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July 31, 2010

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

listen to me. listen to me, goddammit. i said DO NOT click this.

homemade fireworks. they explode in your mouth, not in your hands.

beautiful black ass - what flavor pringles are these - yamaha grizzly atv

where has all the amazing architecture gone? over to singapore, evidently.

if twilight eclipse was ten times shorter and one hundred times more honest.

no country for old men was such a shitty movie that disney had to sell miramax.

i've spent the last hour looking for my green handled screwdriver. anyone seen it?

July 30, 2010

Okay, Who Has A Question.

Yesterday's solar panel post generated a lot of interest and a lot of feedback. So much so that it's going to take me a couple days to wee through and consolidate stuff. Yes I know there are a few factors that I didn't take into account, such as inflation and the corresponding increase in utility prices. Or on the flip side of that coin, the fact that the inverters can shit the bed every ten years or so. Or the fact that you poor fuckers in California can pay upwards of $0.57 per KWh -- fuck that! Or that the two-kilowatt/five-kilowatt numbers are based upon 365 sunny days, and variables such as cloudy days and panel alignment can drastically reduce those figures. I'll do my best to get to everyone, and I don't want to give any one person too much shit, but what the fuck. Do you EHOWA to get random tidbits of useless information which are often punctuated with big tits? Or to chart out your fucking financial future? Yeah, exactly.

But speaking losing money, we forgot to jump into the hybrid electric car arena for those of you who don't want to buy gasoline anymore. Tesla and the Prius started us off a few years ago. We also have the upcoming Nissan Leaf which is around $32k, $25k after Federal Incentives. Chevy's Volt (I predict doomed to fail), is $41k, $34k after incentives. And now we have the Porsche 918 Spyder for a paltry $650,000. or as I call it, a Porsche Carerra GT with 70,000 gallons of premium gas (@ $3.00/gal). Me? Shit, I'd just as soon take a nice Lincoln Towncar.

Ernie, I figure you must have had a debilitating aneurysm and that's why we got squat on Friday. So to help start building your repository of material for when you get out of the hospital, here is something I ran into here in Orlando. I'll keep these pictures on my phone to look at when I start getting down about my job. I think life isn't that bad when you can say, "Hey, at least I don't drive a car that looks like a lobster for a living." Phixeus

I'm sorry, I was recovering from the ending of Inception.

I have mixed feelings on this video clip. First, some piece of trash did this to a dog. But the owner says he can't pay for vet care. And the media comes out and does the story and leaves. Where is animal control in this story? Who is looking out for the welfare of the dog? Maybe give the dog up to animal control/shelter? Makes me want to go and get the dog and then KEEP him after he has been cleared. But that would be no replacement for big cock Sebastian, would it? Bryan

Followup: At least Toby got the vet care he needed. I tried to make arrangements to get his care taken care of here--about 50 miles south of Cross Lanes WV, but by the time it was arranged, the good samaritan school teacher took care of it all. Very nice. Bryan

Physics problem: Can you safely drive a ten ton bulldozer over a frozen pond? Of course not, right? But what if you place several logs on the ice for the bulldozer to drive over, thus increasing the footprint and spreading the weight out a wider area? How would that change things? The answer? Yeah, it wouldn't.

Hey Ernie, I got the Five Guys fever again and had to make a trip. This was my first time at this location, northeast of Houston in the city of Humble, Texas. It's about the same size as all the others I have been to, except the one in Terminal A at Washington-Dulles. With the help of a friendly staff member, I recycled my grease stained paper sack. While I was there, I also discovered that one of the effects on my camera makes people look like Zombies. Larry

Let's be honest, synchronized swimming is a completed waste of time. However, we pretend its interesting for a couple of reasons: Bia and Branca Feres. These twin sisters have been turning the pool to steam with their scorching hotness for years, yet they still haven't taken off in the U.S. because nobody gives a crap about synchronized swimming, even when these two are involved. They need to just get rid of the athletic ruse and go straight to modeling.

Ernie, I know this represents a couple of your favorite things, Ram Trucks and I’ll let you pick the other from the name on this bad boy... but I’m guessing it won’t be “SNOW!” Keep up the great work! Mike.

Anahi Gonzales is a blazing hot up-and-coming superstar in the modeling world, as she has already ascended to the top by being the hottest new super model in Peru. The gorgeous super babe is picking up fans all over the globe, and quickly, with her amazing looks and understanding of the camera. Remember the old expression, "she makes love to the camera?" Well, it sure applies to Anahi Gonzales, doesn't it?

demonstrating hydrostatic shock for dummies.

the chocolate city is reborn with peace and harmony!

livin on a prayer. the 80's summed up in one EPIC photo. okay, four.

July 29, 2010

A Cost-Benefit Analysis For Solar Panels On Your House.

Rated at SEER 11 when it was new, my old air conditioning unit was a contractor-grade raging piece of inefficient shit. Limping along via patchwork for the last two years, it had to run almost constantly to keep the house even semi-cool. The new unit I had installed in April of this year is a much more efficient two-stage SEER 16, and when its running I can actually look at my electric meter without throwing up. June's electric bill came and I'm very happy to report that it's down significantly from last year's ($190.23 vs $278.08) -- and keep in mind, this June was one of the hottest on record. So needless to say, I'm really pleased with my new a/c system. Now I don't expect to save $85+ from my electric bill each month because as cooler weather approaches, the air conditioner plays less and less of a role. But I figure it's pretty safe to say the new system will save me around $450-$500 a year. Thus the new system should pay for itself in a hair over ten years. And that's not to say that I consider my air conditioning an investment -- I'm paying for the comfort and convenience of cold air -- it's efficiency certainly makes that big price tag a little easier to live with.

So yesterday when I opened my mailbox and found an sales flier for home solar panel systems, I actually took a few minutes to read it and genuinely explore the option. So I poured myself a fresh glass of bourbon and did some looking around their website. I tried to ignore the, "solar power is fucking awesome," salesman bullshit and focus on the real numbers. What caught my eye were, "Solar electric systems currently average $3500.00 to $8500.00 after State and Federal incentives." And, "In Southwest Florida, the “average” residential customer uses 18,000 to 22,000 KWh per year. A two-kilowatt system would supply about 15% of a customer’s total demand. A five-kilowatt system might supply 35% of an average customer’s needs." So that got me to looking at my own electric bills and using the last twelve months bills I was able to calculate that I used about 21,000 KWhs costing me $2205, for an average of $0.105 cost KWh. Using that number as a benchmark, I decided to run some numbers. And keep in mind the cost of these solar systems is after Federal and State incentives, meaning tax credits, which means that first the money needs to come out of my pocket first. This the $8,500 five-kilowatt system will probably cost me close to $15,000 out of pocket, with me re cooping the $6,500 come tax time. But for the sake of argument, let's assume that we do all of this on April 14th, I file your taxes electronically, both federal and state governments process my paperwork, at the blink of an eye and I get your credits applied the next day. Preposterous, I know, but humor me. We will also assume that these solar systems never need any sort of maintenance or cleaning, and they never get damaged during a hurricane; both would drive up their costs even higher.

2KW SYSTEM 5 yrs 10 yrs 15 yrs 20 yrs 25 yrs   5KW SYSTEM 5 yrs 10 yrs 15 yrs 20 yrs 25 yrs
total kw 10,000 20,000 30,000 40,000 50,000     25,000 50,000 75,000 100,000 125,000
cost per kw $0.35 $0.175 $0.116 $0.087 $0.07     $0.34 $0.17 $0.113 $0.085 $0.068

The break even point -- where my cost to purchase the solar panels versus their electricity they produce, in terms of $/KWh -- is 16 years and 2 months for the five-kilowatt system, and 16 years and 8 months for the two-kilowatt system. Up until then, it would be cheaper for me to purchase my electricity from my electric company, than it would be to generate it myself using solar panels. I stopped at 25 years for the simple reason that's how long current solar panels are expected to last. After 25 years they have to be replaced, and we start this whole process over again with newer technology. There are also some articles that suggest the efficiency of solar panels deteriorate over time, even as much as 80% after 20 years. But for shits and grins we'll assume my solar panels are as awesome as I am, and thus work consistently from the first day of installation to the day they're ripped off of my roof in a drunken stupor. So at that 25 year mark, here's how the numbers look in regards to the electricity I generated vs the same electricity I would have otherwise purchased from my electric company:

  total kw produced cost of solar system cost from lcec @ $0.105 total $ saved
2kw system 50,000 $3,500 $5,250 $1,750
5kw system 125,000 $8,500 $13,125 $4,625

So if you want to save money in the long term, solar power looks like a smart investment, right? Wrong, motherfucker. Here's why. Let's say that instead of spending that $3,500 on a new two-kilowatt solar system, I instead stuck it into some sort of investment fun earning a very conservative 5% interest per year. At the end of 25 years that account would have a balance of $12,121 -- subtract $5,250 for that portion of electricity I've paid for over the last two and a half decades, and I'm $6,871 richer. For the five-kilowatt system and I've got an extra $16,313 in my pocket.

Translation: if you're looking for a home solar system to save money, the joke is on you because the technology isn't cost effective yet. Prices will have to drop by another 40%, bringing the break even point to around ten years, before I'd consider solar as a viable alternative. I'll be more apt to spend my money on something that I'm actually going to get some enjoyment out of - like a new kegerator. But if you think coal is horribly filthy source of energy and you want that warm and fuzzy feeling that you're saving the planet? Hey, all the power to you... get your solar power system. If you live out in the middle of East Fucking Be'Jesus, and getting on the grid isn't an option for you? Get your solar power system. Or if you're believe that going green is the only way to stop the zombies so you plan on having electricity after civilization crumbles? By all means, please go get your solar power system. Because once that happens, guys like me with the guns will come to your house, shoot you in the fucking face and take your shit. It's every man for himself, hippie. Oh, and speaking of zombies...

Hey Ernie, Long time reader…first time writer. I read your comments about the Walking Dead TV series coming to AMC in October. You mentioned that it is based upon an animated comic. Unfortunately you were only partially right. Both the TV show and animated comic are based upon an ongoing monthly comic book of the same name that is published by Image Comics. The comic book has been around for about 6 years now and recently hit issue #75. The story is unbelievable and if half the stuff that they put in the comic makes it on TV then the series will kick ass. I own a comic shop in Edwardsville Illinois called Heroic Adventures. If you’re interested, I would be happy to send you a free sample of the comic so you can check it out yourself. Just let me know where to send it and I will get it in the mail right away. Keep up the great work and thanks for the entertainment you provide every day. Scott C.

And for you folks in Hawaii you might think solar is the way to go, given your tropical climate but consider this. When Hawaiian resident, Gary Slake, purchased his dream home near the Islands famous volcano, he knew in the back of his mind that the risk of irruption was always a possibility. Never in his wildest dreams did he think he would stand by and watch his house be engulfed in lava and eventually up in flames.

Ernie, This may not be the hottest gal on the web but truly up your alley. Dolphins have always amazed me however, when they amaze the trainers at Sea World, then I have to pass it on. Cheers. CM

The recent World Cup made pretty clear that, overall, South America easily has the most beautiful women in our world. Sure, you can find 10s on any continent (there’s probably even a hot scientist or two on Antarctica) but average is a hell of a lot hotter in South America than in the rest of the world. Plenty of good candidates ensured easy research, and the only real challenge was winnowing the list down to fifty. So enjoy, here’s a list of the fifty hottest South American women.

do not click this (what is it?)

hot celebrities rocking bikinis in miami.

ex-blocker -- hide all your exes on the internet.

(titanic) x (speed 2) / (the poseidon adventure) = titanic 2!

July 28, 2010

Dude, It's Batman With A "B", Not An "F".

Litigious is defined as signifying a disposition to sue; a fondness for pursuit of litigation or lawsuits. Such is Michael Jackson's family. And so I just want to go on record as saying that I hope everyone in the Jackson family dies in a microwave explosion. Yes, even the whiney little kids. You know what? Especially the whiney little kids.

The War Project is an independent online project created and edited by freelance journalist and photographer Susannah Breslin. The site presents the as-told-to stories of veterans of the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan. Interviews are conducted in person, then edited and condensed prior to publication. Speaking of which, HEY SCOTT: PAY ATTENTION: Hero To Be Reunited With Soldier He Saved.

Well I'm packing up my game and I'm a head out west, where real women come equipped with scripts and fake breasts. Find a nest in the hills chill like Flynt, buy an old droptop find a spot to pimp. And I'm a Kid Rock it up and down your block, with a bottle of scotch and watch lots of crotch . Buy yacht with a flag sayin' chillin' the most, then rock that bitch up and down the coast. Give a toast to the sun, drink with the stars, get thrown in the mix and tossed out of bars. Sip the teajuna ...I wanna roam, find the old town chillin' fools then come back home. Start an escort service, for all the right reasons, and set up shop at the top of four seasons. Kid Rock and I'm the real mccoy, And I'm headin' out west sucker... because I wanna be a cowboy baby.

Ernie, I hope all is well, I think you readers will love this camel toe photo gallery. Cheers, Franky

Hi Ernie, Here’s a strange one. Would your readers like it? Kind Regards, Dave E

Old and busted: white trash at Whattaburger. The new hotness: Ghetto darkie at McDonalds.

Old and busted: bear vs plane. The new hotness: bear vs car.

Justin Bieber, dunno much about the kid. Saw an article on Gizmodo about him getting chased on a Segway and decided to look up the name. I guess the girls shouldn't bother with chasing him since apparently he likes the cock. It's gotta be true, since I read it on Wikipedia, right? Phixeus

Larissa Mabel Riquelme Frutos, usually known as Larissa Riquelme is a Paraguayan model and actress at the city theatre in the Paraguayan capital Asunción. As of 2010, she is the best-paid model in Paraguay. A supporter of both the Paraguay national football team and the club Cerro Porteño, she was first pictured in international media celebrating a goal during the game between Paraguay and Italy with her Nokia mobile phone between her breasts. Everyone and their fucking grandmother saw those photos. right? But she's not milking those fifteen minutes just yet! Actually of all the photos I've seen of her, those are probably the best. I mean she looks better than Scarlett Johansson , right?

my favorite action movie was on cable this weekend.

thirty-seven sexy photos of kate beckinsale for her thirty-seventh birthday.

raytheon unveils scorpion helmet technology (bottom).

July 27, 2010

Tea Parties Are For Little Girls With Imaginary Friends.

You're not going to believe me when I say this, but I had an epiphany this morning. I think -- I think -- that I might have realized the reason why I'm so infactuated with zombies. Do you remember the animated comic from the 80's called Heavy Metal? Most of it was the closest thing to porn I could get at that age -- I don't mind telling you I beat off to Taarna [1 - 2] more than once. But the scene in particular that I still remember to this day, even though it was an animated on a scale just shy of Scooby Doo, was this B-17 scene. It scared the fucking shit out of me. To be trapped on a plane with zombies, escape by bailing out, only to find yourself trapped again? The hopelessness of it just really fucked me up. Even now, I watched it this morning and when the zombies broke down the cockpit door, a fucking chill ran down my spine. Anyway, the reason I decided to hunt all that footage down is because this year there's going to be a zombie related television series titled The Walking Dead, and what's it based on? You got it, an animated comic of the same name. And for some reason yes, a few chills for me in there. I dunno what it is but, animated zombies man, they creep me out.

Something else from my childhood -- and something I've lamented about before -- is when those cocksuckers at Universal Studios took out the Back to the Future ride to make room for that piece of shit Simpsons ride. A ride they're quite proud to boast that hosted its one millionth rider on July 14, 2008, reaching the milestone faster than any other attraction in the resort. But me? Even though I still don't have my beloved hoverboard, I long for Marty, Doc Brown, and that time machine stealing dickhead, Biff. But upon reading the wiki entry for the BTTF ride, I learned that only the American attractions were decomissioned -- the Japanese one is still up and going. So fuck yeah baby! I don't care if you find the plotline a little horrifying, it's road trip time!

Almost forgot -- Screw The Nut 2 -- out of nowhere, eclipsing the initial entries by the two Matts, was Robin with 31,130. But not to be outdone, Matt S rose to the occasion with 32,173. Too bad more of you fuckers didn't spring for Plants vs Zombies, because I've survived 16 flags so far.

I'm pretty sure these slippers were stolen from a hotel.

Heya Ernie, It looks like the Google diagnostic page gives different results for depending on whether you include the "www." or not. Also interesting, Google has apparently also blocked itself a few times. Tom

Ernie…. you wanna see some gators, check this shit out! (a different) Tom.

They've blocked themselves. Nice. And a follow up on yesterday's Love Parade 2010 photos. In addition to a few scattered boobies, evidently there was a stampede in a crowded tunnel that left fifteen people deader than Mel Gibson's career. Is there footage of the chaos? You betcha.

Captain Brian Busey sent on-lookers into a frezny this weekend when his plane unexpectdly crashed. Busey was flying a CF-18 at a weekend Celebration of 100 Yeards of the Canadian Navy, when his plane began experiencing difficulty. Busey ejected from the plane just before it crashed and was instantly engulfed in flames. Check out the pictures here.

After being on the bitter end of three no-hitters since July of last year, the Rays finally flipped the script on Monday night. Matt Garza threw the first no-no in Rays history last night as Tampa Bay beat the Tigers 5-0. Garza allowed only one base runner, which came in the form of a walk to Brennan Boesch, but thanks to a double play he only faced the minimum. He threw 80 out of 120 pitches for strikes and K’d six batters, including three in the final two innings.

the fifty hottest women sword fighters.

the mad hot women of mad men season four.

the world's first and only truly free adult megasite. NSFW.

July 26, 2010

Is Mad Men Worth Watching, Or Is It All Hendricks Hype?

I do love me some television. I really do. Perhaps even to a fault sometimes. But as addicted to the tube as I am, I try my very best to not get caught up in a show simply because of the hype. Like to me, 24 just wasn't worth it. I watched a few episodes but just couldn't get into it despite all the rabid fans that were out there. Awesomeness for me? Dexter. Oz. The Wire. Deadwood. Now I know that broadcast shows can't be as gritty as the cable ones -- although NYPD Blue came close -- but I like my shows to have a nice bite. I know lots of people watch Mad Men and season four just kicked off so I want to give it a try, I just don't want to find myself bored and simply fast forwarding between scenes with Christina Hendrick's tits. So lay it on me, does it live up to the hype or not?

On that note -- does anyone else think Google's new image search eats fat donkey cocks? I certainly do. The new image overlay that appears on all of the linked pages is absolutely horrible. And given that I'm usually up at the crack of dawn and cruising their images is part of my morning routine for getting EHOWA ready, this is a huge step backwards for me. But the good news is with a quick URL hack, you can return to the old style layout just by appending "&sout=1" to the address.

And you know what, another fucking thing about Google. This time going back to their 'attack site' warnings. More than one person has written in letting me know that they too are seeing thedailyfix flagged as unsafe. But use this link to check its status -- and Google reports that not only is it clean but has been so over the last 90 days. Which is in direct conflict to what they're reporting via Firefox, even as recent as this past weekend. And when I visit the site, I get absolutely zero warnings from any of the four anti-virus/anti-malware packages I have installed: Avast, Webroot, Windows Defender, and Malware Bytes. Here's a similar report for EHOWA, and the only other one I could find where Google flags a specific type of malware. So I dunno, one hand doesn't know what the other hand is doing so (Google eats fat donkey cocks)^2.

This just in from a Dutch webmaster:

De gedachte die mensen hebben bij de Loveparade zal na de ramp van gisteren nooit meer hetzelfde zijn. Wrange gedachte ook dat binnen een paar vierkante kilometer mensen letterlijk voor hun leven aan het vechten waren terwijl duizenden en duizenden mensen nietsvermoedend feest aan het vieren waren. Inmiddels is het getouwtrek begonnen wie de schuldige is van de grote inschattingsfout om heel veel mensen door een te kleine tunnel te loodsen, maar de organisatie van de Loveparade heeft al gezegd uit voor respect voor de slachtoffers dat de Loveparade nooit meer zal worden gehouden. Met gemengde gevoelens daarom ook de allerlaatste Loveparade foto’s.

Huh? So using another of Google's services that ((eats fat donkey cocks)^3) I get this:

The idea that people have the Love Parade after the disaster Yesterday never be the same. Wry thought that within a few square kilometers of people literally for their lives to the were fighting while thousands and thousands of unsuspecting people the party were celebrating. Meanwhile the tug who started The culprit is the large estimation error for many people to a small pilot tunnel, but the organization of the Love Parade has said for respect for the victims that Love Parade will never be held. With mixed feelings therefore the last Love Parade photos.

Huh? Yeah, I don't fucking know either. Just suffice to say that I checked out the link he sent and there's lots of topless broads, with a few others thrown in for you ladies, too. Just another reason why it's good to live in the United States: If you live in Belarus, they remove your tonsils without the benefit of any anesthesia. But if you live here, they give you some sweet ass drugs, although my guess is that was for wisdom teeth removal. But on the downside, because our nation is so vast, we can sometimes venture too far from emergency services...

Ernie, perhaps these are worthy of your site. These are from my trip to Leadville, CO a couple of weeks ago. The guy standing in the photos is the one who's day was ruined. Keep up the good work! Scott

Hey, how do you like my new baseball hat?

jennifer aniston’s wholesome little upskirt.

nsfw: robert rodriguez and danny trejo slice into machete.

this is why short people shouldn't fight tall people... the longer reach.

July 24, 2010

Insert Your Favorite Wet Weekend Joke Here.

another florida whackjob

jennifer aniston gets naked for lolavie.

everything photo special: mexican cantina women.

sophie monk in a sheer black top and she is really -- really -- cold.

very interesting social experiment about a woman knowing what's good for her.

fourteen female convicts, six digital cameras, one romanian prison. sfw, believe it or not.

when yellowstone park rangers say to stay one hundred feet from bison, they're not fucking around.

leiapillowfight - needadieselmechanic - stopwastingwater - tipjaruses

beatlesposter - bulletsoverbroadway - killallhumans

July 22, 2010

Mmmmm, Drugs Are Bad, MMMMkay?

There were a few links that went up yesterday, that ended up being flagged as an attack site by the unholy union of Google/Firefox. That's not to say that each doesn't do their own job well, it's when they team up that worries me. one of the sites singled out was The Daily Fix, which is a celebrity gossip site run by a friend of mine, named Erik. Now I know him personally and am quite comfortable saying that he doesn't put anything malicious on his sites, so this must be some sort of false positive, or like I've mentioned before, an ad site sneaking some shit past the quality control filters. So one bad ad sneaks in to 20,000 pageviews on a given day, and poof your entire site gets blacklisted. it's pretty bullshit. Anyway, whenever I get a complaint from you folks I always try to let a webmaster in question know their site has been flagged. Here is the conversation we had this morning regarding his site being flagged and about Google in general. So my best guess is someone at Google is on drugs.

Okay. Now, uh, as your counselor, I’m here to tell you about drugs and alcohol and why they are bad, okay? So, first of all… Smokin’s bad… You shouldn't smoke. And uh, alcohol is bad, you shouldn’t drink alcohol. And as for drugs, well, drugs are bad you shouldn’t do drugs. Okay, that about wraps up my introduction, now are there any questions? Now, uh, let’s focus our discussion first on Marijuana. Marijuana is bad. And it also has a very distinct smell, Okay? I’m going to pass around just a little tiny bit, and I want you all to take a smell, so you know when someone is smokin’ Marijuana near you.

NASCAR fans know that drafting or slipstreaming is a technique where two vehicles or objects align in a close group reducing the overall effect of drag due to exploiting the lead object's slipstream. Especially when high speeds are involved, drafting can significantly reduce the paceline's average energy expenditure required to maintain a certain speed and can also slightly reduce the energy expenditure of the lead vehicle or object. It's boring with racecars, but very exciting with skateboarders and dump trucks!

Hey E.. Thought you might like these. Turned the owner onto your site. He's a Navy vet with a long list of accolades (sp?) A regular at my bar here in Helena MT where it never really gets TOO hot. But this good man covers ALL bases where his girl is concerened. He rescues retired Greyhounds, just as my boss does. I stepped out to hammer another nail in and heard the generator first. Upon investigating, I found this! McCool! I couldnt get her too look at Godbless - Jules

That is... well... cool. I mean not as cool as when Family Guy is on, or when there's a brand new Futurama due out tomorrow, but close.

Kelly Brook shocked the morning exercise class at the David Lloyd gym in Raynes Park when she showed up and joined the group for a workout. The thirtyyear old brunette uber-babe, who recently broke up with Raynes Park resident and Rugby star Danny "Damn I miss her" Cipriani, came back to make his life even more miserable by showing off her hot body for the workout session / photo op.

Ernie - I saw your link to the truck with the minigun in the bed in your July 16 update, so I thought I'd share this with you. The company is based out of Edmond, OK and specializes in silencers. Thanks to them, I'm now saving for one since it turns out they are fairly easy, albeit expensive, to acquire (at least here in OK). I went to an event at the US Shooting Academy in Tulsa on June 26 where they had a table full of automatic and suppressed weapons displayed (pics attached). And for only the price of ammunition, the general public was given the opportunity to shoot most of them. It was awesome! It was my first time to shoot anything full auto, and it was pretty cool. The best part, however, were the cans. I have to tell you that I was a bit skeptical about how much they actually would "silence" a gunshot, but it was outstanding. The one that convinced me was the .308 that you could stand within 20 feet of with no hearing protection. On the .22 automatics, the only sound heard was the "click click click" of the action. There were a couple of guns there that I was convinced existed only in Hollywood or video games, like an M249 SAW with a silencer and a full auto, silenced 12 ga. shotgun. Again, it was awesome! If you ever get the chance to shoot something like that, I highly recommend it. I got the pics here. Take care, Jon in Tulsa

FROM 2003: Attention Taliban! You are condemned. Did you know that? The instant the terrorists you support took over our planes, you sentenced yourselves to death. The Armed Forces of the United States are here to seek justice for our dead. Highly trained soldiers are coming to shut down once and for all Osama bin Laden's ring of terrorism, and the Taliban that supports them and their actions. Our forces are armed with state of the art military equipment. What are you using, obsolete and ineffective weaponry? Our helicopters will rain fire down upon your camps before you detect them on your radar. Our bombs are so accurate we can drop them right through your windows. Our infantry is trained for any climate and terrain on earth. United States soldiers fire with superior marksmanship and are armed with superior weapons. You have only one choice ... Surrender now and we will give you a second chance. We will let you live. If you surrender no harm will come to you. When you decide to surrender, approach United States forces with your hands in the air. Sling your weapon across your back muzzle towards the ground. Remove your magazine and expel any rounds. Doing this is your only chance of survival.

eight greatest craigslist jackoff sessions.

everything you need to know about bleaching your not-so pearly whites.

July 21, 2010

Xeroxing Is Such Outdated Technology.

Parents, this is why you don't let upsupervised kids on the internet, lest you and your sprog become the next meme. I highly doubt the "Cyber Police" are going to be sending anyone to just, but just in case I'm wrong here is everything you ever wanted to know about a two year stint in prison, but were afraid to ask. Don't worry, there's not much cornholing.

An update on Screw The Nut 2. Since we've got some completed scores, you now have to finishthe game in order to rank -- remember there's a tutorial, so speed counts. Sucking hind tit is Eric S with 23,047, who is hot on the tail of Eric A with 23,125. But out in front -- and encouraging both Eric's to get a bigger monitor -- is Jeremy with 23,802.

Old and busted: MILFs. Older and more busted: GILFs. The new hotness: VILFs. Tough call between Selene and the blood bank coffee shop waitress from Daybreakers. And for that matter, why didn't Salma Hayek make the list?

Keratosis pilaris is a very common genetic follicular condition that is manifested by the appearance of rough bumps on the skin. It most often appears on the back and outer sides of the upper arms (though the lower arms can also be affected), and can also occur on the thighs, hands, and tops of legs, flanks, buttocks, or any body part except glabrous skin (like the palms or soles of feet). Less commonly, lesions appear on the face, which may be mistaken for acne.

You've walked innocently past issues of Cosmopolitan magazine a thousand times, every time you've checked out at a grocery store. If you glanced at the covers then you know it's all about sex, and helping girls bring out the sexual animal in their man. But littered amongst their mildly kinky and often impractical advice ("wear a wet t-shirt to bed!") you get horrifying tips that border on genital mutilation.

Olha Kostyantynivna Kurylenko better known as Olga Kurylenko, is a Ukrainian actress and model. She is perhaps best known as the Bond girl, Camille Montes, in the 22nd James Bond film, Quantum of Solace. She also portrayed Nika Boronina in the movie adaptation of the video game Hitman. Born in Ukraine, she became a French citizen in 2001. And busking the trend, she's one of the women I find more attractive with shorter hair.

confessions of former debt collectors.

old and busted: one red paperclip. the new hotness: one old cell phone.

the most brilliant businessmen in movie history and the hottest girls from scotland.

why are there 5,280 feet in a mile? making sense of measurements.

hells kitchen: why this season is different

July 20, 2010

Well, So Far The Beaches Are Clear.

Two observations from a recent trip to the beach. First, don't you fucking hate it when you leave a bottle of water out in the sun and it gets warm? Yeah, I hate that. And secondly, when did they start making sequined bikinis?

Whether you have adopted a homeless dog or you are raising a puppy, it is always a great idea to teach word recognition. Positive reinforcement training provides a great opportunity to bond with your pet. Each training session should be fun and enriching for both you and your dog. The idea behind word recognition is to teach your dog that certain phrases mean something wonderful is about to happen!

Okay it's game challenge time and as usual, I like to try to get you to think a little bit. Physics and timing are the key to this one. Move the nut to the bolt by clicking on the elements and making them disappear. Yeah, this game is screwed, but I'm on level 23.

The end of an AK47 is chambered on an angle so under full auto fire the barrel doesn't rise. The particular angle of the photograph creates the illusion of a smushed barrel. All hail Ernie. Andrew

Ugh - normally I wouldn't just send a comment without something to contribute - but bullfighters should all be fucked in the ass with a cactus. Not only are they torturing an animal to death for entertainment, they're torturing one of the dumbest animals on earth to death. Cows are fucking stupid. Delicious and stupid, but stupid nonetheless. So they're big men by proving that they can trick a COW?!? Those rotten dickless cocksuckers wearing their sequins and lace disgust me. I hope every one of those sacks of shit (including everyone in the audience) all die of advanced syphilis. - Phil

I love WAGs. WAGs of course being the acronym for "Wives And Girlfriends" of athletes. It's fascinating to see the kind of amazing beauties that athletes can scoop up. Unlike actors or other famous people, athlete are not always good looking, so it's fairly amazing when we see them dating some of the most beautiful women on the planet. That being said, my love of WAGs is not unconditional. Sometimes they can be a little too fame seeking, annoying, and just always in the spotlight. Sometimes we just have to say "enough is enough."

Ernie, Two things I'm writing about: 5 Guys and donations... First, I just got to Florida yesterday afternoon. My wife and kids and I took the Auto Train. Part of the drive from Sanford to Fort Lauderdale was on some little back road that my GPS decided would be a great idea for us to try. After a while I stopped to find a place to eat and ended up at a 5 Guys in some outdoor mall. I said to my wife, "hey...that's where Ernie eats." She said, "huh...who...?" I had to remind her. Anyway...we went in there and had a truly great lunch. I would never have tried the place if you hadn't mentioned it a few times. Thanks for turning us on to 5 Guys...they should sponsor your site. Second, the last time I wrote was back in December when I was out of work and on the balls of my ass. Money was tight and I wasn't able to make a donation to LBEH. I was lucky to be able to make donations to "PSE&G", "Shop Rite", and "the bank that holds my mortgage". Things have turned around for me since then. Back when I was out of work you made me laugh when things weren't looking too good, and I'd like to show my appreciation. I pledge $100 to whatever charity you'd like, in EHOWA's name. Just let me know where to send it. Thanks again, Roland

Hey man, love your site, been reading for years, keep up the good work. Question: A brand new 5 guys burger just opened up by my house in Thousand Oaks, CA...I've been hearing about this place on your site for quite some time, can't wait to stuff my face...What would you recommend there? Thanks! JC

Well, since it's Five Guys Burgers and Fries, obviously my suggestion would to get the chicken. Or. Orrr. Orrrrrr. You could try the Burgers and Fries. Preferably the double cheeseburger with ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, raw onions, fresh jalapenos, hot sauce, lettuce and extra pickles. Oh, and get the cajun fries, too. And a diet Coke, fatty.

"Not only do you not know jack about NASCAR, but you have no real interest in any kind of sports. Surely someone... anyone... would be better suited to tackle this trip than you." A n00b's introduction to the Daytona 500.

Ernie.... After I sent the first request for the multiple cams on the BP spill, I kept looking and came across this one which not only has all the cams available listed, it shows all twelve on one screen so you can watch everything at once. Steven

When I'm out on my motorcycle, I fucking hate it when people tailgate. and I'm not one of those assholes who purposely slows down when someone tailgates me either, I move the fuck out of the way. I'm not getting into a pissing match with a vehicle that outweighs me 5:1. But perhaps I've just found an alternative? My guess is there won't be any further tailgating.

Old and busted: Spider Pig. The new hotness? Spider Cow.

the many faces of the motorcycle rider.

josh harnett has a smokin hot norwegian girlfriend.

remember to spend at least $10,000 when shopping for a hit man.

July 19, 2010

I'm Going To Make You Rich.

We don't have a lot of time on this earth. We weren't meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about TPS reports. And so I've decided to make you rich. But don't thank me just yet, this is going to take a lot of hard work and sacrifice on your part. But if you're willing to put forth the effort, you too can enjoy a Malibu beach house and a housekeeper named Berta. Here's what you need to do. First, go to the bank and withdraw your money. All of it. Then drive over to your work, march down to the HR office and demand to withdraw some funds from your 401k. All of it, penalties be damned. Then return home. Go to your computer and place an ad on Craigslist, offering all of your household possessionsfor sale. Along with your car. And your dog. Sell everything and get as much money as you can -- remember the old adage it takes money to make money! Max out every credit card, borrow against your home, drain your children's college funds, steal money from your parents. Because in this early phase of my plan, it's imperative that you get your hands on as much cash as you possibly can. I will assume that you'll be able to beg, borrow, and steal around $125,000... some of you will be a little more, some a little less, but I'll use that as a happy medium.

Then, buy yourself a plane ticket. To South Africa. Where you're going to sell half of your liver for $290,000. And one kidney, for an additional $120,000. I would suggest you sell your whole liver, but you're going to need half for some Jack Daniels; we'll get into that in a minute. Then, one way ticket to Singapore? Why? To sell one of your lungs for $290,000 of course. This will net you an additional $700,000. You're of course encouraged to also donate other miscellaneous stuff you don't really need... eyes, pancreas, whatever, but I don't want to get unrealistic here. I mean you're going to need your eyes to see all your fucking money, am I right? And so with $825,000 in your pocket -- $25,000 for travel expenses and the remainder to purchase items we'll need -- here's what we're going to do.

Travel to Thailand and seek out the vanquished Chinese General controlling the Kuomintang area. He will be wary of you at first, and ask who you work for, but in the end when you present him a bank check for $200,000, he will relent and sell you 50 kilos of raw, uncut heroin. Rejoice, fair reader, for this is your first step in your journey to fame and riches! Next, we will see your passport stamped at the airport of Afghanistan -- be careful now, there's a war going on. But this risk is necessary as this dangerous place presents you with the best price of black tar opium in the world -- currently $800 an ounce, when you'll pay $16,000 an ounce on the streets. Since there are 35.27 ounces in a kilogram and our cost is $28,216 per kilo and we have a $200,000 budget for this leg of the trip, we will be departing the war torn country of Afghanistan with 7 kilos of black tar opium for our efforts.

Next, our journey will take us to a more tropical settings -- but still quite dangerous none the less -- Columbia! And our reason for going there? That's right... the same stuff that put George Jung on the map -- pure Columbian cocaine! And I believe around $1,500 per kilo to be a pretty fair price. Thank God we're not doing this in the 80's, eh? So anyway, after hiring a few bodyguards and venturing up into the mountain region, it shouldn't be too long before we are able to buy about 130 kilos of cocaine in exchange for our $200,000. Don't fret, I know you're getting weary, but we're almost done!

The final leg of our trip brings us a little further north to Mexico. I wouldn't suggest you go too far north as we've all heard about the violence that has developed at the US/Mexico border... besides, the further south we stay the better the prices are and the weather is more tolerable. It is here we will seek out one of the many drugs cartels that control the marijuana trade. I had debates using the Mexican cartels for both cocaine and marijuana but for now the Colombians are giving a better price. Besides, I don't want to support a monopoly, right? Anyway, prices vary depending on the quality/THC levels in the weed, and since you're looking for the best shit around I believe we can expect to pay $300 per pound, or $660 per kilo. And I'm happy to say that it's here in Mexico that we won't be spending $200,000 on drugs like we did in our three previous stops. Because let's be honest, who can smoke 303 kilos of weed, right? No, it's here that I want you to exercise a little restraint and only buy 200 kilos of marijuana, spending $132,000.

With that remaining $68,000 you've got a judgement call to make. You can spend that money to smuggle yourself and your drugs back into the States, or as I would suggest, rent yourself a nice beach front house in Zihuatenejo, Mexico. Save a little money for bodyguards so you are not disturbed, a few industrial grade fans, several needles, one tuba, a single lined writing pad and several pens, and a bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey. I was also going to suggest a nice Mexican hooker with big tits, but I don't want you to get distracted while making your fortune.

And once you're all settled in, here's what you do. First, you have to understand that not all drugs and alcohol are bad for you -- lots of famous artists used illicit drugs to harness their creativity. With that in mind, go down into the basement and set all 200 kilos of marijuana on fire. Set the fans up to circulate the smoke throughout the entire fucking house. While that's burning, I want you to snort all 130 kilos of cocaine. Remember to take deep breaths in between lines, so you can get the benefits of the marijuana that's permeating your new villa. And when you're done with the coke, I want you to cook and shoot all 50 kilos of heroin. Shit, cook it, shoot it, snort it, hell cut your stomach open and pack it in there, I don't care how you do it, just use it all. Again, deep breaths. And finally, take that tuba and pack it full of all 7 kilos of that black tar opium. Light it and suck on that mouthpiece until you've smoked every bit of it. When you've done that, take a few more deep breaths of you marijuana filled house and then slam the entire bottle of Jack Daniels. No breather, the whole fucking bottle in one shot.

And then, after you've smoked 200 kilos of marijuana, snorted 130 kilos of cocaine, shot up 50 kilos of heroin, smoked 7 kilos of opium and drank an entire bottle of Jack Daniels, and all those drugs are coursing their way through your veins? Sit down, take up your pen and for the next two and a half hours, write whatever comes to mind. Just let your mind flow in a drug induced free for all. And when you're done, slip all those pages into an envelope, write "ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY FOR INCEPTION 2" and mail that fucker off to Hollywood. You'll make $60 million dollars your opening weekend. Boom, you're rich.

Hey Ernie, I clicked on your pic link of the Coast Guard plane tryin' to put out that container ship fire. My late brother was in the C. Guard and I thought it was a pretty cool picture. Anyway, on page two of that link did you check out the "India army solider training his weapon on the surrounding area" picture? Is it just me and these aging eyes of mine or is this guy in for a serious world of shit if he fires that thing since the end of the barrel looks like it's been squeezed in a vice. Bullseye

I was talking with John, the guy who runs and busting his balls because they didn't have a Sam Adams available as a beerbox hat, and lo and behold, turns out they can custom make any brand you want. How fucking cool is that?

It’s no secret that celebrities get special treatment. Stars are notorious for getting a wink and a smile from police offers for offenses which would earn the rest of us a baton to the back of the head. So how far does their money stretch, and what crimes are inescapable as far as consequences go? Clearly, even rape, torture, and murder have become sanctioned activities to the world of the rich and famous.

free iphone 4 bumper cases coming your way.

shaved pubes + hot naive girlfriend = comedy gold, jerry.

really weird zombie movies and the most underrated women of 2010.

July 17, 2010

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

twilight isn't so stupid now.

what the hell is on this girl's head?

exactly how is this considered a sport?

top ten hottest nearly nude sports babes.

annalynne mccord is above wearing a bra (FIXED!)

DO NOT CLICK THIS: it is not pearly penile papules this time.

bettersafethansorry - gayrealtor - piercedbellybutton - tidegoingout

movies that could have been improved with mel gibson as a script doctor.

July 16, 2010

Ten Good Reasons To Ban Guns.

1. Guns are used in self-defense over 2 million times a year. However, this makes the attempted crime a "non-event," which necessarily complicates the Police investigation. Without civilian ownership of guns, these Police investigations would not have been compromised. Civilians should leave crime prevention to the Police, who are properly equipped to investigate following the crime's completion.

2. Some .004 % (4/1000 of 1%) of guns are used in crime each year. This is way too high. All guns should be banned.

3. Guns are unnecessary. In 98% of civilian gun defenses, no shot is fired. If you are not going to fire a shot, you clearly don't need a gun. This proves that the guns are unnecessary. Banning guns will prevent these unnecessary defenses.

4. Guns cause criminal migration. In tough gun-law Washington, D. C., violent crime rates are very high. This high crime rate is caused by the migration of criminals from gun havens like Virginia. This migration is caused by the criminal's cowardly avoidance of armed householders and concealed-carry civilians. This criminal migration is detrimental to helpless unarmed citizens in no-gun areas and must be stopped. Therefore, guns should be banned everywhere.

5. Most gun crimes are committed by inner city gangs and drug dealers. These relatively small and geographically restricted groups consistently commit the majority of gun crimes, which usually peak as turf wars erupt over Drug War changes. The best way to prevent this is by denying guns to all law abiding people everywhere.

6. No woman needs to protect herself from rape, assault or murder. The Police will protect women by investigating the crime after the fact. Remember, Police paperwork is all the protection anyone really needs.

7. Guns owners are disrespectful of authority. Good citizens should completely rely on the authorities. A failure to do so is an invariable sign of improper and overly independent attitudes. Failure to completely and absolutely trust and depend on the authorities is excessive democracy and sends a bad message to children.

8. Guns owners engaging in self-defense are taking the law into their own hands. This is wrong. Only the Police and Criminals have the right to take the law into their own hands. Guns should be kept out of the hands of law abiding citizens.

9. Children and young people should remain ignorant about guns. Real guns and real gun knowledge dissipate the fantasies created by violent video games and TV. Ignorance, once lost, can never be restored and needs to be protected. Not to mention the lost sales of all the violent movies, TV shows, video games, etc!

10. Guns reduce people's reliance on the Police and Government. This fosters a mistaken belief in "rights". No person has the right to question authority. No person should be less than 100% dependent on authority. This is fundamental to social order. Banning guns will help to establish the Order the authorities want. This is good.

A satire by Bruce Gold.

When I was in college back in the day before digital cameras and internets, some hippie jackass had spray painted "Free Mumia!" on the side of a tee shirt shop. Some genius who should have won the Nobel prize spray painted under it "With Purchase of equal or lesser Mumia"! Charlie

Ernie, I just read that you paid almost full price (-10%) for the game. I just thought I would let you know that you can get the game at for $6.99. If you are a game club member. You can sign-up for the club, buy the game and then cancel your subscription afterward (there is no minimum requirement). Saves a whole lot more than 10% and I know you like to save money. I just thought I would pass this on to you in case you wanted to let others know about it. Thanks for all the fun times on the web, Jim

God dammit. And I hunted and hunted for a better deal on that game, and was too damned impatient. Ah well, I should have asked first, I suppose. It just doesn’t get any hotter than Brooklyn Decker and Marisa Miller dueling it out for the hottest dress at the ESPY’s.

Ernie, I was in Philadelphia this last week doing research on the family tree, yes fun but not the story. We had finished what we could do for the day and went sightseeing. We visited Washington Square situated a block SW of Independence Hall. A very peaceful place to visit and relax, that is until you read some plaques in the area. During the war the square was used as a mass grave for Revolutionary Soldiers and again during the Yellow Fever outbreak of 1793. Well there is a monument to Washington and his soldiers. The sarcophagus in the picture is an unknown soldier of said war. The top of the sarcophagus has the following inscription "Beneath this stone rests a soldier of Washington's Army who died to give you liberty." Upon this grave over the 4th of July weekend, a modern soldier has left his Combat Infantryman Badge. .. And having nothing to do with the previous story we also visited a Five Guys Burger in Gloucester City, NJ. They have the biggest storefront I have seen so far, granted this is only my 5th Five Guys to visit. None of them in Illinois are this large. Dennis

I'm sorry, does this look a white zinfindel to you, or it is some other type of blush wine?

Port-O-Pong is the only portable inflatable beer pong table on the internet. The only one you can take on a plane, in a lake or just about anywhere. Just picture yourself playing beer pong anywhere, at anytime, on anything. Well, look no further, because Port-o-Pong is here.

america's favorite drugs: a cost/benefit analysis.

guns and boobs: predator remake with an all girl cast.

July 15, 2010

You Sly Dog, You.

Jesus, I just can't stop fighting these fucking zombies. Zombies vs Plants is the most addictive game ever in the history of addictive games. I coughed up the dough to buy it (use coupon code SAVE10PERCENT and you'll get a whopping $2 off, woo hoo) and have been glued to my fucking computer ever since. I have battled it through from the front yard, to the back yard with the pool, through the mist, up to the roof, past these fucking Gargantuans which smashed my shit to pieces, and have successfully defeated the Zombie Overload. I was then treated to an animated musical rendition of Zombies On Your Lawn, sung by the game's musical composer Laura Shigihara. I am now going through survival mode, and hope to complete these before Plants Vs Zombies 2 is released. And which yes, I'll fucking buy that one, too.

What's on my tv? I'm rewatching Spartacus: Blood and Sand courtesy of Netflix. And the best part? Viva Bianca! Chicks back then knew how to dress, eh? No cotton panties, that's for sure. Pffft, those are old granny underwear. Yeah whatever, right up until Miranda Kerr puts them on. Well, her or Gemma Atkinson.

Hello Ernie. Got these from a friend here in the Galveston, Texas area. Two weeks ago one of our pipe fitters went to Hanna's reef in east Galveston bay. As he was grabbing for another live shrimp in the live well he got poked on the top of the hand by one of their horns. The next day about noon he felt some discomfort and notice what looked like a small bite on his hand. By the end of the day the hand was swollen and felt like someone was betting it with a hammer. Went to SE memorial and spent a week there with no success of identifying or stopping the infection. Family insisted that he be transferred to Herman. The next morning Herman had identified the problem and began to treat it: Vibrio vulnificus the flesh eating bacteria found in saltwater. He is still in the hospital, but after eleven surgeries they are confident he will keep his fingers. Thought you may want to pass along as a warning to your fishing constituents. I am an avid fisherman myself. Take care, Kurt

Can someone tell me what happened here?

Guys love plastering their walls and lockers with posters of hot babes, and we’ve always loved calendars featuring beautiful women, and we could get a new calendar girl every month! We’ve pulled together some calendar girl videos where you can get the behind-the-scenes view of some of the most beautiful calendar girls. We’ve also linked to some of the recent events where we’ve participated or covered model searches and pageants where some of the best calendar models are selected.

happy birthday from switzerland!

official mel gibson offended minorities checklist.

woman with largest breasts fights for life. let us pray.

July 14, 2010

Watching Cable TV Without Having Cable TV.

There was a point where I couldn't even imagine it. In fact, I refused to even think about it, especially after I discovered the wonderous black magic that is Tivo/DVR. Watch anything I want, AND skip commercials? Fuck you man, pizza delivery and there's no need for me to ever leave the house again. My personal interaction with people came to a close and life was good. But then, Comcast fucked me. After a get me in the door introductory price, they doubled the television portion of my cable bill from $55 to $118. And that second year that contract that I signed up for with the discounted price? "Yeah we can't find any record of that, just the one year, Sir." And so with great apprehension, I told Comcast to ram their cable television service up their greedy asses.

And here we are now, and I couldn't be happier about it. For starters, it let me put my old Vista computer to good use. While it was an absolute piece of shit as a workstation, it actually does a great job as a media server. It has HDMI out so I don't have to fuck around with any extra cables, a TV tuner card for basic service, a 500Gb drive to record that basic stuff on (twice as large as ye old X-Box 360), and with a built in television style remote control it's not awkward to use at all. I stream Netflix to watch movies and older seasons of prime-time shows, and Hulu for everything else. And if you look around you can pretty much find anything you want online -- and I'm not including torrent downloads you can grab for the premium channel stuff. Eh, I'm a week behind in my network television shows since there's a delay from initial air time to its release Hulu, but to keep myself from getting raped each month, who the fuck cares? Soon Hulu will be opening up their Hulu Plus service which will let me watch everything up to date and in high definitiuon -- all for a paltry $10! And then last week, I found this fucking gem, which completely replaced the full sized wireless keyboard/mouse I was using. Do you know how convenient it is to pause something and be able to look up an actor on IMDB without ever having to get my fat ass off the couch? Very.

So now instead of a $180 combined tv/internet bill, I pay a flat $59 a month for my business class internet and $10 to Netflix and that saves me a lot of beer money. This morning I watched Dagger of the Mind in high definition, and I'm sure they have other Star Trek stuff, too. And last night I watched Jackie Brown in high def. And my favorite part -- well, except for watching a visibly embarassed Bridget Fonda get dry humped by an old and very out of shape Robert Deniro -- is Ordell's line, "AK-47. The very best there is. When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherfucker in the room, accept no substitutes." Well, unless you plan on shooting inside the house, in which an Airsoft AK-47 might be a better choice.

Hey Ern, Thought I'd contribute a few pics. It's a new phone/camera, so I'm not sure how good the quality is. The story is the police car was driving on a green light, and the train ran a stale red light. The car was dragged about 50 feet down the tracks. No passenger officer was in the car, just the driver (THANKFULLY). The driver has some seriously busted up ribs and in the hospital, but doing as well as can be expected. Just wanted to say thanks for the site, it's always the first thing I read in the morning. Keep on keeping on. Thomas

Ouch. Well, I suppose it stands to reason that if you spend most of your time driving around, the law of large numbers says you're going to have a few more accidents than someone who spends their career strapped to a desk, right? I'm sure the train conductor is in hot water, even though it wasn't intentional. Which is more than I can say for Mumia Abu-Jamal whose business model which was step one: kill a cop. Step two: write a book. Step 3: profit! Kind of makes you sick, doesn't it?

Saw this sick story. Got even sicker when I saw she met her son she gave up on FaceBook. Then I pissed myself when I saw the Facebook likes. -LT

I read about that and the first thing I had to decide was whether I'd hit it or not. I mean sure, slather on some makeup and you can make just about anybody hittable. But fucking your own understage kid, after you've given him up for adoption. Hmmmm. I just hope she doesn't have any tattoos, because that's really trashy.

Marshal Tito’s nuclear bunker was built in the 1970s to be Yugoslavia’s Command Center in the case of nuclear war. Outside of Tito and his closest confidants, its existence was known only to four generals and the handful of soldiers guarding it after completion in 1979 until Bosnia broke away from Yugoslavia in 1992 and its new army took over. The entrance to the bunker lies behind a nondescript garage door of a remote house at the end of a lonely road east of the town of Konjic, 25 miles south of Sarajevo. After its completion – a 26-year project – its engineers built five more in Iraq for Saddam Hussein, a Tito friend. Saddam’s gone but his underground fortresses still exist in Baghdad, Mosul, Kirkuk, Basra and Nasiriyah.

Are you afraid of a permanent tattoo? Well, Skins Swimwear has the answer for you. These bikini bottoms have a heart-shaped cut-out on every pair of bottoms, try these out for the summer and see if an ass tattoo is the right thing for you.

global warming – the china problem.

ten reasons to ride a motorcycle, by marisa miller.

big bang big boom - the new wall-painted animation by blu.

twenty-five pictures of christina hendricks and her amazing "personalities".

July 13, 2010

The Emperor Has Died. But The Evil Empire Lives On.

News broke this morning that Yankees longtime owner and baseball icon George Steinbrenner has died. Steinbrenner, aptly nicknamed "The Emperor" by Red Sox fans, reportedly suffered a massive heart attack this morning and died at 6:30 a.m. EST in a Tampa-area hospital. Love him or hate him (I hate him), baseball lost one of its giants today. No, not the San Francisco ones, I mean the metaphorical ones.

Here's a disturbing though to ruin your day: If Back To The Future were to be made today, Marty McFly would "travel back" to 1980. Ouch.

Kinda cool: On a recent trip to Europe, a family of three generations (a Holocaust survivor, his daughter and his grandchildren) dance to Gloria Gaynor's pop song - 'I Will Survive' at concentration camps and memorials throughout Europe.

Really cool: A video compilation of a soldiers coming home from war and surprising their loved ones, both two and four legged. Tough one to watch without getting choked up.

Blunt abdominal trauma is often referred to as the most common type of trauma, representing around 50 to 75 percent of blunt trauma. The majority of BAT is often attributed to car-to-car collisions, in which rapid deceleration often propels the driver forwards into the steering wheel or dashboard, causing contusions in less serious cases or rupturing of internal organs due to briefly increased intraluminal pressure in more serious cases where speed or forward force is greater. A growing trend reflects inexperienced BMX enthusiasts attempting turbo-level tricks such as 360 degree handlebar rotations. An incomplete handlebar rotation (such as one that is 270 degrees, and not a full rotation) may result in BAT, most commonly to the splenic flexure of the large intestine. Of course it can also happen when kayaking, too.

Hey Ernie, I was driving up to Napa, from Orange County through Los Angeles. Somewhere in LA, I drove up next to this car. Brad

When I started the last few game challenges, a few people commented on the facts that I was using Internet Explorer, despite my having preached benefits of using Firefox. Here's why: when hunting for sites that I post out to masses of EHOWA, I always do that on Explorer, simply because it's the most vulnerable browser out there. I figure if Explorer can survive a visit to any given site, then it's got to be reasonably safe to post. How vulnerable is Internet Explorer? Well, if it weren't for Avast Ant-virus, I would have picked up a trojan horse off of a national news site. That's how vulnerable. But trust me, when I surf for my own pleasure (i.e. porn) I still use Firefox because yes, it is one of the more stable and secure browsers out there. So if you don't do the same, them I'm going to I'll bury you in the fucking rosegarden alongside Mel's wife. I just hope you won't be a cry baby about it like she was.

In an effort to be the biggest underage cock-tease of the year, Miley Cyrus has been pulling out all of the stops on her tour. Leather crotch shots? Sure. Humping the stage? Why not! Pretending to guzzle cock onstage? Oh hell yeah.

fat bottomed girls make mississippi go round.

great white sharks and the largest oil superanker in the world.

old and busted: csi miami's david caruso. older and more busted: sheriff john bunnell.

July 12, 2010

Behold The Most Addictive Game Ever.

Sorry today's post is so late. I was introduced to Plants vs Zombies yesterday, and figured I'd get in a quick game this morning before updating the site. ... And the next thing I know it's after 1pm. Yeah, it's that good. I haven't pulled the trigger on buying it yet, but I have downloaded the free version and played the free mini version online. I'd love to make it a game challenge, but don't really want to force people into buying/downloading a game to participate. That wouldn't be very sportsmanlike, now it is? Oh, speaking of game challenge, here's the finale of Ricochet Kills 2. For the most part, the average score seemed to be in the 275 mark... below that and you were ahead of par. But it Alex who first caught my eye, when he closed in the 200 mark, with a score of 205. I thought there's no way anyone would beat that, and then OMFG Ray submitted a score of 199. I was convinced that he's be the only person to break the 200 mark but alas, Tim closed the deal at 189.

So how was your weekend? Better than Mark Niver's, I'll bet -- his fucking parachute didn't open and he's dead now. (FIXED!)

But playing a zombie game triggered a thought, so I do have a zombie question for you Europeans (specifically, Germany). Per Wikipedia: After 1945, the Allied Forces commanded the complete disarming of Germany. Even German police officers were initially not allowed to carry firearms. Private ownership of firearms was not allowed until after 1956[8]. The legal status returned essentially to that of the Law on Firearms and Ammunition of 1928. The regulation of the matter was thoroughly revised in 1972, when the new Federal Weapons Act (Bundeswaffengesetz) became effective. In Germany the possession of any firearm with a fire energy exceeding 7.5 Joule requires a valid firearms ownership license for any particular weapon. The current Federal Weapons Act adopts a two-tiered approach to firearms licensing. A firearms ownership license (Waffenbesitzkarte) must be obtained before a weapon can be purchased. Owners of multiple firearms need separate ownership licenses for every single firearm they own. It entitles owners to purchase firearms and handle them on their own property and any private property with property owner consent. On public premises, a licensed firearm must be transported unloaded and in a stable, fully enclosing, locked container. A weapons ownership license does not entitle the owner to shoot the weapon or carry it on public premises without the prescribed container. Firearms ownership licenses are valid three years or less, and owners must obtain mandatory insurance and a means to securely store the weapon on their premises (a weapons locker). This of course explains this German guy's affection for slingshots. The 'Bonecrusher' he's talking about looks to me like a few washers screwed between a nut and a very short bolt. Not to suggest that it wouldn't break bone -- look at what it does to some ballistic gelatin. So my question is this: if push came to shove, with so many firearms restrictions there in Germany, do you think an ordinary slingshot would have enough energy to penetrate a zombie skull?

And shit while I'm on a roll, here's another thought. Instead of torturing suspected terrorists, why not just force feed them ghost peppers? If you don't think that'll work, just look at the face on this kid. Sure looks like torture to me, but no messy bruises! The Red Cross isn't going to inspect for a bloody asshole, right?

Hi Ernie, Here’s a post that looks back at some of the most intriguing vintage coupon designs from the past. Would your readers like it? Would you be able to link to it in one of your posts? Kind Regards, Dave E

So what's nect for Mel Gibson? After this Pack-Of-Niggers rant, he's pretty much done in Hollywood, right? And this isn't an episode where he can claim he got screwed over by the cops, this is his fucking wife we're talking abotu here. And he can't even blame this one on booze, so there's no rehab-out for this. I can't see any black actors ever wanting to work with him ever again -- or Jewish for that matter -- so I can't imagine he's ever going to have the box office draw that say... the mighty Steve Guttenberg used to enjoy. but the guy's got money up the fucking wazzoo, he doesn't ever really have to work again, and he can spend the rest of his life sipping margaritas on the sand on a beach somewhere. You know, preferably a beach with white sand, of course.

Hi Ernie, Found this rather interesting site of virtual naked women (Mcaffe says its clean). Kinda cool but I think they need to hire some models with a little less mileage. Jason

Wikipedia defines schadenfreude as, "pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others." And as a motorcycle rider, anytime I see a stoppie end like this, I am just fucking overwhelmed with schadenfreude. if you're in a parking lot, fine, but anywhere out on the street, there's absolutely no need for that shit. But having said that, closing the tailgate of your truck with a stoppie is pretty fucking cool. By the way, taking the helmet off an injured person? Stupidest. Thing. Ever.

Four years ago, a group of young Muslim men conspired to send Ottawa a deadly message. Enraged by Canada’s military involvement in Afghanistan, and fuelled by violent jihadi videos, they plotted to storm Parliament Hill and detonate truck bombs in downtown Toronto. The goal was to cause catastrophic damage, cripple the economy and unleash mass carnage. [read more of this scary fuckin story]

This is a great trend. With easy high-speed Internet access and improved technology, more people can work anywhere they like, and many of them are choosing to work at the beach.

120 beagles rescued from abandoned cosmetics lab.

how to use bacon to make your life incredible and amazing.

rock stars that went off the deep end and people you'll meet on the elevator.

July 10, 2010

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Hey Ernie, Love the site. Hope you find this interesting. We have a small children's book that is very old and very politically incorrect for today's standards. I thought you would get a kick out of these. Scanned in the cover of the book along with the inner flap that describes the story and the rear cover as they had some "interesting" comments. I included the first six pages of the story as well so you can see the illustrations. There is no printing date, only that it says it is printed in the U.S.A. I'm guessing it was printed in the late 40's, early 50's. There is no tag of "copyright" to be found within the book either. Enjoy. John M [Ernie says: Little Black Sambo at Wikipedia]



cockshapedbeehive - theaxeeffect

we never get enough of "machete" trailers.

chinesefan - halloweenhorrorshow - omgthismusthurt

now that it's finally over: ranking the world cup's hottest fans.

a bunch of jews with a bulldozer in israel.

live blog: more than 80 arrests made in oakland, bart resumes service.

the nuclear explosion in space? part of a military project called starfish prime.

July 9, 2010

Yeah I Feel Like This Sometimes. Minus The Nailpolish.

As we've crept into July, the annual vacation countdown clock is officially ticking. Once again it's time to load man and beat into a rented mule and drive some 1,200 miles across this great land, all so I can get shitfaced at the lone bar in downdown St Regis Falls, NY. I remember I stayed there for two weeks once, and found that to be a huge mistake. There's only so much to do in a town with one flashing traffic light and after the first week or so, found myself struggling to find ways to spend my time. So it's a few days with the fam, a week in St Regis with the fam, and then back to the Sunshine State.

I know this might piss a few people off but can you tell me who has bigger tits -- Sarah Palin or Jack Nicholson? Well, neither if you include Rose McGowan.

The current leader in Ricochet Kills 2 is Bill, completing all fifty levsls in 294 shots. Since that is a completed score, you must finish the game to compete!

Ernie, My nephew borrowed my hunting truck. Right before he left, I stuck this sign on the back. Enjoy. Joe

Ernie, (in regards to yesterday's post) -- Although the upcoming Special Edition Dog, I mean Dodge Challenger will come with the standard 5.7 liter engine, there is something hopefully cooking that will take the Challenger a little over the top. Kevin

Now we're fuckin talking, bring back the classic designs! A V-10 Challenger, yeah baby! Now let's just hope it's not just a one of a kind show car and they move it towards (even limited) production. I'm not going to hold my breath, since Dodge tends to be pretty stingy with the V-10 -- only shoehorning it into the Viper and SRT-10 -- but I'll keep my fingers crossed. But if this turns out to be one big prank, I'm going to be pissed. And I love practical jokes as much as the next guy -- I glued down everything in Inous' office, and he put my acrylic scorpion in the microwave (which promptly blew up) -- but exactly how much does 26,000 bottles of Vital Energy cost?

Ernie - In case you haven’t seen this yet, I received this from a former DEA agent and believe it to be accurate. "This is an emboscada (ambush) of the Federal Forces in Zitacuaro, Michuacan, Mexico. See what Mexican drug cartels are capable off doing to law enforcement. This incident happened on June 14, 2010, ten Mexican federal agents were killed and many injured. See the pictures and study them. Notice the impact of the rounds on the vehicles, and then look at the terrain and notice where the shooters were positioned for the ambush and if there was any cover for the victims?" Keep up the great work, Leslie

Wow, that's not the usual US/Mexico border violence, either. That shit is right in the heart of Mexico. How the hell does the Average Joe (Average Jose?) deal with that shit? As a 'parent country' much like England is to us, I wonder if Spain sees all this drug violence, and just sits back and shakes its head? Because apparently the running of the bulls is Spain’s version of Mardi Gras? I can't wait to see what happens if they win the World Cup.

hot: slave leia. hotter: kelly brook. hottest: kelly brook dressed as slave leia.

sexiest celeb twitter pics and people that have been eaten by animals.

lebron, mad men season four and the women of entourage.

July 8, 2010

I Challenge Chrysler To Quit Being Stupid.

Good news for fellow Mopar fans: Dodge is coming out with a 480hp 6.4L Hemi engine later this year. And they're also coming out with a 500 unit limited edition Dodge Challenger that's going to be black on black on black. So new engine for a new car and it's going to be fucking awesome, right? Wrong. because the bad news is for some stupid reason, Dodge is going to power this new collectible Challenger with the older, smaller, less powerful 5.7L engines that have been around since 2003. Now why the fuck would anyone do that? Why wouldn't you put your new biggest, baddest muscle in your new biggest, baddest muscle car? Wouldn't that make sense? But no, not Chrysler. First Ford beat them the reinviforated muscle car craze and now this blunder. Christ no wonder why Dodge is going down the tubes. This must be what it's like to watch your dog die.

You know, I just realized that I haven't posted any pictures in awhile, that are capable of scarring someone for life. Well, let's see what I can't do about that.

Ernie, I love your site and have been a reader for years. This is a chance for me to give back. I saw this car around town yesterday and I thought you might get a kick out of it. --Richard

How to: drain your above ground pool and water your lawn, all at the same time. With the help of explosives, of course.

A friend of mine snapped this shot on the I-5 in LA county. Nice to see the government finally taking this seriously! -- Ian

We've all heard the phrase "Trophy Wife," and we all know what it means. A Trophy Wife is a totally hot wife that a rich and successful man gets to have, not based on any sort of interpersonal connection, but rather based on the premise that a rich and successful man should have a totally hot wife. She is his trophy.

Ernie, I’m sure you have received hundreds of email’s about this article already, but here you go again just to make sure. Keep up the great work. I’m including a screen shot of the page as well, just incase the editor sees this mistake. Have a great one. Tom

Five reasons to feel sorry for Lindsey Lohan. Well, six if you count the fact that with some rehab and a few sandwiches, she can look like this again. You mark my words, Lindsey is going to make a great fix'er'upper.

Benefits For TPD Officers Kocab And Curtis Families - The Tampa chapter of the Renegade Pigs M/C will be hosting this event in conjunction with Big Belly Burgers of Brandon. This is a family event and all are welcome to attend. There will be raffles, 50/50 drawing,live music and dunk a cop tank. Please come and show your support for these two heroes and their families. Peter

Curious to see how Obama celebrated the 4th of July? Yeah, me too. although I bet he doesn't have a Van Gogh hanging in his living room.

a scary light show: exploding hydrogen bombs in space.

if the most liberal site in the universe can post this, i think we're making progress.

twenty-five pictures of hot chicks in american flag bikinis.

July 7, 2010

Haters Gonna Hate.

An act of patriotism is earning a homeless man in El Paso a great deal of praise. He rescued a fallen American flag during a severe storm.

Over the past few weeks I've seen a few Dominos commercials where they say they're not going to stage their pizza commercials anymore. Eh, they give a few split second clips of screws and magnifying glasses and such shit, but that's it. But here's the whole 'documentary' on what goes into making a pizza commercial. Holy shit! They have over one hundred and fifty people involved in a single pizza commercial, including chicks with tweezers picking out individual pieces of shredded mozarella. Are you kidding me? That's right up there with organic food and the stupid assholes who buy it.

Ok. So, first of all, I've been reading your page for about six years now, and love it. Good that's out of the way. You know how Twilight is the newest sensation among prepubescent, tween, teen, young adult, and some delusional adult women. Well now some men have decided to produce a Twilight: For Guys. It's a lovely cinematic trailer featuring none other than lesbian vampires. Hooray! Anyways I think it would be a kick for your readers, and if six years of visiting your site tells me anything, you'll like it too. Neil

Formula Palmer Audi, officially abbreviated to FPA, and sometimes informally abbreviated to Palmer Audi, is a one-make class of open wheel Formula racing founded in 1998 by former Formula One driver, Jonathan Palmer. It is based in the United Kingdom (UK), and is organised and operated by MotorSport Vision. It has a high proportion of British drivers and venues, but it also features international drivers, and races in mainland Europe. And being open wheeled race cars, there are some pertty spectacular crashed when the front wheel of Car-A touches the back wheel of Car-B. Here, see for yourself.

While hunting last week I stirred up a den full of coyote pups. And I manged to catch one, cute little bitch. Probably cuter and less trouble than the bitch that cooks me dinner every night. I thought you would get a kick out of the pics. Enjoy EHOWA every day. See Ya, Matt

Hey Ernie, The local news lumped this guy in with the fireworks accidents. He actually stood near a can of black spray paint in a campfire. We've all done this, but you watch it go off from a safe distance. Anyhow, the picture struck me as a real life version of cartoon faces when something blows up. Enjoy. Harald

I remember we used to do it with fractured rocks at Camp Massawepie. Find a rock with a crack in it, but was still solid enough that you couldn't break it in your hands. Dump your canteen over it for a few seconds to make sure some water worked its way down into the crack, pitch it into some hot coals and wait. Great fucking prank to play on someone when they were standing near the fire but weren't watching what you were doing. Plus the added benefit that if anyone catches something in the eye... hey man, it's Mother Nature's fault! But yes, I guess this illustrated exactly why we should be keeping a closer watch on how drunk we get, eh?

Ern, Jamarcus Russel is an idiot, lets get that out there first. However, his penchant for codeine cough syrup is not as lame and pathetic as it sounds. Turns out that in the south of the US, abuse of codeine cough syrup is a regular occurrence started in the early 90s in Houston. Check out this documentary VBS did on sizzurp (there are five parts, here is part one) If you go to the homepage, they have some other kick-ass documentaries. Definitely worth a look if you're interested. Punchin' out, David

Hey remember way back when, playing Tank! on the Atari? That's kind of what Ricochet Kills 2 is like, only on a larger scale. Try and ricochet all of your bullets so that you can kill all of your opponents. You will even have to cause a chain reaction of events to kill some of the unreachable targets. So far, I've made it to level 14.

bp failed fucking boom school.

larissa riquelme to strip naked despite paraguay defeat.

fourth of july fireworks, chris hondros in afghanistan, and surfing in the real world.

July 6, 2010

You Lusky Irish Bastards.

Well, it's after Independence Day so you know that means the internet is going to get flooded with "idiot with fireworks" style videos, which for the most part, don't entertain me like they used to. I mean each year somebody burns their asscheeks from trying to launch a bottle rocket from their back door. And then two guys get into a drunken roman candle fight, which invariably results in one of them taking a direct shot to the face, which gets played and replayed in every increasing slow motion. So we've all seen them before, but I'm pleased to report there's a couple of new things this year. First, we have The Man Cannon, which is made up of 110 roman candles all lit simutaneously. There aren't any injuries (dammit) but it does look pretty cool. And secondly a guy who burns his face, his junk, and his feet all at once -- and yes this one brings the pain. I don't know what I found funnier; the guy rolling around on the ground and slapping at his cock, or his friend who wouldn't stop laughing or filming in order to help him.

And I, like many Americans I'm sure, am profoundly glad that the World Cup will soon be ending. But I did one thought did occur to me. contemplate one point for quite a while. When you look at the Olympics, it's as much about sportsmanship and good will as it is about competing; but with the World Cup it's one hundred percent competition. And that goes for the fans as much as it does for the athletes themselves. So you get a cute girl like this Argentinian babe in a sea of other Argentinian fans, and life is good. But mix them up a little bit and you get this. But that can't be all of it, given all these different fans from all these different nations and there has to be some friction right? I mean what if England played Argentina -- Falklands war, right? Or what is North Korea played South Korea? Could you imagine Israel versus Germany? Is there any planning going into this or am I making much ado about nothing?

Been reading your site since it was ugly. Gmail, you, and Drudge are my first three stops every day, so keep it up! My phone takes crappy pictures, but I think I did pretty good my first try at shopping the flyer. I always glance at the BOGO bins on the way in the door, but this is the first time I've made a concerted effort to save money. The only thing I purchased that I don't regularly buy was a couple tubs of that Curly's Pulled BBQ, because I thought it looked good. I saw you were getting coupons from, so I checked them out. I understand how they charge for the clipping service, but when I went to the Join page, there was talk of a $99 membership fee being added to my first order, so I stopped. Did you pay to join this service, over and above the clipping fee, or am I missing something? Matt

I did pay for a subscription to last year, but I sure as fuck didn't pay $99 -- I bought a subscription card from my neighbor for $20 and signed up that way. And when I renewed my subscription last month, it was only $10. But a few other people raised this question as well, so let me see if I can't reach out and get some referral codes, or discount codes, or something of that nature. otherwise you've got to buy an awful lot of pasta to make up the extra $79.

So this morning I was all giggly when I read that the Raiders' ex-quarterback JaMarcus Russell’s got popped in a drug charge in Alabama. But then I read into it and it turns out he got nailed for cough syrup with codeine? First off, if you're the cops why the fuck would you even bother. Christ I used to take that shit when I was like eight. And two... cough syrup = national news? Really? Listen, I hate the fat bastard as much as anyone but c'mon if you're going to pop him for drugs at least plant some good shit on him because I'm pretty sure the drug rehab at Chuck E Cheese is all booked.

hiker finds stranded puppy 350 foot canyon.

i like the look of melissa satta in a bikini playing volleyball.

turtle + waterproof camera + velcro = awesome turtle-cam footage.

July 5, 2010

There Is No Escape.

I trust everyone had a nice safe Independence Day, yes? You all took a few minutes to reflect what the day was really about, maybe try to remember all ten items of the Bill of Rights, perhaps admire a flag fluttering in the breeze, yes? Lots of fun, lots of beers, but hopefully not too many fireworks? Here in sunny Southwest Florida, crown jewel of the Sunshine State, it rained like a motherfucker. Hence no fireworks, hence no fireworks noise, hence no .45 rounds into my pool.

The gluteus maximus is the largest and most superficial of the three gluteal muscles. It makes up a large portion of the shape and appearance of the buttocks. It is a broad and thick fleshy mass of a quadrilateral shape, and forms the prominence of the nates. Its large size is one of the most characteristic features of the muscular system in humans, connected as it is with the power of maintaining the trunk in the erect posture. Other primates have much flatter buttocks. The muscle is remarkably coarse in structure, being made up of fasciculi lying parallel with one another and collected together into large bundles separated by fibrous septa. Speaking of whick, Jenna Haze, the controversial adult film actress/director/producer, who has launched JennarationX Productions, hosted a party at Crown Nightclub, located in the Rio Hotel and Casino. Jenna, who has certainly taken some vicious poundings in her lifetime, would probably have been shocked by the viciousness of the 3rd round of the Leben vs Akiyama fight. With photo goodness.

Ernie, Recovering from surgery and decided to go spend the Fourth of July with my mother...recently widowed...I was certain that she would appreciate a little visit with her eldest son and her two grandsons's. She met us on the front porch, tearful and joyful all at the same time. Upon entering, I couldn't help but notice a new addition that greets each new arrival to her home. I just never really wanted to think of my mother....well...never mind, I'll be going to therapy now. BeirutVet

Hi Ernie, Love the site! Thought you might like these. My family and I built these for the 4th! Keep up the good work. Thanks, Sam

Hey Sam you should meet up with BeirutVet's mom, I guess she's pretty experienced at cornhole, too. Oh and hey, does anyone read Chinese symbols? What does this tattoo mean?

Tiger Woods might be having trouble in his personal life, and it may be affecting him on the links, but he’s his old robotic self in the new Tiger Woods PGA Tour 11 from Wii.

I was reading the local paper here in Humboldt County, it seems we have a Sgt. Ernie Stewart in our Sherriff's department. Just an FYI, from a long time reader, seems like11 or 12 years now. Vic

Ernie, sorry to hear of your passing. Dean

Ernie is dead. Long live Ernie. In the words of Mahatma Gandhi, "War makes people act like dicks." We don't want to glorify war or otherwise portray it as something other than terrible. Yet, war makes people think big, and sometimes you have to sit back and be amazed by what humans can accomplish when they really, really want to kill each other.

how the presidents stack up (interative chart).

first iphone 4 class action suit surfaces - so let the fun begin!

July 3, 2010

Insert Your Favorite Fourth Of July Weekend Joke Here.

oneprudegirl - hellokittytattoo

firedick - makinpandas - stripedcomforter

seven july 4th traditions from around the nation.

five neat facts about the declaration of independence.

everything you need to know about hot dogs for the fourth.

fourth of july do's and dont's: your own fireworks safety guide.

chinese reactions to guns at walmart make me proud to be an American!

shotgunning a beer? thats for pussies. the beer stick = 2 beers in under 2 seconds.

July 2, 2010

What The Fuck Are You Lookin At, Darkie?

Back in his Lethal Weapon days, everyone thought Mel Gibson shit ice cream and that it was Danny Glover who was the dipshit of the duo, for going off against apartheid every time he was in front of a microphone. And now? "You look like a fucking pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of niggers, it will be your fault." -- Hmmm, Mel Gibson sure does keep his publicist busy, now doesn't he? First is was the anti-gay rant, then the anti-Jew rant, and now the anti-black rant -- he's exposed as being all kinds of an asshole. I guess at this point we can pretty much rule out Lethal Weapon 5 since we all know what Mel thinks of those of the darker persuasion. But wow, has Mel Gibson fallen from grace or what the fuck? I mean not so much that he's getting his credit card refused at the drug store like Misha Barton, but awful damn close. My advice to Mel: just quietly move back to Australia and ride off into the sunset dude.

Here's a really nice fake of Katy Perry topless. Not as nice as the Emma Watson ones, but certainly more erotic than a Lady Gaga blow up doll.

Here's reason #193,440 why I couldn't even be an orthopedic surgeron (or a gymnist)? Because ankles are not meant to be bent ninety degrees to the side. I presume the kid is in shock since he's not screaming so loud as to rupture his vocal cords, but wait for the close ups.

Hi Ernie, Love the site, blah, blah, blah... Spent three years in might remember my story from "Lunch in Thailand". Had one surgery but I am STILL fighting AIG... I thought you might like to get a look at these:[ 1 - 2 ]. We had a pet at the waterpoint: Sandy, shot in the head by "Vector" control while I was at D-9 was a tragedy. This was a beautiful dog (cannot find the pictures for the life of me) who kept the rodents at bay and loved to play on the water bladders...and they killer her with no mercy. The dogs were one of the few things that brought us pleasure over there and it broke our hearts to have them killed in front of us.... Mark. btw...every dog I got to know over there hated Iraqis, just saying.

Hey Ernie, Thanks for passing my email along. Baghdad Pups isn't able to assist in Afghanistan right now, but they referred my friend to an organization in Kabul who might be able to help. I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, here are some pics of Zeus. My friend says he's a white Kuchi, and that the locals breed these dogs for fighting. -Scott

I told Scott to let us know if they need anything, so stay tuned for Zeus Watch.

Well, this is the weekend. The celebs are plentiful and the anticipation grows as Las Vegas gets ready for what will no doubt be a very interesting contest for the Undisputed UFC Heavyweight Championship of the World. As fight fans from all over pour in, both Brock Lesnar and Shane Carwin realize the time has finally come. It's fight week. Lesnar vs Carwin. This Saturday Night. Live from the MGM Grand Garden Arena. The countdown To Brock Lesnar vs Shane Carwin continues.

Real quick, a joke before I go. The Pope, a nun, and a friar walk into a bar. No that's it, that's the joke.

ten hottie vampires that paved the way for edward cullen.

the russians have officially bought the white house.

elle macpherson is hotter than ever in skin tight vinyl pants.

July 1, 2010

Only A Fully Trained Jedi Knight, With The Force As His Ally, Will Conquer Vader.

A few times after I've posted an Ernie Cam image such as this one, I get the occasional inquiry, "How the fuck do you do that?" And it is in this post where I will reveal to each of you, my secrets of being a cheap fuck. And as an added bonus to Michael, Jeff and Shlomo... I'm going to try and make it through the entire post without saying 'Cheap Jew'. Well except for that time, but that doesn't count.

Okay. So a few years ago when I had both the 9x5 job and my little side hobby, life was good. Te stock market was up, the housing market was up, money fell from the skies and I didn't have a care in the world. The thought of using a coupon was utterly offensive to me. Why the fuck would I want to look like a Cheap J... errr... douchebag in order to save a whole fucking dollar? It just didn't make sense to me. I know it sure made sense to my mom when I was growing up, but I just couldn't get my mind around it. Well, turn the clocks forward a few years and I finally came to a realization. I could continue living in my coupon be damned, fuck whats on sale this week mentality -- and eat maccaroni and cheese for the rest of my life. Or I could swallow my pride, shop a little smarter and in doing do, continue to live a relatively carefree existance. And given that I like my motorized toys too much, the choice was pretty simple. And so, taking a queue from some friends of mine -- friends with four kids -- and as much of a shocker to me as anyone else, I became a coupon clippin' sale shoppin' fool.

Now I make a fucking sport out of it and see if I can't outdo myself each week. Each Wednesday I wake up and check the online ad at Publix and map out how I'm going to absolutely rob those motherfuckers blind. Granted, Publix generally runs about 15-20% higher than most other supermarkets around here, especially Walmart, but as long as you're buying two-for-one stuff that's on sale you can still do quite well. I've set my goal at spending no more than sixty cents on the dollar; any more and I consider the trip a personal failure. Every once in awhile I get lucky and end up saving more than I spend, although that's tough to do with big trips. It's easier to concentrate on smaller trips to buy specialized items. Here's an example of a few things that I have mapped out for the coming week:

Curly's Pulled Pork. Everyday price: $5.69. Sale: Buy one, get one. Coupon: $1.50 off each. Final Price: $1.35 per tub. Savings: 76% off.

Kraft Salad Dressing. Everyday price: $3.27. Sale: Buy one, get one. Coupon: $1.00 off each. Final Price: $0.63 per bottle. Savings: 83% off.

French's Mustard. Everyday price: $1.89. Sale: Buy one, get one. Coupon: $0.30 off each. Final Price: $0.65 per bottle. Savings: 66% off.

Bic Utility Lighter. Everyday price: $3.49. Sale: Buy one, get one. Coupon: $1.00 off each. Final Price: $0.75 per tub. Savings: 79% off.

So when my coupons get here on Monday (I ordered them earlier today), I'm going to hit Publix and walk out with: 2 tubs of pulled pork, 1 bbq chicken, 1 bbq beef, 4 bottles of salad dressing, 2 bottles of mustard, and 6 lighters (hurricane season) for a grand total of $13.68 plus tax. Not that I exist on those things and those things alone (although I used to, haha). But couple those deals with a few more buy one/get one's, and a few things that you need but never go on sale... and cutting your grocery bill in half isn't all that much of a challenge.

Now granted you can't always hit the holy grail of a buy one/get one the same week as a coupon, but as long as you've got a pantry, a freezer, and some patience... you can save an awful lot of drinking money. My personal best: a big ass bottle of A1 Steak Sauce. Regular price: $4.19. Buy one/get one with a coupon for $2.00 off per bottle (yes, much to my amazement you can use two coupons even with a 2:1). My end cost: $0.19 for TWO bottles. Yeah, what's up now fucker! I had ten fucking bottles of A1 sauce; the regular shit, bold and spicy, garlic supreme (which sucks), kobe beef, mesquite, you name it. It got to a point where my biggest enemy was the expiration dates. Then I was eating A1 on everything: chicken, hamburgers, hot dogs, cereal, ice cream, walnuts, watermelon, pussy, whatever. There was a four month stretch where I didn't put a damned thing in my mouth without A1 Sauce on it. But I got my money's worth out of those bastards, I'll tell you that.

What I'm doig isn't rocket science by any means; again my mom used to do this years ago and even then without the benefit of the internet. In the end I rationalize using coupons like this: if I can save $50-$60 on my grocery bill just by using my head, and do that two or three times a week, that's a free motorcycle payment. Or for those of you who don't ride, you can get shitfaced drunk each week without it otherwise denting your wallet. So if you're not shopping a little smarter, especially in today's economy, well then you're just a fucking jerk off. And I don't like your jerk off name, I don't like your jerk off face, I don't like your jerk off behavior, and I don't like you, jerkoff. Note: there were absolutely no racial slurs in that entire montage, unlike this cat who hates black people.

I am hereby cheering for Paraguay in the World Cup. You should, too. So we all should be behind Paraguay. Well, either Paraguay or Spain. Well, either Paraguay, Spain, or Germany - check out Sarah Brander, too.

Hey Ernie, if there’s two we love its heroes and dogs. How about a pint sized hero dog. John

Aww man, I wlways get bummed when I hear about a dog dying to defend its master. But sure enough, as soon as you mentioned "one chihuahua" and "two pit bulls" -- you know someone is going to end up as deader than Microsoft's Kin. But that reminder me. ATTENTION SCOTT:

Ernie. Baghdad pups helps get soldiers dogs out of war zones in the middle east. Nicole.

Hey Ernie, Big Sarge H here, try this on for size. Have heard about them from several sources both military and non-military personnel. Anything to help out those that serve along side me, get er done! With Regards,SGT Chris

Ernie, saw your post asking to help get dogs home from the war. I saw an episode on TV recently about this lady who started a charity to get 1 dog home that turned into a full time job. She flys into the war zone and plucks the puppies out personally because the govt wont help her out. Im sorry that I can't remember where I saw the show but if my viewing habits show any consistancy it would have been history channel, discovery channel, or TLC. I did find this link though and it seems promising. Good luck! Chad [1] - [2] - [3]

Hey Ernie, I'm sure you've already gotten a million emails on this, but for Scott's special forces friend who adopted a pet in Afghanistan the SPCA runs Ooperation Baghdad pups, they help soldiers bring pets back from Iraq and Afghanistan.

Ernie, These sites might be a good place to start looking for help. Karl W. [1] - [2]

Well, my general consensus, it looks like Baghdad pups gets the nod!

Beth Shak is an (insanely hot) world championship Full Tilt poker player, fashion mogul and entrepreneur whose star is quickly rising. After squashing much of her competition in the Poker world, she has now ventured out into mainstream media as well as the fashion and beauty industry, where she is currently manufacturing a prototype for a medical patent she created. Here's a hot gallery of photos of Beth for you to enjoy as well.

can you taste the asparagus, my dear? SUPER NSFW.

thirteen original pairs of breasts that made america great.

leanneleanne is a 6 foot tall model so nice, they named her twice!

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