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Ernie's House of Whoopass! June 2, 2011

June 2, 2011

No, The Other Kind Of Shuttle.

Well, now that Endeavour has safely returned to Earth with all souls aboard, the story of the Space Shuttle program is almost at an end. The Endeavour was built entirely from spare parts by the way, coddled together after the Challenger explosion in 1986. Who knows if they have any spare parts after Columbia disintegrated during re-entry after losing some of its thermal tiles. And if Endeavour's three fuel pumps were used to pump water instead of fuel, each could drain a typical swimming pool in 75 seconds. The orbiter is named after the British HMS Endeavour, the ship which took Captain James Cook on his first voyage. This is why the name is spelled in the British English manner (endeavo-u-r), rather than the American English version (endeavor). Later next month, somewhere in the neighborhood of July 8th of this year, the Atlantis will be making its final journey into space and closing the Shuttle program's final chapter along with it. At first I was pretty pissed off at the realization that NASA had no follow up replacement for the current orbiters. You know, I wanted the top secret X-71's Freedom and Independence from Armageddon to come rolling out onto the tarmac for all the world to see. But I suppose my positioned weakened a little bit when I watched SpaceShipTwo's first feathered flight, so I dunno, maybe we're on the right track. But for now, we depend on the Ruskies -- this set of pictures of an abandoned Russian space shuttle project facility were taken by a photographer who was given a private tour of the Baikonur cosmodrome that was home to the project named: Energia-Buran – the Soviet response to our shuttle program.

Horace Greasley was a 20-year-old Czechoslovakian hairdresser when Hitler invaded his country and he was forced to enlist in the army. It turns out cutting hair doesn't translate well to fighting Nazis because Horace was immediately taken prisoner on his first mission and sent to a POW camp in Poland. Most people in this situation would be too distracted by the abject horror of being a Nazi prisoner of war to be on the lookout for the ladies. Most people aren't Horace Greasley. Greasley met Rosa Rauchbach -- the young daughter of the quarry director of his labor camp -- and they quickly fell for each other. Greasley decided fuck it, if he's going out, he's going out in style: by having kinky prisoner sex. But after almost a full year of salacious boning right under the Nazi's noses, Greasley was transferred to a different camp, and that's where this story goes from merely awesome to balls-out insane.

Have you ever heard someone use the expression, "That girl has got hits as big as her head!" Well, guess what.

Hiya Ernie, I've been a long-time reader (back to the stick-figure days) and have contributed on occasion as well - the last one you published was the $1200 fox-tail in my dog Lucky's nose. Anyway, I saw your post on hot peppers/capsaicintoday and thought I'd let you know that I have been making hot sauce for about 7 years now - I'm in the process of taking it pro, working with a co-packer to get it professionally manufactured - a long, slow process since I'm working with a smallish company. I feel fortunate to have gotten my trademark, since "Lucky Dog" is a frequently used pairing of words, but apparently I'm the 1st in the condiment/hot sauce space to try it. So about the capsaicin - I'm all about the flavor and refuse to add pure capsaicin as I feel like that's cheating. Moreover, I try to make the most versitile and flavorful sauce imaginable, and just don't understand the trend of trying to out-hot everyone else. Once you've wrecked your taste buds, what's the fucking point if you can't taste the food you put it on? My sauce is meant as a condiment for food, not to try to win a dorm bet or fuck over your brother-in-law. For now I hand-craft each batch. I fire roast my peppers and roast my garlic to produce a well rounded and complex sauce. It's more of a "hot pepper sauce" than a "hot sauce". I've been selling small batches through FB to my "fans" and I've rapidly hit the supply & demand ceiling - I typically sell out batches within 24 hours of announcing them these days. I also do a lot of barter with it - hair-cuts, beef jerky (Green Light Jerky is a big fan and his jerky is amazing). Since it's been a bit profitable, I've started sending care packages to random US servicemen & women who are in harm's way. I got the idea from a buddy stationed in Korea, as he begged me for some sauce complaining that military food is really bland since they need to cook for the lowest common denominator. His whole unit went nuts for it so I kept sending more over - then it occurred to me that soldiers in Afghanistan & Iraq might also appreciate some spice to their food, so I found a site called http://www.anysoldier.com - they provide random addresses of volunteers in units of all branches of the military who are in harm's way. I've sent 3 packages now and intend on sending one with every batch of sauce I make. You can check out my hot sauce progress and see some batches-in-the-works photos on Facebook here. Best, Scott Z, Lucky Dog Hot Sauce

(Better late than never) In the wake of Osama Bin Laden's death, Muslims have gone on the rampage in Detroit killing anyone who's Caucasion. Police fear the death toll could rise as high as 2. Jon

Hey I'm not racist but that Detroit joke was funny. And while this guy may look all carefree in his cummerbuns and bowtie, remember he is a trained professional. So if you're going to do any extreme canoeing, please, wear a life jacket.

Everybody swings and misses on occasion, but if you're stuck below the Mendoza Line, it's time to switch up your approach. Learning these five mistakes won't guarantee you get the girl every time, but your average is sure to climb if you avoid the Panhandler Syndrome. And, please, don't offer to buy her a drink.

Calcinosis is the formation of calcium deposits in any soft tissue. Calcinosis cutis (or cutaneous calcification) is a type of calcinosis wherein calcium deposits form in the skin. A variety of factors can result in this condition. The most common source is dystrophic calcification, which occurs in soft tissue as a response to injury. The lumps may break through the skin and leak a chalky white liquid. These most commonly occur on the hands, or near joints such as elbows or knees, although they may appear anywhere.

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