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Insert Your Favorite Title Here.

So I'm doing a little tinkering with EHOWA and my goal is to make each days post a separate page. Huh? Well, this all stems from whenever I get an email from someone asking how they can link to a particular update; currently all the posts for a given month are all jammed into one page. So if you wanted to share a post from say... August 15th, you'd have to send someone to the August archive and tell them to scroll down through all the other offensive stuff to get to the one you want. So today is the first post that I'm filing specifically by date. No the archives are not built yet, so for now this is the only post until I get all the kinks worked out. I hope to set up some automated process because Jesus Christ, I ain't digging through nine years worth of shit, either. I've got better things to do with my time, like play Allah's Laser Adventure.

Someone Is Covering Up Yancy Butler's Career.

Old and busted: free climbing a 2,000 ft radio tower to repair it. The new hotness: free climbing a 2,000 ft radio tower to jump off it.

You're Not Gonna Like The Looks of This One.

Christ I hate when I wake up in the morning and just can't seem to rub the sleep out of my eyes.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Don't Forget Today Is Talk Like A Pirate Day.

So be like this wench and be sure to talk like a pirate today. Yes, even you Brits can get in on the action.

When You're Down On Your Luck, And You've Only Got A Nickel Left In Your Pocket...

I dunno what I find funnier. This girl saying she feels like throwing up before her first BASE jump, or the fact that she's so flat chested she's referred to as 'junior' in the video description. Either way, after some quick cyberstalking, it turns out that while no she isn't particularly well endowed she does have a pretty bangin body. Not so bangin that I'd give her a suicide wank, but close.

Yes I Do Love Bad Movies. So Help Me God, I Do.

Well, I suppose I should clarify that statement a little. I don't necessarily love bad movies, but I love b-rated movies; you have to remember the latter doesn't always mean the former. Abd I'm not hung up on spotting the next new rising star, or any campy bullshit like that. It's just that B-rated flicks tens to have scripts that are a little more off the wall than today's blockbusters. Perfect example: Killer Klowns From Outer Space. No named actors -- other than Dean Wormer from Animal House. And the ploit? Killer fucking clowns from outer space, man. I can't see George Clooney or Leonardo DiCaprio taking a role like that, can you? Now that's a good B-rated flick. An example of a bad one? Killjoy. The acting isn't even remotely close to believable... it's like the actors aren't even trying. And yet somehow there's no sequel to Killer Klowns, and yet Killjoy is working on its third installment already. But yes, I will watch them all.

I Can Assure You That Bugs At 75MPH Hurt Like A Motherfucker.

Attention fellow motorcycle riders: particularly you cruiser guys. Each year Victory Motorcycles loads up three tractor-trailers with their latest and great models, and tours the country, stopping off at different dealers each day. Once there, they set up all the bikes and offer free demo rides. And when I say demo ride, I don't mean, "have fun riding around the parking lot," I mean demo ride like, "here is the key, see you in an hour or so." Unfortunately they're not coming down by me this year, but for those of you near one of the scheduled destinations, it's a great day of free riding. When I did go last year, I made it out on five different bikes, and literally pissed my pants from having so much fun. Factory reps also passed out $1,000 vouchers in case you happen to be bitten by the new bike bug. Just food for thought. Shit, if nothing else, it's a great way to kill a day.

Today Is An Abused Dog Day.

Awww, are you having a tough day? Was it tough for you to get out of bed this morning, you poor baby? Watch as Lucy, a dog that was rescued from the streets of Puerto Rico after becoming paralyzed in a car accident, attempts to become the first ever dog in a wheelchair to reach the summit of Mount Washington - the tallest peak in the Northeastern United States. Lucy uses a Walkin' Wheels dog wheelchair that was donated to her by HandicappedPets.com in 2008. Because unlike us humans, in a dog's mentality size doesn't matter. So quit bitching and be half as brave as a 25lb dog, you pussy.

And Now For Some Truly Tasteless Material.

Yesterday evening I spoke with a woman named Sean from the Coastal German Shepherd Rescue, and I explained how the EHOWA army would be interested in helping get Phoenix back on the mend. She explained that they didn't have much in the way of an estimate for his care yet, but would get one to me asap. This way we've got something to shoot for, eh? So stay tuned.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Here.

Resident Evil Afterlife Sucked Major Donkey Cock.

I have seen some horrible movies in my time, but this piece of shit is in a class of its own. Fortunately, I had the common sense to NOT see the one in 3-D, otherwise the theatre would have filled with so much suck, I'd have probably suffocated before making it to the fire exit. I would begin by telling you how completely stupid the opening scenes are, when an Umbrella Corporation headquarters is overrun by dozens of replicant Alice's -- the stupidity of which I haven't seen the likes of since the Agent Smith/Neo park fight scene. But if I were to delve into that right now, I'd never fucking finish; so let's advance time a little to where the Lead Bad Umbrella Guy (LBUG) escapes by hitching a ride in a futuristic V-22 Osprey, is attacked by the one true Alice and subsequently injects her with a syringe that strips her of her super powers and reduces her back to mere a mortal human. The plane then promptly flies into the side of a fucking mountain, exploding in a huge fucking fireball. Where now human Alice simply walks away. With nothing more than a slight cough.

So Long, George Blanda. We Hardly Knew Ye.

George Frederick Blanda was a collegiate and professional football quarterback and placekicker. The son of a Czech-born Pittsburgh-area coal miner, Blanda has the distinction of having played 26 seasons of professional football, the most in the sport's history, and had scored more points than anyone in history at the time of his retirement. During that first 1967 season, his kicking skills helped him lead the AFL in scoring with 116 points. In two instances, his leg helped play a role in Raider victories: a trio of field goals helped upset the defending league champion Kansas City Chiefs on October 1st; in the closing weeks of the regular season, Blanda booted four field goals behind a hostile Houston crowd in a 19–7 victory over his former team, the Oilers, helping gain a measure of revenge. The Raiders went on to compete in Super Bowl II, but the following two seasons ended in heartbreak as they lost the final two AFL Championship games in the 10-year history of the league. At age 43, he became the oldest quarterback ever to play in a championship game, and was one of the few remaining straight-ahead kickers in the NFL. Blanda's achievements resulted in his winning the Bert Bell Award. Chiefs' owner Lamar Hunt said, "Why, this George Blanda is as good as his father, who used to play for Houston." Although he never again played a major role at quarterback, Blanda would serve as the Raiders' kicker for five more seasons. He played in his last game at Pittsburgh's Three Rivers Stadium on January 4, 1976, at age 48, in the 1975 AFC Championship Game, where he kicked a 41-yard field goal and made one extra point as the Raiders lost to the Steelers 16-10. Blanda retired from pro football in 1976. According to the Pro Football Hall of Fame, Blanda died after a "short illness" on September, 27 2010. He was 83 years old. A moment of silence was held in Blanda's honor prior to the start of the September 27, 2010 game betweeen the Green Bay Packers and the Chicago Bears on Monday Night Football, from Soldier Field.

Would That Be A Noun Or A Verb?

Just when you've though the world has gone to hell in a fucking handbasket, something comes along to restore your faith in sanity. Such is the case of the motorcyclist who was charged with illegal wiretapping when his helmet-cam recorded his traffic stop. Oh, did I mention the cop pulled his fucking gun on the guy? Now listen, I'm all for cops shooting the confrontational asshole who goes out of their way to be a nuisance, but that wasn't the case this time in Maryland. Speeding? Yes. Driving like an asshole? Yes. Are either of those two infractions worthy of the cop skinning his smokewagon and going to work? Uh, I don't think so. Either way, it's nice to see the court ruled in favor of HelmetCam Guy.

Wow, Dexter's Sister/Wife Fought Zombies.

I dunno why, but I never pieced that together before last night. Wexter's on screen sister/real life wife is Jennifer Carpenter, who was the chick reporter in the 2008 zombie flick Quarantine. Huh. Anyway, here's the first episode of Dexter's new season. No, no bullshit. It's been edited some but other than that, here is all fifty-five minutes of it. You're welcome. And if you'll bear with me for one second here, I've got a related tangent. A gang of tough London gangsters get more than they bargained for when a group of businessmen make an offer to buy their club. They turn out to be nothing less than Vampires wanting their land back and turn viciously on the gangsters when their demands are not met. Bonus: it stars Bill Murray. No, not that Bill Murray, the English one whose daughter Jaime played that crazy AA sponsor chick in season two of Dexter. Anyway, the trailer for this flick is here and some HD captures of Dexter's onscreen wife Julie Benz topless, are here.