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Ernie's House of Whoopass! December 13, 2010
December 13, 2010

I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU.

LBEH was featured on Fox News this past weekend -- and not the little pussy local affiliates -- I mean on the mothership. Kat did awesome in her first national interview, and they did a nice follow up as well. What did that translate to for us? Over 17,000 in donations in a single day. So I never thought I'd say this, but THANK YOU FOX NEWS.

Ernie, Kat, Bibi and anyone else who makes your awsome mission happen, I cannot express enough the positive impact the LBEH organization has made in the lives of these Soldiers. The Soldiers left California with the expectation that they would not see their families for at least six months and that was only going to happen if they would be allowed mid tour leave. Others may not have seen their families for the duration of the tour had it not been for the generosity of the LBEH Organization and your hard work. I was the lucky one here; I had the opportunity to tell these Soldiers face to face they were going to see their families for Christmas. The reactions varied from absolute surprise and thankfulness to tears. One of our Specialists stood speechless when I told her she was going home for Christmas, covering her mouth, tearing up and walking in circles. She told me that her family was struggling to afford the cost of a ticket, and weighing that cost against a short two day visit was a true inner struggle. She called her family crying and said "I'll see you in a few days". It is a double edge sword, having to say goodbye all over again..however, in the end it's worth it. Afterall, what would you give to see your family one more time.... especially knowing where we're going and that there is always that chance you may not return. Last night, our community in Chico, CA. put together a family support fund raiser. This was not a military driven event; it was coordinated and executed 100% by a community who cares for Soldiers. I had a chance to do a brief video conference and talk to the community. I made sure to highlight your organization and the service you have provided for these Soldiers and their families. They asked that I express to you their gratitude. You've touched our unit, and words just cannot express enough our deep appreciation for you all. Thank you, SSG Shaw

Well, it's that time of the year again, so you know what that means. Yep, it's time for our annual Don't Shoot Your Eye Out game challenge! As a reminder. There are a few sweet spots that you can get some KICK ASS scores, but as you approach 10,000,000 -- the score rolls over. So get as close to 9,999,999 as you can without shooting your eye out.

Flick: Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? That's dumb!

Schwartz: That's 'cause you know it'll stick!

Flick: You're full of it!

Schwartz: Oh yeah?

Flick: Yeah!

Schwartz: Well I double-DOG-dare ya!

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] NOW it was serious. A double-dog-dare. What else was there but a "triple dare you"? And then, the coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog-dare.

Schwartz: I TRIPLE-dog-dare ya!

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Schwartz created a slight breach of etiquette by skipping the triple dare and going right for the throat!

Here's the frozen tongue scene in the movie (the effect was simulated by a small hole drilled in the pole and a vacuum), and here it is in real life as performed by some dumbass Russin kid who leaves part of his tongue on the pole.

“I was privileged and honored to work side by side with Sly (Stallone in ‘The Expendables’). Most of my scenes take place with him, and I’m telling you, man, he took me under his wing, and it was a brilliant thing. I don’t know what else to say. ‘Rocky,’ ‘Rambo,’ just everything he’s done is iconic, and it wasn’t lost on me. I love the man, and I can’t wait to do another one, ‘cause Sly’s the king of the sequels…and in my whole career, I’ve never done a sequel to any one of my projects. So I’m, like, ‘Sly, I’m ready for ‘Expendables 2,’ okay?’” – Terry Crews, The Expendables “I was actually down at my ranch in South Texas, and my guys called me and said, ‘Hey, we’re trying to get you a meeting with Sylvester Stallone. He’s casting a movie called ‘The Expendables.’’ Several months went by, and he’d already cast ‘The Expendables,’ but he still wanted to meet me for potentially playing the part of Dan Paine. So I went in to meet Sly, it was the first time I’d ever met him, and I’m a huge fan. I remember watching ‘Rocky’ back in ’76 or whenever it was, then getting up the next morning, drinking eggs, and running down the street…and now here I am fighting with this guy!” – Steve Austin, The Expendables . More great movie quotes from 2010.

Looking back at all the progress humanity has made through the last century, it's perfectly natural to feel a little bit moved by the power of human ingenuity and our thrive for constant improvement. It's natural, but also totally wrong. Because if you really look into the history of our technological development, you'll notice that the force driving us forward all this time wasn't our need to better ourselves or seek out truth in all its forms, but rather our desire to see naked people touch each other's junk.

Everyone know Resident Evil is about a deadly viral outbreak and the mysterious chemical corporation that caused it. But did you know that in order to accurately capture the feel of the game, Capcom hired none other than zombie guru George A. Romero to write and direct. But after reading Romero’s script, Capcom decided he wasn’t right for the project, and replaced him with Paul W.S. Anderson. Romero claims that Capcom wanted something more akin to a war movie, which was not at all what he had in mind. Anderson’s version of the film, starring Milla Jovovich and Michelle Rodriguez was released to mixed reviews in 2002, upsetting many fans of the video game series. One can wonder how much better Romero’s version would have been had he finished it. Or you could just make it yourself, as the script is available online for free.

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