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Ernie's House of Whoopass! February 11, 2011
February 11, 2011

California? Are You Sure You Didn't Mean Flori-duh?

An 83-year-old California man whose driver's license had been fucking suspended, drove on the wrong side of Interstate 5 near San Diego for several miles before a crash that tore his Ford F-150 in half. Clarence Kinney survived the crash with only minor injuries; his truck triggered a chain reaction crash that injured one other person and created a seven-mile backup on the freeway. How the fuck that guy survived that crash I'll never know. Hat tip to Ford, I guess, eh? The incident is again sure to raise questions about re-testing older drivers.

All fair and balanced jokes aside, I find the following quite entertaining. I'm serious when I say that despite what his producer thinks, and despite the fact that I rarely agree with him, I consider Bill O’Reilly to be an intelligent and incredibly well spoken individual. But Jesus Fucking Christ he's closed minded sometimes. Which is why this new meme struck me as being so funny. Thankfully Bill isn't a science teacher anywhere but I feel its worth pointing out that while Mars does indeed have two moons, I'll trust this NASA scientist when she tells me there is no Thor on Mount Olympus helping with the tides. You're welcome.

"Burial at Sea" by LtCol George Goodson, USMC (Ret)

In my 76th year, the events of my life appear to me, from time to time, as a series of vignettes. Some were significant; most were trivial. War is the seminal event in the life of everyone that has endured it. Though I fought in Korea and the Dominican Republic and was wounded there, Vietnam was my war. Now 37 years have passed and, thankfully, I rarely think of those days in Cambodia , Laos , and the panhandle of North Vietnam where small teams of Americans and Montangards fought much larger elements of the North Vietnamese Army. Instead I see vignettes: some exotic, some mundane. It was late 1967. I had just returned after 18 months in Vietnam. Casualties were increasing. I moved my family from Indianapolis to Norfolk, rented a house, enrolled my children in their fifth or sixth new school, and bought a second car. A week later, I put on my uniform and drove 10 miles to Little Creek, Virginia. I hesitated before entering my new office. Appearance is important to career Marines. I was no longer, if ever, a poster Marine. I had returned from my third tour in Vietnam only 30 days before. At 5'9", I now weighed 128 pounds – 37 pounds below my normal weight. My uniforms fit ludicrously, my skin was yellow from malaria medication, and I think I had a twitch or two ... ... ...

It's too long to post here in its entirety but trust me, you want to take a few minutes and read the rest of LtCol Goodson's remarkable story. Go ahead, I'll wait. Because next we talk about Irina Shayk, who is a Russian model known for her 2007 through 2010 appearances in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Shayk's father was a coal miner and died of pneumonia complications when she was 14, so growing up her family didn’t have any money and her mother had to work two jobs. It’s from her father that she got her unusual looks, she says, which often cause people to think she’s South American. Since 2010, she has been dating footballer Cristiano Ronaldo. At the end of the year she was pictured nude in GQ Spain; however, she claimed that she had never stripped, and that the magazine had digitally altered the images to remove her lingerie.

Sure, Johnny Mac can throw a football, but can he dodge a wrench?

Figured you probably have already seen this, but always looking to contribute I wanted to send it anyway. Have a good one -Don

And here are some photos of the upside locomotive -- UP 2370 - in better days.

One of the true gods of controversial, scathing comedy, Bill Hicks spent his entire short life performing, and pushing the boundaries of sensibility. He was one of the first and only comedians to publicly lampoon the Gulf War, and spent a decade of his career battling censorship issues over such subjects as the Resurrection and the handicapped. Described often as one of the darkest of comics, he even joked about his impending death while dying of cancer in the mid-nineties.

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