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Ernie's House of Whoopass! March 18, 2011
March 18, 2011

At's Not A Knife. This Is A Knife.

I found out why they banned guns in Australia. Turns out, they don't need em - NSFL. Jesus Christ man, trees, hippos, alligators... whatever. This thing will rip you a new asshole, that's for sure. I guess now we know where Crocodile Dundee bought his shit, eh? Bonus: play the "See The Outback in Action" video. It's not quite as macho as the Cold Steel products, but close. Dibs on the Two Handed Kukri Machete, by the way.

Speaking of which, each year when my birthday comes up people always write in, "Hey man, is there anything I can get you for your birthday?" I always give a polite no. That is, until this year. A new ladder rack for my truck? Thank you, but no. A Free BSD book? Thanks, but I'll pass. A new Spiderman bowling ball? Nah, I've kind of given up bowling for awhile. But this year, you can all chip in and buy me one of these. I guess you could say it's the really, really big brother to my TT. It's got a 5.2-liter V-10 engine that produces 560 horsepower with a top track speed of 199 mph, and a 0-62 mph time of 3.6 fucking seconds. Plus it's got all-wheel drive, so I'm safe in the thunderstoms that happen each summer. See, I'm sensible, too.

Ah, Jenny McCarthy, the madwoman from Illinois who started the stupidest nationwide panic on earth. Talk about abusing your position: model and professional actress McCarthy has been blacklisted by the general medical community ever since she decided to take to the screens and spout a hurricane of unfounded bull about the dangers of child vaccination. With this in mind, is there any real surprise that somewhere along the line the world's nuttiest broad would end up alarming us on Twitter? Of the many bizarre statements tweeted by her, the highlight surely has to be the following peach regarding her genitalia: "Is anyone else having a problem with their vagina today? I can't get service in certain parts of my house." But after seeing that Jenny can still rock a bikini, I'm still in a tossup as to whether Jim Carrey upgraded or not. Any thoughts?

Obama is continuing the East/West coast rap violence that culminated in the Biggie Pac and Tupac gang wars of the late 90s.

"This island, Hokkaido, looks like the head of a dragon with the body being the rest of Japan. The people of Asia have worshipped the dragon for 5,000 years. If one looks at the place where the earthquake took place, it looks like the soft underbelly of most vulnerable part of the dragon. Let's pray that the deep idolatry and the worship of hundreds of idols under the guise of Shintoism, Buddhism, and allegiances to being "sons of the dragon" will be broken and thousands will turn to the Lord."

Nuclear reactor aside, if you think it's going to take a long time for the Japanese people to recover from this earthquake/tsunami, you'd better think again. Here is a picture of the Okinawa Prefectural Road on 3/11 right after the earthquake, and and again on 3/15 around 1:00pm local time. Keep in mind that down here in Cape Coral, the construction on Santa Barbara Blvd has been going on for four years.

There are people who make a career of being an extra. Maybe not a career that spans decades, but close enough. Jesse Heiman's career is something different. Not quite a typical extra and not quite a character actor, this guy is all over the place. I guarantee you've seen him in half a dozen things at least, and once you start looking, you'll probably see him frequently.

[Regarding the 23 girls dressed as fairies post] Alyssa Milano is a Goth fairy!! fuck yeah! Bob

Brooke Long is a former Laker Girl and "Deal or No Deal" model has a taste for adventure -- bungee jumping, anyone? -- and a pair of killer blue eyes. You can also see her in Iron Man 2 - but before you try let me save you the time. I searched for brooke long topless and no dice, other than a few boobs-laying-down shots. Patience, Daniel-san, patience.

Found this stumbling some really nice pics. "Just got back from a trip to England, where I made a slight detour to visit the amazing Tank Museum in Bovington, Dorset. The variety of tanks on display there just boggles the mind! Described as the greatest collection of armoured vehicles anywhere, the crown jewels had to be the King Tigers, Tiger I, and Panther tanks of WWII Germany." Not 56k adviseable if anyone has that anymore. James, CT

I've always been an admirer of Nazi Germany's Jagdpanther anti-tank gun, so I got sucked into that site for a good thirty minutes. Which reminds me, if you watch Schindler's List backwards, it'ss the happy story of German soldiers rescuing Jews from an unproductive factory, nursing them back to health, clothing them, and helping them move into temporary living quarters in Warsaw. What, too soon? Fine, here's a video tour of the WWII Memorial and Artillery Museum in St. Petersburg, Russia.

a terribly sad day for men everywhere. sigh. kelly brook is pregnant.

40th anniversary of the computer virus - yeah, i'm watching you, motherfucker

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