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Ernie's House of Whoopass! April 06, 2011
April 6, 2011

Is It Me, Or Are We Seeing A Lot Of Corrupt Governors Lately?

You know one internet sensation that -- pardon the pun -- I just can't sink my teeth into? Epic Meal Time. I just can't do it. I mean they started out with some pretty creative shit at the beginning -- the Sloppy Roethlisberger, the Meatball Deathstar. But at some point, they've just run out of different stuff to eat. It's kind of like the show Fear Factor -- they started out with some genuinely creative challenges at first, like driving cars under moving tractor-trailers, jumping off skyscrapers, and eating live crickets. But soon the show deteriorated into making contestants eat whatever disgusting stuff anybody could find. I can't help but feel that EMT is following in the same footsteps. I mean I can go to my refrigerator and take out virtally everything in there, cook it and jam it between a hambuger bun, but how does that make me creative? How does that make people want to watch it and call it original? Fuck man, they were even featured on Leno awhile back. What's the draw? I just don't get it.

Meanwhile everyone and everyone is bitching because they're too fat -- or even worse -- embracing their fatness and shooting up with insulin, all the while counting down the days until their first heart attack. And far be it from me to point fingers -- I've got a few pounds I can lose as well -- but if you're so fucking fat that your dance partner drops you on live television, maybe it's time to go back to Jenny Craig, eh?

I don't speak German but ... to quote Beavis and Butthead, "Heh heh heh heh Heh heh heh heh heh heh!" Charley

Was sent this link from Decorah IA that has a 24 hour live webcam in an bald eagle's nest. The chicks are hatching this weekend and they have a Youtube video documenting the first "Pip and hatch." -JJ

Hey Ernie. I'd like to share my TDA story with you and my fellow readers. In 2001, I was in the process of getting my motorcycle license and was in line at the DMV in Arizona. Next in line for the riding course was this guy on a Harley Sportster. I could tell this guy was feeling cocky just by his body language. I was close enough to hear the instructor ask him where his helmet was and the TDA's answer was that he didn't need a helmet (Arizona does not have a mandatory helmet law). Then the instructor asked him if he was ready to take the test and the guy said yes. The instructor went over the course safety rules and notified the TDA that if he dropped the bike during the test, that it was an automatic fail. The TDA nodded and the instructor told him to start with the slalom part of the course when he was ready. TDA started the bike, let off the clutch and promptly dropped the bike. TDA didn't even get around the first cone before his test was over. Everybody heard TDA scream "SHIT" as he stood over his bike. The instructor helped lift the bike up and told TDA to meet him under the canopy. The instructor said that TDA failed the riding test and that if TDA wanted to, he could retake the test another day. This is the point in time where TDA became MRR (Mr. Responsible Rider). MRR told the instructor that he was not going to retake any test. Instead, MRR told the instructor that he was going to sign up for a motorcycle rider's training course. That TDA was me. I learned a very important lesson that day. Just because someone has been "riding" dirt bikes most of his adolescent years, does not make him an expert rider for street machines. I was cocky. I was invincible. I owned a Harley Fucking Davidson, for crying out loud! That test changed me. Now, I am careful. I am hyper-aware of my surroundings when I ride. I don't care what bike ride, just that you ride safe. Ride Safe, EHOWA. Dave in L.A.

Well, it looks like everything is falling into place for my master plan. Hulu seems to be poised to stick around for awhile, the Raiders have been humiliated, and a third Bill and Ted movie. And it's just in the nick of time too, since it looks like Captain Trips seems to be lurking right around the corner.

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