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Ernie's House of Whoopass! December 15, 2010
December 15, 2010

That's a Nice Pair Of Ti... ... Uh, No Ma'am, I Didn't Say Anything.

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what's my problem?" Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."

The husband was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he heard his wife's voice from the kitchen. "What would you like for dinner, Love? Chicken, beef, fish or lamb?" He said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken." "Fuck off, you're having soup. I was talking to the cat."

I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As we lay making love I thought to myself, "These taser guns sure are well worth the money."

A priest checks in to a hotel and says to the recepionist, "I hope the porn channel on my TV is disabled." "No sir," said the lass, “it’s just ordinary porn, you sick bastard.”

Amid the Wikileaks debacle, I have a solution. Going forward, all U.S. classified documents should be kept in the same filing cabinet as President Obama's college transcripts and birth certificate. Problem solved!

If you see a black man riding south on a bike, take the bike. It's probably yours. If you see a black man riding north on a bike, take the black man. He's probably yours.

Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years?
A. Michael Jackson

Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?
A. They both live off dead Beatles.

Q. What's the leading cause of pedophilia?
A. Sexy children.

Q. Whats the best thing about being black and a bus driver?
A. You get to sit in the front.

Q. Why is the world like an Oreo?
A. Because the majority is black but everyone prefers the white.

Q. Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?
A. Neither have they.

Q. What is the difference betwean an abortion an an orange?
A. About 500 calories.

Q. How do you get a gay man to have sex with a woman?
A. Take a shit in her vagina.

Q. What do you say to a girl with no tits?
A.

Well, 2010 is coming to a close. The Walking Dead, Terriers, Boardwalk Empire... let's take a look at the television year in review.

Ernie, I thought smoking was banned in all restaurants? Gary

Remember that scene in Commando where Matrix/Schwarzenegger just kind of lets go of the DC-10's landing gear and gently flops into a marsh completely unharmed? Yeah, let's take a closer look at that.

twenty pictures of british model danielle lloyd.

more on gun control: now what if ol ginger had a piece of her own.

this is what you get for supporting gun control, you hypocritical douchebag.

hear ye, hear ye. let it be known far and wide, that i :heart: fox's heather childers.


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