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Ernie's House of Whoopass! December 03, 2010
December 03, 2010

Your Mind Is A Blank Slate. I Will Fill It.

A few people have written in regarding the situation surrounding Mark Perko. He's the guy who bought the storage contents of the late Marine Sgt. Jeannette Winters, who was the first woman to die in the WOT in early 2002. Buying said contents isn't what made him famous, his refusal to give them back to the family is what garnished all the attention. But me thinks there was a whole lot more to that story than meets the eye, so I decided to sit on it for awhile and see what happens. Sure enough, two days later, everything worked itself out. I still think Perko is a douchebag -- heres's a radio interview where he tries to deflect some of the incoming hostility -- but me thinks some of what he was saying is true.

ZOMGZ THERE'S ANOTHER TERRORIST ATTACK IN NEW YORK CITY EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! OMGZ! Oh wait, it's just a remote control plane. My bad.

As a movie, "Bullitt" was a little confusing and its centerpiece chase scene had some strange inconsistencies. The bad guys' Charger lost six hubcaps and couldn't hit the broad side of a gas station during the explosive finale. The chase route looks as if it were designed by Siegfried and Roy, with cars disappearing and reappearing at random points in the city. But the strength of that driving sequence -- a 9 minute, 42 second testosterone overload through the precipitous streets of San Francisco -- was still enough to ensure that "Bullitt" would become a classic. You can read some of the crew's recollections during the filming here, and get see some updates pictures of the chase locations here. As we all know the 1968 Dodge Charger with the Corvette-style tail lights is my dream car -- the exact one destroyed in Bullitt, mind you -- I should note that Dodge recently returned to the streets of San Francisco, bringing with the the updated Charger and the 2011 Challenger with its 392 Hemi rated at 470 horsepower and 470 lb-ft of torque. We'll catch you this time, Bullitt, especially if you use this Shelby GT500 Mustang for the chase.

Old and busted: Trans-Siberian Orchestra lights on your house. The new hotness: Trans-Siberian Orchestra lights on your firetruck. No really, not kidding.

Wile E. Coyote and The Road Runner are cartoon characters from a series of Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies cartoons. The characters -- a coyote and Greater Roadrunner -- were created by animation director Chuck Jones in 1948 for Warner Bros, while the template for their adventures was the work of writer Michael Maltese. The characters star in a long-running series of theatrical cartoon shorts and occasional made-for-television cartoons. In each episode, instead of animal senses and cunning, the Coyote uses absurd contraptions and elaborate plans to pursue his quarry.

Yes, it is the holiday season, and back online for 2010 are the Controllable Christmas Lights for Celiac Disease! Once again, three live webcams and X10 technology allows web surfers to not only view the action, but also *control* 20,000+ lights. New this year is the Santa Plane, Santa Helicopter, and even Santa Skiing down my roof ... which can all be inflated/deflated in addition to the giant 12' Santa, 15' Santa Balloon, Elmo, Frosty Family, SpongeBob SquarePants, and Homer Simpson - D'OH! The website is totally free (and totally fun) and is one of my zany ways of raising awareness & soliciting donations for Celiac Disease -- my two sons have this condition, so it's personal for me. If folks are so inclined, you can make an optional donation directly to the University of Maryland Center for Celiac Research. Over $50,000 has been raised with ... holiday lights - pretty wild. While people around the world (157 countries last year) enjoy seeing the lights ON, environmentalists will be happy to know that they can turn the lights OFF with a click of the mouse. Better yet, this is the 7th year I'm using Wind Power and even though that is "clean" energy, I even did a Carbon Offset contribution for the 0.6 Tons of CO2 for the ~MegaWatt-Hour of power consumed - that's about the same as *one* cross-country airline trip. Finally, by providing viewing via webcam, you don't need to burn fossil fuels by diving around to see Christmas lights ... Al Gore would be proud! But HEY, the couple of bucks a day in electrical costs are well worth the joy it brings to people (especially the kids) when they see the display in person and/or on the web. There's even a Hi-Def option, so gather your family around the large screen and open up some Eggnog as the chestnuts are roasting on an open fire. So surf on by, tell your friends, Blog/Facebook/Tweet/spread the word. Merry Christmas and HO-HO-HO! Alek

Tonya Maxene Harding is an American figure skating champion. In 1991 she won the U.S. Figure Skating Championships and placed second in the World Championships. She was the second woman, and the first American woman, to complete a triple axel jump in competition. She became notorious after her ex-husband, Jeff Gillooly, conspired with Shawn Eckhardt and Shane Stant to attack Harding's skating competitor Nancy Kerrigan at a practice session, during the 1994 U.S. Figure Skating Championships. Tonya Harding entered the world of the celebrity sex tape with the appearance of a pornographic "Wedding Video" that showed her having sex with her ex-husband Jeff Gillooly. Gillooly, who, not long after the scandal, began to fade from prominence and changed his name to Jeff Stone, sold the tape to a tabloid show after having been implicated as a conspirator in the Kerrigan attack. Stills from the tape were published by Penthouse in September 1994, and the tape itself was released at about the same time. "I grew up living in a trailer. I moved around 13 different times before I was in fifth grade, no money and no friends. My biological mother made or bought my clothes from the Salvation Army or Goodwill. So, you know, that's where the bad girl image came from." And while she once had a rather demure, girlish figure, I can assure you that those days are long fucking gone. Meanwhile Nancy Kerrigan's brother is in jail, charged with beating their father to death.

Dominique Piek is a supermodel from a small town in South Africa called Somerset West. Her big break happened when she was chosen as a rookie for the 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Photographer Walter Iooss photographed her in the Maldives with Brooklyn Decker, Bar Refaeli, and Christine Teigen. She appeared in a campaign for Ralph Lauren Chaps Denim with photographer Richard Phibbs for fall 2010.

The cleavage karate chop. The two-handed testicle twister. These are just some of the sexy manuevers TSA agents use when they're doing their standard airport pat downs that are making everyone so upset these days.

feeling blue? then you need your own blues song.

is tom brady going to a hair restoration clinic? uhh, yes.

porn stars without makeup on. (sfw article, but on nsfw site)


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