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Ernie's House of Whoopass! March 24, 2011
March 24, 2011

I Hate People. So Fucking Much. I Really Do.

Trust me when I tell you that I'm the last person you ever want to be in charge of our nation's nuclear arsenal. Because the first thing I would do is unload every fucking thing we have, right back at ourselves. Why? Because we're all fucking assholes, that's why. And I would kill all of you if I could. Because with humans out of the picture, shit like this couldn't happen. I mean seriously, who the fuck starved a dog nearly death, and then throws the fucking dog down a trash chute? We do, that's who. So like Bender says, Kill All Humans. Pull out and nuke us from orbit, it's the only way to be sure. But before you do, take a minute to visit the website of the vet that's treating him. Luckily there's no super expensive surgery to pay for this time, so it's more routine care at this point. I kicked in $50, maybe you can spare a few bucks, too. They've also got a Facebook page set up, and a site with a few more pics here.

More stupid humans: For some unknown reason, three men filmed their pre-felony musings, which was later found in one perp's pocket after cops caught them in the act on December 6. Manatee County Sheriff’s Office deputies found four separate clips documenting the moments before the group allegedly robbed a marijuana plant from the Bradenton home of an acquaintance. In return for guilty pleas, prosecutors have offered each man a prison sentence of about 21 months, to be followed by three years probation, according to February 17 court filings. Those offers have not been accepted and trial dates have been set for the defendants, who are each free on bail.

But that's nothing. Even more stupid humans: On video, Susan Williams hands over photos of her husband, addresses of where he will be, plus a $500 deposit. At first, the mother of four only wants her husband hurt, but after learning she could have him killed for $20,000, a bargain in her mind, she allegedly takes it one step further planning for his murder. But poor mugshot photo aside, I'll admit that Susan Williams does have a little cougar look to her with all that dark hair. Not so much when it's pulled back, but I'm sure whe'll be looking to get laid around 2018 or so. Bonus: wicked, wicked hot daughter.

Ernie you pussy.... LMAO! I received a Nagant 91/30 for Fathers day a few years ago along with 2K rounds. This past Christmas I bought a M44 Nagant for my 13 year old son as well as 250 rounds of surplus Bulgarian. Since he only visits for a just a few days at Christmas we went to the range where he proceeded to shoot 125 rounds back to back. There were a few times it got so hot that the cosmoline was cooking out of the wood. He went home that night with a smile on his face and massive bruising on his shoulder. That night after dinner he asks if we can go to the range again tomorrow and shoot the remaining rounds. Attached are pics of his present and him last summer with my 91/30. Enjoy, Bill

Hi Ernie, Congratulations with a new rifle! I just thought I'd send you a tip about the old ammo you've purchased; the primers most likely contain mercury and will corrode your barrel rapidly. I know, because I got my hands on an old Mauser M98 carabine and a case full of ammo (The Germans were kind enough to tens of thousands of rifles behind in Norway, so they used to be cheap) and the corrosion damn near destroyed my rifle. Apparently, the best way of stopping the corrosion is not just to oil it, but rather to wash with warm water and dishwashing soap. Just suck the water up your barrel with a cotton swab on a cleaning rod a few times, dry it up and oil. And don't worry about the recoil, you'll get used to it quite soon if you keep practicing. Try wearing a stiff jacket, that takes the bite out of it; after all, it's only a 7.62x54R. Thanks for a great website! Best regards, Tore

Ernie, check out this Chuck Norris of the Tsunami. Sean

If you think cleaning the corrosive salts out of your Mosin barrel is difficult, why don't you try getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole damn family and have some real problems, jackass. Hey, what were they like anyway? They looked pretty good, are they real? Are they built for speed or comfort? What'd you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? And yes, that quote was from Wedding Crashers.

The first pictures have emerged of the Fukushima Fifty as steam starts pouring from all four reactors at the stricken nuclear power plant. Translation: we're all gonna fuckin die. Of radiation poisoning? No man, fuckin zombies. An alien-spawned, mysterious mist blankets the northern half of Japan, transforming those who inhale it into ravenous, flesh-eating zombies hell-bent on devouring the surviving human population. Plunged into chaos, Japan is torn in two--the southern half of the country, where the populace remains untouched by the deadly gas, lives behind a heavily-fortified wall, while the northern half is a lawless, zombie-infected wasteland. Bonus: One girl with a chainsaw sword.

Also, I would like to remind everyone that Firefox 4 is available for download. Come, join the Dark side. We have cookies.

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