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Ernie's House of Whoop Ass!
January 30, 2010

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Here are pictures of the NS bridge fire around Kimbrough Alabama from last week. I have been told the engineer in the incident, died of his injuries with third degree burns over 85% of his body. The bridge is 265 feet long, open deck, four pile bent, all steel except for the deck. The deck was constructed of a composite (plastic) material. The bridge has 16 bents including the dump bents. NS crew consisting of an NS EIC and three contractors started work on Monday, January 11, 2010, installing and repairing horizontal braces (see photos). These braces are welded from stinger to stringer at a 45 degree angle for support. There was no slow order required. They finished work on Tuesday, January 12th about 3pm central time. A northbound train passed over the bridge about 630 pm and did not see any problems. The next train was the empty coal train. The lead engine stopped 46 feet short of the north end of the bridge after initiating an emergency application. All three engines and one coal car (see photos) stopped on the blazing bridge. My gut feeling is that the welding left some of the plastic deck ties smoldering and the first northbound train fanned the fire into a raging inferno. The second train then saw the blaze, initiated the emergency application, and the occupied engine came to a stop on the blazing bridge. Tyson

why real men don't own cats.

all the cheerleaders of super bowl xliv.

bubble wrap turns fifty: celebrate and masturbate.

how to fall 35,000 feet­and survive. let me know if it works.

casinoroyalew/cheese - ferrarifordinner - niceblueblanket - puffpuffgive

do supermodels age well? here are twenty-two supermodels, then and now.

January 29, 2010

Here Is A Bunch Of Random Shit.

In one of the most EPIC INTERNET threads since 419eaters: "It all started with an eBay auction for a new G4 Powerbook . My friend Cory wanted me to sell it for him just days after he bought it. Probably because he realized that, aside from looking cool, he had no real use for it. For the sake of an easy sale, I just pretended to sell it as my own, with a starting price of $1700, and the "Buy It Now" option for $2100."

Opee is an extreme dog, he can pull 6 Gs. He's competed in the hardcore Baja 500 and has clocked up more than 10,000 hours on a dirt bike. When owner Mike Schelin was asked how this unusual relationship formed he said 'Not wanting to be left behind Opee jumped in to the saddle one day and I thought "My god, he rides better than my ex-wife". Opee and Mike now help autistic and handicap kids learn how to ride.

Hammer Golf Experiment tests the strength of hammers. A 1979 station wagon was harmed in the filming of this video; Craftsman hammers were not. What's a hole-in-one? A hammer through window.

For a person, "going green" is as simple as recycling more, wasting less and always, always, always behaving like an insufferable prick in social situations. But for a corporation, "going green" can be a much harder task that costs million of dollars, thousands of hours of manpower and often painful company-wide cutbacks. Or, they can opt to do jack shit and just spend all of their money and effort convincing the public otherwise. This is what is referred to as "greenwashing," and it works like this.

Ernie, We here in Louisiana have been waiting a long time for our Saints to make it to the Super Bowl. Thought you might like this pic. John, Lafayette, LA

Earlier this week, survivors and relatives of the executed gathered for ceremonies to mark 65th Anniversary Of The Liberation Of Auschwitz. An estimated 1.1 million people died at the concentration camp — the vast majority of them Jews from occupied Europe. They accounted for about one-sixth of all the Jews exterminated during the Holocaust, most were killed in gas chambers. Here are thirty-six pictures showing the camp then and now.

I was in a band called KrazyFly for a few years and we had what we called the Krazyfly curse. This was is a pic taken at a wet tee shirt contest we had and as you can see by the pic, even THAT backfired. I made a de-motivator out of it. Great site! I check it every day and this was the first thing i ever found worthy (maybe) to send to ya! Thanks, Butch

"So there’s York, running out of bullets, exposed with about 100 German solders above him firing down at him and now a group of Germans breaks free and runs at him with their bayonets from a range of about 25 yards. So does he run for cover? Nope, instead he pulls out his pistol -- puts on sunglasses -- and kills all of the German soldiers descending on him. Not only this, but he systematically picks off the back ones first so the front ones will keep running at him, thinking they have support behind them. I might add, while York is down there picking off Germans left and right that he’s calling out repeatedly, telling the Germans they can surrender at any time; he didn’t want to kill any more than he had to… In a previous article, I mentioned that the Right whale has the largest balls of any animal on earth at about 1100 pounds each. Now, though no official weighing has ever taken place to my knowledge, I think that it’s safe to say Sergeant York had that beat by a fair margin.

If you pay any attention to the news, you know that Americon Idol is losing Simon Cowell, so the race to recast the most brutally honest judge is on.

Hi Ernie, Long-time reader here – enjoyed the “Run! Bitch Run!” trailer today. Make sure to check-out the upcoming "Room in Rome" flick; IMDB. Keep up the good work. Cheers, Ten

Soooo, you do know I posted that movie last week, on the 22nd, yes? I'm just sayin. Also, one of those chicks I've never heard of before, but Elena Anaya was one of Dracula's three brides in Van Helsing. Both have great tits, by the way. Speaking of, Attack of the Show’s Olivia Munn gracing the January 2010 cover of Maxim magazine. Watch as she takes us behind the scenes of her photo shoot, complete with pink bikinis and trampolines.

I was wondering where you got the photo bearsbearseverywhere? My friend took it but here is a place that might suit you from fayetteville, WV. Nicholas

Where? Are you fucking serious? Jesus Christ, does anyone even read what I write, or just look at the pretty pictures? Christ sometimes it feels like I'm just gliding through the fucking Matrix.

P.S. I gotcha with those balls, didn't I?

the best ipad quote yet.

the most awesome window cleaner in the history of awesome window cleaners.

good news: hot blonde with big tits. bad news: she's suicidal and standing on a building ledge.

January 28, 2010

Because I Watched The Empire Strikes Back Last Night.

And just for the record, these three prequels? Yeah, they don't exist to me. There is no such thing as Star Wars: A New Hope, there is only Star Wars. And the ultimate bad guy story is told during The Empire Strikes Back, witht he ultimate hero being the Return of the Jedi. I don't know who Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor are, R2-D2 was born on a Rebel starship, and Darth Vader has always been evil right up until the very end. And anyone who tries to convince me otherwise can go fuck themselves.

Farrah Fawcett, Glenn Close, Barbara Hershey, Bernadette Peters, Bonnie Bedelia, Dianne Wiest, Margot Kidder, Jessica Lange, Meryl Streep, Sigourney Weaver, Cybill Shepherd, Christine Lahti, Jane Seymour, Anjelica Huston, Catherine Hicks, Christine Baranski, Kay Lenz, Kim Basinger, Kathleen Turner, Debra Winger, and Geena Davis all auditioned for the role of Princess Leia. Due to the limited budget the American cast members and crew (including George Lucas) all decided to fly coach class to England, rather than first class. When Carrie Fisher's mother Debbie Reynolds heard about this she called George Lucas, complaining about how insulting it was for her daughter to be flying coach. Carrie Fisher was in the room with George Lucas when he took the call, and after a few minutes asked if she could talk to her mother. When George Lucas handed her the phone she simply said, "Mother, I want to fly coach, will you fuck off?!" and hung up. Carrie Fisher's breasts were taped down with gaffer tape, as her costume did not permit any lingerie to be worn underneath. She joked later, "As we all know, there is no underwear in space."

The weapons the stormtroopers used were essentially the Sterling L2A3 9mm SMG (sub-machine gun) a military weapon developed in the late 1940s in the UK and adopted by the British and Canadian Armies in the 1950s. The curved left entry side mounted magazine was removed. And that was as much as it was modified for the film. The longer sandtrooper weapon was the MG-34 machine gun from Germany.This led to most of the Stormtroopers being left-handed because of how the weapons are constructed with the magazine on left side of the weapons. This construction caused it to hit the troopers in the chest. Therefore they have to switch grip of the weapon, which made them look left-handed.

Interested in creating a modest line of colorful space toys, Kenner Toys signed on for the merchandising shortly before Star Wars opened, although they did not believe the movie would be a hit. When Star Wars became a hit, they were unprepared to handle the demand and produce enough toys to handle the demand for Christmas. Instead, they sold boxed vouchers for various toys. The toys sold in the "Empty Box" campaign during December were not delivered until the following March.

At one point, George Lucas had planned the character of Han Solo to be a huge green-skinned monster with no nose and gills. Then Lucas changed the idea of Han Solo to a black human. He auditioned several black actors and even musicians (including Billy Dee Williams) until finally settling on Glynn Turman. But after this he decided to make the role white and Kurt Russell, Nick Nolte, Christopher Walken, Jack Nicholson, Al Pacino, Chevy Chase, Steve Martin, Bill Murray and Perry King were all candidates for the role of Han Solo, as George Lucas wanted to stay away from any actors he had previously used in his films. Harrison Ford (who had played Bob Falfa in Lucas's American Graffiti) read the part of Han Solo for screen tests of other characters but wasn't originally considered for the part. During these tests George Lucas realized Harrison Ford was perfect for the role.

The famous Darth Vader suit was designed by production designer Ralph McQuarrie, who was concerned about the character being able to breathe while he was traveling from his spaceship to Princess Leia's spaceship. It was not explained why Darth Vader wears the suit at all times until The Empire Strikes Back. The look of the Darth Vader suit was based on robes worn by Bedouin Warriors. Darth Vader's breathing was originally meant to be much more labored and raspy. The sound of this labored, raspy breathing would be used later on in Return of the Jedi during that movie's climax

James Earl Jones supplied the voice of Darth Vader, but specifically requested that he not be credited. At the time, the reason he cited was that he felt he had not done enough work to get the billing, but he later admitted that he didn't want his name associated with the film because he was still an up-and-coming actor, and didn't want to be typecast. Jones does receive billing in the 1997 "Special Edition".

While George Lucas was filming on location in Tunisia, the Libyan government became worried about a massive military vehicle parked near the Libyan border. Consequently, the Tunisian government, receiving threats of military mobilization, politely asked Lucas to move his Jawa sandcrawler farther away from the border. On the first day of filming in the deserts of Tunisia, the country experienced its first major rainstorm in 50 years.

In an earlier version of the script, the Millennium Falcon lands on not the Death Star but at a Cloud City that floats above the gaseous surface of the planet Alderaan. The rescue of Princess Leia and Obi-Wan Kenobi's duel with Darth Vader take place at this base, not on the Death Star. A cut in the budget for the movie forced George Lucas to bring in the Death Star early, and in the finished film the scenes that would have take place in the Cloud City take place there, instead. [culled from imdb]

Hey Ernie, a friend's uncle went hunting and got a deer. They hung it up and went in to eat. They heard something outside, took a look and, well the pictures explain it all. They yelled at the bear but it didn't care. Guess it was hungry, all they could do was take pics. Keep up the good work. Chris

Since the iPad can't multitask, does this mean Hitler won't be using it the next time he takes on the Russian army?

The 2010 Winter Olympics are almost upon us. And while it may not get the same kind of hype as the Summer ones, they are still a blast to watch. And if skiing, snowboarding, and curling doesn't do it for you, maybe you'll be interested in the women who will be competing in those events. While many of them will be covered in bulky jackets, you can still tell that there are plenty of athletes that are undeniably hot. Here I'll introduce you to 25 of the hottest to watch out for when you're watching the Winter Olympics. And I call dibs on a threesome with Ashley Wagner and Sasha Cohen.

Hey Ernie, A friend of mines brother is on the dept. with this guy. He responded to a burglary earlier in the morning and took a report. Later on he saw 3 black males in the area, when he went to investigate the suspects ran. He chased them on foot and lost sight as the suspects ran behind a trailer. As Jeff ran towards them the suspect was standing behind the trailer waiting with gun drawn, the first round entered in his right eye and the POS suspect continued to shoot. The link is the story but more importantly listen to the audio that's attached. This guy has three shots to the head and two to the body and still gives a description of the suspects and where he is located. I hope you can use it and show the dangers that us LEO's face everyday. I tip my hat to Deputy Jeffrey DeGrow may he recover fully and be back on the streets soon. Jared

Most cartoons are pretty simple: there are good guys and bad guys; but at the end of the day, some of our favorite characters are the villains. And we sometimes find ourselves rooting for them, although it seems like they never can and never will. It’s not fair sometimes, and we have to take our hats off to them for their resilience. Here is a list of cartoon villains that we used to root for when we were young.

Hi Ernie, Got this from a Canadian friend I worked with in Iraq, who got it from a geologist he met at the B&B in Kodiak, Alaska. He took the picture from a plane while en route to a job site. These bears are feeding on a whale carcass. He said there were at least as many on the hills outside of the picture. Mark

This one is for you Charley: Nearly 70 percent of Liberia’s female population has been raped, but that horrifying figure just begins to describe the depths of Liberia’s depravity. There’s also the not-minor issue of cannibalism—specifically, the devouring of one’s enemies. To learn more about these atrocities, we pick up General Rambo and take him to the compound where he once commanded his own rebel faction. Rambo convinces us that the Liberian rebels who lay in wait outside Monrovia could take over the city in two hours if the UN leaves the city. The UN is scheduled to begin pulling out next year. Doh.

P.S. I nicked my balls with a razor this morning. Is anyone else amazed at how much your ballsack can bleed?


hot girl bikini cliff jump fail.

five inappropriately sexual kids shows.

a blast from the past back from the 486SX vs DX days.

January 27, 2010

Be Safe Puddy, And Don't Go See The Book Of Eli.

So I've watched two movies in as many days; Legion on Monday and The Book of Eli yesterday. The former was pretty good, and the latter sucked cock. And it didn't strike me until this morning that both of them had religious undertones. I've always liked Paul Bettany, way back from A Knight's Tale and A Beautiful Mind. If you can overlook the 'shooting angels with an M-16' facet, Legion was a pretty good movie. Without spoiling anything, kudos for the audio editing as the horn that Archangel Gabriel sounds as he approached is pretty bad ass. That and I'm pretty sure that Dennis Quaid said, "look you can kill me sure, but you can't make me go out like a little bitch."

Eli on the other hand, is a different story. What the fuck possessed Denzel Washington to sign onto this Road Warrior/Waterworld-on-land hacked up piece of shit, I'll never know. Yes, this movie, I'm going to spoil for you. And when I'm done, you're going to thank me for saving you two hours of your life. The Book of Eli -- which is filmed entirely in washed out brown colors and with blue screen footage that look like it was done on my old Commodore 64 -- opens with a cat eating a dead guy. I'm thinking cool. Then someone shoots the cat with a bow and arrow, and I'm thinking this is going to be the greatest movie ever. Then the man/Eli/Denzel proceeds to eat the cat. By now I'm cheering on the edge of my seat and people are shh'ing me. And if the movie stopped there at the five minute mark, it would have been awesome and I would have sent roses to the director. Unfortunately, it didn't.

Eli walks alone through the post-nuclear apocalyptic world and after using a machete to kill six people who attempt to rob him and then witnessing a rape/murder but doing nothing about it, Eli wanders into this small town where he trades some KFC wet-naps to recharge his Ipod battery. And no, I'm not making this up. While the battery is charging, Eli walks across the street to the saloon (?) to refill his canteen, and after offending the rapist/murders by shooing their cat away, is forced to kill all of them in self defense. Instead of being angry that his men were killed, the owner of the saloon recognizes Eli as a Bad Motherfucker and tries to recruit him. Eli refuses and is held pseudo-hostage overnight, so that he can "think about the offer." As further incentive, Saloon Owner send in a young woman for Eli to take turns on all night, but instead the pray and share a package of Twinkies. Again, not making this up.

The next morning, Saloon Owner discovers that Eli is carrying a Bible, and he's all like OMG because all the Bibles in the entire fucking world were destroyed after the nuclear war. Saloon Owner wants to use the Bible to control the townspeople, so he and the remainder of his henchmen stop Eli who is now trying to sneak out of town with his fully charged Ipod battery. As Eli is calmly walking out of town, Lead Henchman shoots at a him, and misses. Eli keeps walking. Lead Henchman takes careful aim, shoots and misses again. All the other henchmen (many of whom have rifles) join in. But in Commando like fashion, Eli kills all of them. With his pistol. Even the ones on rooftops. With one shot each. So the Saloon Owner gets wounded just before Eli finally makes it out of town, with Praying Girl right behind him, following like a puppy. The two eventually come to an old farmhouse, occupied by a pair of batshit crazy old people with a couchful of automatic weapons. Which of course come in quite handy when Saloon Owner, Lead Henchman, and several Red Shirts come pulling up in an armored truck, demanding the Bible. A shootout ensues, and after Lead Henchman levels the house with a rocket propelled grenade, Eli and Praying Girl are taken into custody. Saloon Owner takes the Bible and shoots Eli in the stomach, leaving him to die on the ground. Lead Henchman takes Praying Girl and they all head back to town. But Praying Girl doesn't want to be Lead Henchman's party girl, so she strangles the driver of the truck she and Lead Henchman are riding in, causing it to crash and barrel roll like twenty times. Praying Girl emerges from the battered vehicle -- which still runs and drives, mind you -- virtually unscathed. Lead Henchman is not so lucky as somehow in the turmoil he gets Eli's machete rammed through his chest. A machete that he of course pulls out, and promptly dies faster than you can say Steve Irwin. Praying Girl on the other hand, uses a hand grenade to blow up one of the other vehicles before stealing the indestructible barrel rolling truck and driving it back to find Eli, who is up and walking on the road. Saloon Owner decides not to chase them, and returns to his little town to rule everyone with the Bible. Again, not making this up.

Eli and Praying Girl arrive in San Francisco and after taking a rowboat to Alcatraz Island, find Malcom McDowell who is no longer interested in the old In-Out-In-Out, but instead wants to recreate all of man's works of art; paintings, music, literature, etc. And what's the one book they don't have? That's right, a Bible. Then two things happen simultaneously on opposite sides of the country; first we have Saloon Owner opening the Bible only to discover the fucking thing is WRITTEN IN BRAILLE, and then we see Eli remove his trademark sunglasses only to discover that HE IS FUCKING BLIND. That's right, all that machete swinging and rooftop pistol shooting and walking across the country and SHOOTING A BIRD MID FLIGHT WITH A FUCKING ARROW? Acts of God. And then Eli proceeds to RECITE THE ENTIRE FUCKING BIBLE FROM MEMORY so Malcom McDowell can write it all down. Then Eli dies. Praying Girl puts on Eli's Ipod before venturing back out into the world to return to her little town. The end. Again, not making this up.

I walked out of that movie feeling dumber than when I walked in. The only redeeming quality -- well, besides someone eating a cat -- is Mila Kunis can look hot even dressed in dirty apocalypse rags. If I had a fucking hammer, I would have thrown it at the screen. I'm not going to the theatres again until Run Bitch, Run! is released. And yes, that's a real movie, and in case you don't want to install Apple Quicktime to see the trailer, you can see it here (NSFW site).

Craiglist posting from Washington State - Gotta love craigslist. - Amy

US Airways flight 1549 was a passenger flight from New York City to Charlotte, North Carolina, that, on January 15, 2009, was successfully ditched in the Hudson River adjacent to Manhattan six minutes after departing from LaGuardia Airport. The Airbus A320 remained afloat, though partially submerged, and was quickly moored to a pier near the World Financial Center in Lower Manhattan. Here is unseen time lapse video footage of the Miracle on the Hudson, US Airways flight 1549 as it is struggling to stay afloat and avoid the barrage of an ice attack.

People get paid a lot of money to be experts on things, so one would assume they're much more knowledgeable than the average Joe or, at the very least, a blindfolded monkey throwing darts. Sadly, in many cases this just isn't true, and the so called "expertise" in question amounts to little more than a shot in the goddamn dark.

Knowing you're a fan... Adventures of Brisco County Jr $25 (Complete Series)! - Spacebar

SCORE! Thanks man, I just ordered my copy. $25 is a fucking steal - Andy get in on that shit! Ah Brisco, how I miss thee. I stopped following Lost after the second season when the plotlines got all fragmented, but this timeline mashup does a pretty good job at straightening things out.

Iranian Uranium - an animated song taking a wry look at Iran's nuclear ambitions.

wow, somebody sure doesn't like black people.

superfast bullet trains are finally coming to the united states.

everyone gets a laugh as the microsoft ceo autographs a mac book.

challenge: drink a gallon of milk in under three minutes. without puking.

January 26, 2010

It's Supposed To Rain Like A Fucker All Day.

The other night at the 67th Annual Golden Globes, Martin Scorsese was presented with the Cecil B. DeMille Award for Lifetime Achievement, which was presented to him by Robert De Niro and Leonardo DiCaprio. During De Niro's speech, he made a joke. Then, the camera cut to Brenden Fraser, who delivered what is arguably the best clap in the history of the world. Needless to say, it didn't take long for someone to remix it. Enjoy.

Last year was the 10th anniversary of The Matrix, and it made me think back to when I saw it at the theatres when it was first released. It was the first (and only!) movie I watched at Chucky's in Haverhill. UNlike most stadium style seating, Chuckys was a big open room with a gentle slope to the floor. Instead of rows of hard seats, Chucky's seating comprised of leather Lincoln Towncar seats (left over from limo stretches), set on swivels, gathered around tables. There were waitresses, and they served real food and BEER. It was awesome. Anyway, what prompted this memory was someone recently sent in the Lego Trinity Help video. This of course got me a little Matrix minded, so I hit IMDB to reread the trivia section, and much to my surprise, discovered that Larry Wachowski's IMDB profile had been renamed to Lana Wachowski. To be expected I guess, given the Larry -> Lana sex change operation, but somehow it still made me snicker.

"In the late '60's I worked for Bell Labs for a few years managing a data center and developing an ultra high speed information retrieval system. It was the days of beehive hair on the women and big mainframe computers. One day I took a camera to work and shot the pictures below. I had a great staff, mostly women except for the programmers who were all men. For some reason only one of them was around for the pictures that day." With picture goodness.

"We reached out for the Grandpa, and asked him for a statement regarding his failed Public Service Announcement. Grandpa said, "'Hey, I got nothin' against those people in Haiti. I wish I could help 'em all. God bless each and every one of them people, because they're gonna need God's help in the next few days. But how am I supposed to help 'em when I can't even feed my big fat ass with the food stamps they send me? I'm livin' here in this crummy old ass trailer, and I'm supposed to donate something to the people in Haiti? Hell, I'm not even barely surviving here myself, let alone have a damn penny in my pocket to send to someone somewhere else.'" With video goodness.

What list could include my man Tupac, Pope John Paul, Carl Switzer ("Alfalfa"), Gianni Versace, and Bob Marley? If you guessed celebrities who have taken a bullet, you'd be right. Oh poor Tupac. Oh, hip-hop. If there's one thing the most American of musical forms is not known for, it'sself-restraint. A perfect place to see this in action is the album cover - that 5"x5" square that sums up in a single image what the record is about. The following covers are so amazingly terrible that they'd make records scratch all by themselves. Ready to get funky?

Hi Ernie, You seem a little stressed out . . . I hear Liberia is nice this time of year! Cheers, Charley, Los Angeles. PS: It says 8 parts, but only 5 have been released so far. Damn! Just when it was getting good!

Oh yes, I almost forgot: DO NOT CLICK THIS.

late but still funny. how to wrap a cat for christmas.

don't quote me: the dumbest, funniest quotes in sports.

a shot across the bow? leno takes a fucking BAZOOKA to letterman with this one.

January 25, 2010

It's Supposed To Rain Like A Fucker All Day.

And so, here is Boston Big Picture's latest gallery on Haiti: Faces of Haiti. With bonus, "hey you've got nice tits for a homeless girl," in picture twenty-seven.

You know what surprises me about this Saudi schoolgirl/90 lashes thing? It's that people here in the West still get surprised by it. Dude, it's fucking Saudi Arabia. They do shit like that. The headline could read, "Six year old boy and his entire family caned and set on fire after theft of a Snickers bar," and it wouldn't phase me one bit. That's what they fucking do there; so when they do what they do, quit making it national fucking news. I also find it amazing how crazy people get about sports these days, especially considering how much sports suck when compared to what they used to be. We're talking about the ancient sports where Viking rape was a trophy and "crocodile death" had its own slot on the scoreboard.

I honestly and truly hope that Felix Baumgartner plummets to his death when he attempts to freefall from 120,000 feet, as I feel that Joseph Kittinger's record should stand forever.

GAWD... the memory... you mentioned the Russian soldier video... the only video I have ever seen where I actually got up from my computer and left the room. To this day it makes me very ill. Wack job allah satanists are what they are. Dohfugwimee

Hey Ernie, Been a reader for years and first time contributor. I know you have a sick sense of humor and figured you would get a kick out of this whether you post it or not. Dan

Yep, that last one was for you, Jeff.

Here's a fantastic wildlife documentary clip taken from BBC nature show 'A Moose Named Madeline'. Such a cute little moose. And then, the wolves show up. Aw don't be such a pussy, she fared much better than these two bull moose did. But listen, if the mothers of today took care of their children half as good as animals mothers do, we'd be a lot better off as a society. Locally we had this genius accidentally scald her baby trying to get a spider off of him, and here's a photos of a woman with a baby stroller at the beach... I hope she brought sunscreen as I've heard babies sunburn easily.

Hey ernie, I never had any good pics to contribute yet but my company does glass work for Five Guys in the NYC area and I was working in the Bayside location...they had a board for people to post drawings and I saw this... Rick roll'd. John

And before anyone even asks, no I won't ever, ever, ever post the video that Dohfugwimee and I are referring to. I love a good bout of gore as much as the next guy but even I've got my limits. So nyet. But People magazine recently ran a very disturbing story about The Hills bimbo Heidi Montag and her senses-shattering ten plastic surgeries in one day. Montag, a Trainwreck 100 inductee, has stated that she first got surgery because people in high school made fun of her, but now she's just trying to stay competitive in her quest to become a pop starlet. Here's a timeline of Montag's plastic evolution, plus we use our exclusive Time Cameras to get photos of her future surgeries.

Oh, and remember DO NOT CLICK THIS.

black people on twitter. black dynamite would not approve.

chick who lost her face in a shotgun blast gets a prostetic. kinda creepy.

at 7g's i'd weight over 1,200 pounds. no wonder the asian guy fades so fast.

siray kong is part thai and cambodian. born in thailand, she now lives in minnesota.

January 23, 2010

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

i have a jillian induced priapism.

isthispornornot - grandtheftauto4sticker

let's take a drive through earthquake ravaged haiti.

the twenty greatest erin andrews pictures on the internet.

the fresh prince vs oh yeah, they're not done yet.

northrop grumman video of a flight test of its bat small unmanned aircraft.

couple creates epic movie trailer previewing their wedding. bonus: she's taller.

doomedcardealer - factoryequipment - morehandicappedparking - pricesaresofakinglow

conan obrien's last show farewell/goodbye speech. he signed off with class, good luck coco.

January 22, 2010

And So it Begins.

A. What is the best way to pick up a Haitian woman? A. With a backhoe! Eh, not the worst I'vbe heard but still pretty good. Thanks David!

A bunch of people sent in this story about Angel, the golden retriever who saved an eleven year old boy from a mountaion lion attack. And then came Auggie, who sorta saved his wheelchair bound owner from freezing to death in a very nice Lassie'esque move. Both of these made me think of this story which happened right her in Cape Coral. Besides it hapening right before Christmas (can be return these presents?) it made me wonder just what a shit bunch of luck the whole encounter was. Wiemaraner's are known for being super intelligent and a fantastic family dog, especially with children. So I think it was a matter of the kid startling the dog, the dog reacting instinctively with a bit, and then in a 1000:1 chance, the bite just happened to be somewhere fatal. The parents weren't angry, but stunned. I felt bad for the kid and the dog. What're the chances of one quick bite being fatal? The city took the dog and ended up putting it to sleep; I don't know if that was the right call, but what the fuck are you gonna do? Sometimes bad things happen to bad people.

Hey Big E here are all the pics I have. My brother Jordan was climbing a ladder to check a light fixture, and it fell. The corner hit his arm and did some damage. Docs got him all fixed up and he is fine. Brandon. PS we think his stiches look like they were done in the civil war.

In a nutshell, I was standing on an 8' ladder investigating above a ceiling that is sheetrocked. The 2x4 flouredcent light is the access above the ceiling. You see, you push it up and to the side resting it on the ceiling next to the hole. After my investigation I went to return the light in it's proper place when it slipped. Out of reflex I went to grab it with my left arm when it fell and stayed on my arm. I fixed the light and ran the hell out as fast as I could to aseas the damage. I felt like I was in a movie. The only thing I could think of to do was to take off my belt and use it as a tourniquet. I've never bled that much in my life. I'm pumped full of novacane and lortabs. Been a solid day today. Nurse commando style stitched me up in 15 minuites. [PHOTOS]How was your day? Haha! Love the site brother! Jordan

Your drug induced spelling makes me LOLz. As do your Civil War era stitches (you're right, they do!) And leaving your DNA all over the place and shit. Hollywood has never been afraid to sacrifice realism for the sake of an entertaining story. And since pretty much every movie or TV show features the police in some way, we as an audience get fed a lot of total horseshit about how the law works and how cops operate in the USA. But as most of us are on the outside of the judicial system (for the moment) we usually don't even realize what we're being told is incorrect.

Since you post quote for the day, thought you might be interested in this site (although you have probably already discovered it). Enjoy you site. Peace out. Bill

My name is Jason Paul. After graduating from college with a bachelor’s degree in communication, I attempted to pursue a “conventional” job writing for a number of publications. I applied for over 180 positions, from small papers in Lawrence, Kansas to Boulder, Colorado. After an overwhelming swell of rejection emails, I called the conventional lifestyle quits and decided to pursue an idea of my own. My idea? To live my life off Craigslist.

Ever wonder what if Thelma and Louise was a hot lesbian movie? Wonder no longer. Trust me when I tell you that this is the SINGLE GREATEST MOVIE IN THE FUCKING HISTORY OF MOVIES. EVER.

so these are.... clips from jackass, yes?

tag, you're it. american vs soviet anti-submarine warfare. for real this time.

one-hundred best companies to work for. comverse doesn't make the list, huh.

good news: airbus a320 on the cheap. bad news: it was in the hudson river.

January 22, 2010

Hey, Whatcha Readin?

Old and busted: the Fresh Prince of Belair on The new hotness? God is never gonna give you up. But the other host does a pretty good job of trying to, ahem, roll with it. Man, I sure do find those funny.

One show that I always try to keep up on is is Bones, and that's probably because it stars uber-hottie Emily Deschanel. Yeah I know her sister Zooey gets all the attention, but aside from that one shower scene in Elf, I'd just as soon do Emily as I would Zooey. And I often wondered how Bones co-star David Boreanaz can keep his dick in his pants while he's working. Then I learned - he's married to former Playboy Playmate Jamie Bergman! Ha! Good for him. it must be nice to be married to a Playmate.

On that note, lookin’ a little naked there, Miranda! Miranda Kerr, the dimpled-cheeked Australian who has helped turned prancing around in your underpants an artform thanks to her work as a Victoria’s Secret Angel, smiles with her eyes and plays Peek-A-Boo with her naughty bits in this sizzling new layout for GQ’s February issue. And as you're slaving away in the office this afternoon, remember that orlando Bloom gets to fuck her, and you don't.

love ya, ernie, but that picture of the dead kids being tossed out of the building? Even if it's fake? Needed a 'Do Not Click' warning. Please. I can't unsee that. Jeff

I decided to post that photo without warning after I saw it -- and being the most apathetic, uncompassionate fucker on the planet -- still sat back and said, "Wow, that's fucked up." Although still not as bad as when I saw the video of that Russian soldier getting his throat cut in Chechnya, it's ten years later and I'm still wishing I could unsee that one. But I guess that was kind of my point, Jeff. My 'do not click' photos I post for the entertainment value. That one I posted to illustrate that as far as mankind has come -- travelling to the moon, harnessing the atom, nanotechnology -- Mother Nature flicks her finger and suddenly we're hauling dead children in the back of a garbage truck. Something like that makes you stop and take notice. Meanwhile elsewhere in the world, a Saudi Prince is sending back his 64oz Kobe steak because it's too well done. And let me ask you, what do Alyssa Milano, Sandra Bullock, Lance Armstrong, Gisele Bundchen, the country of Senegal and — very possibly — you have in common? All — including you — have donated more funds to the Haitian relief effort than oil-rich nations like Saudi Arabia and Iran. That's right ... if you personally have donated money to help the earthquake-stricken people of Haiti, then you have contributed more money than the governments of Saudi Arabia and Iran, whose combined dollar donation is a big fat fucking zero. Personally, I can't fucking wait until the next big Iran quake.

Are you trapped in a hotel -- well, okay, not like Haiti trapped in a hotel, like to where its laying on top of you but more of the I'm a spending a night in -- and need some white noise to fall asleep? Boy, have I got the site for you.

peta presents 2010 state of the union address. (and a black chick gets naked).

one-hundred cheesiest movie quotes of all time.

american and soviet submarines play marco polo.

January 20, 2010

Boy, I Bet Ted Kennedy Is Pissed.

So not to be the bad guy here -- there is some pretty horrible shit going down in Haiti and I give him props for not just standing idly by -- but how long do you figure until Anderson Cooper gets diagnosed with HIV? That was a lot of fuckin blood, man.

Hey, thought you might like to share these pics. Mack vs. CAT - The CAT won. Taken at the Granny Smith Gold Mine in Western Australia. Keep up the good work. John

So 2010 is turning out to be the year in mockery, I guess. First there's Macgruber, which I presume is a parody on MacGyver. It looks insanely stupid and I can't believe that Powers Boothe signed up for that piece of shit. Then Tim Allen stars in the greatest story ever told about a man, his son and a fucking tree. I am looking forward to Legion though -- the redband trailer is below.

Ernie, I used to work for a natural gas company in college. Compressed natural gas is cold. We used ethylene glycol in large boilers to heat the gas up and keep it from freezing the pressure regulators and metering equipment. We never had anything as big as that tank but my guess is the ethylene cold box is use to heat the compressed natural gas and keep it from freezing up the equipment on the rig. Love the site. Thanks for EHOWA. Kyle

Old and busted: joking about an Avatar deleted sex scene. The new hotness: actually making one.

Hey Ernie I was looking at the small V8 engine on Erniestreet, here is a link to another micro V8, click on the V8 engine video, it sound like a top fuel drag car. Thanks for all laughs, Mark in Illinois

Domino's Pizza recently unveiled a new ad campaign to spread the word of their new and improved pizza recipe. In the ads, letters and Tweets from Domino's customers that criticize the company's pizza are read aloud. If you've ever tried to choke down a Domino's pizza you can probably guess the direction these criticisms went. Terms like "cardboard" and "ketchup" and "cascading torrents of bile" feature prominently.

Hey Ernie, the news has been talking about the FDA researching whats in cigarettes. That got me interested to find out myself. They say a 'US blend cigarette' is only about 50% tobacco! What about the more than 500 chemical additives they say that are in cigarettes, are they all that bad for you? Nope, most are FDA approved food additives and found in everyday foods. Keep it up, Jerimy

Reggie Watts vs. DieHard Battery tests DieHard batteries under extreme demands. A single DieHard Platinum battery powers an original musical set from Reggie Watts. Powering the amp, mic, 100 LED lights, and the car is the easy part.

2009 UK Big Brother star Karly Ashworth broke up with her boyfriend and he leaked a bunch of nude pictures. I figured your audience may enjoy them. Brian

And in what can only be described as the most hilariously racist video I have ever seen, I encourage all of you to throw your hands up because we drinkin grape soda up in the White House!

And while not as bad as the regular DO NOT CLICK THIS photos, this one will make you cringe none the less. Why? Because handlebars aren't supposed to go there.

movie spoliers. how many? like ALL of them. zoinks.

search all the craigslists in your area, based upon zip code.

emma maersk, magma, patterdale terriers, and the evergreen supertanker.

January 19, 2010

Are My Keys In There, by Any Chance?

Old and busted: Haiti, 48 hours later. The new hotness: Haiti, six days later. And while I'm not a religious person, I'm pretty sure karma is going to get a little pissy about throwing somebody out of their own coffin so you can steal it.

This one is for you Puddy -- reminding you of when you used to be cool -- and fly A-10s. Although of course, there are no A-10 cockpit photos in this gallery. Nor are there any of the A-4 Skyhawk, the plane John McCain was flying when he was shot down over Hanoi. Hmph.

On a related note, Jon pointed out that since singer Susan Boyle -- who admits to still being a virgin -- has been on television, there's been a marked drop in suicide bombings. Apparently many of the terrorists didn't realize what a virgin looked like?

Jessica Alba burst onto the scene in 2000 when she starred as Max Guevera in the television series Dark Angel. As the high-flying, ass-kicking sci-fi babe on the FOX drama "Dark Angel," Jessica quickly proved that not only was she hot as hell, but watching her kick ass in some serious fight scenes brought her lots of attention. Theres something about that girl next door look, especially when you dress up in a tight black body suit. And no, she does not have cooties.

Ernie: My wife used to work with the guy who sent these pictures. I don't know what an "Ethylene Cold Box" is either, but it's fucking BIG. Joe

And after doing some Google searches... I'm not really sure what the fuck it does either. I couldn't find an article explaining specifically what it does but it's got something to do with natural gas production, I think. Either way, it won't fit in my garage.

Oh, and you're going to want to NOT CLICK THIS.

having a bad day? play a game of "ignite people on fire". top 99: the 25 hottest sports gals to crack the list.

remember the shiba inu live puppy cam? well, the b-team has arrived.

neat collection of old books. survival books on page 2, police signals on page 4.

January 18, 2010

All Men Are Created Equal. Sure. But No Chicks.

“Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can’t ride you unless your back is bent.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

So did you all watch the 67th Golden Globe Awards last night? Winner of Best Actor Mini-series, Drama? Kevin Bacon in Taking Chance. W00t. But Best Actor in a comedy, Robert Downey Jr. in Sherlock Holmes? Uhhh? He wasn't bad but the movie was quite bland. Personally, I think being stranded on a ski lift for a week would be more suspenseful than Sherlock Holmes was.

Most of us like to think we'd make it through many life-threatening situations just fine. After all, you've seen the Discovery channel, you've watched disaster movies and you've got a good logical head on our shoulders. You should be just fine, right? But that's like thinking you'll be good in a fight because you've watched a Jackie Chan movie; whatever "techniques" you think you've learned are more likely to get your dumb ass killed.

Seemingly appropriate. Love the site. - Travis

Actually the chick that drives that car has a site explaining its origin. Long story short, many moons ago, someone vandalized her car because she has a rainbow sticker on it. Rather than have the spraypainted slurs removed, she said fuck you and drove the car around like that. The next evolution to that was having her car painted in a rainbow and officially naming it the Fag Bug. She's not bad lookin so I say all the power to her, even if she won't accept my Enchanted Staff +3. Besiedes, a wise person one told me, "I've never been mad enough at a person to mess with their car."

Heya Ernie, I was driving home the other day and there was a whole shitload of eagles munchin on a deer carcass. I called home and got my wife to grab her camera and went back for a few Kodak moments. The most I counted in the actual feed was 16 at once, looking around on the ice and in the trees, I counted up to 32. Pretty bitchin to watch. I think the one with the one bird staring you down is just fuckin BADASS. It's incredible, we get to see shit like this all the time but it's easy to forget that most Americans have never seen a live eagle. Keep it up man, you ROCK. Let me know if you bring any Coasties home with LBEH. Gus, USCG Airsta Kodiak, AK [ERNIE SAYS: BE FOREWARNED, I'M LEAVING THESE PHOTOS IN THEIR ORIGINAL SIZE TO PRESERVE IMAGE QUALITY]

I get two eagles that like to hunt in the pond behind my house, although they haven't shown up this year so I dunno whats up. But I've never seen them that close before, so that's very cool. Unless of course, you're the fucking deer. And alas, no Coasties. Not for lack of trying... just no USCG requests! Ah, kids can be cute sometimes. Ever Jersey kids, I suppose. Summer at the Jersey Shore officially kicks off when eight kids move out of their bunk beds and into their summer share. Don’t miss the romances, the fist pumping, juice heads... and juice boxes. And remember, never fall in love at the Jersey Shore.

director of downfall speaks out on all those angry youtube hitlers.

to the left, to the left, to the left | to the right, to the right, to the right

they see me rollin, they hatin, patrollin, they tryin' to catch me ridin dirty.

snorting vitamins helps them work better because it gets directly into your blood.

January 17, 2010

Insert Your Favorite Trollin Weekend Joke Here.

most popular christmas toys, by year since 1960.

double your youtube pleasure, double your youtube fun.

two guys crazy glue their nutsacks together. yeah, i'd say nsfw.

bringhomeabucket - hillaryswanknipples - navymomlooking - screwyoudog

elaine spottswood pics (a-rod's new girl) and 10 reasons sports are heating up in 2010.

January 15, 2010

Did She Just Blow A Clown?

Wow, you want to talk about people turning into goddamn piranahas, take a look at the late night arena now. Jay Leno is setting the world record for getting kicked in the nuts, first by his own network and then by David Letterman. Hell even Jimmy Kimmel jumped in the fray. But leave it to Craig Ferguson to class the place up a bit by reminding us where the real news is at. Good for you, Mr Wick!

Yeah, Limbaugh can be a pretty big dick sometimes. Some people are so dumb that they think they can walk around naked and argue people into believing they have clothes on. These people have made their way to the internet. Hell, even Tiger Woods is using Haiti as an opportunity to clean up his act. Here's a quick look at Haiti 48 hours later, with Boston's Big Picture. They say the Lord works in mysterious ways but why does Jesus have to make things so hard on us?

Hey Ernie! MOST is a local news story. We lost Police Officer Cpl. Szuba and his K-9 Partner this past Saturday. Please check it out. Here are several links. I am sure with your internet savvy you'll find everything you need if you choose to post any of this and I really hope you do. In my opinion the "alleged" assailant needs to be tried, convicted, executed, and parted out so at least, for once, he can be useful to society. His entire life he's been a burden on the system and he's nothing buy a drain on the system. This motherfucker need to die for what he did because in prison he'll just be a hero for all the other losers. These two links are to the local news stations and all the related articles to this tragedy. [one] [two]. Sorry I don't donate enough or submit enough but hopefully this will help make up for that a little bit. Keep doing what you do! You rock! I am hoping to go to the procession of lights tonight and if my phone will handle it, shoot some video that I will gladly forward to you. Gary

How much are import taxes on a $48,000 VW Toureg? Probably an arm and a leg. But what happens if you don't pay them? The gov'mint destroys it, like this.

This is real and very funny! Call the Nestle Crunch Hotline at 1-800-295-0051, When you are asked if you want to continue in English or Spanish, just wait quietly for about 10 seconds and you will smile. Promise! Keep going and press 4. Listen to the options... then press 7. Chris.

Don't worry, that number is legit, I tried it myself. So with the weather perking up, I'm headed to the beach. Wait. Shit, has anyone seen my green beach towel?

these are the saddest MOST AWESOME imdb profiles ever.

ahhh, i see the united kingdom has its fair share of douchebags, too.

true or false: there are about 15 people crushed while playing football each year.

January 14, 2010

I'm Not Saying I Condone It, I'm Saying I Understand.

You know thing that's always fascinated me about teacher/student sex scandals? Well okay, besides the fact that it never happened to me; although I remember my seventh grade biology teacher had a cute college age student teacher that I wish had taken me behind the bleachers once or twice. It's that in most cases nothing would have happened if both parties had simply kept their big mouths shut. Seriously. Look at it from the student's perspective; getting to take a few turns on the likes of Debra Lefave and Pamela Rogers before you can even balance a chemical equation? You've struck gold, man! And your secret to keeping your season pass to this educational fun park? Easy - shut the fuck up! That's it! Don't brag. Don't tell your friends. Just shut the fuck up. And teachers. Listen, I'm not pointing any fingers. Maybe you can't find any guys your age who can keep up with you. Maybe you just have a taste for the dark meat. I'm not judging, I'm just saying... shut the fuck up about it. That's it! Don't send nude photos of yourself, don't send love letters. Certainly don't leave any evidence for when someone spills the beans, like sending your little padawan a cell phone video of you stripping. Use your fuckin head! And I'd like to think that as educated people, you at least read the news, so I'd hope that some of you learn from these prior mistakes. But nope, you're still getting busted. Again, I'm not condoning it. I'm just saying that if you're going to let your student use your assigned parking space, at least learn the golden rule: have the common sense to at least shut the fuck up about it. Otherwise yeah, it's probably going to come back to bite you in your ass.

Okay, let's see who is building some strong towers in the most recent game challenge, Insurgo. In second place we have Robert with 1,659, who is hot ion the heels of Bryan with 1,665. Although it it unknown if Bryan is following the Mark McGwire guide to hitting building or not.

Good Day Ernie. I found this story on another forum. The short version is that some kids found the remains of a decorated World War Two vet in a pile of garbage & thru some searching & help from the local police got the man the proper burial he deserves. Thanx!!! Charlie

Hi Ernie, Longtime reader, first time writer. Being an out of work construction manager and seeing the recent world events unfold, I came across this little gem. Keep up the good work. Robert

Ouch. Unemployed over the winter, that's got to be a serious pain in the ass. Plus has anyone else noticed that gas has quietly crept up past $3 a gallon lately? Thankfully we're halfway through winter which means I'll be able to get my bad ass scooter back out on the road soon. I wonder how economical that will be when compared to the new Nissan Leaf plugin hybrid? But yeah, those poor fucking Haitians sure are in a world of shit, eh? Even their presidential palace got hammered pretty good.

And let me just say that Coke has launched the single greatest marketing campaign that I have ever seen. The fat chick gets a pizza, ha! It made me LOLZ.

This news may be flying under the radar, possibly because Shaq has yet to drive into any fire hydrants, but two different women have been reported to have had affairs with the still-married Shaquille O'Neal. We all know that the Big Shaqtus is about as prickly as a teddy bear, but I had no idea he was this friendly. Or this lucky. The latest woman to be linked to Shaq is a Swedish model named Dominica Wrestling. While he may be no Tiger Woods, let's take a look at the women this big man has been wooing and has wooed over the years.


i know somebody who is never getting laid, ever, ever, ever again.

January 13, 2010

Somehow I Feel As If I've Worked There Before.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat fuck just before dinner.

Baywatch Nights didn't turn into the mega-hit its predecessor was, and producer/star David Hasselhoff wanted a piece of all the money X-Files was making at the time. So, he started forcing a science-fiction plot into every single episode. You would think that they would run out of sci-fi beach crime plots quickly, and they did. And thus some of the most ridiculous plots ever aired on TV were born. Episodes included: Sea Monsters; Unfrozen Vikings; Surfing aliens; A mutant mermaid serial killer; David Hasselhoff getting cloned to save himself from mutated Brazillian-body-snatching snails. And I didn't make any of this shit up.

Okay, I have to be brutally honest here. A few weeks ago I hit a new low at an bar. After x-amount of beers, inevitably I had to find a bathroom. I decided it was probably on the other side of the bar so I tried to walk over there, but ran into a guy coming the other way. We played that, Both go left, Both go right game to no avail, so I finally put out my hand to guide myself past and that's is when I realized, yup, that's a mirror I just tried to walk through. And the guy on the other side is me. Christ, even cats can recognize their own image.

I had an unfortunate accident on my bike Monday night: I was talking my Labrodor out for his evening run and it was fairly dark, no moon that I could see. I've done this most every night for about 4 years. Normally I take my wife's cruiser, but this night I was on my commuter bike. I never put on a helmet as there are no cars out and we live in quiet tucked away neighborhood. The neighborhood I live in has just recently been repaved. In my neighborhood we have open ditches that carry irrigation water to our properties. Well, my Lab was lagging behind and I looked back over my left shoulder to see why. I "guess" I drifted to the right. Next thing I know I am being slammed face first into the ground and my riding glasses were ripped off my face and my feet were touching the ground in front of my head. My body snapped back like a sausage and I concentrated on not passing out. I wiggled my fingers: good, not a quadrapeligic, I wiggled my toes. Whew no broken back. I crawled across some poor fellow's lawn and banged on his door and yelled for help. I had to convince him to open the door by telling him I was laying on the ground as he could not see me through his peep hole. When he opened the door he screamed and wanted to call 911. I asked him to call my wife instead. He threw me a towel and dialed my wife who had me in the Emergency Room about 8 minutes later. [Make sure you scroll down to see all the pictures!]

One out of every eight Americans gets it, and 47% of those who reach 85 years of age have it. Up to now Alzheimer’s was a disease without a remedy. Sure, there are nutritional or drug based substances that slow the symptoms, but if nothing else killed you Alzheimer’s would over a period of time. Up until recently Alzheimer’s patients took medications just to be able to dress, bathe, use a phone, and other basic necessary functions by themselves a while longer. A team of researchers from the University of California, Irvine, has announced they believe they have discovered a true cure for Alzheimer’s. The best part of this cure is it’s cheap and widely accessible. The cure is vitamin B3, nicotinamide, or more commonly referred to as niacinamide. And yet somehow I kind of doubt it's that easy. Stemcells baby, stemcells!

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're fucking crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

Congo lawmakers are convinced the stimulus package will give Congolese the assault weapons they need to obtain clothes, food.

barbarossa: the blitzkrieg attack on the ussr.

boners, more boners, still more boners and the pocket book of boners. sfw.

"revenge of the giant face" - fourteen notes on quentin tarantino's inglourious basterds.

January 12, 2010

Man, Is It Cold Over There, Too?

So out of morbid curiosity, I did some research on how a heat pump works and now understand why my pool heater can't function once it drops below a given threshold. It operates on the same principle as an air-conditioned: absorbing the heat out of one object and releasing it into another. In the instance of an air-conditioner, it takes the heat from the inside of your home and transfers it to he air outside of your home. Where as my pool heater takes the heat from the outside air and transfers it to my pool water; thus if there's no heat to extract from the (cold) air, it can't heat the water. I suppose it makes sense now.

Adriana Lima stands at 5’10” and ranked by Maxim in 2007 as number 53 on their Hot 100 list. She appeared as an actress in The Follow episode of the BMW short film series The Hire in 2001, directed by Wong Kar Wai and starring Clive Owen as The Driver. Adriana – who has been linked with Lenny Kravitz , Derek Jeter, and Marko Jaric of the Minnesota Timberwolves – spends her time away from modeling working with the poor children of her homeland, and participated in building an orphanage. I should note that of all the BMW films, Beat The Devil starring James Brown and Danny Trejo was my favorite, followed very closely by The Ambush.

I work for Union Pacific in Tucson. A friend of mine sent me these, he works out of North Platte. The photos were taken by Worley, Idaho sometime this winter when we had a big snow dump. The engineer on this train said they thought they might get through so he pushed snow until it wouldn't push anymore. Skippy.

Sorry I've been spacing out for a bit and haven't had a game challenge recently. Let's fix that. You're on a mission to build the tallest and most sturdiest building structure that you can. To do you so you must interconnect the pylons together in a triangle pattern. Be careful, if any part of your structure hits the ground, you lose! Your tower needs to be taller than my 829 meters to even be acknowledged.

There are few actors that are willing to undergo a massive body transformation for movie roles. There are even fewer, because of the difficulty, that do it more than once. Typically referred to as ‘method actors’ for their dedication to their craft and their roles, these Hollywood icons were willing to shed or gain significant weight, or take up rigorous weight-lifting regimens. The following are some of the most noteworthy body transformations by movie stars.

New Giant Spider Discovered! Well, at least I warned you it was Arachnopalooza time. Howard.

Here are the hottest wives and girlfriends on the PGS tour. Oh, I'm sorry. I mean to say the ones that aren't sleeping with Tiger Woods.

Remember Shawna Waldron, aka "The Icebox" from the film, Little Giants? Yeah, well she's all growed up now.

god smites lars ulrich for killing napster.

teaser trailer for an fan-made left4dead movie. it's, meh.

analysis: a look at us airstrikes in pakistan through september 2009.

richard simmons bio, ingrown toenail surgery, and build your own spud gun.

you'll never look at heavy earth-moving machinery the same way again. i promise.

January 11, 2010

Fuck You AquaCal.

While Florida homes are built to be quite efficient at keeping the cold air in, I can assure you they don't do dick when tasked to keeping the cold air out. I know that's pretty counter-intuitive, but believe me, it's true. For the past few days when it was a steady 35 degrees, I could run the heat all day, ten hours straight, and it would never get above 70 degrees in this house. Not that I would run the heat that long, mind you, since being rarely used, furnaces are quite inefficient here in the Sunshine State; I went and looked at my electric meter while the heat was on and it was spinning so fast it looked like a fucking CD player.

So yesterday afternoon as I looked out at the unseasonably grey skies and saw my breath fogging up on the window, I realized that despite my moving out of New England, New England had apparently followed me down here. I was cold right down the bone, a sensation I never thought I'd feel again after moving down here. Christ there weren't even any birds in the lake; they had all probably migrated even further south. And if ever there was a day to knock back a few drinks, this was it my friends. But alas, I'm on the wagon for 90 days, remember? And so I decided to say 'fuck the electric company' and turn my hot tub on. A quick glance at the pool heater's digital thermometer revealed that the current water temperature was an even 50 degrees. So heating at 12 degrees per hour for four hours, I figured it'd be go time around 5pm or so. I went back inside, flopped my fat ass on the couch, put Beverly Hills Cop II on the widescreen and smirked. "Yeah later this evening, I'll be doing backflips in 101 degree water and Jack Frost and Old Man Winter can each suck one of my hairy balls," I thought. I looked outside again just in time to see a gust of wind make the palm trees sway against the grey January sky. I rule.

And for the next two hours I watched Foley, Rosewood and Taggart track down that tall blonde amazon bitch who tried to kill the guy who tried to kill Arnold Schwarzenegger on Mars. And when Axel Foley laughed, I laughed too; all through the Ferrari scene, the housing contractors, the vitamins, the dump truck. Shakedown. Breakdown. Takedown. Everybody walks into the crowded line. That's right Bridget, no matter where you hide I'm coming after you. And after Taggart unloaded his .357 into Ms. Nielsen, saving both Axel Foley and the day, I decide to go out and check on the progress of my hot tub. After two hours of heating, I figured it would be around 73-74 or so. I dipped my hand into the water and wooo, that's still pretty cold! I walked around to the pool heater to read the thermometer; 56 fucking degrees? What the fuck is this shit? But, I reasoned, that perhaps since it was so cold out, it would simply take a little longer to heat up. Maybe 3-4 degrees the first hour, 5-6 the next, etc... kind of warming up that average 12 degrees per hour that I'm used to. I grimaced as another bone chilling gust of wind came through and chased me back inside, leaving my hot (cold?) tub dutifully swirling bubbles behind me as I went.

As I returned to the couch, I began running some calculations in my head; x-amount of degrees per hour, incrementing, eh, maybe 20% per hour... new estimate for the warm snuggly goodness of my hot tub? 8pm'ish. I can live with that, I suppose. The sun would be down, the prime time television should would just be coming on. Tilt the tv out, bring out the wireless speaker, and watch the tube in the tub, I can handle that, right?

So at 7:30 when I went outside to again check on the hot tub and the thermometer read 69, needless to say I got pissed. For starters this thing has been running all fucking day, ratcheting up my electric bill at the rate of seventeen million dollars per hour. And I could stomach that, if I had something to show for it, but here I am looking at this bowl of room temperature water, going what the fuck? Now I began to steel myself: Oh I am going in this fucking thing. I don't care if I have to wait until 2am, I am going in this fucking hot tub tonight! As the water was gradually getting warmer, surely I had the laws of thermodynamics on my side! It's got to start heating faster now right? Wrong.

Because a check at 8:00 showed an even 71 degrees. Fuuuuuuuuuck. And to make things worse, when I actually paid attention to the heater this time, I noticed the fan was blowing but the compressor wasn't on. No compressor = no heat. No heat = no hot tub. I say again, no hot tub. No bubbles. No warmth. No snuggly goodness. So now I'm not only faced with running this motherfucker all day but perhaps a fucking repair bill on my pool heater too? Motherfucker. I stomped back inside all pissy and flopped down in front of my computer. How long is the warranty on my Aquacal? Two years, but five years on the compressor (parts only). And I've had it about four years, so just great, either way this is going to cost me money. Fuck you, clown.

As the fact that I'm not going to get to enjoy my hot tub tonight began to creep inside my head, I decided to cut my losses and go out and turn the fucking thing off. And just as I get outside, I hear the compressor (which evidently was just on) now cut off. Great. But what do I see when I get up the digital display? Code "F5". Now I don't know what the fuck that is, but it might as well read, "$$". Fuck. I turn the damned thing off, and go inside to look up the error code. And guess what? it turns out the fucking thing isn't designed to run in temperatures colder than 50 degrees. Thus all the time it was on, it was only actually heating about part of the time, hence the unsatisfactory water temperature. So long story short, it's not fucking broken. Which is good but it just won't heat my hot tub when it gets too cold out -- you know, right about the time when you WANT A FUCKING HOT TUB THE MOST. Not that it creeps to below 50 degrees very often here in Southwest Florida. It's not Africa hot but still, may it forever be known that during the great frigid winter of 2010 when I needed it most, my AquaCal fucked me.

Hi Ernie - long time reader, 1st time contributer. Saw this Handmade card in my local supermarket (London UK) and even though the others I saw like it were good, this one was just a lil special.... Gurwinder

Hi Ernie. From a faithful reader: the attached pic is of a bona-fide "Snow Baby" statue that is one of dozens that my wife brings out for Xmas. Every year we laugh about this thing, you'll see why. It's between 12 and 15 years old. I'm not sure what it's called, but it probably should be titled "Look what Santa left in mommy's lingerie drawer". If that thing was ever meant to be a candle, the guy who made the mold wasn't listening. Thanks for the great website, and for your LBEH efforts. Dutch

Things I Learned This Week: Sloths are arboreal residents of the rainforests of Central and South America. The sloth's taxonomic suborder is Folivora, while some call it Phyllophaga. Both names mean "leaf-eaters"; the first is derived from Latin, the second from Greek. Names for the animals used by tribes in Ecuador include Ritto, Rit and Ridette, mostly forms of the word "sleep", "eat" and "dirty" from Tagaeri tribe of Huaorani. Here is a picture of a sloth. Also, there's an Avatar deleted sex scene, Charlie Sheen’s wife was in alcohol rehab while pregnant, and let's not forget tattooing our seven underage children.

Ernie, This is a picture of our Springer spaniel Huck. I don't think he's got his heart into this "bird dog" thing. To be honest it looks like he was sleeping in the front yard, woke up surrounded and was too scared to move. There were about 9 more birds to the left as they passed through our front yard. I love the site and check it out first thing everyday. Dave

I know your affinity for 5 Guys. This reminds me of the old pic of the kid drawing his mom selling shovels, but looks like she is dancing on a pole. Good times. Thanks again for the site. Been a fan for years. Jacob

Amy Weber was raised a small-town farm girl in Mapleton, Illinois. While growing up she learned to love the outdoors and activities like racing motorcycles. After moving to Ocala Florida, Amy attended Lake Weir High School where she was a varsity track athlete as well as a cheerleader. But, unlike most who migrate to Southern California, Amy had that special something. A modeling agent discovered her very shortly after making the move, and soon her abilities as a model landed her numerous print ads and television commercials.

numbers behind pornography sfw.

kid jumping on trampoline eats the side of the pool.

hating and boning: understanding the hollywood lesbo deathfest.

January 9, 2010

Insert Your Favorite Cold Ass Weekend Joke Here.

do not click this black guy

2010 nfl mock draft: hot chick edition.

pc world's fast fixes for common pc problems.

suicide by cop, go-go dancing, trebuchet, and eye floaters.

boys' private parts: ten things every girl should know about them.

fifteen greatest proponents of marijuana legalization, including god himself.

checkoutmycamera - coaxial50gun - ehowarocksbaghdad - emptyplasticcup - poleidol - tigerbarf

January 8, 2010

Homeless And Hairless.

With record breaking temperatures dipping into the single teens across all of the Eastern seaboard, many news articles of a single theme seem to be permeating throughout all of my preferred news haunts. CNN has an articles entitled, "In winter, some homeless choose between independence, warmth. on their front page. The USA Today recently ran, "Cold snap 'horrifying' for homeless." ABC News article, Arctic Cold, Snow, From Midwest to Florida," mentions a homeless man freezing to death. Hell, even the shitty local News-Press has managed to stumble their way into, "Southwest Florida warmth continues to spread -- and the News-Press sucks cock. As you can see the challenges that this recent drop in temperatures presents for those less fortunate than us, I hope you understand how important it is to get the word out on this situation. Ever the humanitarian, I would like to do my part. By telling you these homeless jokes.

Q. What's blue and fucks the homess? A. Hypothermia.

An elderly gentleman came home one night to find a homeless girl of about seventeen ransacking the place. He grabbed her by the arm and was just about to call the police when the girl dropped down on her knees and pleaded, "Please don't call the police, mister, oh please!! If you don't, I'll let you make love to me and do whatever you want with my body!" The old man thought for a moment and decided to give in. Soon they were naked and in bed together. The old man tried hard and tried hard, but finally, he rolls over, exhausted, and embarassed. "I'm sorry, young lady...but it's no use," he gasped. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to call the police after all."

Reggie Watts (born Reginald Lucien Frank Roger Watts) is a multidisciplinary comedic performer. Watts made his name as the lead singer of the Seattle-based soul band Maktub in the 1990s. He also released the solo album Simplified on the Freestyle Records label in 2004. Since then he has shifted to comedic live performances for which he is best known today. His shows are mostly improvised and consist of stream of consciousness standup in various shifting personas, mixed with loop pedal-based a cappella compositions. Some of these improvised songs have become popular on YouTube and are often requested at his shows, such as the hip hop pastiche "Fuck Shit Stack" and "Out of Control". He also has one of the biggest fucking afros I have ever seen.

Homeless man: "Got some spare change?" Me: "Knock knock!" Homeless man: "Who's there?" Me:: "Fuck off, I thought you said you were homeless!"

You know, never did I think these words would ever cross my lips but... I think I found part of the George Lopez show really funny. No shit. This 'Bullet Wound or No Bullet Wound' starts out kinda slow as he brings the two people up on stage, but it was actually pretty funny once they got a rhythm going. Now I'm not saying I'm going to watch his fucking show, but this was a bright spot, I'll admit. Who knew the ugly tard bus driver was a cheater?

A rich American tourist was holidaying in Calcutta, and was intent on meeting with Mother Teresa. There he stood in a big long queue with a rather expensive suit on - hoping Mother Teresa would notice how smart he was and perhaps talk a few words with him. As Mother Teresa made his way slowly down the queue, he walked right past the American, hardly even noticing him. Mother Teresa then stopped next to a homeless man, leaned over and whispered something in the man's ear, and then continued on down the reception line. This pissed-off the American, and so he agreed to pay 1000 dollars to the homelsss man in exchange for his tattered clothing, in the hope that Mother Teresa would speak to him the next day. The next morning the American stood in the queue, waiting to see Mother Teresa and hopefully exchange a few words. Mother Teresa was making his way slowly up to the American, and when she finally reached him, leaned over to the American and spoke softly into his hear, saying: "I thought I told you to get the fuck off my property!!"

Q. Why should we feel bad for the gay homeless population? A. None of them have closets to come out of.

A man in the has 'bought' an item on Amazon with a price tag of nearly three billion dollars - just to see what would happen. Brian Klug spotted the copy of the Discovery Channel's 'Cells' CD-ROM for sale at $2,904,980,000. Out of sheer curiosity, convinced the price tag was a mistake, he put in his credit card details to buy it and stepped back to see what would happen next.

A bartender is shutting up for the night when there is a knock at the back door. When he answers, a dirty, scroungy looking homeless guy asks him for a toothpick. Bartender is a little surprised, but none the less he gives him the toothpick and the guy goes off. A few minutes later there is a second knock. When he answers, there is a second homeless guy who also asks for a toothpick also. He gets his toothpick and off he goes. There is a third knock at the door, and a third homeless guy. The landlord says "Don't tell me, let me guess. You want a toothpick too". "Actually no thanks, but can I have a straw please? The landlord is kind of confused by this, but being a goodhearted man, gives him a straw. But before the guy takes off, curiosity gets the best of the barkeep, so he asks the guy, "Hey your friends wanted toothpicks...and you wanted a straw. What the hell is going on?" "Oh, some drunk girl just threw up outside, but all the good stuff's gone already."

Watch an awesome fight for survival as a (homeless) male polar bear takes on a walrus colony at the edge of the Arctic circle. A truly epic battle, phenomenally captured in high quality, from the BBC natural history masterpiece Planet Earth.

Q. How do you solve the world's problems? A. Feed the homeless to the hungry.

teen and transgenders. a comparative study.

rating the pundits: 2009 nfl preseason predictions.

a little late but definitely still oogleworthy: a cheerleader christmas.

watch mariah carey bomb her acceptance speech. oh, btw, SHE'S SHITFACE DRUNK.

January 7, 2010

Once You Go Skinny And White... Wait, Then What?

Somehow this Southpark episode just seems a little bit funnier in light of recent events. Fruck you, dolphrin! Fruck you, rare!

I would presume that if you were physically able to thrash about on the ground and whine about how you broke your neck, then it couldn't possibly be true. But alas, I guess I'm wrong. I wonder if Sly called for a lifesaver? Probably not. Maybe it's not such a big emergency after all, eh?

The Hottest Women of 2009 is easily one of (if not the most) popular post of all time on Pop Crunch. They were without a doubt, the one true master! So it was obvious that they would have to make this a yearly tradition. With this list we aim to be slightly unconventional. Men’s magazines have been churning these out for years, and we have always thought they were a bit too formulaic. While you’ll certainly see some overlap between our list and theirs we hope to have some surprises along the way, because we think it’s a lot more fun that way. Besides, I've got dibs on Zoe Saldana's ass and Katy Perry's knockers.

While passing through Tacoma, on our way to Seattle for a Seahawks game we stopped at the Tacoma mall. after parking we looked up and saw this. Frank.

Ha! It's amazing how one single light out can make me laugh. Almost as good as this one that Greg sent in, although since no such store actually exists, it's obviously photoshopped.

There have always been tons of sexy female athletes, particularly in sports like tennis and skating. Now, with the advent of Title IX in the past thirty years, we have tons of women in all sorts of sports. That’s a great thing for all the girls, and it’s also a great thing for guys who admire their beauty along with their athletic accomplishments.

And thanks to TK, whom I entirely agree with, when he suggests that you DO NOT CLICK THIS.

nfl playoff predictions: cheerleader showdown.

everything you've ever wanted to know about KITT.

silent bobs is going to kick doogie howser's ass. i hope.

sexually transmitted diseases = last steamy sex resulted in aids.

January 6, 2010

Yeah, That's What It's Supposed To Be Like.

Hey remember that bad ass Earthrace superboat that the Sea Shepards Society used to fight against Japense whalers? Yeah not so much anymore. Turns out someone never taught the hippies to never bring a knife to a gun fight. They might as well have put on a skirt, marched right up to Sean Connery and called him a cocksucker. And Sean? Yeah he's got no problem finding the sweet spot, either. Besides, we all know what the Japs are willing to do to a battleship, so what made then think they'd be safe in a little plastic dingy? They must have had some awfully stupid parents growing up.

Oh, those lovable scamps at 4chan. In their first major prank of the New Year, they've set their sights on YouTube, in response to the banning of user LukeyWes 1234. After the 4channers discovered young Lukey and set out to make him temporary King of Internet, the robots at YouTube banned his account for seemingly no reason. You would think that the world would have learned not to screw with 4Chan by now, but apparently not. They've mobilized the hordes of Anonymous and declared today "YouTube Porn Day," vowing to upload thousands and thousands of porn videos mixed with work-safe content. So if you click on a YouTube video today, you might get a dick in your face. I'm just sayin.

Hi Ernie. Long-time reader, first time contributor. I took this picture on my phone at a bowling alley in Changchun where I am teaching English. Groucho Marx's line about clubs would not apply to this one! -Chris

Hey Ernie, you may already know about this chain but I was watching the Food Network over the Christmas break with the wife when they did a little feature on this drive-thru coffee chain in Seattle. I'm not much of a coffee drinker but I think I'll be adding my own creme to my coffee If I ever go there. Your friend, thegreekhammer

Morgan Valentine Spurlock is an American documentary filmmaker, television producer and screenwriter, best known for the documentary film Super Size Me, in which he demonstrated the negative health effects of McDonald's food by eating nothing but meals from McDonald's three times a day, every day, for 30 days. Spurlock is also the executive producer and star of the reality television series 30 Days. Then we have 30 Days of Night which is a 2007 American horror film focusing on the frigid wintery town of Barrow, Alaska, beset by vampires as it enters into a thirty-day long period without sunshine. Put them together and this is what you get.

Hey Ernie, Long time lurker and LBEH contributor the last couple years. I got this picture from a friend stationed in the Army in Korea. Those crazy Asians. Rich

Hi Ernie, Just thought I would drop you a line regarding Gas prices in US one of your links shows Gas at $2.25 per gallon. Think about us in the UK our gas just hit $8 a gallon and it's set to rise to $9 in the next few weeks. Love the site Keep up the great work. Regards from Scotland and have a Happy New Year. John

Well, the UK/US gas price thing is this. The total area of the UK is only 94,526 square miles, which is right about the size of Michigan. In fact we could fit seven United Kingdoms in the great state of Alaska alone. So if we were to squeeze our entire country down into one medium sized state, then sure we wouldn't have to drive as much and could then tolerate $9/gallon prices. But the United Kingdom is quite small, especially when compared to the United States, at least in regards to land mass. But enough with the man talk, get out of here you psycho bitches!

P.S. - my intuition tells me you shouldn't click on this.

i dare you to sparta-kick your roommate. ok, you're on.

repost: the worlds most awesome car garages - high resolution.

google's nexus one vs iphone, droid & palm pre - total cost of ownership.

good news: this chick's tits are showing. bad news: she's just been hit by a car. is the coolest webcam site on the web. definitely NSFW.

January 5, 2010

So I Recently Inherited A Kayak.

Yeah I know, it's not like a kayak is a huge party boat, but it should let me go out and explore the local wildlife, maybe see some pelicans up close. But it's been too fucking cold to use the damned thing. Because if you think I'm going to get my fat ass out on the water when it's 45 fucking degrees out, then you've got bats in your belfry. Once nice splash with the paddle or Perfect Storm worthy wave, and I'm a popsicle. Same thing for my motorcycle; do you know what the fucking wind chill is when you're doing 60mph in 45 degree weather? I'll tell you - 32 fucking degrees. Ask me if I want to go riding in 32 degrees? Here's a clue: FUCK NO I DON'T. I moved to Florida to stay warm, not freeze my fucking balls off. This cold weather sucks and it's depressing. People often wonder how the rich and famous could possibly suffer depressions, but the fact that they do clearly proves that depression often results from a chemical imbalance in the brain. Many of the people on this list had everything they could possibly want, but they still suffered bouts of depression. Everyone on this list had their depression confirmed in one way or another, be it through biography, interview, or some other manner. Lorena Bobbit, sure, no kidding. But Drew Carey and Harrison Ford? Wow.

Happy NY2010 Ernie, from down under. Here's a pic of my house mate, isn't she gorgeous? Gordon

Ah, the ol Huntsman Spider. We get them here in Florida as well, only the ones I've seen tend to be between a quarter to half-dollar size. I often find them on the coconut trees when it comes pruning time. But your specimen looks to about that of the spare tire on my truck, and so immediately after viewing your picture, I shit myself, threw up, and passed out for a good thirty minutes. Thanks Gordon, at least you remembered how much I hate spiders. And oh, how we love to hate America’s media princess Paris Hilton, but let’s get one thing straight: she’s still a babe. Sporting her bright blond hair and sexy physique, Paris didn’t always look so good. It took plenty of Daddy’s hard-earned hotel money to make her the way she is today, but who really cares? Born in 1981, Paris is the great-granddaughter of the founder of Hilton hotels, Conrad Hilton - who along with building the family fortune is also known for his marriage to Elizabeth Taylor. Raised around fancy New York and California-based lifestyles of wealth and luxury, Paris never really showed much interest in working for a living (go figure), so after graduating from high school in 1999, she decided to take the much easier road to success by exploiting her position as a famous personality.

Ernie, Received these from a friend at work. The date on the pics is wrong, this occurred on 12-19-09 on the Mendota Subdivision. Enjoy, Tyson

Rapper 50 Cent is saying that Tiger Woods never would have been caught if he had been more 'gangster.' In response, Tiger said 50 Cent would have never been shot nine times if he had been more 'golfer.' Regardless, 2009 has largely been the year of Erin Andrews. Sure, some guy named Tiger came along and took all the headlines late in the year, and there have been bigger stories throughout 2009, but EA dominated the headlines like no sports media figure has in a long time. I say for better because she had some great moments and her adoration among fans has grown exponentially. I say for worse for obvious reasons. Let's take a look at Erin's eventful 2009.

Hey Ernie, Longtime reader, fulltime masturbator. I was searching craigslist for a piece of ass and was replying to an ad, when this verification came up. I thought you would like this pic. Keep up the good work fucker! - Mr. Jim

You know at first I didn't know what the fuck "CAPTCHA" stood for, and always thought it was just a slang pronunciation of "capture". Turns out I'm wrong, it actually does stand for something. It's an acronym for "Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart." Huh. Who would have thought that slamming two random words together would ever be so useful? Anyway, here's some more funny ones, should the mood strike you. And another. Beware Jeff, this one says "SHOTJEWS". And of course if you like fat chicks, then this one is for you.

smarter than the average celebrity.

porn stars in and out of their clothes. nsfw.

what has changed over this past decade (1999-2009).

the most disturbing children's book since 'everybody poops'.

January 4, 2010

You'll Really Shoot Your Eye Out Now, Kid.

Oh. Don't Shoot Your Eye Out. Who won? Well it wasn't Darrel with 9,982,319. And if you can believe it, it wasn't Chris with 9,994,829, either. No it was a sharp shooting (and lucky as a motherfucker) William with 9,998,637 that finally took the crown. That rollover is a bitch, eh?

Well, it's that time of the year again. Time to let my liver dry out a little and maybe even soften back up. Time for 90 days without booze. The last time I really attempted this was back in 2005 if I'm not mistaken. Yes, I know I made a half hearted attempt back in 2007, which quickly fell apart after that cunt stole my new LG Voyager. Anyway, back in 2005 I went for 77 days, finally falling off the wagon when Johnny-O came to visit over St Patrick's Day, and losing a $20 bet to Puddy in the process. But March 17th isn't as big a holiday down here as it was back in Boston, so I'm more hopeful this time.

Wanna see something funny? This guy is under the impression that I'm Kat's boss when it comes to LBEH. Little does he know it's the other way around. Ha!

Hey Ernie. I finally wrote something you might be able to relate to! What with your ‘cleanse’ a while ago I figured you might be interested in this one. Cheers and thanks for the site! David

Hey Ernie! I'm on holiday in Martin, Slovakia and saw this sign downtown. I am guessing someone stole the "D" or it fell off. Also, notice the "pair" on the sign. Couldn't help but pass it along to you. Happy New Year!! -Kimberly

Aww, Kim. If you weren't wearing that heavy jacket, we could notice the pair on you. Happy New Year, darlin. So let me set the record straight. I'm Tiger Woods, and I fuck bitches. is partnering with PlayerXT and the "Fish and Chips" Poker and Fishing Showdown to present's 2010 Bikini Model Search in the Bahamas. They will be flying 24 beautiful bikini models to The Bahamas for the opportunity to participate in the Bikini Model Search. The winners will be photographed by Bullz-Eye photographer Paul Miller and will have their photo shoot featured on, and all of the models will have the opportunity to be photographed all weekend with Paul and the other elite photographers attending the event.

fifty things we know now that we didn't know this time last year.

first michael vick, and now this. stay classy, philadelphia.

one way to remove a bullet from your own body.

twenty things that happen in one minute.

January 1, 2010

Happy Muthafuckin New Year!

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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