it work as perfectly as it did... I sleep clearly every night." In March 2005, he stated, "If you give me the same circumstances, I'd do it again."
Tibbets died in his Columbus, Ohio, home in 2007. He had suffered small strokes and heart failure in his final years and had been in hospice care. Tibbets specified in his will that there should be no funeral service after his death and no headstone because anti-nuclear demonstrators could make his resting place a pilgrimage site. Tibbets asked to be cremated and have his ashes dispersed into the waters of the English Channel. -- General Tibbet's biography culled from Wikipedia.
...Unknown to anybody else - I knew it, but nobody else knew - there was a third one. See, the first bomb went off and they didn't hear anything out of the Japanese for two or three days. The second bomb was dropped and again they were silent for another couple of days. Then I got a phone call from General Curtis LeMay [chief of staff of the strategic air forces in the Pacific]. He said, "You got another one of those damn things?" I said, "Yes sir." He said, "Where is it?" I said, "Over in Utah." He said, "Get it out here. You and your crew are going to fly it." I said, "Yes sir." I sent word back and the crew loaded it on an airplane and we headed back to bring it right on out to Tinian and when they got it to California debarkation point, the war was over...
I would also like to point out that Tibbets' grandson, Colonel Paul W. Tibbets IV, was the commander of the 393rd Bomb Squadron at Whiteman AFB, Missouri, from 2005-2007 and flew the B-2 Spirit. You North Korean motherfuckers might want to keep that in mind. Oh, and Vanessa Hudgens continues to make an ass of herself after she obviously didn’t learn her lesson from the last time she had a nude photo scandal. Hudgens has had more naked pictures released, this time leaked from her BlackBerry. So between those pictures, Miranda Kerr's camel toe, Lindsay Lohans's rock hard nipples, Jenna Jameson's somehow hot post-twins body, and Keeley Hazel with a chainsaw, I simply don't know whether to shit or to go blind. You're welcome.
"Fed up with his dead-end life, Bill constructs a full-body kevlar armor suit and rampages through the streets of his hometown killing everyone in sight, particularly the barista that failed to make him a proper macchiato." No, it's not a news headline from Pennsylvania, it's the plot to a movie called Rampage. I bet that'll do well in theatres now, and no, I'm not being sarcastic.
hiroshima: harry truman's diary and papers.
wikipedia entry: the atomic bombings of hiroshima and nagasaki.
exerpt of an interview with enola gay pilot, colonel (b gen) paul tibbets.
hiroshima: sixty-four years ago -- or -- wow: those japs sure can build a bridge.
when you're so fucking fat you "kain't" ride a horse, maybe lay off the chicken fried steak?
|August 5, 2009|
Just How I Like Em: Fat And Flexible.
Hey look, LA Fitness charged this guy an extra two months worth of fees after he cancelled his gym membership, too. Although I'll admit, I just wrote a strongly worded letter.
Ernie - I know what you mean about the Dodge thing. Mine has 367,000 miles on it, and has never had anything more than valve seals done to it. I change the oil every 7,000 miles and keep going. It may not look like much after being driven through 13 Canandaigua, NY winters, but to me it's worth $25,000. I tell everyone that I'd drive it to Alaska right now if I had a reason to go there and I mean that. Already this year it's been to Florida and back, Texas and back, Kansas and back, Charlotte and back, Indianapolis and back, Richmond and back and I'll take it to Charlotte again later this year. It doesn't rattle, ping, knock, fog or hesitate. It likes cheap gas and only gets 12 to 14 mpg on a trip. Best yet, it runs the best at 80. But it's mine, it's paid for and it's not for sale. That video you posted of the guy killing that Dodge motor will give me nightmares. It's the first one you've posted since I found this site 3 or 4 years ago that I couldn't watch. Bob
Yeah, that video was pretty rough to watch. It's almost like watching an animal put to sleep; you hear the engines try their hardest to keep going only to eventually choke out, sputter one last time and die. I went through about a dozen or so before finding one that would really strike home. But it sounds as if your Ram deserves these truck nuts, Bob. Besides, if you really want to give yourself nightmares, check out this 87 year old nipple slip. As a die hard Sox fan, I love Betty White as much as the next Boston Legal fan, but damn.
Hey, I have been reading your site for a long time but have never written in. I wanted to point out that if you listen to the newscaster he states that when the DEALER logons on that the disclaimer pops up. I actually did the cash for clunkers and never received a disclaimer what so ever. I also happen to be in the Navy and that type of verbiage is common for and a government site that you need to logon to. Tim.
Hope you don't mind a quick tip, but I thought you might enjoy this post I just published -- I haven't seen anything like it anywhere else. If you do check it out and/or decide to link to it, thanks! I really appreciate that. Regards,Ken
Abigail Evelyn Titmuss, best known as Abi Titmuss, (born 8 February 1976 in Ruskington, Lincolnshire) is a former English nurse turned glamour model, television personality and actress. And she sure can unleash some havoc and chaos on the dance floor: here's her sexy dance training video. You're welcome.
Just prior to his death, Michael Jackson signed with Skittles to do a commercial for the, "This Is It" Concert," that never happened. In Honor of the immortal Jackson, here is the rough draft of that video.
This is what I do for a living. Thought you would find it interesting. There were 3 of these pump skids all moving at the same time through Houston. Reliant Energy escorts, Private bucket trucks, police escorts. I was up 22 hours babysitting this starting 3am Sunday. It was a helluva ride. 40’ 6” long x 14’ 6” wide x 22’ 10” tall. 133,000 lbs. Look at the bucket truck next to it. The top of the cab is 10’ tall. Take care, Kurt
Always asking the tough questions: who makes the funniest Hitler? Roseanne, The Simpsons or Cartman?
Billit is a puzzle strategic game in which you must slow down the balls to rank them before they reach their destination. Directions: Slow the balls by passing over with the mouse to make them arrive in the correct order.
the top nineteen hottest newscasters in america. catherine bosley? oh hell no.
slot machines, lava, mount rushmore, the exocet missile, and mandarinfish.
seven songs from your grandpa's day that would make eminem blush.
the ten movie drunks we want to share a pint (or five) with.
the fifteen companies whose ipos were complete flops.
the top ten mma smackdowns of all time. lights out.
the five hottest sports wives, version 2.0.
the six actors who could play mad max.
|August 4, 2009|
Won't Someone Think Of The Used Car Salesmen.
For starters, something happened yesterday that I've been waiting for for almost four years now -- I've been selected for jury duty for the first week in September. Some motherfucker is going to jail.
Now, let's address a few concerns that people have expressed regarding the Cash For Clunkers program. For starters, no I was never seriously considering turning my Ram in. Even though truth be told I've got no right driving this fucking thing as I don't haul my ATVs anymore; but I justify it to myself because I only drive it about 4,000 miles a year. In fact the whole reason I bought my TT was so I could have something other than my truck to drive back and forth to work. Sure I let myself daydream a little, but when push came to shove there's no way I ever could part with Big Red. Now if I still had that big fucking Cadillac Brougham? That mother fucker would be . But my sentimental nature aside, I think that Cash for Clunkers is a fucking terrific idea, and I've thought so even when it was first implemented over a year ago by California, Colorado, Delaware, Illinois, Texas, Virginia and several Canadian provinces. I think the only downside is the feds only set aside $1 billion for it -- I think it's money much better spent than the $130 billion that's been pissed down a black hole in the form of automaker bailouts or getting $300 rebate checks in your mailbox. And I think they should have included motorcycles as qualifying new vehicles, virtually all of which get at least 40 miles to the gallon.
And again, let me reiterate; I don't give a rat's ass about the environment. I don't. In fact, if they made a car that ran on baby seals, and baby seals only cost $1.00 per gallon? I'd be be a baby seal drivin motherfucker. The fact that fuel effecient vehicles tend to be cleaner is a nice side effect, but what I want to do is fuck OPEC. Those pricks have us in a constant chokehold and are a bigger threat to the American way of life than any new Russian ballistic missile submarine, any Chinese hacker, any Iranian nuclear reactor, or any rogue North Korean missile could ever hope to be. All OPEC have to do is lift a finger and send oil back to $140 a barrel and we're doomed to dump our mortgage payments into our gas tanks again.
You know, I talk and talk and talk about things passing The Sniff Test, and I swear to fucking God that I'm talking to myself. And I would have been the very first person to call bullshit on this because it's too unbelievable to be true, but guess what -- although it's blown quite out of proportion, ultimate it turns out to be true. So where did this sinister disclaimer come from? I'll tell you. It's standard government verbiage. "Any and all uses of this system and all files on this system may be intercepted, monitored, recorded, copied, audited, inspected, and disclosed to authorized CARS, DoT and law enforcement personnel, as well as authorized officials of other agencies, both domestic and foreign." Log onto an Air Force computer and you replace, "CARS/DOT" with, "Air Force/Department of Defense." I would be willing to bet that should you file for Social Security online, or do electronic filing of your taxes, you're probably faced with a similar disclaimer. I put the feelers out to a buddy of mine who works in network security for Hanscom AFB to confirm it's standard shit, but haven't heard back from him yet. Put the fucking donuts down and write back, Flaherty. But seriously? Who the fuck cares. It's not your computer, it's the car dealers sooooo ... really, who the fuck cares? Oh and, "...the old statement that liberal bloggers spent another dateless weekend defending? Has been changed..." Funny. Seriously. Huge funny. Like stand up routine funny. Kudos.
Interesting,, I wonder what un-intended results the program will have. Removing this many working vehicles from the road. Things I see could happen. 1) price of used cars going up. This could hurt the poorer americans. 2) more new cars less used cars means less repairs at the local repair shops... 3) Because these cars are smelted there are no used auto parts for the junkyards to sell, causing an increase in demand for new parts, increasing prices on parts. Hurting the poorer Americans. 4) Because all these cars a smelted there will be a drop in the price of steel. Hurting those that make their livings as recyclers, aka junkman......so higher unemployment. 5) I see a huge drop in new car sales coming in about Nov when everyone thinking of getting a new car has one under this program.....Where will the next customer come from? 6) More competition for the few remaining used cars will mean More used car dealers closing their doors...Higher Unemployment.. I am sure there are more un-intended consequences that will or could happen,, these are some that come to mind.. I know I would have taken advantage of this program had my old car qualified, however it does not, so I will not buy a car for several years. It would have been a shame to have my car old clunker destroyed as old as it is, it is still a good runner. Some poorer americans would love to have it for their first car. But I STILL say NO MORE BAILOUTS on my TAX DOLLER$ unless it's directly to ME!! Stock up on your aspirin now, before Obama-care raises the taxes on it, because it's the only thing in Washington, DC that's white and works Charlie in TN
Seriously? Your arguments against CARS are: the cost of used cars will go up, there will be less repairs and less parts, and steel will be cheaper. Seriously. Cheaper steel. Because we just can't fucking have that, now can we. Oh let's not forget about the poor unemployed used car salesmen; I'd just as soon light those assholes on fire. Honestly Charlie, I think that's a tremendously short sighted way to look at things. By the same argument, we should no longer seek a cure for cancer because if we found one, it would send thousands of healthcare workers to the unemployment line. Likewise we should never build another nuclear power plant, solar panel, or windfarm, because it will put coal miners out of work. You're right, let's not fix our problems, let's slap band-aid on there and ignore them. It's this short sighted highdeas like this that got us into this fucking mess to begin with. You've got to think progress, and with that of course there's going to be a few bumps in the road but it's gone to be done.
Hi Ernie, I always agree with you on most subjects, gun rights, support of the military, your taste in ladies is almost impeccable. We only veer slightly in that you are sometimes too approving of silicone. All this being said, I hope you were being tongue in cheek about turning your wonderful truck into a clunker. I love the old iron, my main transportation is an '80 El Camino. My secondary ride is a '63 Corvair Spyder. The Elky has 180,000 miles and the turboed tart has 120,000 miles. Both look better than when they were in showrooms. Of course I have had other vehicles along with these two but you cannot buy either of them for any price. This means nothing to the letter I wanted to write. I just wanted to let you know a little about my personality. This is my thought. Cash for Clunkers is the most vile program Pres. Obama has done to us to date. Think about it. The cars must be totally destroyed. How many poor people would like to have those "gas hogs?" Body parts especially will have their prices raised because, and I might be wrong about time, any replacement body part after two years will be used. If you need to replace say the hood of your precious truck, it will probably cost more in the future because there will be fewer of them. Not all, in fact few people have the amorous attractions a true aficionado has for his wheels. For many years now, I have almost thought of you as a wise little brother. I love your site, it shows a true Joie de Vie. I am Ron. PS. Maybe I missed it but you haven't written anything about your quads for years. Did you sell them?
You know what fucking kills me? Bubba trucks. And for those of you north of the Mason-Dixon line, a Bubba Truck is a truck that's been lifted two feet or so, and rolls on big ass 40" tires that cost $400 each. Which would be fine if these Bubba trucks were strickly a weekend play thing, but down here they're not. They're a redneck's everyday fucking vehicle. Everywhere you look down here, there are Bubba Trucks; company parking lots, in line at drive thru, grocery stores, bowling alleys, restaurants, and of course, gas stations. And when gas was $4.29 a gallon, there was nary a Bubba Truck to be seen anywhere on the road. All packed away in some driveway because Bubba couldn't afford to keep feeding his thirsty eight mile per gallon beast. But as the cost of gas gradually came down, guess what happened? The Bubba Trucks came back. Now that gas is "down to only" $2.50 a gallon, Bubba trucks are everywhere again. And the best part? Most of the Bubba Trucks I've seen lately have bald fucking tires. Yep, these huge tires that are at least three feet tall and a foot and a half wide, rolling down the road at 80mph and humming like a chainsaw, are as bald as a motherfucker. Why? Because Bubba can't afford to pay his mortgage, buy gas and put new tires on his Bubba Truck. He can only afford to do two out of the three. But that doesn't stop him. He'd sooner drive a Bubba Truck with bald fucking tires than step down to a normal sized vehicle that he can actually afford to maintain. And these are first fucking assholes to bitch when gas prices start to climb. It's like people never fucking learn. I'm not saying we should all go out and steal golf carts, but fuck man, we've got to do something.
About a year ago I bought my niece her first car -- don't get excited it was a 1989 Buick LeSabre and ran me a whopping $700 -- and she thought I was doing her this great big favor. But did I help or or did I curse her? As a new driver insurance ran her $180 -- each fucking month. Then she had to buy gas which was still around $3 a pop. And a few months later the radiator went and cost her $400 to have replaced. So she spent more in three months just maintaining this older car, than I spend to buy the fucking thing outright. So if we take all these turned in Clunkers and pass them out to unemployed motherfuckers waiting at the bus stop and say, "Hey free car, woo hoo!" Are we really doing them a favor? I say no because if you can't afford a fucking car to begin with, then you sure as fuck can't afford to maintain it. That is, unless of course you want thousands of uninsured motorists driving around on beat up old cars with bald tires and worn brakes. I know there are some politicians who would be okay with that but I'm sure as fuck not one of them.
So yeah, between the distance it puts between us and OPEC and the financial burden it would cost to maintain these older vehicles; even as counter-intuitive it is to destroy a functioning vehicle, I say scrap em. And to touch on the recycled parts issue, all the information I could find explained that everything that was salvageable outside of the drivetrain that could be saved, was going to be saved. That's not to say there's going to be a glut of 1975 AMC Pacer driver's side doors; obviously the scrap yards are going to keep what they want based upon consumer demand, but I didn't see anything putting a two model-year limit on recycled parts. A quick Google search yielded:
"...Cash for Clunkers calls for the engine and the drive train to be destroyed, so the car can't make it back on the lot. The rest of the car can be salvaged and used as parts. David Savage, Owner and GM of Superior Auto Body says, "I think that if they are going to be buying some of these parts off of these cash for clunkers, it definitely would make..." [read more...]
"...According to Smith car dealers have brought in about 60 Cash For Clunker cars to his salvage yard. All of those old beaters will be stripped and that means extra money for the company. "We sell the doors, we sell the windows the hood, bumper, running boards, tires and wheels," said Smith. The story is the same next door at Pull A Part salvage yard according to manager Bruce Thomson. "Substantial portion of the car is still sellable, which is a good thing because, it does put these used parts back into the marketplace," said Thomson. One downside to Cash For Clunkers, the engines in all of the cars that might be resold is not just a hunk of junk. Ben Smith says the federal program requires car dealers to drop sodium silicate solution into the engine to freeze it and shut it down. ..." [read more...]
"...and owner Mark Buessing anticipates his yard will process 400 to 500 clunkers in the upcoming weeks. "We're anticipating we could get 200 in one day, so we're ready," he said. "We've cleared out our lot." Normally his center will process about 800 to 900 vehicles in an entire year, so the Cash for Clunkers program could bring a considerable increase in his parts inventory..." [read more...]
But yeah, I guess there's nothing we can do about the falling price of steel and unemployed used car salesmen. Sorry. Oh, and my quad is at my bother's house in New York and I should get some seat time next week when I head up there for a visit. I keep meaning to get it down here in Florida one of these days, I've just got to find the right motivation. But for you Ron, all ten of today's NSFW babe links are au naturel!
the top thirty shockingest movie moments (spoiler alert).
annalynne mccord doing what she does best: wearing a bikini.
tiger woods rips one down the fairway. no really, i mean rips one.
the massive ordnance penetrator will be the largest non-nuclear bomb ever.
old and busted: jill & kevin's wedding intro. the new hotness: their divorce intro.
from the makers of "put the bunny back in the box" comes a short film like no other.
|August 3, 2009|
Ahh, To Dream A Little Dream.
You know, I would absolutely love to take advantage of Cash For Clunkers program. I really would, especially considering the ol Ram has 216,000 miles on the clock and is only worth maybe $1,000 or so. But I can't. I just can't. Knowing what fate awaits the turned in vehicles, I just can't sentence my Ram to death like that. I made a promise to it many years ago, that as long as it never left me stranded on the side of the road somewhere, I would always give it a good home and make sure it stays clean, dry and serviceable. And for the last fourteen years -- fifteen on December 13th -- I've worked tirelessly keeping that truck in tip-top shape. Synthetic oil changes every 4,000 miles. Slick 50 treatments. Regular fluid flushes. Countless cups of burned coffee in dealer waiting rooms. It runs just as good now as it does the day I brought it home from the now defunct Burlington Dodge. So quite frankly I've worked too damned hard on this truck, to just turn over the keys knowing the engine was going to be destroyed and the truck itself fed to a shredder. I just couldn't do that to my old friend. And true to its word, my Ram has never left me stranded. Well, okay once. Sort of. That was when it wouldn't start in the parking lot of Bikini Joe's, so is that really such a bad thing? But I will admit that sometimes I sit here and fantasize about the $4,500 credit I'd get and try to remember what that new car smell is like. In the end, I know I'm going to be buried with this truck when I die of cancer a hundred years from now. That's cool though, I wouldn't have it any other way. All hail Big Red.
Yes Charley, yes I can. And speaking of movies, the the box office Funny People made it's debut this weekend -- which is kind of weird because it's a comedy about a guy with a fatal fucking blood disorder. Uh, yeah. I think we missed the idea behind "comedy" but I must admit, I nearly pissed myself laughing.
With Tron:Legacy coming out in the next year or so, Jay Maynard -- a.k.a. The Tron Guy -- is getting another fifteen minutes of fame. Now only does he have his own website, but there are online tributes to him popping up all over the place. So who knows, maybe he'll get the chance to hook up Tron Girl? Yeah, good luck with that, fat boy.
Hi Ernie, The 2009 Flex Bikini Model Online search has begun and a close friend of mine is entered in the competition. Her name is Linda H, and she's in the middle of the 7th row up from the bottom. It's tough to get into the bikini model industry and doing well in this competition would really help. any chance I could get you and your readers help in voting for her? If nothing else, as a contribution to your site, here's a link to a bikini model competition. Safe travels on your visit home. --Bob
More bikini contest fun: former ECW Extreme Expose Dancer Brooke Adams is sexier than ever, as the Houston, Texas bad girl is one of the hottest attractions on the Hawaiian Tropic circuit this year. We think the bikini contest people have excellent taste.
seeding the nba playoffs by what really counts: their goddamn cheerleaders.
vanity fair rates the rack-with-glasses's farewell speech. c-minus?
seth rogen talks about being rejected by megan fox.
this is why fat arabs shouldn't ride horses.
the top ten girls that geeks love. mmm, tina fey...
emails from crazy people - can you type in a straightjacket?