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Ernie's House of Whoopass! January 19, 2011
January 19, 2011

Fuck You, You Little Green Motherfucker.

So this morning I let the dogs out to 'water the lawn' and I see this little green caterpillar crawling its way up my screen door. I figure I'll be the nice guy and give it a lift over into some nearby bushes since being on the door leaves it pretty exposed to predators (and Bianca). So I reach down to give the little guy a lift and the instant I touch it, GOD COMES DOWN AND SMASHES MY FINGERS WITH A SHOVEL. What the FUCK?! I yelp out in pain and shake my hand like a motherfucker. Go to touch my fingertip to see whats wrong and AGAIN GOD COMES DOWN AND SHUTS MY FINGERS IN AN INVISIBLE CAR DOOR. What the fuck again. So if anyone happens to come across one of these little motherfuckers, my advice is to give them a wide, wide, wide berth. Poison spines my ass. Try spines of a thousand deaths. I had to go inside and look up urgent care for removing caterpillar spines.

A bunch of people wrote in yesterday and identified the sexy scientist.... turns out she's not a scientist at all, but a Belgium track star and fitness competitor named Sarah De Herdt. There are many, many, many naked pictures of this babe running around, so here are a few galleries [one - two - three - four] and of course the video in question. Needless to say all are not safe for work. She may not have the hottest boobs on television, but she's got a pretty rock solid body none the less. I have to be honest, I'd be a little afraid to fuck her. You see what I've always promised myself is that if I were every to get the chance to bed someone that hot or that famous, I'd kill themselves afterwards. You know, purely out of principle. But with her, I dunno man I'd be more worried about my own safety. Stay tuned, I'm pretty sure it's only a matter of time before she makes a video with Charlie Sheen.

All this squawking about banning high capacity handgun magazines is having some unintended consequences -- it seems I'm not the only one who figured now would be a good time to pick up a few extra high cap mags... you know, just in case. And the curious part is I had no desire to buy these at all, until the anti-gunners started raising hell about banning them. And please, lay off the Crocs.

Hey Big Ern! Long time reader, first time contributor... Thought you and my fellow readers would enjoy this! This is Canadian National locomotive number 2699. It is a 212 ton machine powered by a 183 liter, 4400 hp V16 4 stroke diesel Shortly before this picture was taken, while working under load, 2699 experienced what is known in the trade as a "catastrophic uncontained engine failure". The train was passing the town of Independence , LA, at the time. The first picture below shows that the engine exploded and one of the 16 cylinder-packs that form the engine was ejected through the engine bay body side and thrown clear of the locomotive. In addition to this the piston from that cylinder was thrown free by the force of the failure. It was ejected so violently that it traveled through the air and crashed through the roof of a nearby home where it embedded itself in an interior wall. Love the site and all the goofy pics! Keep it rolling! -Shawn

Big E! It's been awhile, hope all is well. Thanks for grossing me out today, but I think I got you beat on this one. The pretzel place just opened up in my hometown a few weeks before this happened, and I know the person this happened to. Here is the link to the news article. Peace! Oh by the way, as a native NJ/NY person, it was nice to see Brady almost crying Sunday... Kurt

Man I love the weird shit you can find on the internet. It really is one of my favorite investions of all time. But of course it's officially fucked now.

For example, Rubber is a 2010 French horror comedy film about a [wait I'll tell you what IT is in a minute] that comes to life and kills people with its psychic powers. The word of mouth on this movie is pretty good. Twitch Film gave the film a positive review saying, "The film is intellectual wankery of the highest order in the sheepskin of a B-film of the lowest order". The Huffington Post wrote that Quentin Dupieux, "succeeds in creating an entertaining, sometimes even tense horror film with the very same footage he lightly mocks. The result is an uber-cerebral spoof that is at once silly and smart, populist like a mildly trashy B-movie yet high brow like absurdist theater." Interested? You will be once you [see what IT] is.

Hi ernie I read with in the last year about a guy who got even with one of those send me money scams over a expensive computer and the guy who was getting screwed got revenge by sending a box where the scammer had to pay a high tax to get his package I wanted to read this but could not find it any help thanks love your site. Brian

Here is the Powerbook story that you are looking for.

One hundred years is a very long time. Yet in the hierarchy of modern marvels, the ability to recover and launch aircraft from the deck of a moving ship stands out as one of our most signature accomplishments. Which just goes to show you: Some tricks never grow old. Naval aviation was invented one hundred years ago, on January 18, 1911, when a 24 year-old barnstormer pilot named Eugene B. Ely completed the world's first successful landing on a ship. It happened in San Francisco Bay, aboard the crusier USS Pennsylvania, which had a temporary, 133-foot wooden landing strip built above her afterdeck and gun turret as part of the experiment.

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