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Ernie's House of Whoopass! October 01, 2010
October 01, 2010

But Not In The Way You Think.

Some television show set up a scenario where a white guy poses as a bicycle thief in the park. And despite the fact that he's hammering, sawing and cutting the chain, people stop and ask a few questions but most just walk on by with no more than a curious look. I thought that was pretty fucked up because I'd like to think people would actually do something to stop this thief. But that's not the fucked up part; the fucked up part is when they repeat the experiment with a black guy posing as the thief and people go fucking ballistic. Talk about your racial profiling, damn.

One topic I've wanted to touch on for awhile is the Harry Potter series, or more specifically, Emma Watson's role in them. Now as far as the whole Harry Potter craze, eh, I never got wrapped up in it. I just kind of assumed it'd be another live action kid's show on par with the Teletubbies or Spongebob. Eight full length feature films and over $5,000,000,000 later, obviously this is not the case. And like any good story -- and I'm finally coming to grips now that yes, I'm sure this is a good story -- one must start from the beginning and work your way through to the end. This is where I have an Emma Watson problem. I just don't know how to get my mind around the fact that Little Girl A is destined to become Super Hot Chick B. How do you not watch the progression through the earlier movies and not sit there like Golem, wringing your hands and whispering, "Soon my Precious." But perhaps the worst part of all, knowing that in the end, she's going to cut all of her hair off and look like a little boy. These guys summed it up best when they said, "I used to have fantasies of drilling Hermione for oil, but now I’m fully expecting Chris Hansen to offer me a seat for just looking at these pictures." I'm torn, I tell you, torn.

Hey Ernie, A while back when the Airbus’s were having trouble staying aloft, you made the infamous statement “If it ain’t Boeing, I ain’t going.” I read this article this morning and your statement came to mind. John

Last night I watched The Road Warrior, and it just reminded me how much I miss the 80's era movies. because when Wez (the Mohawk dude) climbed off the back of the motorcycle's sidecar and jumped on the back of the rig, that wasn't CGI, there were no wires or cables. That was just a stuntman with an enormous big pair of balls doing it exactly as you see it on screen. But now? Neo dodging bullets in the Matrix? Pfft, whatever. Because man, Chiun has been doing that shit since 1985. But I'll allow for the fact that there have been some good cimematic improvements since then.

Your next game challenge? Fire the iZZi at the corresponding colored block to munch them up. Hit the wrong colour and your iZZi will die. Advance through the levels by collecting bronze, silver and gold trophies. Like most cannon firing games, use your mouse to aim the cannon and click to shoot. The further your mouse is from the cannon the more powerful your shot is. I'm about two thirds done, but it's still a work in progress for me.

Hey Ernie, I heard this story of a true American badass and immediately thought of you. They can't make movies about this because no one would believe it. Benjie

The Norton Project: this is a story about how two brothers stole their father's 1969 Norton Commando, had it restored and then gave it back to him for Christmas. He had no idea. It's kind of along video, but stick with it, the payoff is worth it. And by the way, I used to drive all those Route 2 roads when I lives in Massachusetts and went home to visit the fam in New York. That's kinda nostalgic.

This is why you should always remember to give your dogs their monthly dose of Frontline, Advantage, Sentinental or some other anti-parasitic medicine. Not safe for lunch.

This happens at Cape May Point every night, who knew? Greg

Any girl crazy enough to ride a bull wearing only body paint and a bikini bottom is okay in my book.

Packing tic tacs, smuggling peanuts, flashing high beams, pimping wingnuts – there are many names for this common yet captivating phenomenon. When a woman has prominently erect nipples clearly visible through her clothing, the room takes notice – and when those women are actresses – babes with some of the hottest chassis on the planet – the whole world stops and stares. And who can blame us? We wonder whey these lovely ladies don’t take preventative action – but then that’d be spoiling the fun. Here are fifteen of the best pokies on the planet. Heather Graham in the electric blue dress FTW, with Julia Stiles a close second, IMHO.

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