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Ernie's House of Whoopass! November 18, 2010
November 18, 2010

Mr Sulu. LBEH Status Report.

So far we've 37 ticket requests, but have only been able to book 15, with the rest as pending. Why the long face? First and foremost, lack of funds amigo. Hint, hint. This year's oddball ticket?

Good Morning Sir, Being that I’ve been in the military for almost two years, I have not been home since I left for basic training. Home is at Saipan, CNMI (a little island, an hour away from GUAM) and I am stationed in Tinker AFB, OK. I plan on going home for Christmas of this year; unfortunately, my ticket would cost me around $2900 (especially during the holidays). Sadly, being that I’m only an Airman First Class in the US Air Force there’s no way I could afford that. Distress as I already am, just recently I was directed by my supervisor to consider your program, and I definitely am very excited and hopeful right now. I would like to know when you’ll be able to take in requestors for this program for 2010? I truly appreciate what you do and I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon. Have a wonderful day. V/R, Airmat First Class Airman A Airman.

So listen. Anybody that's born in a country halfway across the Pacifdic, but moves here and fights for my country? Deserves a helping hand. So yeah, she was one of the first tickets we bought, although it set us back only $1938.56. Yeah only. So with our cash reserved tapped out, we are now completely dependant on future donations this year. I know times are tough. I know we've heard about iraq and Afghanistan for going on ten years now. But this is the chance to really put a few bucks to good use and make some stateside parents very happy.

Awww, look at the new parents. They look so happy and content, right? Yeah, well that didn't last long.

Did you like the Rosie Jones' Old Spice spoof? If so, you'll love this picture gallery of her. Lots of bikini photos, but otherwise safe for work.

Hey Ernie, This American finished his job in New Zealand and decided to send them a video . . . it's like watching a runaway train plow through a crowd of people: you want to look away, but you cant! Cheers, Charley. Los Angeles

While Washington's heroic crossing of the Delaware may be firmly implanted into the American psyche, the truth is actually a whole lot stupider than what we were taught in history class. It turns out a loyalist spy named Moses Doan observed Washington along the Delaware on Christmas Eve, along with what he described as "a boatload of soldiers." He immediately notified Col. Johann Rall of the Hessians about the impending attack but was turned away because the colonel was engaged in a heated game of chess -- or, depending on who you ask, a poker game. Since the colonel had no wish to be disturbed, Doan left him with a note that read: "Washington is coming on you down the river, he will be here afore long." Rall, still deeply engrossed in his game, stuffed the note into his pocket without giving it a thought. Sure enough, Johann Rall was found dead the next morning, his little "Washington is coming on you down the river" note still unopened in his pocket. ... And that's why America exists.

Ernie, This is one of those priceless pictures you find and didn't even know you took. This is out front of a sorority house at Iowa State a few years ago. Kind of makes you wonder if she got it all. Keep up the good work Ernie. KD

One of my favorite Simpsons characters -- okay, the only one I like -- is Santa's Little Helper, also known as No. 8 or His Majesty, King Suds McDuff of Sixpakistan, is the Simpson's family greyhound. He was introduced in the first full length Simpsons episode titled "Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire" which believe it or not, was supposed to be the eigth episode according to the original schedule. And how this didn't make the list of best Simpsons episodes, I'll never know.

Stumbled across this as I was looking up a solution for a friend of mine that has an overweight cat. Just thought you'd like to pass this along to the rest of the EHOWA universe. Piker. ps these fuckers eat dog too, fucking bastards.

Steve Bridges is an American comedian, impressionist, and actor who has "developed a repertoire of over 200 impressions, including TV characters Barney Fife and Homer Simpson, broadcasters Tom Brokaw, Paul Harvey and Rush Limbaugh; his impressions of political leaders Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and Arnold Schwarzenegger rapidly established him as a premiere vocal impressionist." In 2006 he appeared alongside the real George W. Bush at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner, mimicking him during his speech, acting as his inner thoughts. And now he's got Obama down, too.

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