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August 31, 2010

1,464 miles in 23 Hours Travel Time.

Of which, 21:45 was actual driving time. I sleepie now.

August 30, 2010

Man, I Miss My Old Flip Phone Sometimes.

Well, today begind the fun drive back to sunny Florida. This trip up north was nice and yes I got to see the fam, but it was quite hampered by bad weather. We literally were only able to go into the river on the very last day. A planned trip to climb Mount Azure got rained out, as was a trip to the Eisenhower Locks. Hence no exciting Ernie Cam pics. But eh, such is life. It was nice just being that close to Canadian Jessica Lowndes.

Gisele Brady of all people is finally speaking out about all of this ridiculous Brett Favre retirement stuff. Glad to see somebody is taking a stand. Oh, wait, you mean to tell me that Gisele is speaking out against mothers who don't breastfeed their children?

Natasha Alam… this may not be a household name for you yet, but after seeing these dirty lingerie pictures, you may change your mind. Not only is she a mind blowingly hot Russian actress that you may have seen on HBO shows like Entourage and True Blood, but she is a model who is 110% okay pretending to get cunnilingus on camera. Oh, and you can see her naked and getting slammed by Alexander Skarsgard on True Blood.

Um ... we're not too sure about this ... HustleTweeters have been debating this all day, but isn't Paris rather flay? So how in the hell ... um ... push up bras? Extra padding? Fake torso? WTF?

world's biggest bbq can cook 1,000 sausages.

pictures: kindle and ipad screens under microscope.

couple argues over gun safety. she wins. well, technically.

August 28, 2010

Insert Your Favorite No Picture Weekend Joke Here.

stereotyping people by their favorite chick flick.

syfy chanell finds new and terrifying ways to not pay for special effects.

twenty women who deserve bigger jobs in sports.

sexy espn reporter jenn brown denied chance to do coors commercial by the network.

August 27, 2010

Finally We've Got Sun, Woo Hoo!

...Annnnddd... We have to take Bianca to a vet because she has an ear infection. Do I already have drops? Yes, we keep a nice big bottle of Motomax on hand, since she's so prone to getting them. And where are these drops? Cape Coral, Florida. So after getting the, "We can't dispense medication without the doctor seeing the animal first," party line several times from all the local vets, I'm off to Malone to pay $60 for some $19 ear drops. Want to know the price of stupidity? It's about $41.

Here we go, people. The time has finally arrived for one of the most talked about slideshows in the history of this website. Ok, so maybe it is not that popular, but at least I know that a lot of people will be thankful they wandered into this list. I mean, it is a list dedicated to the female athletes with the greatest behind. Those female athletes who are just plain bootylicious. I have scoured the globe, or just Google, to find some of the hottest female asses in the sports world. Hint: think Stacy Kiebler.

Let’s face it, some things just sound cooler in your imagination than they do in real life. Like your own voice, for example. You hear yourself on tape and think "Do I really sound that much like a monkey? Why did no one ever tell me? I will never eat a banana in public again." Movies can present a similar situation: some things just sound way, way cooler if they’re enhanced or just plain made up.

It may never get critical acclaim, but dammit, the Lindsay Lohan speaks to our hearts! (And when we say “out hearts,” we mean “our dicks.”) The porno, starring Scarlett Fay, is pretty much what you’d expect: nakedness, sex, cigarettes, fake(?) cocaine, and lots and lots of alcohol. Before you start looking down your nose at Scarlett, though, just remember – she has a job and isn’t in rehab. … unlike the slutty celeb she is portraying.

this guy is fast approaching 7,500,000 pieces of spam.

xbox girls get revenge - they support a woman's right to pwn.

nfl reports: revis deal close? rice on ir? daniels now 100%?

August 26, 2010

They're Just Small Town Girls, Living In A Lonely World.

Just in case you think I'm off having fun while you're at work... don't. It's raining. Again. But on the upside, one of these days is supposed to be sunny and 85... the prefect river day! Which is the day we're set to pack up and leave. By 9am. Fuck me.

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (commonly known as Dr. Strangelove) is a 1964 black comedy film directed by Stanley Kubrick, starring Peter Sellers and George C. Scott, and featuring Sterling Hayden, Keenan Wynn, Slim Pickens and Tracy Reed. Loosely based on Peter George's Cold War thriller novel Red Alert, a.k.a. Two Hours to Doom, Dr. Strangelove satirized the nuclear scare. The story concerns an unhinged United States Air Force general who orders a first strike nuclear attack on the Soviet Union, and follows the President of the United States, his advisors, the Joint Chiefs of Staff and a Royal Air Force (RAF) officer as they try to recall the bombers to prevent a nuclear apocalypse, as well as the crew of one B-52 as they attempt to deliver their payload. And as it turns out, it's not as crazy as it sounds, especially when you consider Puddy flew around nukes for three years.

This might be one of the most passive aggressive things I’ve ever read. There’s no way the dad has any knowledge of this shit, right? This seems purely like a mother thing.

Fire breathing is the act of creating a fireball by breathing a fine mist of fuel over an open flame. Proper technique and the correct fuel create the illusion of danger to enhance the novelty of fire breathing, while reducing the risk to health and safety. When using the correct fuel, it will only light when sprayed into a fine mist increasing the surface area of the fuel so that the fuel/oxygen/heat ratio is balanced enough to cause combustion. Only well trained fire breathers using the proper fuel for fire breathing should ever perform with an audience. Performing with fire has inherent risks. Having a fire extinguisher and wet fire blanket are generally recommended.

Naturally, when we see a beautiful woman in a sexy dress, the first thing that comes to mind usually involves having her take it off. But it’s stuff like sexy dresses that make everything else, like the lingerie underneath, that much better. Most men love women who can look like a million bucks in a hot dress when you take her to a party. We certainly do, as demonstrated by some of the great photographs we’ve taken through the years of our amazing models in sexy dresses.

here's a nice FAQ for all you deadbeat dads out there.

old and busted: jersey shore. the new hotness: jersey dee. kinda sfw.

i think macs suck. unless they're being used by one of these chicks.

August 25, 2010

So They're Both All Natural, Right?

Well, by this time last year, the dogs had gotten into two scuffles, one of which would have been worse but I was able to stick my beer-numbed hand in the middle and pry someone's apart. This year -- knock on wood -- all is well. So not havving to worry about that at each turn, does make relaxing a little easier. We also haven't has the chance to hit the one local bar yet, but me thinks that's on the agenda for tonight... yesterday was spent just enjoying the freaking sunshine for the first time this week.

Minivan. I remember last yeat that someone had said that the Volkswagen Routan that I rented was pretty much a rebadged Dodge Caravan. I remember dismissing the thought, by thinking theres no way Mein Furher would pass off some American soccer-mom mobile as German engineering. But. Looks like I was wrong, since the Town and Country I have this year is pretty much the same thing. And yet, strangely, not. I dunno if it's in my head or what, but somehow the Routan seemed a little more refined. And it had a sunroof, instead of a row of six-hundred and nineteen roof mounted holders for your sunglasses. Given my long standing affection for VeeDubs, it probably is in my head but either way, I was glad to read that they're bringing their Phaeton back to the US market. At first I thought this meant they were discontinuing their newly introduced CC model, but that seems to be midsized/Passat based. Not that i have $85k to drop on a luxury vehicle mind you, I just theink they're very cool. Especially when you consider that if you purchase one, you're welcomed to visit VW's Transparent Factory -- where yes, all the walls are made of glass -- and watch your car hand built. Either way, I'd sure love to take one of these V-12 motherfuckers out for a whirly.

Ernie, Long time fan, first time contributor. I love your site, and thought you might get a kick out of this!! keep up the good work! Cheers, Oliver

I'm retiring, I'm not retiring, now I am, now I'm not. Screw Brett Favre. But let's look at where Deanna Favre ranks among top ten retired wags.

Nicole Trunfio, the incredibly gorgeous winner of Australia’s Search for a Supermodel was showing off her incredibly gorgeous nipples this week. Not nearly enough hot celebrities forget to wear a bra and/or wear shirts that can’t possibly cover their nipples 100% of the time. But then again, that’s why sharking exists. So the poor people of the Internet can see more nipples than they can handle.

Eastern European beach goers have all the luck. Not only did they get to witness "The Bouncing Czech" DENISE MILANI grow up,but they can count Miss Maxim 2010 Tatyana Romanchuk as one of their own as well! Tatyana divides her time between Kiev and Copenhagen, Denmark. The young blonde must be having the time of her life.

the world's most awesome (and intentional) self nut shots.

so i thought this kind of shit only happens in OZ?

mommasquirrel1 - mommasquirrel2 - mommasquirrel3 -

jason bateman dresses up as a female dancer. i dare you not to watch.

August 24, 2010

Still Waters Run Deep. And Fucking Fast, Too.

Well holy sweet baby jesus, the rain finally fucking stopped. Now I get to enjoy the nice 74 degree weather in peace. But the St Regis River? is flying like a motherfucker. Our usual swimming hole is under about two feet of rapid-rapid-rapidly moving water. That goodness they make this thing called beer. perhaps you've heard of it? Oh, and those Amish fuckers you see on the side of the road? They bake some mean apple pies.

Christina Hendricks (tits are) is a hot commodity these days, and she (they) always steals the show on the red carpet, sporting sexy dresses that show off her ample cleavage. Here she (her tits) attends the Primetime Creative Arts Emmy Awards in Los Angeles. Check out more photos of Christina ('s tits) here.

Everyone has a charity or a cause that they believe in. Mine is Family Circus, by Bill Keane. Family Circus been around for over 50 years, and hasn’t even been funny yet on accident. It’s the only part of the newspaper that birds won’t shit on. And I have vowed to destroy it. Rather than tracking down and destroying every Family Circus comic, I’ve spent years developing a robot capable of rewriting them. This powerful robot has been programmed with every modern technique of joke construction and irony. He is named PG-13, after the guidelines set down by the Motion Picture Association of America that he is forced to cyber-follow. What that means is that in each comic, PG-13 is only allowed 4 to 6 curse words, and none of them can be a sexual fuck. So he cannot fuck you, but he can have fucking sex with you. He’s incredible and amazing and I have spent the last five days feeding Family Circus comics into him. Here are our results.

Angelina Christina is a 27 year old bikini model from Miami who has become one of the most popular girls on the Maxim roster. The 5'5'' Latina hot body has measurements of 34D-24-34, and she certainly knows how to get the most out of her awesome figure, doesn't she?

In the past a single woman in her 40s or older was dubbed an “old maid” and shunned from the community. With no one willing to give them some much-needed play, they had no choice but to become the crazy cat ladies who kids in the neighborhood made fun of. How the times change! Now the kids in the neighborhood are just as likely to spy in the bedroom window of the local 40-something single/divorced woman because there’s a fair chance she’s drop-dead gorgeous and ready to go (you can make your own cat lady/pussy joke here). Now, instead of spinsters and old maids we have “cougars,” older women ready to pounce on the nearest piece of young meat they can get their hands on.

how drunk is this girl? oh, about 4 out of 10.

john doe who fought fbi spying freed from gag order after six years.

you put your right foot in, you put your right foot out. and then get hit by an ice cream truck.

August 23, 2010

Well I Couldn't Find One That Said Redneck Entry.

So far, New York State has two HUGE strikes against it. First off, on the drive from Rochester to St Regis Falls, I got cut off by some cunt in a green Geo Prism, NYS license plate DSK2342. Now I drove in Boston for thirteen years, so I've got some pretty thick skin when it comes to the road, but this bitch nearly killed me. To the point where I called 911 and reported her to the New York State troopers because it was only a matter of time before she caused a major accident. First off, I had to battle with the 911 operator who was adamant there were two different ways to spell 'Sierra' as in, "License plate Delta, Sierra, Kilo." Once we got past that hurdle, I gave her our mile marker -- Eastbound 302. Okay, says she, State Troopers have been dispatched. The Stewart caravan exited at Interstate 81, which is around mile marker 282. Twenty fucking miles. How many 911 calls were made during that time? Three, all from different drivers. Was she pulled over in that time? No. Did I see some State troopers in that time? Yes. What were they doing? Parked talking to each other in the median of the road.

Secondly, it has rained from the minute we got here. To the point where we have umbrellas duct-taped to our lawn chairs. Seriously.

Earlier this month, Jennifer Freeman star of My Wife and Kids apparently went postal on her husband, NBA point guard Earl Watson after an argument. The attack involved, slapping and biting and left poor Earl bleeding from his injuries. In the sports world, most domestic disputes we hear about are of male athletes dominating their wives or significant others. But this incident with Freeman and Watson remind us that women are just as capable of inflicting harm than men. Here's a look at ten sports wives or girlfriends and the pain and abuse they wreak on their husbands or boyfriends.

Kid-Testing the Classics: what do an 8-year-old and a 6-year-old think of twenty year-old games? Hint: Frogger is timeless, while Star Fox is not.

Everybody dies, even famous actors. Some have the common sense to phase out their careers while they’re still at the top of their game and enjoy the fruits of their retirement, others milk their fame for all its worth and work ’til they drop, which is often well past their sell-by date, and, of course, there are those who die far earlier than anyone anticipated, least of all themselves, leaving their most recent project – whatever it may have been – as their last project.

I don’t blame Cubs fans if they feel cheated by the way Lou Piniella has decided to step down as manager with 37 games remaining in the season. After all, if they have to sit through the rest of this miserably year, why doesn’t he?

one thousand awesome things. well, eventually.

keepingscore - onecrazysaturdaynight - washingacow -

i'm sorry did you say something, i was too busy looking at these hot bartenders.

August 21, 2010

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

the global rich list. seems a little dated... $73 for a phone?

kuku klok. an online alarm clock. designed to wake you up.

goodtimescomingboss - toomuchvodka - whatagreattalent - whatsthatoutside -

stanley kubrick vs martin scorsese. ready, fight!

the 25 year old greek maxim hottie is making everyone notice.

snoop commemorates mafia wars by blowing up a truck.

August 20, 2010

Uhhh, Dinner Was Supposed To Be On The Table By Six...

In the most recent UFC pay-per-view, Brock Lesnar showed the world that he was the true heavyweight champion by defeating Shane Carwin, the interim heavyweight champion. But no one is talking about that anymore. Everyone is talking about Holly Madison's sexy body making an appearance as a ring girl. That is just one of a million examples of how beautiful women are needed in the world of mixed martial arts. Besides their beauty, the sexy women of the MMA world help level out the testosterone level that usually reaches all time highs during these matches. It is great to be able to check out a half-naked babe holding up a sign, like we did not know what round it was, and walk around in high heels smiling at us. It is also fun to see the hotties in the crowds or in the ring fighting, like Gina Carano. This is a list of the hottest women in the MMA world.

Just like Tom Cruise’s seduction-guru character in the movie Magnolia, who advocates a seduce and destroy approach, everyday womanizers can become known for their guile and tactics. Is it nice for the jilted women? Not really, but sometimes all you can do is give the guy props. We know of the legendary womanizing feats of characters like James Bond and Casanova, but we found fifteen of Hollywood’s most notorious, real life womanizers of today. It would be sixteen, but I live in Florida. By the way, John Cusack nailed Claire Forlani? Nice pull brotha!

Whether you’re a guy or a girl, at some point in time you wanted to bang Hilary Swank. It could have been on one of her manly days, where she looks like a sensitive Indie turd, or on one of these… where it looks like she is a whore ready to be unleashed on the world. Call us old fashioned, but we like it when she looks like a celebuslut, ready to bang as many directors as it takes until she gets on top. And judging by her fame/success … she had to do the dirty with quite a few. But Hilary earns it. Whether it’s putting on a leather leotard to make us drool over her tight body or trying to flirt with a man twenty-three years her senior… she gets the job done.

Emily Christine's modeling career began just seven months ago, when a few photographers discovered her on MySpace. After some persuasion on their part, Emily eventually agreed to try it out. It turned out that she was a natural, and she absolutely loved it

webpages as graphs. must have java installed.

freemulletremoval - randomlooker - roastbeeflips -

stop in the name of nerdom! twenty-five cosplay whores girls.

August 19, 2010

Hey You Spend 26 Hours In A Car And See How You Feel.

Every child reaches a point in his life where he asks a grown up, "Why did the Empire spend all that time and money building the Death Star, only to leave that vulnerable exhaust port wide open?" That question marks the end of your naive childhood and the beginning of your life as a cynical adult. But Star Wars was more true to life than you think. History is full of unstoppable super-weapons and fortresses that tended to have one ridiculous flaw the enemy could take advantage of.

From its adoption into the United States in 1850 up until the present day, California has always been a place where eccentricity is accepted, if not welcomed with open arms. Anyone who’s ever spent much time in West Hollywood or San Francisco can attest to that. Today, we’re going to take a look at one of California’s most notorious yet well-loved eccentrics. He was a self-proclaimed aristocrat, even going so far as to declare himself Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico, indulging in the sort of monarchy nonsense that the country had spilled blood over less than a hundred years before. Yet in spite of it, when this Emperor finally died in 1880, almost thirty thousand people jammed the streets of San Francisco to attend his funeral. And in 1880, thirty thousand people represented over ten percent of the city’s population.

Just when you thought the Jessi Slaughter saga couldn't get any more epic -- dad catches her on tinychat again and he just fucking rages. He ought to beat the fucking shit out of that girl.

Here’s the new trailer for Gareth Edward’s “Monsters” which is getting a bit of hype on the geek blog circuit. I saw this one at the Los Angeles Film Festival and have an opinion, of course, but you can read that after seeing the trailer. I will say, though, that this is a very well done trailer but if you’re going in expecting to be hugely terrified or wanting to see anything like an ordinary monster film, you’re probably not going to like it. The R rating — if memory serves, is primarily for cursing and mild “sexuality,” not all of it human.

oysters with herpes: one more effect of global warming. ewww.

ikissgirls - littlepiggywiggy - niceamericantop - theonlyonenotfullofshit -

playboy girls in bodypaint, amy fisher is a porn star and a live video channel on facebook.

jessica quinones needs a workout partner. you volunteer, trust me.

August 18, 2010

Yeah Getting Out Of Bed This Morning Was Kind Of Like That.

Today is pack-you-shit-and-get-on-the-road day, and I still have to stop and get gas, so you'll pardon me if I keep this rather brief.

A quick math quiz: If each girl has one twin, and each girl have two awesome boobs, how many awesome boobs would you have if you had twenty-five pairs of twins. Answer: one hundred awesome boobs!

Ten things I'd lke to see Erin Andrews do at ESPN. Well, I would say eleven but we're trying to keep this one SFW.

Isn’t it sexy as hell when a hot babe unzips her top, whether it’s a hoodie or jacket, and reveals and amazing rack and killer cleavage? We’ve had lots of fun over the years setting up the Bullz-Eye model shoots, and we were always quick to suggest photos with an unzipped top when we had a model with beautiful breasts.

With the power and authority of government office, you might imagine that hotties would be falling over themselves to get their hands on the great and good. In fact, that’s rarely the case – politics can be a dry, dry subject and it takes decades to get to the top. However, to test the rule, here are twelve of the hottest women in the world to be married into politics. Dibs on the The Queen of Jordan with keepsies and no takebacks.

government incentives for green energy.

esquire asks, what if the expendables were women?

realistic sobriety tests - drunken fool proof. 100% accurate!

August 17, 2010

A Paradox Begets Another Paradox.

One might make the assumption that yesterday's rather controversial post generated lotsof feedback. And one might be right. Some of it lighthearted, some of it -- ahem -- not so lighthearted. But regardless, feedback is a good thing, so I have lots to post. I know, the Middle East isn't exactly the most popular thing to talk about, but we'll manage. But perhaps the most disturbing aspect of a few of these responses is some people can't differentiate between defending the right to worship whatever religion you choose -- in an issue where Islam just so happens to be the focal point -- is not the same as defending Islam. It's about freedom of religion, or in my case, from it. But anyway, here's the corker. Bright and early tomorrow am, I jump in my bad ass rented VW Routan for my annual trek up to the great white north. Don't worry, I'll have my laptop in tow so while I'll still be able to post some feedback and respond with people. Now I'm not going to be tied to my laptop the whole time I'm gone, I just won't be able to acknowledge people as efficiently as I would when sitting at my desk with a big fat cup of coffee. Below is a small sample, arranged in ascending order of hostility.

Let's pretend for a moment that zombies are real (as if half of you weren't already daydreaming about that very thing). Have you noticed how most zombie movies take place only after the apocalypse is in full-swing? By the time we join our survivors, the military and government are already wiped out, and none of the streets are safe. There's a reason the movie starts there, and not earlier. It's because the early part, where we go from one zombie to millions, doesn't make any sense. If you let the creeping buzzkill of logic into the zombie party, you realize the zombies would all be re-dead long before you even got a chance to fire up that chainsaw motorcycle you've been working on. Why? Here are seven scientific reasons why a zombie outbreak would quickly fail. And just in case they're wrong, here are six reasons why the zombie outbreak would slowly fail: Glock, Sig Sauer, Bersa, Kel-Tec, Benelli and Beretta. Oh, and Stanley makes seven.

Self-proclaimed “professional climber, adventure addict, world traveler, artist, musician, budding film maker” Cedar Wright recently shot a video for the Squamish Mountain Film Festival, entitled “Squamish in a Day.” During that video shoot, Wright and his fellow rock climbers hit a bit of a snag, though, and one climber – Jason Kruk – got his knee stuck in a tight crack. But that was just the start of Kruk’s escalating problems. Trust me, it's worth watching.

Hey Ernie, It takes courage and understanding to take the position you did, a well reasoned argument I might add. Good job. Tim

hey E, i was a little disappointed in your recent post. i also think you need to research the ideology of islam, after all you are viewed as an infidel as well. i have been a fan of yours for a long time and while i do disagree with you politically from time to time, i think over all your a decent guy. regards, j

Ernie, I've put up with your obvious liberal bias based on what you do for the troops. I click all your links and visit your site daily just to support what you do. After today, no more. Good luck with the site. Your political views disgust me. Charles

In the latest example in the long list of ideas that sound awesome when you're drunk, this kid lets a four pound lizard bite onto his tongue. Hint: in addition to having very dirty mouths, lizards have surprisingly strong jaws and very sharp teeth. Looks like someone should have watched a little more Steve Irwin.

Sponsored link: How important are sunglasses? For some they are just a necessity but for others sunglasses are a constant search for the perfect pair and a style statement as well.

The 200 yard Gong Shot: Can David Howell, Paul McGinley, Marcel Siem or Rhys Davies skim a golfball two-hundred yards across a lake and hit a nine inch gong?

Last week I tried to stomach my way through the first season of Mad Men -- Jerry you really fucked me on this one -- and I just couldn't do it. I made it through two full DVDs, which is six one-hour episodes. Of those six hours, there was perhaps fifteen minutes of honest-to-goodness entertaining television. The rest was crap. Ultimately I think it's a hipster thing, the same way people have convinced themselves that Pabst Blue Ribbon is the 'in' thing to drink. There's lots of serious dialogue going back and forth in Mad Men, but nothing I would really give a shit about. The parts I did enjoy were the throwbacks to less politically correct times: one guy slaps the shit out of another guy's kid, the father angrily walks up and asks, "What's going on here?" "Your kid is treating this place like a zoo." Father looks down at kid and raises his hand, "You want some more?" HAHAHAHAHAHA! And the two housewives -- one pregnant -- and both chain smoking. Then a little girl walks up with a clear plastic dry cleaning bag over head head. Pregnant mom sets down her giun and asks, "I hope you didn't throw that dry cleaning on the floor." Ahh, the good old days. Anyway, looks like they added some new chick Jessica Pare to try and spice things up. Best of luck to em, I won't be watching.

Oh and don't worry about Charles, he'll come back. They always do. Because they know my balls are the best.

two words: powdered. alcohol.

the ultimate fart soundboard. you're welcome.

the do's and don'ts of dealing with your in-laws.

british nudist group sets amusment park record.

August 16, 2010

Inconsistent Premises Always Make An Argument Valid.

So over this past weekend, I received an email that has created a terrible paradox for me. I've been doing this website/email list thing for quite some time now, so when I tell you that this was one of the most ignorant and racist emails I've ever had the displeasure of reading, that statement is not to be taken lightly. Normally, such a thing would result in an immediate flaming but there's a problem. This person has been a longstanding EHOWA member for over four years: he's contributed material, he's provided some insight on a few issues, he's contributed to LBEH and abused animals, and he's an all around good guy. And I guess that's what makes this email so bad, it's like the betrayal is worse than the crime itself?

Anyway, I wrote this person back asking if what they had sent was somehow a work of satire and perhaps I was taking things too seriously. No reply. So I'm going to share their email with you now, and after much debate, I have decided not to include John's email address. I guess that will be my parting act of mercy.

Hi Ernie:

I know you have a policy of remaining neutral on political events on your web site due to the sensitivity you have to protect your income and I completely understand.

Your Mulatto presidential vote has backfired on you, and he continues to defile your military uniform and everything it stands for. He is collaborating with the enemy. As you suggested in a recent post about other similar situations, should he be executed for treason? Well, maybe no, but let's just give him a life sentence in one of the luxury federal prisons after he is impeached.

In the face of the recent White House dinner for Muslims and the Mulatto's comments and approval regarding the construction of a Mosque in the shadow of ground zero in New York, I have started understanding for the first time in my life what a military coup would be all about. How about we allow the Japs to construct a memorial next to the USS Arizona at Pearl Harbor for their dead pilots in that infamous attack on US soil?

I also predict that ammunition sales and shortages will again peak in the next few months. According to an article in a local newspaper, the supply and demand has equaled in the past few months, and you can get all you want. Not for long.

I think the Sunday morning new conferences and shows will be very interesting tomorrow. I will be watching and hope you will be too.

No reply is necessary. I just wanted to get you thinking about what you helped to create.

Americans are now waking up. Are you?

With kindest regards,and LBEM again in December,

John Eiland

What first made me snort hot coffee out of my nose was, "Your Mulatto presidential vote." Then of course and a few sentences later, "the Mulatto's comments..." John wasn't saving any time with this little nickname... it took longer to type "Mulatto" than "Obama". And he actually took the time to capitalize the word mulatto, turning it into the newest proper noun. So he's not just racist, but he's a proud racist. Like he's going to fucking formalize racism and make it acceptable. Dress his racism up in a tuxedo -- obviously a white one, not a black one -- and present it to the world all spit and polished.

Next what I enjoyed was how he made the decision as to what defiles my service to this country. Not that I would consider some slack jawed redneck's overt -- but nicely presented -- racism to be even more of an insult, but sorry, I don't get to make that call.

And collaborating with the enemy. Uh-huh. In order for this to be a true statement, one much believe that the September 11th attacks were the not the actions of 19 screwhead assholes, but that of the entire worldwide Muslim populace. So somewhere, some time prior to 9/11/2001, every Muslim in the world -- all 1.57 BILLION of them -- cast some sort of a secret ballot. And from that vote, it was decided that 19 agents would go out and commit an act of terrorism on their behalf. If you believe this to be true, than I hope you hold Christianity responsible for all of the abortion clinic bombings as well. Sorry folks, no more churches or YMCA buildings.

Me? I'm an information freak. I research the living shit out of stuff sometimes. And while I'm not particularly delighted about the planned Islamic community center going up in Manhattan -- honestly I'm not fond of them anywhere -- let's take a closer look at this issue. Since not even the most ignorant asshole out there would try to make any type of legal argument against the proposed mosque, obviously this boils down to a moral question. Or as The Rack so eloquently asks, "We all know that they have the right to do it, but should they?" To which I would ask, why the fuck shouldn't they? How can a nation that was born from religious persecution say, "Liberty and justice for all. Except you Muslim fuckers. You guys take your shit about ten blocks north of here." And by the way, taking the easy road and catering to the fear and biggotry of the majority? Is a total bullshit cowardly move.

But first let us take into account those poor wounded souls who say it's too soon for any kind of a mosque "this close to hallowed ground". Okay, no problem. Since two blocks away and nine years later is too close and too soon, just what are the acceptable boundries? Five blocks? Ten years? Do we take votes from everyone around the country and figure out a mathematrical average? Do New Yorker's votes count more than mine, since I live in Florida? Does my vote count more than some other American citizen, if they're Muslim? I mean there can't be a "mosque exclusion zone" in lower Manhattan forever, so it's just a question of time, right? Maybe in a hundred years there can be a mosque one block away? What's good for you? Ten years? Maybe eleven years, since the tenth anniversary is going to be a very difficult time for us? Or what if they build it fifteen blocks away, do they get to move a block closer every five years or so? And if can they store these credits up, and move three blocks closer after fifteen years? What if they make a donation to the 9/11 Victims fund, does they buy them a one block courtesy move? I'm sorry, I'm just trying to figure out the ground rules for religious discrimination, because if you can't answer these questions you really can't raise the "you hurt my feelings" defense.

So ultimately whether or not one has any heartburn with this proposed mosque really boils down to a moral question. Do you believe the planners when they say they're building a mosque to service the Muslim population in lower Manhattan, or do you take the stance that other simlpletons have, "Islam has a propensity to erect Mosques on conquered territory." Well, let's take a look at each side of this cookie. A quick search of Google maps for "catholic church new york city" yields this -- for your convience I have flagged Ground Zero as the yellow marker. All those little red dots all throughout Manhattan and spreading across the Hudson into New Jersey and Brooklyn? That's right, those are Catholic churches. Okay, now let's do the same for Judism, this time "synagogue new york city". Huh, lots of red dots again, but apparently Jersey and Jews don't mix. Okay, now we take on Islam and search for "mosque new york city" Interpret that data however you like.

Now as to the other claim, victory mosques, or whatever the fuck you'd like to call them. I've spent about two hours this morning, search for places that Islam has built a mosque in -- I dunno, celebration? -- of some battle over a foreign entity. Here's what I've come up with.

The Al-Aqsa Mosque build in Temple Mount, which is pretty fucking important to the Jews. Date built? The year 705. For those of you not so good with numbers, that's over 1,300 years ago. But let's be honest, if we're going to hold an example of Jew/Arab violence as a litmus test for the rest of the world, well then we're all fucked.

Next we have the Hagia Sophia which used to be an Orthodox patriarchal basilica (whatever the fuck that is), and then a Roman cathedral. When was this built? The year 537. Taken over as a mosque in 1453. And then turned into a museum in 1934.

The Grand Mosque of Damascus, one of the oldest in the world, was built atop a Christian basilica dedicated to John the Baptist -- interesting note, John's head is still there -- back in the year 715. I would like to point out that the Christian basilica co-existed with its Muslim population for 72 years, since John was honored as a prophet by both Christians and Muslims alike.

The Babri Mosque in Ayodhya, India was built by demolishing a Hindu temple at the site of Hinduism's Lord Rama's birthplace. When was this done? The year 1527. What happened to this mosque? Hindus destroyed it in 1992.

And bringing up the rear, with what one might speculate is the namesake of NYC's proposed Cordoba House, we have the Great Mosque of Cordoba, which started out as a Roman Catholic church before being coverted to mosque in 718. But it wasn't "conquered" it was actually purchased. How long ago? Yep, over 1,300 plus years ago. And returned back to a Catholic church back in 1236, called the Cathedral of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin. Where it still stands today.

Now I'm not saying my research on this is the end-all-be-all of places that Muslims may have built mosques in 'places of victory', I'm just saying that's what I found after a couple of hours looking and I've got shit to do today. But if you think Muslims were alone in that regard, you're sadly mistaken as Christians of that era were quite fond building on other people's shit, too.

So there you have it. All the facts you need to make your informed decision. But I'm pretty sure there haven't been too many Islamic conquests down here in southwest Florida, so me personally, I don't put too much stock in the 'victory mosque' theory. In fact the more I looked into it, the more it simply fell apart. Now is this new mosque being built for to service the local Muslim polulace, or the next instance of a pattern that occured over a span of seven centuries, the most recent instance of which was over six hundred years ago? You make the call, Columbo. And yes. The fact that I -- the guy who will hold up a three iron during a thunderstorm and say, "There is no God" -- is standing up for religious freedoms, is a punchline not lost on me. I now know more about mosques than I ever wanted to know in my life.

I’m of the belief that only the strong survive. If your family can’t make it out of his or her house alive, what hope do they have to navigate through the minefields of life? Chris

Just have to point out that the tattoo on the girl's ass reads "Deadmau5" aka: Dead Mouse, a techno, house, useless excuse for an artist that everyone on YouTube seems to think is a freaking genius. You can find some of his "amazing" tunes, that I unfortunately have to hear every day at work, - Dan

On an unrelated note I went to see The Expendables on Friday and it kicked some pretty decent ass. Not as much ass as John Rambo, but close. Dolph Lundgren should have had a bigger part, and Terry Crews' performance was saved by his AA-12, but the real surprise... Randy Couture actually pulled off a pretty convincing performance as a special ops guy. I was genuinely impressed.

While they wouldn't be allowed to do it today, back in 1959, experienced military pilots would sometimes buzz the Grand Canyon when flying out of nearby Nellis AFB. At the time, RAF pilot Ron Dick was an exchange officer with the US Air Force, training students in a Lockheed T-33. Fellow instructor Bud Pratt recalls that during these Canyon flights, the pilots would fly low enough that water would spray up from the river.

Playboy doesn’t have quite the cache anymore that it used to, but it’s still a great barometer for female hotness, even today. With that in mind we’re taking a look at our choices for the 50 hottest women to ever appear in Playboy throughout it’s long and glorious history. Some were cover girls, and some might not have even posed nude, but these are our favorite fifty, bearing in mind the impossible nature of making a list such as this – the choices are a little overwhelming.

anna paquin has dirty, bloody sex. nsfw.

what do church, bowling, firearms and strip clubs have in common?

help? loading this bucket excavator onto this barge here? hell no, i got skillz.

August 14, 2010

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

would you rather: wear this contraption or lick this foot clean.

lose a bet? potato cannon. point blank. TO THE NUTS.

closeup photo of a girl with a little cock in her mouth.

photos from england's miss bikini contest. you're welcome.

reason #63,248 why topless sunbathing is awesome. sfw.

speak of the devil: why i'm pretty sure paris hilton had her tits done.

batmanstumbler - toomuchglare - twofistinwoody - understandingreligion

bruce lee dies on july 20, 1973. his last movie? released in 1982. wait, what?

myfreecams is the coolest webcam site on the web. definitely NSFW.

what do church, bowling, firearms and strip clubs have in common?

August 13, 2010

Carnac The Magnificent Says...

I hold in my hand one envelope. As a child of four can plainly see, this envelope has been hermetically sealed. It has been kept in a mayonnaise jar under Funk and Wagnall's porch since noon today. No one knows the contents of these envelopes, but I, in my divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers having never before seen the questions. hlding the envelope to my forehead... The Island of Bermuda. An aircraft carrier. And Megan Fox. [tears open envelope...] What are three things that have a tiny little landing strip.

Last night I watched Rampage, a mass murder film where some 23 year old tool decides to extract revenge upon his town. He builds himself a full samurai-style body suit of Kevlar armor, complete with a ballistics helmet and a paintball mask; he then goes on a killing spree rampage shooting hundreds of people before robbing a bank and framing his friend for the whole thing. I didn't care for some of the flash-forward/flash-back scenes -- I never do -- but as a whole it was a decent story with a pretty solid plot. What I didn't like about it, perhaps to the point of being insulted, were all the gun myths that were portrayed in the film. For example... bad guy weilds two Heckler & Kock MP7s as his main armament -- the same gun that Tallahassee fires into the air at 1:27 of the Zombieland trailer. Now. If you're going to tell me a story about zombies, where all of society has crumbled, then sure I can see an Average Joe getting their hands on some of the German army's hardware. But if you're going to tell me a story about a mass murder in small town USA, I think you've at least got a little responsibility to keep the story within the boundaries of reason. Don't ask me to believe that a year old kid who works a minimum wage job and lives with his parents can get his hands on these new fully automatic weaspons when (a) there haven't been any new autos imported into the country for over fourteen years, (b) the forty-year old models that are here (MP7's replaced MP5s) run about $17,000. Not to mention those would only be sold to Class III dealers, and not some asshole getting his mail forwarded to a friend's house. It's bullshit like this that makes people believe that just anyone can get their hands on an AK-47 and start shooting people. You know who gets their hands on MP7s right now? Austrian counter-terrorism teams. And German counter-terrorism teams. And South Korean Special Forces. ... and apparently American kids with a small town mailing address. I mean really?

But my biggest beef in this machine-guns-in-the-hands-of-civilians-is-going-to-result-in-mass-murder propoganda were the magic bullets. The MP7 fires 950 rounds per minute The largest magazine holds 40 rounds. Ergo if you squeeze the trigger and let it rip through the entire magazine, you'll be out of ammunition in 2.53 seconds. But not this guy, oh no. He lays on these fucking triggers like some pissed off taxicab driver in a traffic jam. Run out of ammo? Fuck no, these magic mags extend up my arms and down my pants and hold like 500 rounds each. Muzzle climb? Fuck no, all of his bullets hit their victims who are on the other side of the street and running at full stride. Oh and our shooter is the only person in town who owns their own firearm; not a single CCW holder with a handgun, or hunter with a shotgun, or some mall ninja with their own stockpile of heavy artillery to be found. Far be it from me to be a grassy knoll kinda guy, but I'm pretty sure it was anti-gun propoganda thinly disguised as an action movie. I actually went to bed a little pissed off.

Good news: Dexter Season 4 is released on DVD on August 17th. Bad news: I'll be on vacation the day after so I won't be able to watch them until later. Oh well, it'll give me something to look forward to when I get back, I suppose. You know, besides Julie Benz, who I would like to point out, did NOT have a very convincing southern girl accent in the Boondock Saints II. Yeah, it was a bad movie but at least more people had guns.

Hey, I know of your affinity for all things military and came across this site last night. There are some really interesting first-hand accounts of what went down during a variety of conflicts. Just thought you'd enjoy. Have a good one, Charles

As of right now, February 26th, 2011 is the last scheduled launch of the Space Shuttle. I've heard rumors that Congress might push for one, perhaps two more launches, but I wouldn't count on that beurocratic clusterfuck getting anything sorted out too soon. As a kid I remember the first shuttle launch, the whole school shut down and everyone huddled around these little ass grainy televisions. We didn't really give a fuck what was going on, we were just happy to be goofing off and watching TV. But now that I look back and it's realize one of those, "where were you when so-and-so happened ..." kind of moments. So you know what -- and no shit here -- I'm going to try and make it to the final launch in person. Kind of bringing the story full circle. It'll be a daytime launch, but that's okay with me. Here's some video of the last night time shuttle launch, which happened in the early hours of February 7th of this year.

Ernie, Insert all the pleasantries you need here ___________. I feel your pain on discovering Oktoberfest beer out this early. My favorite craft brewery, Leinenkugels, http://leinie.com/home.htm, makes seven year round beers and four seasonal ones. I went to the store this weekend to pick up a 12 pack of their summer brew, Summer Shandy, only to find none on the shelf, nada, zero, nil, all gone. It was all replaced by Oktoberfest. Even their website descriptions say that Shandy is out through August and Oktoberfest is a September/October beer. What gives. A fellow beer connoisseur (fancy word for drunken lush), John

Here is one of the many beautiful ladies of the SEC. Though she is in a bikini, most of the girls here are in uniform, doing what they do best. What we have here are the rankings of the actual cheerleaders; keeping in mind these are student athletes, so be nice in the comments. But be vocal, by all means. If you think one school should be higher, let's hear it: we'll start off with the Florida Gator girls.

Hey Ernie I found this article today, and thought that it was nice to see an elected official doing something positive for a change. Hopefully you get this email. Love your site, Derek

I'm sorry, my eyes are bothering me again, can someone tell me what this tattoo says?

Yeah you know what whole if you can't make it good, make it 3D mantra that's been dominating Hollywood for the last year or so? It's not dead yet -- the next Saw will be in 3D. Of course.

when to use i.e. in a sentence. i.e. not now.

good news: you still have a job. bad news: you're facing pay cuts.

old and busted: warm beer while playing beer pong. the new hotness: n-ice rack!

honey you got real ugly - embeth davidtz celebrates her 45th birthday today..

August 12, 2010

So. What's. All. The Fuss? Ain't Nobody Got Spies Like Us.

So am I the only person who thinks that the death penalty should be mandatory for treason? I think we started to get soft around the Robert Hanssen era, when some pencil pushing asshole decided Hanssen would be more valuable alive because he might be able to identify other Soviet spies. What happened to the good old days, when we used to fry these assholes?

You know what else pisses me off? Two random things that have nothing to do with each other. First yes, I'm glad Andy Whitfield has been cured of his Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. But I wish he'd quit fucking around and get to work on the second season to Spartacus. I've went and rewatched the first season -- three times -- because I didn't want to forget anything when the second season finally airs. Yes, I know there's a prequel coming but somehow it just won't be the same. And second? People who say they wouldn't fuck Paris Hilton. Bullshit. Yes you would, and you'd be in line right behind me. She's young, she's rich, she's got a fucking fantstic body and after a few whacks to the side of the head to straighten out that lazy eye, you'd have a definite keeper on your hands. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is either a liar or a closet homosexual.

Many, many moons ago my friend AJ and I first came across the Sega Rocket during a trip to Tel Aviv. They have now since migrated here to the States under various names, but the ones not subject to our strict safety regulations seem to be a little more fun. I remember looking over at the fraying cables and ungreased hinges, wondering how much more usage they had left before malfunctinging and launching some poor hapless tourist off into the Mediterranean Sea. But evidently the one in Malta isn't doing too bad either, since it's powerful enough to bring this girl to orgasm. Not kidding, and believe it or not, safe for work. But I will bet you $50 that girl has an iPhone.

Ernie. Thought you might get a laugh out of this. Scott.

Rise to Rebellion is a 2001 book by Jeff Shaara that tells the story of the events leading up to the American Revolution, from the Boston Massacre of 1770, in which Captain Thomas Preston was accused of yelling "fire" to his troops on the evening of March 5, 1770, to the signing of the U.S. Declaration of Independence in 1776. Deeply steeped in history, it is nevertheless a work of historical fiction, relaying the events through the supposed perspectives of various key figures, particularly John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Lieutenant-General Thomas Gage, and, later on in the book, George Washington.

Old and busted: Mel Gibson vs Christian Bale mashup. Newer, but still not hot: Mel Gibson vs Colin Ferrel. Newer and a little hotter: Mel Gibson vs just about everyone else in Hollywood. But the newest and the hottest, the crown jewel of them all? Mel Gibson vs Mel Gibson.

Is it me, or does this have a really fucked up toe?

We’re Adam and Jason of the Gillette Fusion ProGlide Ultimate Summer Job. We’ve been having the summer of our lives, going to the MLB All-Star Game, The ESPYS, The Brickyard 400, and mixing it up with celebs and all-star athletes all along the way. It’s been insane! We’ve had a blast turning skeptics into believers and as the tour is about to wrap up, we wanted to hear from you – do you believe a razor can turn shaving into gliding? What would it take to have the “best shave ever”? Gillette is all about helping guys be the best they can be, so we want to hear from you. One grand prize winner will get an Apple iPod Touch and a Gillette Fusion ProGlide VIP kit that includes the new ProGlide razor, ProSeries Thermal Scrub, Cooling Lotion and Hydra Gel. Two runners-up will also receive a ProGlide VIP kit!

Graphics Are Everything is a game made with low graphics to prove the point that games with low graphics can still be great fun. To which I say: Fuck you level six.

nine women golfers we want to see naked.

world war ii today: follow the war as it happened.

girls of sturgis, truth about penis size, girls of entourage.

the top ten female fighters and the twenty most armed states. go utah.

August 11, 2010

Shit, I Almost Screwed Up The Title.

At a recent trip to Costco I was surprised to see a pallet of Sam Adams' Octoberfest sitting there. Isn't that shit supposed to be out around, oh I dunno, October? Suspecting it might be left over stock from last year (read: DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!) I checked the label and sure enough, it was brewed in June of this year. Now when they first came out with this shit, I reemember Jim Koch preaching about how this beer was brewed with hops that were only available later in the year, best flavor from mature grains, they won't release a beer without the best ingredients, etc. So what the fuck gives? Are your beers going to be the Christmas ornaments, out for sale by Labor day? For Christ's sake man, Octoberfest means October-fest! And here are twenty-five Oktoberfest cuties.

So I watched Eminem's new video, featuring Megan Fox and Rihanna. And it was, uh, unique. And dark. And weird. For starters, let it be known that Megan throws a mean right hook. But as violent as it was for a music video, it doesn't hold a candle to this two minute clip from The Expendables.

Hurray for Kansas! This girl is a Jawhawks fan!

E, found this while surfing some gun forums I frequent. This douche bag apparently has been passing himself off as a decorated Army Captain for years. Glad he got outed again publicly. Can you help spread the word about this cock monkey? thanks, Neil

That fat fuck? Army Special Forces? Not fucking hardly. Those guys are hardcore and get trained in all kinds of bad ass shit, like Judo, which is a modern Japanese martial art and combat sport created in Japan in 1882 by Dr Kano Jigoro. Its most prominent feature is its competitive element, where the object is to either throw one's opponent to the ground, or otherwise subdue one's opponent with a grappling maneuver. So the other day I was at a bar and got backed into by a Mexican guy. One thing led to another and I was surprised to hear him warn me he knows 'judono'. Confused, I asked him if he meant judo, and but again he repeated judono. I asked him what that means and he said, "Judono if I got a knife... Judono if I got a gun..."

Jenny was full of shit. Seems like some chix want to be noticed for something else besides their tits. Harmless enough I suppose. But I still like tits. Regards, Martin

"Disco Demolition Night" was one of the largest riots in history. It all started when a fans were allowed to get into the Chicago White Sox and Detroit Tigers doubleheader for 98 cents — if they brought a disco record to be blown up between games. Yes, let's blow up disco records between games. That's some good, clean family fun, don't you think? Fans threw records, beer, and even fireworks onto the field, which led to a big hole being torn in the middle of the field. If that wasn't bad enough, thousands of fans stormed the field, which led to 37 arrests and the second game of the doubleheader being forfeited. But this is only a drop in the bucket when considering all the drunk things fans have done over the years.

Phil Mickelson, a Five Guys fan no more! - As if that bombshell wasn't enough for the day, Lefty dropped another one: the burger connoisseur is now a vegetarian. "I know, I know," he said as reporters laughed. "As long as I believe that there's a possibility that it will help me overall, yeah, I'll continue to do that. If it will somehow keep this in remission or stop it from coming back, yeah, I'll be able to do it. But I haven't been put it to the real test. The real test is driving by a Five Guys and not stopping." Erik

Let me tell you, the old saying “she’s got a face for radio” has a lot of truth to it. A lot. Of Truth. We know this now after compiling our 50 hottest women of radio, which is hands down the toughest top 50 we’ve ever done. It’s not as if putting together a list of the 50 hottest Victoria’s Secret models is all that hard, since virtually any Victoria’s Secret model could have arguably made that list, since they are all beautiful. This is not true of radio personalities.

what it looks like when a church and a strip club protest each other.

old and busted: sinking ships for artificial reef. the new hotness: sinking tanks.

google vs facebook: this article explains some of the perceived threats.

August 10, 2010

They Meant My Little Mule: Pepe.

Old and busted: quitting your job in a tizzy. The new hotness: planning this shit out, man!

So there's good news on the television front: I finally got my Hulu Plus invite. I don't care if I have to sit through a few ads; I can pay the cable company $118 a month to sit through five minutes worth of commercials, or pay Hulu $10 a month and sit through one minute of commercials. Guess what... I signed right the fuck up for that bad boy. Add that to Netflix's ever expanding streaming library and I'm fucking golden. So to celebrate, this morning I watched season one of My Name is Earl -- in high definition -- courtesy of our friends at Hulu. Now I just need to get my hands on a copy of Madden 2011 to keep the XBOX-360 gods happy.

Does anyone else have a sudden inexplicable urge for hot cocoa with extra marshmallows?

Omar Thornton, 34, was called into his place of employment for disciplinary purposes. Thornton had been recorded on surveillance video in the Hartford Distributors warehouse stealing beer on a previous occasion. Hartford Distributors is a wholesale distributor of Budweiser beer products and wine. Given the options of being fired or resigning, Thornton signed the resignation papers and was being escorted out of the building. Instead of leaving, he took two Ruger SR9s from his lunchbox and opened fire. At the time Thornton started shooting there were around 40 employees in the building. In just a few minutes, Thornton murdered eight coworkers, and seriously injured two others. Many employees made calls to 911, with some callers identifying Thornton. Police arrived on the scene just three minutes after the first 911 call. Police entered the building ten minutes after the first 911 call. Thornton hid in a locked office. As more police entered the building, Thornton called his mother and explained to her what he had done. He told her he planned on turning the gun on himself. As police closed in, Thornton called 911, saying his motive for the massacre was racism he had experienced in the workplace. He told the 911 operator that he wished he had killed more people. Soon after hanging up on 911, he killed himself with a shot to the head. Here is the recording of his 911 call.

Hey Ernie, I've been with you since the early days, but I have never submitted anything. This is the first picture I've ever taken I thought might be interesting enough. This is my mule and he is unhappily no longer a wild mustang. He was loose for two days. Your fan, Glenn

This article offers some excellent tips when training to run a marathon but please, in order for the race to be administered properly, please display your registration tag correctly.

Girls love Justin Bieber. Justin Bieber loves his fans. I love the girl that showed her love for Justin Bieber by hitting him in the head with a water bottle. Every angle is better than the one before!

Hey Ernie, Long time viewer here..11..12 years? Anyway a nasty storm front blew through a couple nights ago and brought this dead limb down in my Jetski...SOB! Greg

Just a few months ago, on May 6, the Dow dropped about 1,000 points in minutes, which is usually about the kind of rate that kicks off something like the Great Depression. Stockbrokers barely had enough time to get their office windows open before the word spread that it was a false alarm. The cause? Robots. Someone realized that human traders, no matter how sheeplike or pessimistic, couldn't have freaked out fast enough to drive the Dow down 1000 points in 10 minutes. Computers are just designed to do everything faster and more efficiently, including stock panics. Stock trading algorithms, or "algos," as financial people fondly call them are responsible for 70 percent of trades today, which means that most of the stock market is literally just computers making deals with each other.

Stumbling around today, came across this website. Tried a couple different variations before I hit this gem. Frank

As Moscow braces for another day of smoke, citizens of the Russian capital have been forced to take action. The government is recommending citizens stay home if possible but if they are forced to be out, wear masks over their faces. Prime Minister Vladimir Putin has declared nearly 30 counties in a state of emergency. Wilfdfires continue to ravage the land and compounded with the extreme temperatures, there is no end in sight.

Oh hey before I go, does anyone know where I can pick up some of these novelty clothespins?

a complete list of zombie movies. all of them.

lando calrissian + john shaft = BLACKSTAR WARRIOR.

speed - bus + train^2 x captain kirk + denzel = UNSTOPPABLE.

ten craziest bikinis, five best instant messengers, and ten unkillable cars.

August 9, 2010

Happy Nagasaki Day!

Upon their return to Tinian, Col. Tibbets gave Major Sweeney the command of the next Atomic Bomb drop. Since the “Great Artiste” was configured for scientific data collecting, Major Sweeney and pilot, Fred Bock traded planes. Fred Bock’s aircraft was called “Bocks Car”. So the second Atomic Bomb, “Fat Boy”, was loaded in the “Bocks Car”. This flight was fraught with danger for Major Sweeney and his crew but there was never any thought to ditching the B-29 in the water. General Sweeney said during this interview, I was determined to fly the plane right into a Japanese city if that was what it took to complete his mission.”

At 3:00 in the morning, August 9, 1945 Major Sweeney and his crew took off from North Field on Tinian Island to begin a journey to deliver a 10,000 pound package to the enemy. He already knew that one of his fuel gages was malfunctioning; thus he started out with 600 gallons less than normal. The target was the steel-making city of Kokura, but clouds and smoke from previous fires obscured the target. Aware that they were short of fuel, nevertheless, Major Sweeney headed the plane to the secondary target, Nagasaki. Nagasaki was obscured by about eight tenths cloud cover so Major Sweeney was going to use radar to drop the bomb, but suddenly the bombardier yelled, “I’ve got it!” and Major Sweeney said, “You own it.” And the release was made. Although he saw the Hiroshima blast, Major Sweeney did not see this explosion because he was turning the “Bocks Car” to avoid the blast. The bomb was dropped at 30,000 feet. The bomb was set to burst at 1,500-1,800 feet above the ground for maximum blast, though scientist also determined that this would reduce concentration of the radiation. It took 52.4 seconds from release for the bomb to explode. By that time Major Sweeney and his crew were 12 miles away. The concussion was more than they expected but the plane was not damaged.

Knowing that they were low on fuel, Major Sweeney tried every trick to save fuel. He did not “sight see” along the way, an ocean ditch was the last chance. He feathered the props back to 1600 rpm, knowing that he was probably ruining the engines. He hoped to make a landing on Okinawa and, finally, 12 hours after leaving Tinian, Major Sweeney landed the B-29 on Okinawa. He stated, “I was so tired that I didn’t even taxi the plane in. I said they could come and get it with a tug.” In the USAF Museum’s spacious conference room on 19 April 1995 Jim Hannah, Associated Press Reporter, asked General Sweeney, “Why are you just now coming out and telling about your story?” General Sweeney answered, “The Smithsonian Museum in Washington, DC announced that it was going to have a 50th anniversary display depicting the dropping of the two Atomic Bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Many veterans’ groups were upset at reports that looked like an attempt to portray the Japanese as victims by displaying the horrors of the destruction on the ground to the Japanese people. These veterans wrote their congressmen and congresswomen stating that the display was not fair to the thousands of American dead caused by Japan in WWII.” General Sweeney started getting calls from the news media, such as “Nightline” and others asking his opinion.

The response by Congress and Veterans’ groups caused the Smithsonian to change its display. The person in charge of the exhibit even resigned over the flap. General Sweeney, in his speech the night of the 19th of April state that, “The United States was not the aggressor in that war. We were savagely attacked at Pearl Harbor and thousands of Americans died wrestling the Pacific Islands away from the Japanese. An allied invasion of Japan was scheduled for November of 1945.” President Truman was convinced that thousands or perhaps a million people would die in the invasion and so ordered the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Five days late on August 14, 1945 Japan surrendered unconditionally.

General Sweeney wanted to tell the story straight, as it was. He is in a unique position in that he was there. Sweeney decried "cuckoo professors" and the "cockamamie theories" of those who believed the atomic bombing of Japan was unnecessary. "I saw these beautiful young men who were being slaughtered by an evil, evil military force," he told a reporter in 1995. "There's no question in my mind that President Truman made the right decision" to release the bomb. However, Sweeney did not try to aggrandize his role in the war. "As the man who commanded the last atomic mission, I pray that I retain that singular distinction," he wrote in his memoir, "War's End" (1997). [culled from mjcpl.org]

Even if you aren't a parent yet, some sage advice about how handle a hangover in front of kids. Thanks, Chris

Twitter has allowed us to follow some of our favorite athletes, get a tiny peak into their personal lives, and sometimes interact with them. It has also allowed us to stalk, I mean follow, some of the hottest chicks in the world. Here are the hottest WAGs that you should be following on Twitter. I so got gibs on Natalie Gulbis.

The sexy Anne McDaniels makes an appearance on the red carpet at the Comcast Entertainment Group TCA Cocktail Party held at the Beverly Hilton Hotel. We got some beautiful photos of Anne in New York back in 2004 when she did a Featured Model shoot. Anne is now an actress in LA and she’s working on various film and TV projects.

How to make a very tasty and very healthy grilled chicken salad. And pay very close attention, because the chef for the day will be Denise Milani and her 32-DDD knockers. And I know, right now you're thinking, "32-DDD, wow that's huge!" And while I'm not exactly going to disagree with you, I would like to point out Wendy Combattente, the all natural 32J model from Chicago, finally has her own website. I believe it launched last week, but Wendy4.com is your new resource for all things Wendy Combattente. From the tour it looks like she has new photo sets and some HD videos, and if she’s smart she’ll keep adding fresh content weekly and she’ll become a very rich young woman.

Hey Ernie, Long time reader. Thank you for always giving me a distraction in the middle of my work day. My wife did a little shopping at Spencer Gifts today and we gotta kick out of lack of censorship on the receipt. I hope you enjoy it too. Have a good weekend -John

Tony Hawk suffered one of the most horribly named injuries known to man over the weekend. He gained said injury during a half-pipe demonstration this weekend gone extremely wrong; it resulted in him having a “sheared pelvis and a severe hematoma." The penis shearing happened during a skate demonstration at the Action Sports Weekend event at Downtown Disney’s Main Plaza in Anaheim, CA. The accident that Tony attempted to do was a 540. Instead, he got an epic fail and some ED problems in his future. Tony was forced to go to the UC Irvine Trauma Center, where according to Tony’s blog, he was treated for a sheared pelvis and hematoma. Tony has since Tweeted, “I will no longer take walking for granted.”

photos of hiroshima and nagasaki... then and now.

leaked footage of kelly brook and riley steele in piranha-3d.

ten notorious criminals proven innocent after execution. oops, my bad.

drunk guy attacks passing cars. until he encounters the driver with a baseball bat.

August 7, 2010

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

i have found my new general contractor. she has an amazing hammer.

ever wondered if big cats like tigers, lions & leopards like catnip?

hawaii's carnivorous catepillars will give you nightmares.

how it feels to have fucked with harry s. truman.

five tips for making an impression at your first sex party.

the idiom dictionary - the meaning of over 5,000 idioms explained.

golf clubs and country clubs are having tough time during this recession.

August 6, 2010

Happy Hiroshima Day!

They got the word on Sunday morning, August 5. Conditions were go, and the next day would be the day. At the last minute, it was decided to complete the final assembly of the bomb in flight, thus eliminating the risk of it exploding if Enola Gay crashed on take-off. Navy Captain Deak Parsons, who had earlier opposed this idea, now suggested it, and persuaded the team that he could perform the difficult assembly in the cramped bomb bay of the B-29. They loaded the bomb that afternoon. "Little Boy" was 12 feet long and 28 inches in diameter - bigger than any bomb Tibbetts had ever seen. Its explosive power equalled 20,000 tons of TNT; or roughly as much as two thousand Superfortresses could carry - all in a single bomb that weighed about 9,000 pounds. Deak Parsons practiced the delicate arming process. That night the crew was briefed, for the first time, on the nature of their weapon - an atomic bomb.

The B-29 Superfortress, Enola Gay, rumbled down the the runway at Tinian, the forward American airbase in the Marianas, as close as the giant Boeing bombers could get to Japan's Home Islands. Heavily laden with the world's first operational atomic bomb, the B-29 shuddered and trembled as its four 2,000 horsepower Wright Cyclones roared. Its pilot, Paul Tibbets, thought briefly of the recent B-29 crashes on Tinian, and then focused on his mission. "Dimples Eight Two to North Tinian Tower. Ready for takeoff on Runway Able." he radioed to the tower. The Enola Gay picked up speed, 75MPH, 100, then 125. Tibbets held the plane on the runway until it reached 155 MPH, then eased back on the yoke. Near the end of the 8500 foot runway, the B-29 lifted easily and steadily into the air. Tibbets checked his watch, which showed 2:45AM, the morning of August 6, 1945. In ten minutes they were over Saipan, at an altitude of 4,700 feet. In the pleasantly warm tropical night, during the thirteen hour flight, Tibbets and the other crewmen dozed off and on.

Chuck Sweeney, with the scientific instruments in the Great Artiste, would follow Tibbets' closely, duplicating his hairpin turn. George Marquardt's photo plane would stay far behind, out of range of the shock wave. The three weather planes, Claude Etherley's Strait Flush, John Wilson's Jabbitt III, and Ralph Taylor's Full House, would take off an hour ahead, to scout out the designated target cities. Every crewman carried a standard service pistol; Tibbets carried enough cyanide capsules for all. They started engines at 2:30 AM on the morning of August 6, 1945. Three hours after takeoff, they flew over Iwo Jima at dawn, where 5,500 Americans and 25,000 Japanese had died, so that the USAAF could use Iwo as an emergency landing field. They adjusted course and headed northwest. At 7:30, Deak Parsons completed his adjustments; the atomic bomb was live. They climbed slowly to their bombing altitude of 30,700 feet.

At 8:30 they received the coded message from Etherley's Strait Flush, flying over Hiroshima, "Y-3, Q-3, B-2, C-1." The message meant that cloud cover over Hiroshima, the primary target, was less than three-tenths. Tibbets gave the word to his crew, "It's Hiroshima." As they reached the coastline of Japan, no interceptors challenged them; the Japanese had become indifferent to small groups of B-29s. They crossed Shikoku and the Iyo Sea. They looked down at the city below. The other crewmen verified that it was indeed Hiroshima. They spotted the Initial Point, or I.P. They turned and headed almost due west. Tom Ferebee peered into his Norden bombsight, and cranked in the information to correct for the south wind. Tibbets reminded the crew to put on their heavy dark Polaroid goggles, to shield their eyes from the blinding blast. It had been calculated to have the intensity of ten suns. They easily spotted the distinctive T-shaped bridge that was their primary. 90 seconds before drop, he turned the controls over to Tom Ferebee, the bombardier. At 9:15AM (8:15 Hiroshima time), they dropped "Little Boy" and made a 155 degree diving turn to the right. Unable to fly the plane with the dark goggles, they shoved them aside.

Forty-three seconds later, a tingling in Tibbets' teeth told him of the Hiroshima explosion: the bomb's radioactive forces interacting with his fillings. The bomb exploded at 1890 feet above the ground. Bob Caron, the tail gunner was the only crew member to see the fireball. Even wearing the goggles, he thought he was blinded. The plane raced away, while the shockwave from the explosion raced toward them at 1,100 feet per second. When the shockwave hit, it felt like a near-miss from flak. The mushroom cloud boiled up, 45,000 feet high, three miles above them, and it was still rising. They flew away, shocked and horrified at the sight below. The city had completely disappeared under a blanket of smoke and fire. They radioed back to headquarters that the primary target had been bombed visually with good results.

The mushroom cloud over Hiroshima was visible for an hour and a half as they flew southward back to Tinian. The crew talked about the effect of the atomic bomb on the war. They thought that perhaps the Japs would "throw in the sponge" even before they landed. Twelve hours after they had taken off, Tibbets and the crew of the Enola Gay touched down, to be greeted by all the military brass that could be mustered: General Carl Spaatz, commander of the Strategic Air Force; General Nathan Twining, chief of the Marianas Air Force; General Thomas F. Farrell and Rear Admiral W.R.E. Purnell, both with the atomic development project; and General John Davies, 313th Wing Commander. Spaatz pinned a Distinguished Service Cross on Tibbets as he descended from the plane. After the welcoming formalities, they were debriefed and given a quick medical checkup. The interviewers were skeptical of their accounts of the blast. The news of the atomic bomb was promptly announced to the world. The Japanese were given an ultimatum, to accept the Potsdam call for unconditional surrender, or face further atomic attacks. [culled from acepilots.com]

Heya Ernie, my wife got the truck towed this morning and when I looked for the impound lot on Google maps I discovered this. No idea what kind of business it is, but I can understand why they'd abbreviate the name on the side of the building. Keep up the awesome work with EHOWA and LBEH! -- Benny The K

Hey I'm not up to snuff on my European geography as one might expect -- this is the Pantheon in Paris, right?

Concussion, from the Latin concutere ("to shake violently") or the Latin concussus ("action of striking together"), is the most common type of traumatic brain injury. The terms mild brain injury, mild traumatic brain injury (MTBI), mild head injury (MHI), and minor head trauma and concussion may be used interchangeably, although the latter is often treated as a narrower category. The term "concussion" has been used for centuries and is still commonly used in sports medicine, while 'MTBI' is a technical term used more commonly nowadays in general medical contexts. Frequently defined as a head injury with a temporary loss of brain function, concussion can cause a variety of physical, cognitive, and emotional symptoms. Still don't understand? Here, Matthew will demonstrate it for us.

I used to have such a raging crush in Kristy Swanson. She stole my heart in Buffy The Vampiure Slayer and then ran away with it in The Chase. And then when she posed for Playboy, I was ready to bear her children. I even stuck with her when she was arrested for beating the piss out of her new husband's ex-wife. But of course that was many years ago and her career just hasn't had the staying power of some of the bigger A-list performers. Do you want to know how far Kristy Swanson's career has fallen? Three words for you: SyFy's "Swamp Shark". So one to a more recent infatuation...

Ernie - I am going to have to say "Nay" on the new cut. I think it makes her kinda lesbian looking. What do you think? Steven

Dear Steven, thank you for completely ruining my entire fucking life. Now I'm just going to order a pizza and stay in all weekend. No her new haircut doesn't make her look like a lesbian, it makes her look like a thirteen year old boy. Oh Emma, why the fuck would you do that? Were you high or something? If there was some sort of clause in your Harry Potter contract that prevented you from cutting your hair, then I'm all for them making another movie. I know, what're the odds of that happening, right? I've done a lot of research on this and there are very few celebs I think look good with short hair -- Kristy Swanson and Brittany Daniel top my list -- sadly Emma my dear, you are not among of them.

Moving away from teenage boy looks, Sophie Charlene Akland Monk is an English born Australian pop singer, actress and model. She was once a member of female pop group Bardot and has since established a solo career with the release of an album, Calendar Girl. More recently, she turned her hand to acting, appearing in films such as Date Movie and Click. She also once commented that she thought her breasts were too big for her body, which in my opinion is completely silly especially because she has spectacular nipples. But in regards to her body as a whole, this is how she keeps everything in order.

Greetings Lord of all that makes us chuckle ( & sometimes squirm). For the last few years I have been dealing with a herd of friendly little spiders that just wont seem to go away. Each year I clear out the corners and take years off my life with pesticides and each and every spring and summer I find at least a few of these little darlings around my house, porch and shed. At least they have all been outside. When they start appearing inside is when I am calling Allstate as I am driving away from the flaming wreckage. I have become quite adept at distinguishing the webs of a black widow ( erratic and very strong coarse webs. they have resistance and you can actually hear them break as you pass a stick through them) I found this particular adult female setting up a little love nest under the brick overlay of my front porch step. Naturally this was unacceptable and she was subsequently evicted with some friendly Ortho Home Defense spray. Even though she was already curling up she is easily distinguishable from the big red hourglass on her belly. As I watched another beastie came stumbling out of the little hole in the concrete and started to crawl awy. I snapped a few pics of what I am assuming is the male species of the widow family. Kind of a freaky looking spider . scarier looking than Mama but supposedly their bite is not as bad. ( not that I plan on getting any exposed skin near them. . . ever!) anyway thought you might enjoy the pics. Sorry they are a little fuzzy. macro setting kept wanting to take a beautiful closeup of the concrete and fuzz out the spiders. If any of your bug savvy readers can confirm the male species that would be great! Rock on! Jay

Squirm? Squirm? Jay, this (very NSFW) link is for you. Now who's squirming? But yes, a quick Google image search and viola - it's a male black widow. But contrary to popular opinion, black widow's don't have the strangest mating rituals -- take hyenas for example. To mate, the males must insert their penis into the female's pseudopenis. You know, kind of like having sex with Jamie Lynn-Sigler. Oh, and here's a very cool video of a spider eating a lightning bug.... you know, presuming you're not the lightning bug.

are 'futbol' cheerleaders the best cheerleaders? - part 1

katy perry: amazing pair of tits but her parents? batshit. crazy.

more drinking games than you can stumble around and shake a stick at.

August 5, 2010

I Wonder If That's How He Got The Name Woody?

I really liked Dominic West in The Wire, so I'm glad to see they're going to give him some stage time with his own movie. It looks like it might be a twist between Gladiator and Robin Hood, but we'll see. But someone really should teach him that the first rule in surviving an ambush is to get out of the kill box. And speaking of such, Dragon's teeth (German: Drachenzähne, literally "dragon teeth") are square-pyramidal fortifications of reinforced concrete first used during the Second World War to impede the movement of tanks and mechanised infantry. The idea was to slow down and channel tanks into "killing zones" where they could easily be disposed of by anti-tank weapons. They were employed extensively, particularly on the Siegfried Line. Evidently, they were invented by this woman's husband.

Hey my eyes are kind of hurting me today -- does this bottle look like a twist-off to you? if not, that girl sure is gonna be thirsty because I don't see a bottle opener anywhere.

Five strippers in a customer-less club stumble across a secret passageway, in their dressing room, that leads to The Well of the Dead and The Book of the Dead. They read the incantations from the book out loud and unknowingly, unleash the army of the Undead on the world! Only they (and their kick ass action and chainsaws) can stop the zombie army now! And the name of this awesome flick? The Big Tits Zombie. A repeat, yeah I know but'cmon!

You might like this - a Russian photographer, Sergey Larenkov, has meticulously photoshopped historic WWII images onto photos of the same locations today, almost 70-yrs later. The result is eerie, but pretty cool, too. Enjoy… Jim

Hey Ernie, Long time reader, blah blah blah. I just wanted to let you know that "Against the Dark" was the worst movie I have ever seen. I bought it on impulse due to the fact that I am a huge Segal fan. I wish I hadn't. I would rather watch Pink Flamingos than that movie. Seriously, why are all of the action scenes close enough to Seagal's chest that you can hear his pace maker? That man needs to stop making movies. John - P.S. "We aren't here to decided who's right or wrong. We're here to decide who lives or dies," fucking retarded.

Well, Against the Dark had its good moments, I suppose. There certainly weren't that many of them but I will admit the one zombie/vampire sharpening her teeth with a metal file was pretty disturbing. And at least they didn't do all the cliche things that would have made it look like every other movie out there. But one thing that always makes me wonder -- especially when fighting zombies where the infection can be spread by blood -- why is everyone so sword happy? I know a sword/machete can't run out of ammo, but if you get yourself a big faceful of zombie blood.... you're infected just the same as if you were bitten, right?

Ernie, The spider pic Mike sent in has several different names. They are common in TX (specifically Austin County, just west of Houston). We called them Banana spiders, Garden spiders and even Signature spiders because of the signature they spin in the web. Creepy as fuck when you’re runnin thru rows of corn at night and go face first into a web and feel that thing scurry across your head. Don’t know what the official name is. I do know they shake like shit and shrivel up and die when you spray them with Off. Regards, Martin

Ern, Long time reader – seldom contributor. LOVE the site, it never ceases to amaze me what you come up with… Anyhow, the spider in the picture is a argiope aurantia, we used to get them around our house and as a kid, they really messed with my head. They are so freaky and hideous looking, yet somehow captivatingly beautiful. Anyhow, I still hate spiders, but once I read up a bit on these little critters it helped me not get so creeped out by them. None the less, you won’t see me holding one anytime soon! They are commonly referred to as a Garden Spider, Yellow Garden Spider, Banana spiders…they are all part of the “Orb Weaver” family of spiders. They spin a spectacular web, big and very geometric (orb) web with a zigzag design down the middle. Very beneficial to a garden and completely harmless to people. There are a ton of sites on the net with all kinds of information on them, some people even treat them as pets. Brandon

Shortly after receiving some inspiration from Brett Favre, who may or may not be in the sunset of his own career, Alex Rodriguez became the youngest player to hit 600 home runs when he launched a Shaun Marcum 2-0 pitch over the centerfield wall during the Yankees game with the Blue Jays on Wednesday afternoon.

Each November, Fantasy Springs Resort Casino in the Palm Springs, CA area hosts the annual Palm Springs Playboy Golf Scramble.

twelve events that will change everything now made interactive.

miss plump - each contestant must weigh around 375 lbs.

chicks and cars: fantasy vs. reality.

bp succeeds in static kill to permanently plug damaged oil well.

August 4, 2010

Steven Seagal Must Really Be Behind In His Alimony Payments.

So. Yeah. I watched Against The Dark last night. And to be honest, I was a little excited because it wasn't as horrible as I had prepared myself for. It was still horrible, just not as horrible. For starters, to say this movie starred Steven Seagal would be like saying Burn Notice stars Bruce Campbell. Yeah he's in the cast, but neither comes even remotely close to monopolizing enough camera time to consider them the main character. And yes, I know Sam Axe is going to get his own spinoff movie and I hope they use Burn Notice's writers so Bruce can be more like Brisco County Jr. and less like Jack of All Trades. Anyway, back to Seagal, or more appropriately the lack thereof. And if Seagal had five minutes of airtime in this movie, I can assure you that two minutes and thirty seconds of that was him mindlessly shashing his sword around like a fucking idiot. No dialogue, no facial expressions, no interaction with any other cast members save for a few zombied-up stuntmen whose sole job is to fall over on queue. And for the time that Seagal does put down his strict cheeseburger and milkshake diet to bless us with a few lines of hopelessly cheesy dialogue, I'm pretty sure all of his scenes were filmed of him solo since there's never any real personal interactions captured on screen... just some adjoining cut-scenes that look like they were edited together by a high school A/V student. It's like when they spliced in clips of Chef after Isaac Hayes died.

The only other named actor in this fucking abortion was Keith David, who by name I always confuse with David Keith, and by face I always confuse with Ernie Hudson. Regardless, his role in this is pretty benign as an actor, but I suppose it beats parking cars, eh?

So if the movie didn't focus on Steven Seagal (or Keith David), then who did it focus on? I'll tell you: six of the most useless motherfuckers ever to walk the earth, that's who. In fact, these people were so fucking stupid that there's absolutely no way they could survive the first ten minutes of a zombie apacalypse, let alone two months. For starters: six people, zero weapons. Seriously. Not a gun, not a machete, not a sharp stick, not even fucking can of peas to bludgeon someone with? You don't think that maybe perhaps after eight weeks of watching people eat each other you just might want to find a nice piece of hickory? And one of the characters has enough time to rummage through people's medicine cabinets looking for pills, but nobody thinks to snatch up a fucking shotgun? Really?

And you know that whole we're-walking-around-a-hospital-infested-with-zombies-so-maybe-we-should-be-a-little-bit-quiet-thing that most of us would instinctively do? YEAH THESE GUYS DON'T DO ANY OF THAT. FULL VOICES. YELLING. ARGUING. SLIDING METAL FILE CABINETS AROUND. NO SWEAT. ZOMBIES ARE DEAF. There's no need to peek around corners or anything, the six of us will just casually walk down corridors like we're Mary-Fucking-Poppins. Zombies about? Who cares, this stairwell still looks like a nice place for a fucking nap. And why look through those windows to see what's going on in a room where you hear people chewing? Fuck no man, the only way to see what's going on in that room is to kick that fucking door open and soak up the view! So suffice to say that I spent a good minutes throwing my hands up in the and and screaming, "DUDE ARE YOU SERIOUS?!!"

But perhaps my biggest fucking complaint about the movie -- aside from the fact that the whole plot centers around the survivors making it to the one last functioning exit out of the hospital when Steven Seagal obviously had no fucking problem waltzing right the fuck in somewhere -- was that every time a zombie attacked one of the characters, everyone else scatered like a fistful of quarters hitting the floor. You know how whenever you watch any kind of a suspense movie, a group always seperated from the rest? "Listen, all seven hundred and five of you go that way towards the sunshine, I'm going to go down this dark alley all by myself and try to find some help." I know, it's stupid but furthers the plot line, right? Well this group of survivors goes from one group of six, to two groups of three, to six groups of one. And when one of these random survivors is saved by Seagal and his ex-soldier entourage just in the nick of time? What happens then? Well after saying -- AND I SHIT YOU NOT -- "Thanks man" the survivor just wanders off by himself again. Stick with the guys who have weapons? Fuck no, I'm flyin this bitch solo! And one surviror -- who finally ends up with a fucking gun after it's shoved in his hand -- proceeds to get his ass kicked by an eight-year old zombie kid? Really? You don't think you could just, oh I dunno, place the muzzle up against his little head and BLOW HIS FUCKING BRAINS OUT? No, instead you have to fall to the ground like a little bitch and wait for Seagal to run his sword down through the top of the zombie kid's head because, hey, he's Steven Fucking Seagal. Yeah, plot holes you could drive a fucking truck through. But seriously, when you're watching a movie billed as Seagal vs zombies, my guess is you're not looking for any Academy Awards.

Hi Ernie, here is a photo I took a few days ago. You know there are still alot of people who have never seen our National Treasure and think they are still on the brink of going out. I'm here to tell you it's not true thank God. These creatures are alive and well with numbers rising every year. This photo was taken on The Susquehanna River in Maryland. Enjoy. Will B.

I found this on zerohedge today: "animated map showing IEDs as documented in the recent major data leak facilitated by Wikileaks." Bruce

I think I might have sent you this already. A photo I took of one of our local Patriot Guard members. I think it turned out great. I also got my motorcycle today. A 2004 Royal Enfield Bullet CS. 2500 miles on it and got it for $500. When we had our inland hurricane in May 2009, a tree fell on it. Broke off the taillight and dented the gas tank. My neighbor and I fixed everything and it looks great. I figured I couldn't pass it up and would try riding it back and forth to work. My wife says midlife crisis. See ya later. Bob

If there’s one thing the good people of Jamba Juice know, it’s fruit. So why would they try to get into the meat business? In truth, they aren’t – this video is just a strong right hook at the fast food industry, which has started to encroach on Jamba Juice territory by offering concoctions they try to pass off as smoothies. Those abominations are about as much smoothie as the cheeseburger shake is a burger, and yet, people order them. That got us to thinking, if people are willing to eat fast food smoothies, who would be willing to eat a cheeseburger shake?

top ten shark attack videos. aka human snacky cakes.

twenty of the skankiest women in sports. you're welcome.

one-hundred and twenty pictures of girls kissing girls. you're welcome.

August 3, 2010

I'm Not Mad About Mad Men.

So based upon a few peoples urgings, I added Mad Men season one to my Netflix queue and this past week, gave the first DVD a whirl. I was not impressed. And that's not to say I was disappointed, but I certainly wasn't sitting on the edge of my seat, either. I've often joked with Barker that the true test of something on television is how much shit you get done around the house while it's playing. A great show keeps my attention from start to finish and if I wasn't afraid of pissing on the couch, wouldn't walk away for a second. Other shows I can pause, go check email, maybe make something to eat, throw the dogs in the pool... then come back and finish. I think I weeded half of my back yard during the first three episodes of Mad Men. For now, I've bumped Disc 2 in favor of Against The Dark which pits -- no shit -- Steven Seagal against zombies and vampires. I'll watch that tonight, and give Mad men another whirl later this week. And as a side note... Christina Hendricks in Mad Men? Eh. She's certainly not a scene stealer. I think if it werent for her set of 38-DDD personalities, she's probably end up as a bank teller.

Hot chicks in bikinis riding mechanical bulls. You're welcome.

Ernie, I had to hold up traffic today for this one. The driver of the car was laughing as I passed with a thumbs up. To top it off, it's a "Florida Supports Special Olympics" tag. Keep on keepin' on. Mike

On February 15, 2007, a Boeing 737-700 on a flight from Nouakchott to Las Palmas in the Spanish Canary Islands (with a stopover in Nouadhibou) was hijacked by Mohamed Abderraman, a 32-year-old man brandishing two pistols (a 9mm and .22 semi-automatic)and allegedly seeking political asylum in France. The aircraft had 71 passengers and 8 crew. While explaining to Abderraman that the plane did not have enough fuel to reach France, the captain, Ahmedou Mohamed Lemine, discovered Abderraman did not speak French. When the Morrocan government denied the plane's request to land and refuel at Dakhla in the Western Sahara, the pilot decided to continue on to Las Palmas as planned. Afterwards the captain spoke to the first officer Satvinder VIRK who was travelling as safety pilot in French, warning him that upon landing he was going to brake hard , to throw the hijacker off balance and give the crew a chance to overpower him. On landing, the captain did so, and the hijacker fell to the floor, dropping one of his pistols. First officer VIRK and steward Thiam (entering first and immobilizing the hijacker) poured boiling water from the coffee machine on him and beat him until they considered him sufficiently subdued. The hijacker was tied with life-jacket straps and handed over to the Guardia Civil. About twenty passengers were slightly injured when evacuating from the port aft escape slide. all this and more ridiculous attempts at fighting crime that actually worked.

Great White Sharks have undoubtedly breached for centuries but at certain localities it happens more often than at others. One such area is Seal Island False Bay, South Africa. Here Great White Sharks use the breach as the final effort that often culminates in a successful predation. When these great white sharks breach the person fortunate enough to see such a spectacle is left with an indelible memory.

Ernie, My kids ran across this beauty this weekend when we were out picking wild blackberries, my 10 year old just about walked face first into its web. Any idea what kind of Araneae it is? (a different) Mike.

The backflip was once considered the holy grail of freestyle motocross. It was a trick that every rider considered impossible and was considered more appropriate in video games than in real life. In 2000, Carey Hart attempted the first ever backflip on a full size motocross bike off a modified dirt landing ramp at the Gravity Games 2000. The landing was less than perfect with Carey crashing immediately after. Speculation in the motocross community following, with many people claiming he completed the trick and others claiming to have attempted it. Regardless of the outcome, Freestyle Motocross was forever changed. Carey Hart attempted the backflip again at the Summer X-Games in 2001, during the Moto X Best Trick competition, but bailed off the bike 45 feet (14 m) in the air. In 2002, Caleb Wyatt (born January 1, 1976) is the first person to ever perform a successful backflip on a large motorcycle. On April 25, 2002 at the Rogue Valley Motocross track (RVMX), Caleb Wyatt executed the backflip. A photo of Caleb was taken by the RVMX track owner to document the event and can be seen on his website. Many riders had done the amazing feat of a backflip, with this came many variations in 2003. It was then when the backflip wasn't a one trick wonder, it had become a trick that could be used over longer distances, but was more dangerous than any other stunt before it. In early 2009, Metal Mulisha rider Jeremy Lusk attempted a Hart Attack Backflip. He under-rotated, and crashed, hitting his head on the landing. On February 10, he was pronounced dead due to head and spinal cord injuries. But as crazy as that sounds, I understand the physics of a backflip, using the throttle and the gyroscopic effect of the spinning rear tire to power you backwards. What I don't understand the physics of, is the new forward flip. I've gone nose over on my ATV before, but never with such rotation that I would never expect to make it all the way around. And despite his best efforts, Paris Rosen can't either.

When you're at a NASCAR race and black people are making fun of you for drinking and fighting... you might be a redneck.

what americans do online: i think "other" means "porn".

a denver man is one of the nation's first medical marijuana critics.

August 2, 2010

It's A Small World After All.

Every once in awhile, I like to go back and reread an article that I wrote a long time ago. I don't know why, but for some reason I decided to revisit the epic grand larceny saga that I posted in January of last year. I hadn't read it since I originally post it (typos and all), so I was glad to see that I paid Doug Cole his due. The guy really did shoot me pretty straight and yeah, I fucked him over pretty good. I've always felt bad about that. But hey, boys will be boys, right? Then a lightbulb went on in my head.... cyberstalking! And with a few quick Google searches I discovered that following Chase-Pitkin's demise, the illustrious Mr. Cole first moved over to the parent company Wegmans, but now is the Market Manager for Walmart over in western New York. And when this video made it to the 1:02 mark, I snorted and screeched out a loud, "Ha!" because -- sporting more grey hair than I remember -- there's the one and only. So hey, kudos to you Doug.

So the six month mark has arrived and my friend Puddy is indeed on his way back from Iraq, all safe and sound. Not that I think the AF would willingly put a trained pilot in too much danger (outside of the cocpkit) since they've got so much money wrapped up in him. But regardless of what your job is, Iraq is still a very dangerous place and I'm glad he's on the back nine of his tour. And no, that's not photoshopped, his head really is that big. And in what can only be considered more good news for Puddy, the military decided to fund a study to find out which foods are best for them. The University of North Dakota researchers found the 45 pilots who ate the fattiest foods, such as butter or gravy, had the quickest response times in mental tests and made fewer mistakes when flying in tricky cloudy conditions. Eat up, skinny!

AWESOME INTERACTIVE ZOMBIE MOVIE: Help Steve get across the city to deliver his pizza without being killed by the zombies. Make it all the way and put yourself into the draw to win a years supply of Hell Pizza!! (Includes footage of hot blonde with big tits.)

Hey is this guy holding the new Sony Handycam DCR DVD650? it sure looks like it to me.

The latest buzz around the Transformers 3 set is that former 'it' girl Megan Fox is calling the new 'it' girl Rosie Huntington-Wheatley a slut; presumably for stealing all her attention when Fox got shitcanned from Trans-3. And how did Rosie go about doing this? By being nice to the film crew? Perhaps. By not being a raging cunt to work with, like Fox is known for? Maybe. But it's my guess that the real reason is because Rosie is willing to take her clothes off in front of the camera. Actions as they say, speak louder than words.

Hey Ernie, I havent seen any posts from you about plants vs zombies for a while, not since you got 16 flags on survival. Anyway, I just got to 18 so I thought I'd drop you a screen cap for your enjoyment. I'm hoping you're still on 16, or maybe 17. Thanks for putting me onto such an addictive little game. Cheers, John

No dice fucker, I've completed 21 flags! But haven't encountered the new Disco Stu zombie yet.

Over the weekend, Hot Mess Tara Reid was partying with her ex-fiance Michael Axtmann in Saint Tropez… and judging by the mascara-smeared photos, it was a hell of a time. It was so awesome, in fact, that at some point Tara lost her panties and the entire party boat had easy access to her cooter. True, it may be marred by years of ill-chosen plastic surgery, but she’s still a hot lay.

Pat and Streeter ask cops everything you've ever wanted to know, including the burning question on everyone's mind: how much weed will the cops overlook?

tiger woods mistresses: where are they now?

guy vs she-beast in mma fight. she sweeps the leg, johnny.

nothing to see here, just a kangaroo licking its own balls. move along.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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