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Hey, Dumbass. You, In The Tank. You Cozy In There?

Well that was pretty fucking awesome, eh? The beginning was kind of 28 Days Later'ish, which I wasn't necessarily opposed to, but at least I saw it coming based upon the previews and had a chance to prepare myself. I predicted the affair betwen the deputy and the Sheriff's wife; although why she couldn't recognize her husband's voice on the radio, I dunno. But a few characters? Dude, it's like they've never seen a zombie movie before. How do you kill zombies? With seven shots to the chest? Nooooo, with two in the turban, that's how. And one curious obeservation regarding the preview clip for next week's episode, where Rick is confronted by the group of survivors holed up in a department store. And this thought occured to me back with the remake of Dawn of the Dead, where they also had sets of glass security doors between them and the zombies. Why not paint the inside of the doors black so the undead can't see in? I mean what the fuck do you have to see outside for? You know what's there, fuckin zombies. But letting them see you keeps them agitated. Maybe leave a little obscure patch uncovered, maybe down around ankle height, so you can lay down and pee outside for recon, but other than that paint those bitches over. Anyway, one episode and I'm fucking hooked. And in case you're a complete fucking loser and missed the premire, here's a pretty sweet recap.

There's Getting Called Out, And Then There's This.

George Takei's hilarious awesome response to anti-gay bully Clint McCance, former Arkansas school board member who called for more gays teens to kill themselves. Yes, you know your life has taken a turn for the worst when Mr Sulu publicly calls you a douchebag. George later went on to say, "What now? Let me tell you what now. I'ma call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin' niggas, who'll go to work on the homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'ma get warp factor three on your ass."

That's Poor Trigger Discipline, Sweetheart.

Good news: I mailed my CCW permit renewal in six weeks early! Bad news: It taked eight weeks to process. My bad.

Don't Be Shy, Let Your Voice Be Heard.

For those douchebags who missed Sunday night’s premiere of "The Walking Dead," here is the entire 67-minute episode available for free online viewing. I'm so excited for the second episode I can barely keep myself contained, so yeah, I watched episode one again. And if you take your zombie fighting as seriously as I do, this season will take us right up until they release Zombieland 2, with Emma Stone. Bit of trivia there, she's actually not a redhead, but a natural blonde. Who knew?

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

You Know It's Bad When A Shelter Dog Recognizes You.

Just in case you haven't wept recently, here's a video tribute to Jason Wood's last minutes with Oden, his a three legged pooch who recently lost his battle with cancer.

Oh Look, He's Axing Him A Question.

Well I'm a day late but I finally got the chance to watch the second episode of Walking Dead. Generally I liked it, although I'm kind of disappointed in some parts. Listen, I don't care how much I want some stink finger, ain't no way I'm traisping around the fucking woods full of zombies looking to hook up with my girlfriend. Zombies that don't run (good) but some zombies that Shame-With-A-Definite-Purpose? Yeah, I guess I can deal with that. But zombies that can't climb a fire escape (good), yet you have zombies that can climb a fence? I've got to veto that one, even if that was only put in so they could find the truck keys on the first try. Rubbing yourself with zombie guts to blend in? The jury is still out on that one, because first you have to buy zombies that have a sense of smell? In order to smell, one must breathe. And since zombies be dead, they don't be breathin. And a rain storm washing off enough of said zombie guts to make you smell human again? Uh, that'd be a no fucking way, but I suppose you had to add suspense somehow, right? Now zombies using a rock to bash in a glass door? Yeah, I guess I can handle that too. These zombies to be a little more cerebral than the traditional Romero zombie, but I can still work with it. Besides, even Romero allowed for some sort of zombie evolution when he stuck a Steyr AUG in Big Daddy's hands in Land of the Dead. A move which I didn't really agree with, by the way but hell it ain't my movie. But bashing shit with a rock, yeah, I guess that's pretty plausible. As for the obvious product placement with the Dodge Challenger? Hey, they've got to pay the bills somehow. And as for the handcuffed redneck on the roof? Two words: Bullet and Gravity. But since MIchael Rooker been officially added to the cast, I don't think he's going to get eaten next week so I guess we'll be seeing more him in later episodes. And don't forget, Rick is still carrying that hand grenade in his pants. And I don't mean that metaphorically.

...Came The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald.

One quirk about growing up around the Great Lakes is you learn to remember shit like this. In fact, on the right side of the bar that my brothers and I always haunt when I'm in Rochester, is a memorial of all the Great Lakes shipwrecks. The SS Edmund Fitzgerald was an American Great Lakes freighter launched on June 8, 1958. At the time of its launching, it was one of the first boats to be at or near Seaway-Max which was 740 feet long and 78 feet wide. From its launching in 1958 until 1971 the Fitzgerald continued to be one of the largest boats on the Great Lakes. Thirty-five years ago today, on November 10, 1975, while traveling on Lake Superior during a gale, the Fitzgerald sank suddenly in Canadian waters approximately 17 miles from the entrance of Whitefish Bay. Although it had reported having some difficulties before the accident, the Fitzgerald sank without sending any distress signals. Its crew of 29 perished in the sinking with no bodies ever being recovered. When the wreck was found, it was discovered that the Fitzgerald had broken in two. The sinking of the Edmund Fitzgerald is the most famous disaster in the history of Great Lakes shipping. The disaster was the subject of Gordon Lightfoot's 1976 hit song, "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald". One of these days, I would like to make the venture and see the ship's bell in person.

Happy Veteran's Day! (And Happy LBEH Kickoff!)

Today is Veteran's Day. Unlike Memorial Day, which is set aside to pay our respects to those warriors who were lost in the battle for freedom and liberty, Veteran's Day pays homage to those that have served our country and are still around to tell the tale. Our nation's veterans include the octogenarian who shivers when he remember seeing his breath against the frigid winter blackness of the Ardennes forest, to the recently retired motorcycle rider who despite his good nature and long ponytail, still remembers trying to sleep in between tropical rainstorms and bowls of spoiled rice. And now over the last decade of battle, we add this latest generation of warriors to this long line of men and women who have put their lives in harms way so that you and I can sleep soundly in our beds each night. Which raises the question, how can we honor these men and women who despite the ever present danger, still find the courage and strength to put on their uniform each morning?

Why Thank You, Thank You Very Much.

You know, I hadn't planned on it, but I ended up getting a free lunch at Applebees yesterday, for Veteran's Day. I took my Hammer in for its 2,500 mile service and rather than wait around and stare at golf carts and motorcycle tires for the next two hours, I decided to venture down the plaza a bit and stumbled upon an Applebees. Which was fucking packed, I might add. But sure as hell I walked in and found a vacant seat at the bar and before I knew what hit me, I had a beer and a bacon cheeseburger sitting in front of me. I quite enjoyed myself, even if

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

Hey Ernie, I was at the grand opening gala for the newest addition of the National Naval Aviation Museum in Pensacola Wednesday and thought you might like to see a few pictures of the new hangar. While I was there I had the extreme honor of meeting Captain Thomas J. Hudner USN (ret.), Medal of Honor recipient. This will stand as one of the greatest honors of my life and as you can probably imagine, there was no shortage of people wanting to meet this gentelman. I'll even bet that he upstaged Eugene Cernan, the last man to walk on the moon, who was also there in attendance. Warren

This Could Have Been A Very Short Movie.

Well, I went to the theatres and saw Unstoppable this weekend. It wasn't bad -- I mean you're not going to get any Oscar awards for making a movie about a runaway train -- but it certainly kept me entertained for two hours. As an amateur-novice-beginner-n00b railfan I was able to pick out a few inaccuracies -- ain't nobody running on top of a train doing 70mph, I don't care who the fuck you are -- I'm sure you actual railroad employees were almost throwing up into your popcorn and mumbling, "but that just can't happen." if I had to protest anything, I guess it would be the obligatory derailed-train-erupting-into-a-fireball for no good reason, the guy-almost-falls-under-the-thundering-wheels-of-the-train scene that is a staple for any railroad related movie -- and my personal favorite -- a 420,000 lb locomotive getting up on two wheels. But I did leave the theatre wondering this: in the initial attempt to slow the runaway train down by having the two locomotives get in front of it and gradually slow down, why didn't they just have someone jump over from the back of the rear SD-20 to the front of the lead runaway? It seems that would have been much easier and safer, than trying from the side while standing in the back of a pickup truck. But I suppose that would have made for a fifteen minute movie so like I said, it was two hours that I wasn't picking my nose or feeding to my gut-flopping fetish. It was also nice to see some scenery from up north, too, because we don't get many mountain ranges down here.

Staff Sergeant Salvatore A. Giunta - Medal of Honor Operation Enduring Freedom.

On Oct. 25, 2007, Spc. Giunta’s platoon was conducting a movement to contact to interdict enemy forces on the Gatigal Spur, in order to provide over watch for 2nd and 3rd platoon’s exfil back to Combat Outpost Vimot, and the Korengal Outpost. While conducting their exfil from the platoon’s blocking position, Spc. Giunta’s platoon was ambushed by 10 to 15 enemy personnel who utilized an “L” shaped, near ambush that was within 10 meters of the platoon’s main body. The enemy fired 10 Rocket Propelled Grenades (RPGs) and three PKMs (machine guns) from the apex of the ambush and additional AK-47s from throughout the ambush line.

So I've Got A Pretty Simple Solution To This TSA Pat-Down Problem.

Getting ready to head to the airport? Better run through that final checklist. Turned off the coffee pot? Check. Pack an extra pair of underwear? Check. Make sure the garage door is locked? Check. Itinerary? Check. Flight information? Check. Photo identification? Check. Removed all of the prohibited items in your carry-on? Check. Now it's time to get ready for your TSA pat down. Pop a viagra. Wait, what? Yeah, I'm serious. The next time you're headed to the airport, pop a goddamn viagra. Then when you opt out of the full body scan and are forced to andure a full groin pat down like a common fucking criminal, really give that TSA agent something big to grab on to. How big? About as big as the Chrysler building, hopefully. Bonus points if he has to wash his hands afterwards. Christ, I can't wait for the lawsuits to start.

Mr Sulu. LBEH Status Report.

So far we've 37 ticket requests, but have only been able to book 15, with the rest as pending. Why the long face? First and foremost, lack of funds amigo. Hint, hint. This year's oddball ticket?

Hey Me Find My Car keys, And We'll Drive Out.

Here's a little bit of trivia to launch you into the weekend: if EHOWA were a country, it would be larger than the Federated States of Micronesia.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

I Know It Was You Fredo. You Broke My Heart.

Many, many moons ago, when dating sites were first in their infancy, I remember reading a list of suggested questions to pose to someone on a first date. They were generally thought provoking and I think were a primitive form of the super-double-dog-we'll-match you shit that eharmony has going now. One of those questions has always stuck in my head: Can you understand the other side of the abortion debate? I thought that was a deep and insightful question, not that I would actually spring that on some chick during our first date, lest she think I'm a fucking lunatic. But still, great question. Sure, I could understand how a person of faith could believe that life begins at conception. I don't agree with it and I don't share the same view, but can certainly empathize with those who believe it. And while I know the original author never intended to, that one question left a lasting impression as over the course of the next several years my knees steadily progressed from being ninja-quit to snapping and popping when I stood up.

Anyone Else Feel Like Mexican For Lunch?

Every once in awhile when I'm bored, I'll cruise around the local Craigslist and search for trannies really expensive cars that I can't afford. In a recent search for "V-12" I came across the regulars... a $125,000 Aston Martin Vanquish S, then a little further down I found a $219,000 Ferrari 599 GTB F1. But the one that caught my eye was this $28,000 Mercedes Benz S600, which the guy reports he bought new for $145,600. Think about it; that's a $117,700 drop in value, over 6 years. That's just shy of losing $20,000 per year ($19,600 to be exact) -- and that's assuming he gets his full asking price. If you negotiate down a little from his $28,000 starting point, his investment gets even worse than it's current cost, which is $2.10 PER MILE. And that's not factoring in other scary numbers, such as insurance and fuel. Ouch. But I suppose if you're going to lead the cops on some crazy car chase, money isn't your first priority.

Say NO. And then GO To A Safe Place. And Then TELL An Adult.

Q. How many terrorists will it take to destroy America?
A. None, TSA can do it all by themselves.

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!

America has much for which to be thankful. The unequaled freedom enjoyed by our citizens has provided a harvest of plenty to this nation throughout its history. In keeping with America’s heritage, one day each year is set aside for giving thanks to god for all of His blessings.

Happy Oh My God My Stomach Hurts Day.

Well, Thanksgiving is over and I seem to have escaped with my life. No thanks to Wednesday Addams or Eli Roth, mind you.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Leftovers Here.

So long Lt. Frank Drebin, We Hardly Knew Ye.

Just the other day I was thinking that we're going to be looking at some sad celebrity deaths soon. First on my mind -- and I'm sorry Clint -- is good ol Mr. Eastwood. Because let's be honest, he's not a spring chicken anymore, and I cringe at the thought of what an Eastwoodless world will be like. But as my mind wandered from aging celebrity to aging celebrity -- Michael Douglas, Sean Connery, Jack Nicholson -- I'll admit my mind never quite made it to Leslie Nielsen. I dunno why I didn't think of him. Maybe I somehow thought of him as invincible because of all those time he's made me laugh so hard I'd wake up the next morning feeling like I had done a thousand situps the day before. But everyone knows him as either Dr. Rumack from Airplane! or police Lt. Frank Drebin from the Naked Gun series. But most people don't know his roots, where believe it or not, he was typecast as a serious actor and lots of people doubted he's be able to pull off the deadpan slapstick comedy he was later known for. Born in Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada, Nielsen enlisted in the Royal Canadian Air Force an aerial gunner during the latter part of World War II, and worked as a disc jockey before receiving a scholarship to Neighborhood Playhouse. Beginning with a television role in 1948, he quickly expanded to over 50 television appearances two years later. Nielsen appeared in his first films in 1956 and began collecting roles in dramas, westerns, and romance films. Nielsen's lead roles in the films Forbidden Planet (1956) and The Poseidon Adventure (1972) received positive reviews as a serious actor. Probably the one time he really creeped me out was a quick segment in the first Creepshow!

My Thoughts On The Walking Dead So Far.

I know I'm pickier than most when it comes to realism -- or at least my perception of realism -- in zombie movies. So overall, I have to say I'm pretty pleased with The Walking Dead in these first five episodes. True, there's been a few things I would question, such as the blood smeared trick-the-zombies ruse, and last week's a-little-too-well-coordinated zombie attack. But again, in general, I think they're doing right by zombie fans everywhere. Maybe not as good as Band of Brothers, but close. And if I had to pick one of the characters to go through the apocalypze with it would have to be a tossup between Glenn (the scavenger) and Daryl Dixon (the crossbow wielding redneck). Rick, the main character, has this moral code he has to live by and that's going to get costly. He takes too many risks because he always feels he has to do the right thing. Fuck that, I know there is safety in numbers but when it's go time for the zombies and I have to choochoo? Rest assured I will choochoo. His deputy Shane would be a better choice, presuming you're not married to a hot brunette wife that Shane likes to bang -- then all bets are off. And how about this week's episode when Shane had the shotgun trained on Rick, eh? In the comic, Rick's son kills Shane with a shot to the neck, so we'll see if they stay true to form on that. At first I thought Andrea, the blonde haired older sister to the chick who got munched last week, was going to be a liability because she's too soft. Then she blew her zombie sister's brains out, point blank, while staring her in the eyes. Okay, so I guess this bitch is hardcore. She was also the ICE agent from The Shield. T-Dog? Not bad but you're a little clumsy. Dale? Nice RV man, and I wouldn't mind you covering me from the roof with your rifle, but you're too old to move effectively in case we had to abandon our vehicles. Oh, and that's another thing? Wide open roads? I don't fucking think so. So afterwatching all of the characters very closely, my pick for a zombie BFF would either Glenn for his scavenging skills or Daryl for his silent crossbow. Oh, and this week... the scientist's brain samples that were destroyed in the fire? My prediction is they're going to back and try to find the recently turned Jim, to try and harvest his brain in hopes of alowing the CDC guy to continue hs research into a cure. And a hat tip to Jacqui for sticking to her guns and calling him out on his bite wound.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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