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Ernie's House of Whoopass! December 24, 2010
December 24, 2010

Going Through His Preflight Checklist, I Presume.

Wow, tomorrow is Christmas already. Christ did this year just fucking fly by, or what?

An important read as we get into the heart of the holiday season: "One year ago, I was hospitalized. I won't bore you with the details, so let's just say I was struck down with a case of having an enormous penis. Several vials of blood were taken for various tests, all of them coming back positive for a magnificent, awe-inspiring dong, which I was already fully aware of. What I didn't expect, however, was the doctor's first question when explaining my results. "So ... how much do you drink per day?" I started to answer, but he threw up a hand to stop me and continued, "If you don't stop drinking right now, you'll be dead before you're 40. You're 35, and your liver is already showing signs of shutting down. Then again, the faster all the drunks die off, the more space we free up in this hospital for people with actual medical problems that are beyond their own control." Then he punched me in the face and hobbled out of the room on his cane. So I quit, cold turkey, after 22 years of what could only be called the My Penis of alcohol addictions. That was a little over a year ago, and during that time I've discovered some things about quitting booze that they manage to leave out of inspirational movie montages."

whew! 33 seconds with a score of 46,700. seriously need to go outside now. Benjamin

So assuming that nobody will Light It Up faster than Benjamin, looks like he's going to wear the crown on this one.

One reason why Black Swan got so much attention is because there’s a scene where Mila Kunis essentially pounces on Natalie Portman and goes down on her. Another reason was Darren Aronofskys ability to tell a complex story about a downward spiral into madness. But really it was that first one, about lesbians and pussy.

Hey Ernie thought you of all people could appreciate this one. True one stop shopping as the sign says with bonus drive through just to speed things up. Taken down here on the Texas Gulf Coast south of Houston. Keep up the great site. - Jeff

Drug addicted geniuses? Oh, it’s possible. In fact, upon researching the topic it seems more possible to find a genius who has struggled with a dependency at one point in their life than one who is above the influence. Warning: Do not try any of this at home.

fastest growing careers: top thirty for 2008-2018.

the life of your new christmas tree. actually this is pretty fucked up.

how to lose $800,000 in the blink of an eye. might wanna write that on a post-it note.

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite So My Dad Is Visiting Fo...

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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