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Ernie's House of Whoopass! May 18, 2011
May 18, 2011

I Would Have Thought She Would Be Much, Much, Much Hotter.

You know, a starstruck, young and impressionable athlete like Simona Halep. She's a world top-100 tennis player playing on the ITF Women's Circuit and the WTA Tour, and is currently the number-three ranked woman's tennis player in Romania. Halep started playing tennis at age four, in emulation of her older brother. She has self-described her playing style as being "an aggressive baseliner," while New York Times columnist Michael Kimmelman described her as "a scrappy player from Romania, short but with potent ground strokes and a scrambler's talent." The Romanian busted out at the 2008 French Open, where her ample 34DD breasts attracted ample attention. But Halep's notorious chest caused her, "severe back pain," so she had her abundant breasts surgically reduced in July of 2009, dropping her from from a 34DD cup to 34C. So if you'll all bow your heads in a moment of silence for this senseless tragedy, here is a photo gallery dedicated to Halep's pre-July 2009 34DD hotness.

This is interesting. People -- and especially women -- are really, really good at feigning disinterest. Anything signs short of the woman outright grabbing your man tackle will be lost on most guys. But recently some experts suggect this: watch her feet. Apparently, people aren't as conscious of their foot movements as they are of other parts of their body, and so their feet can unconsciously send messages about themselves. They did a study at the University of Manchester (located 163 miles from IBM building in London) on this very issue, studying subjects' foot movements in various social situations. Specifically, they found if a woman moves her feet apart to adopt a more open-legged stance, it generally means that she's into you. However, if she finds you utterly repulsive, she will likely cross her legs or keep them tucked underneath her body. I'll let you figure out the symbolic meaning of those gestures.

"My dad is 81 years old. I'm teaching him how to use the internet. I told him twitter was how to search things on Google. These tweets are what he's searching."

Here is a bit more info on her Ernie. Looks like the udders are gone. Lee

Well, I guess I can safely call off my pending nuptuals to Ting and move on to Simona? Not that I had the chance to actually go through with the proposal yet, anyway. Even though I had a nice ring all picked out, I just couldn't think of a creative way to propose -- even after a visit the Love Guru! I mean Christ, this shit isn't brain surgery right? Or is it? Anyway, before this makes its way around the internet, prepare yourself for the, "Why can't you be more like that guy?" argument with your better half. A guy comes up with -- what even I'll admit -- is the coolest wedding proposal ever. I guess making a nice romantic dinner just isn't enough anymore, eh? Also to his credit? The chick has a pretty decent set of cans.

Hey Ernie, In case you haven't been deluged with 3000 emails - The picture of the "Do not turn off the fan" girl is Janessa Brazil. Following link is from that photo shoot. Cheers, Jeremy

Since the trend of sex toys from porn stars became popular, I always wondered how they imitate porn star's body parts into the actual sex toy. A big thanks to Topco Sales, one of the largest sex toy manufacturers in the world, for the enlightening my curiosity. Here are videos of three super hot porn stars -- Veronica Ricci, Alexis Ford and Taylor Vixen -- being molded for Topco Sales. In related news, I submitted my resume to Topco this morning.

Out of curiosity, I wonder what's the safer way to travel around the tropics? By kayak or by ferry?

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Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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So Where The Fuck Did EHOWA Go?...

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