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Ernie's House of Whoopass! December 20, 2010
December 20, 2010

Before We Go-Go, I Want Your Sex Last Christmas.

The Victory truck loaded with all of the 2011 demo models had made its way down to my local Victory dealership this past weekend, so of course I had to shoot down for some rides. The first bike I went out on was the new Cross Roads, and to be honest, I didn't like it. It felt 'toyish' to me; and it sounded like the Yamaha I had traded up from two years ago. At almost 750 lbs it's heavier than my Hammer and I felt every bit of it. Next I went out on a new Hammer S which has 12 more horsepower than mine, which doesn't amount too much until you remember that's almost a 15% boost over my 2007's 85hp. Even without a windshield I felt more comfortable on the Hammer than I did the Cross Roads. Call it familiarity, whatever. But this year I decided to try and tame the beast that scared me last year: the big ass Victory Vision. I think I commented last year that at slow speeds it felt like I was trying to balance Greyhound bus on two wheels. This year they had something else to try, the Vision 8-Ball which is lowered 2" from the larger Touring model, and doesn't have the truck so it's less top heavy. And I got to stretch my legs out, play with the windshield a little and let me tell you... that was one smoooooooooth ride. Daddy likes. The one down side: no radio. But having worked up my courage a bit, I gave the big Touring a run again and I was much more comfortable on this year. Slow speeds were still kind of squirrely but I didn't have the pucker-factor that I faced last year. And while it did have a radio -- a pretty kick ass radio I might add -- I wasn't about to try and fuck with the controls while I'm out on a demo ride. So I was stuck listening to whatever the guy before me was listening to which happened to be a variety station. It started out okay, with Bad Company telling me they Feel Like Making Love, and then Outkast cheering me with Hey Ya! The sun was shining, it was warm, there was a little breeze in the stubble on my head. Life was good.

And then it happened. The Goo Goo Doll's Slide gave way to the first few notes of a Christmas song we all know, we all love, but we'll never admit to knowing or loving. That's right. Cruising down Three Oaks Boulevard in Estero, Florida, I'm riding somewhere in the middle of a group of about 7-8 other folks out on test rides. We're zipping along pretty good, so the wind noise is up, the engines are screaming, and I'm not too worried about being found out. So fuck it, I let the bike kind of gently weave from side to side and I belted it out for all I was worth, "LAST CHRISTMAS, I GAVE YOU MY HEART. BUT THE VERY NEXT DAY, YOU GAVE IT AWAY. THIS YEAR, TO SAVE ME FROM TEARS, I'LL GIVE IT TO SOMEONE SPECIAL." Which was cool while we were moving, but I hadn't counted on the red light. And as we're slowing down I'm trying to weigh taking my eyes off the road long enough to find the volume button or change the channel or something. In the end, my instinct for self preservation superceded my instinct for self esteem. So yes, I sat there at a red light and quietly jammed out to WHAM's Last Christmas, while everyone else tried not to stare. But no shame, brother. No shame. Well, I only got to ride those three but I really fucking like that Vision 8-Ball. Huah!

Heya Ernie, I saw this over on 4chan, any idea wtf it is??? TK

Yea.. this vid makes the mountain biking vids look kinda lame by comparison. And I'm an avid mountain biker. Love the site and enjoy. -Butch

Cruising through the beautiful snow-covered back country. Visiting sheep, scaring dogs and blasting through trees, construction sites and power lines. Yes, it's winter wonderland out there.

Hey going back to my 'epic actors that will soon be dead' topic, how the fuck is Michael Douglas doing? I hear good, I hear bad Does anyone know the real scoop? Is he on his way out, or will he be hanging around for lunch?

You know how sometimes a guy's wedding tackle is referred to as his 'third leg'? Well with that in mind, here's Rudolph The Five Legged Reindeer. Warning: while there are no pictures of parakeets, there is claymation reindeer sex, so it may not be the best thing to teach children around Christmas time.

Ernie, In Saturdays update, you had a pic of a military member wearing a "Pork Eating Crusader" patch, I remember seeing one a few days ago and am including the link to purchase if you were interested as I found it very funny. I also have a "Secret Squirrel" patch which I keep in my work truck window for kicks. Bryan, Wyoming, MI

The Spike Video Game Awards is an award show hosted by Spike TV that recognizes the best computer and video games of the year. Beginning in 2003, the Spike TV Video Game Awards garnered much attention, since video game awards were not common prior to its introduction. The VGAs feature live music performances and appearances by popular performers in music, movies, and television. Additionally, preview trailers for upcoming games are highlighted. The event has been held at various locations in Los Angeles and Santa Monica, California as well as Las Vegas, Nevada. The program has encountered criticism for its selection of both nominees and winners by the gaming community. Bias for specific platforms and products has been claimed by critics. Additionally, winners are selected via online polling leading to critics calling the results merely a "popularity contest." The 2010 Video Game Awards were held Saturday, December 11, 2010 in Los Angeles, CA at the L.A. Convention Center and returned to using a host which was Neil Patrick Harris.

As my parting gift to you? No matter what you do today, you won't be able to get this song out of your head. You're welcome.

fuck my life + a nice holiday twist = my miserable christmas - a quickie with some sexy celebrity santas.

so long, 2010. the jibjab 2010 year in review - common myths and misconceptions about job interviews.


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