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Ernie's House of Whoopass! October 13, 2010
October 13, 2010

For The Next Time You Have To Fart In The Shower.

Do this. Place your hand flat against the crack of your ass, so that your middle finger is pressed against your taint and the palm of your hand forms somewhat of a cup. No, it's not what you think. Now face away from the showerhead so water runs down your back and fills up your cupped hand. Once your sphincter is sufficiently underwater, let your fart go as hard as you can. You'll swear Donald Duck is standing behind you.

I used to love playing Lemmings, it was the first real thinking game that I found. So when Dan sent this in, I LOLd. i did get the chance to watch a few of the miners being brough up this morning... they sure took their fucking time unloading these poor bastards from that rescue capsule, didn't they?

Female celebrities are often judged by their fashion sense on the red carpet, as they show off the latest styles and trends for the paparazzi's cameras. But every once in a while they trade in their designer dresses for a tight fitting pair of jeans and a jersey of their favorite sports team. There is nothing sexier than a woman in a sports jersey, and these female celebrities are no exception. Except they forgot Ashley Judd and Rebecca Gayheart!

Mental note: Polish chicks can't parkour as well as their German counterparts, but they have awesome names and look marvelous in sports bras.

Gay issues have been in the news a lot lately, from the debate over same-sex marriage in Congress to a rash of gay-bashing in New York City. We see a lot of emotion out there, instead of information, so OkCupid wanted to provide some data-based context on sexuality so that people might make better choices about what they say, think, and do.

Hey Ernie, Wondering if you could link to my first original video for Ego TV - Hot Girls Picking Their Nose. Thanks. Nathan

Which would you rather play: auto-pong or ping-pong?

Seven year old Kathleen Edward is in the final stages Huntington's Disease, a neighbor who is feuding with the family admitted to posting grim depictions of Laura and Kathleen on Facebook, and also had a coffin hitched to a pick-up truck in front of the house - which the neighbor says is for a halloween decoration. Needless to say, once this came to light, the neighbors were in for a world of shit. But don't worry too much, Jennifer Petkov changed her tune once the folks at 4chan got a hold of her, including several death threats.

Hey Ernie, Greetings from the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. I'm a former Marine and sometime contributor. I live down your way in Orlando. I'm visiting the Kingdom for business. Just thought you'd want to know that you are banned. If not banned, then at least filtered. No, wait, scratch that, you are definitely banned. Keep up the good work. Phixeus

Fans of “Friday Night Lights” have known about Minka Kelly for years, but we think she has what it takes to become a household name. I noticed her recently while watching “500 Days of Summer” on cable. Minka grabbed my attention with her beautiful eyes and killer smile even though she had a very minor part at the end of the film. I was also pleasantly surprised when Minka appeared on “Entourage” in a brief cameo as herself as Vince tries to hit on her at Eminem’s private party. Here's a slideshow of Minka for your viewing pleasure. The slideshow starts with some great photos from the set of her upcoming movie, “The Roommate,” and we’ve included plenty of sexy and glamorous red carpet photos.

Ernie, I am a first time writer and first off i just want to thank you for your support and the pure awesomeness that is EHOWA. I am currently deployed and coming back to my CHU at night and getting on your sight is a great stress reliever, though my girlfriend thinks i should pay more attention to her. She'll be fine. Anyway, the main reason I am writing is in response to your question from todays post. "How to deal with a dud Javelin". While many of us would LOVE to shoot it and watch it blow up, many of our units require we account for every round we have. So, if we were to shoot it, we would have to write up some lengthly report describing the situation and justifying opening fire. Not to mention, some news reporter would probably be around and spin it saying a civilian was killed and so on and so forth. So basically Ernie, we would have to call out EOD and sit on our ass and watch them have all the fun. Again, thanks for everything Ernie. Colin, SGT US ARMY

Well, Dodge has released some new photos of the 2011 Dodge Charger and I have to give them props -- they FINALLY got something right in the recycling of old 1970 muscle. The headlights still look kind of stupid but check out these fucking taillights baby! Me personally, I'm a huge fan of the 1968 Corvette style taillights, so I'm a little biased. At least it's a step in the right direction though.

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