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Resident Evil Afterlife Sucked Major Donkey Cock.

I have seen some horrible movies in my time, but this piece of shit is in a class of its own. Fortunately, I had the common sense to NOT see the one in 3-D, otherwise the theatre would have filled with so much suck, I'd have probably suffocated before making it to the fire exit. I would begin by telling you how completely stupid the opening scenes are, when an Umbrella Corporation headquarters is overrun by dozens of replicant Alice's -- the stupidity of which I haven't seen the likes of since the Agent Smith/Neo park fight scene. But if I were to delve into that right now, I'd never fucking finish; so let's advance time a little to where the Lead Bad Umbrella Guy (LBUG) escapes by hitching a ride in a futuristic V-22 Osprey, is attacked by the one true Alice and subsequently injects her with a syringe that strips her of her super powers and reduces her back to mere a mortal human. The plane then promptly flies into the side of a fucking mountain, exploding in a huge fucking fireball. Where now human Alice simply walks away. With nothing more than a slight cough.

And then, some asshole at Sony/Columbia made the brilliant connection that if 3-D effects are cool -- they're not -- and slow motion effects are cool -- which they sometimes can be -- than slow motion 3-D effects must be the fucking balls. Guess what? They're not. In fact, they're downright laughable. Enter here, Burlap Sack Guy (BSG). An apparent mutation supergiant thanks so the T-virus, BSG is about ten feet tall and yields a huge fucking axe/hammer so goddamn big that he has to drag the motherfucking thing behind him. And yet when required, BSG has no problem mustering the strength to not only pick this one ton hunk of steel up, but swing it with enough force to smash down a reinforced prison gate, but then cleave some poor bastard in half who did nothing more than reminded me of Lloyd from Entourage. At some point BSG winds up face down on the shower floor, facing away from our two heroines Milla Jovovich and uber-hottie Ali Larter. He then pushes himself up to his knees, picks up this one ton axe and throws it behind himself -- that's the scene you see in the previews where the two chicks duck as a huge fucking axe sails over their head. Just to get the physics right, that would be the equivilent to me picking up and throwing a 625lb axe -- roid me up all you want, the shit ain't gonna happen.

I could go on more and more but suffice to say that this zombie movie didn't have much in the way of zombies. At least not in the traditional sense, unless you consider the big open faced vampires from Blade 2 to be zombies. Yeah, I don't either. As the plot stumbled slowly and mindlessly along the way a real zombie would, we're treated to a rematch between Alice and the LBUG, who we learn survived the opening plane crash as well. Of course, right? I guess they just don't crash planes like they used to. In short, Afterlife brings absolutely nothing new to the table, instead consisting of rehashed parts of The Matrix, Blade 2, and SUCK. And I don't know exactly when, but sometime over the last five years, the idea of zombies has been hijacked. Zombies used to be slow moving dead people incapable of thinking. Now they've become fast moving, rage fueled, intelligent and calculating. What the fuck? Hopefully, AMC's upcoming series The Walking Dead will restore some balance to the Force. I'm certainly cheering for them. We've all seen the previews, including the one scene where a guy vacated a zombies brains with a Colt Python. Here's a behind the scenes clip on how they filmed that, by the way.

Game challenge. Polygon Reloaded. Coming in at second place is John with 1,241,700 -- a guy that i thought was going to walk away with it. That is until I received Aakash and his whopping 1,263,500. New challenge this week!

By now we've all seen or heard the Katy Perry clip where her and her cleavage were perma-banned from Sesame Street. Fortunately for those of us who are lifelong members of the Katy Perry's Cleavage Fan Club, she followed up her appearance on Sesame Street by hosting Saturday Night Live, where she came out in a ripped Elmo shirt and bounces up and down a few times. Yeah, somtimes life treats you right.

While Sci-Fi/Fantasy is usually well known for it’s amazing graphics, creative storytelling and outstanding special effects, there is also another component that makes this genre successful: Beautiful Women. In honor of the lovely ladies who sometimes make these films worth seeing, we’ve comprised a list. So take a journey with us through space, the underworld and even Middle Earth as we count down the fifty hottest women of sci-fi/fantasy. or as I call it, forty-nine women who aren't as hot as Kate Beckinsale. On a side note, did anyone else know that Minka Harker is really a blonde?

I have a poker question for all you poker studs out there. if three of a kind beats two of a kind, and four of a kind beats three of a kind, then what beats four of a kind? A Royal flush, right? But what about five of a kind?

Animal rights activist protests the lassoing and dragging of cattle by rushing into the ring and interrupting the rodeo. How does this end? Hint: it involves lassoing and dragging, but not of the cattle. Yee-haw!

tea party takes over comics page.

a pictorial tribute to the beautiful usc song girls.

video of nfl cheerleaders on trampolines. you're welcome.

boys and girls, is why you should do well in school. definitely NSFW.