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Ernie's House of Whoopass! September 23, 2010
September 23, 2010

Today Is An Abused Dog Day.

Awww, are you having a tough day? Was it tough for you to get out of bed this morning, you poor baby? Watch as Lucy, a dog that was rescued from the streets of Puerto Rico after becoming paralyzed in a car accident, attempts to become the first ever dog in a wheelchair to reach the summit of Mount Washington - the tallest peak in the Northeastern United States. Lucy uses a Walkin' Wheels dog wheelchair that was donated to her by in 2008. Because unlike us humans, in a dog's mentality size doesn't matter. So quit bitching and be half as brave as a 25lb dog, you pussy.

Anyway, it was eight years ago this past May when I rescued Ike from a shelter in New Jersey. He was one day away from being euthanized. I emailed on a Wednesday asking if he was still available, they wrote back on a Thursday and let me know that yes he was, but was scheduled to be euthanized the following day. And knowing that I'd never forgive myself if I didn't, that Friday morning I jumped in Big Red and made the four hour drive to go pick up my little bundle of terror. Those of you that have been here awhile remember me saying that he was extremely animal aggressive, and due to his numerous facial scars, the shelter staff suggested that he had been used as a bait dog to teach adolescent pit bulls how to fight. Ike's first few years with me were tense sometimes, especially when other animals came into the picture, but we made it. Now some eight years on, I realize that it was Ike who rescued me, not the other way around. This once aggressive dog, quick to fight first and ask questions later, has become one of the coolest dogs I've ever known and is the night time protector of running/waddling/flapping ducks. And yes, while Bianca is still a work in progress, the two of them now get along swimmingly and I can't imagine my life without either.

I mention this not because there's anything wrong with Ike -- quite the contrary, he's going to live forever -- but because I want you to keep his story in mind when you read about Phoenix. And a real quick tangent here -- Jesus Christ, I hate cliche names for an animal. Aside from a fifty pound size different and the fact that some asshole didn't hack Ike's ears off so they wouldn't have to treat the continuous injuries from dogfighting, their stories are strikingly similar. I remember the drive home from New Jersey, the inside of my truck looked like a snow globe as tiny bits of dog dandruff swirled around the cab. A trip to the vet and a round of antibiotics and a dozen medicated baths later, and Ike's staph infection was no more. Phoenix is facing a little more though, wrestling with ear canal infections, skin infection, flea dermatitis, emaciation and arthritis. He seemed to have a better tempermant than Ike did though, cuddling with an orphan kitten and making friends with a terrier puppy.

But Phoenix is not alone in his plight in Coastal German Shepherd Rescue, among other dogs they've rescued they have Alfie who.... well, I'll just let you see for yourself. Yeah, it's like that. And these aren't sick animals, mind you; animals get sick and dies every day and that's just the way it is. These animals are victime of cruelty; victims of our cruelty. That's the shit I can't stand for. But maybe you're not in a position to adopt a stray animal; you've got kids, maybe an apartment, maybe some pets of your own already. So yeah, this is one of those times I'm going to ask you to cough up a little dough. I know, I know, we've got LBEH coming up in a few months but I'm pretty sure Phoenix can't wait. There's a Paypal donation button right below Phoenix's story on the Coastal German Shepherd Rescue main page. I'm hoping you won't be too shy to use it. And just so you know, this story breaks just as the Humane Society in Chatanooga is forced to euthanize all of its animals due to lack of funing. Enjoy the rest of your day!

I RESCUED A HUMAN TODAY. Her eyes met mine as she walked down the corridor peering apprehensively into our kennels. I felt her need instantly and knew I had to help her. I wagged my tail, not too exuberantly, so she wouldn't be afraid. As she stopped at my kennel I blocked her view from a little accident I had in the back of my cage. I didn't want her to know that I hadn't been walked today. Sometimes the shelter keepers get too busy and I didn't want her to think poorly of them. As she read my kennel card I hoped that she wouldn't feel sad about my past. I only have the future to look forward to and want to make a difference in someone's life. She got down on her knees and made little kissy sounds at me. I shoved my shoulder and side of my head up against the bars to comfort her. Gentle fingertips caressed my neck; she was desperate for companionship. A tear fell down her cheek and I raised my paw to assure her that all would be well Soon my kennel door opened and her smile was so bright that I instantly jumped into her arms. I would promise to keep her safe. I would promise to always be by her side. I would promise to do everything I could to see that radiant smile and sparkle in her eyes. I was so fortunate that she came down my corridor. So many more are out there who haven't walked the corridors. So many more to be saved. At least I could save one. I rescued a human today.

And the current leader in Polygon Reloaded was Clark with 549k, but as it turns out the game has an end, as shown by Israel who crossed the 1,000,000 point mark! Keep playing bitches, we've got a few more days left.

Old and busted: Chuck Norris facts. The new hotness: Facts way too cool for Chuck Norris.

Ernie, I came home from work at 3:30 am and just down the hallway in my apartment building, saw this. Looks like he had too much to drink. Cheers, Stras

Altough you can't quite tell when Ines Sainz shows up, here is some cool time lapse video of Meadowlands Stadium being changed over from a Giants game to a Jets game. .

Dictaphone Parcel is based on a real sound recorded with a dictaphone travelling secretly inside a parcel. As the hidden recorder travels through the global mail system, from London to Helsinki, it captures the unexpected. We hear a mixture of abstract sounds, various types of transport and even discussions between the mail workers. The animation visualizes this journey by creating an imaginary documentary.

old and busted: camel stuck in a tree. the new hotness: a camel stuck in a hole.

750 fucking horsepower. astin martin one-77. most powerful naturally aspirated car ever.

old and busted: paul bettany fighting angels. the new hotness: paul bettany fighting vampires.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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