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Ernie's House of Whoopass! September 17, 2010
September 17, 2010

You're Not Gonna Like The Looks of This One.

Christ I hate when I wake up in the morning and just can't seem to rub the sleep out of my eyes.

Anyway, this clip from 'Girls Swimsuit Team Vs The Undead' pushes my love for Japanese school girls even further if that is at all possible. There's just something about Japanese school girls killing, maiming and eating each other that makes me all tingly and warm. Enjoy the apples and bananas!

Has anyone else noticed that as the time to Election Day decreases, the number of people needing their ass kicked actually increases? First there was Derek Fenton (Koran Burning Guy) yesterday -- who got fired by the way, thanks John -- and now there's Blue Shirt Guy. What the fuck ever happened to good old live and let live? Oh I know, it died right along with Delaware's hopes for a Republican Senator. So in protest, guess whose picture I beat off to this morning. But as for Koran Burning Guy, aside from being a cowardly attention seeking douchebag, I don't see why he should lose his job, as he didn't burn said Koran while wearing his NJ Transit uniform. Now as for "violating the New Jersey Transit's code of ethics"? That I can't answer as I don't know the nuts and bolts of it. But my prediction is he'll get his job back in the ensuing hilarity that's sure to follow in the coming weeks. But do me this one small favor: if you hear anyone saying something to the effect of, "OMG! New Jersey is imposing Sharia law now?" -- punch them right in the fucking face.

Hi Ernie, I found this ridiculous post you might want to use on the site. Excerpt: "I have found prostate massage a fine solution to a paradox I was confronted with in my family. Masturbation is prohibited in the bible, but with two teenage sons I know all too well the facts of modern adolescent life. I prohibited masturbation in my house and was rewarded with messy sheets on an almost daily basis from nocturnal emissions. Then a friend told me how she stops both in her household, via prostate massage. Now I drain the boys daily by having them take turns bending over the sink, dropping their pants while I insert a finger into their anus and manipulate the prostate until they expel semen into the sink. Naturally I wear a surgical glove and use KY jelly to minimise discomfort. I find this an excellent, non-sexual way of releiving their frustration and saving them from the sins of masturbation and pre-marital sex. The youngest has this done daily, although I now find with my eldest I have to drain him in the mornings before school and in the evening before bed. At first it took a lot of effort to stop them from touching their penises when I massaged them, but now they are accustomed to it. I recommend this to mothers everywhere, and also use this technique on my husband when his advances are unwelcome. The obvious health benefits for a man in his 40s are attractive too, and I have purchased a PS2 from this company for him to use." - Adam

Hey you know that game people play on the beach where people paddle a ball back and forth? Yeah, what's that called?

Good news: This year's Miss Ukraine beauty pageant just finished. Great news: This year's winner, Anna Poslavskaya supports using full body scanners at the airport. Bad news: Pamela Anderson was one of the judges.

Since Ines Sainz has become a household name in recent days after allegedly being mistreated by the New York Jets last week. The reporter for Mexico's TV Azteca claims she was subjected to heckling and catcalls when she visited the Jets' practice facility. Looking at her body of work, it's not hard to see why. Here's a look at how Ms. Sainz compares to America's favorite sideline diva, Erin Andrews.

My first contribution… pictures I took at Jamboree in the Hills last month. John

There’s no doubt that life can be hard for little people. However, while on screen icons like Kenny Baker (R2-D2) and Warrick Davies (Willow, Wicket and the Leprechaun) might have married people their own height, many of their contemporaries have aimed higher – and found themselves with some beautiful full-sized ladies. Here are little celebrities with partners almost twice their size. My biggest mind fuck: Verne Troyer with Playmate Genevieve Gallen. And then I remembered, oh yeah, he's rich.

OH. HELL. MUTHAFUCKIN. YEAH.

sophie turner the controversial "see-thru incident".

rudolph the red-nosed reindeer dies. so long billie mae richards, we hardly knew ye.

bill murray is 60! celebrate with 60 bill murray facts.

if superheroes were hipsters.


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