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Ernie's House of Whoopass! January 12, 2011
January 12, 2011

I Know There's An 'Eating Cock' Joke In There Somewhere.

Whew, and here I thought I was the only person who went to bed with a glass of water on my nightstand. Last night I woke up around 3am or so and leaned over to get a drink, misjudged how far away the corner was and beaned myself right in the mouth. This morning I woke up with a big fat lip!

This my friends, is why the internet was created: "I land a job working at the most magical place on the planet: The Walt Disney World and finally confess to some of the crazy stuff I did while working there." That's right, it's time for confessions of a former Disney employee. That's right, an orchestra in bacon, sausage, and eggs.

One curious note in regards to the Arizona shooting. Believe it or not, sales of the Glock 19 in question.... have doubled. All because of the fear generated by the anti-gun backlash that inevitably follows such a tragedy. I think that if the immediate reaction wsn't, "OMG WE NEED MORE GUN CONTROL", this spike in sales wouldn't happen. In fact, I have to admit I ordered two 27 round .45 mags for mine. Why? Because right now I still can; looking a few years into the immediate future I can't be so sure.

Sure, bitch and moan about the snow all you want, but how else could you make snow angels before taking a ride on your very own mile-and-a-half long luge track?

Ernie, I have been reading your site for years but have never sent anything. My Aunt from Nebraska sent me this. It's a little gory but this lady was very lucky. "Here's the set-up: Insured is just leaving Alma, is about ¼ mile north of town and will be turning in a mile and a half to go home. It's 6:30 at night, and is dark. She is meeting a Impala coming from the north when the Impala strikes a deer. The deer is catapulted into her windshield head first. The deer's skull hits the steering wheel so hard that the wheel breaks in half. This also badly shatters the insured's wrist, but it certainly saves her life. Between the sharp edges of the steering wheel, the windshield, and not-so-sharp objects like a dome light, Bambi is disemboweled on the way through the vehicle. Yes, those are her glasses laying in that pile of venison. Insured had severe facial injuries with multiple fractures. But she is alive." -- Terry

It’s that time of the year again when all the peeps from the adult entertainment industry get together in Vegas for an Expo and without doubt, a great big orgy. Come on, you can’t have all these sex industry people in one place without epic amounts of sex. Numerous porn stars who appeared were at this years show included Diamond Kitty, Jenna Haze, Joanna Angel, Kagney Linn Karter, Kimberly Kane, Kirsten Price, Misty Stone, Raven Alexis, Sara Sloane, Savanna Samson, and Sunny Leone. Here're a few pics from this years Adult Entertainment Expo. believe it or not, they're safe for work.

Interviewer: Are you going to have to put Steve on a five second delay on (’American Idol’)?
Steven Tyler: Fuck, no. (Pauses) I question whether I should have done that just now.

Recently Obama announced that over the next 90-days he is going to work to cut 100-Million dollars of spending out of the Federal Budget. In just a minute and thirty-eight seconds, this A+ student visually explains the "100 Million Dollar Budget Cut." and shows how little that is. Tim

Two things I find most shocking about that video. First, the visualization of just how fucked up our national budget is. And secondly, unlike most of the other political bullshit that's floating around, the math is pretty much spot on. $100,000,000 / $3,500,000,000,000 = 0.00286%. So then 0.00286% x $100 (in pennies) = $0.0029 which is just a hair more than 1/4 of a penny. Kudos!

Hey correct me if I'm wrong but this is the tibialis anterior tendon, right?

meet the felon with the golden voice - australian boy has enormous brass balls

the history of the tv dinner -

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Yeah I Gotchu Fam Weeken...

So Where The Fuck Did EHOWA Go?...

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

... more ...


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