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Ernie's House of Whoopass! June 3, 2011
June 3, 2011

Camouflage Is The New Black.

With gas prices finally starting to creep back from their recent peak, now seems like a pretty good time for me share my opinion on Bubba Trucks. What are Bubba trucks? This is a Bubba Truck. And listen, you can bubba up your Bubba truck all you want; I don't give a damn. Want to jack your shit up two feet, slap on some awesome 52" tractor tires, and slather everything in camouflage? Hey man, go for it. Just so long as you can afford to maintain your shit. I don't want to pull up along side the same truck after a year and see this or this. If you can't afford to buy new tires when yours have become unsafe, because you're pouring all your hard earned money into your gas tank, then maybe you shouldn't have bubba'd you shit up in the first place. Maybe instead of Realtree seat covers, and Realtree vent visors, and Realtree tool box, and Realtree bug shield, and Realtree fender flares, and Realtree shifter boots, and Realtree tailgate wraps, you can pick up a new set of fucking Michelins. Because I'm the guy you're almost hydryplaned into when that last thunderstorm cames rolling in. So if you can't afford to maintain your vehicle, then perhaps you might want to consider stepping down to something smaller and more affordable. I know, you're worried about your pride, right? Listen, tell people whatever you have to, in order to save face. The bank reposessed it. It was too tall for your garage. You slipped a disc in your back and can't climb into it anymore. Whatever. Just get your shit squared away. It's called priorities, you dumbasses.

Old and busted: The Horse Whisperer and for that matter, The Dog Whisperer, too. The new hotness: The Shark Whisperer. "C'mon sharkey, c'mon, c'mon!" What the fuck lady, are you nuts?

There's something about Latin women that drives us crazy. Take the Panamaniam Women's Cricket Team, for example. Luckily for us the sports world is teeming with sexy Latinas, whether they're athletes, WAGs, or even sportscasters. For a quick history lesson, the region is named Latin America because the languages spoken there (Spanish, Portuguese, French) are based on Latin. The region known as Latin America encompasses Mexico, the Caribbean, and South America. Plenty of places from which to choose the sexiest Latinas of the sports world.

Long time reader, blah, blah, blah, I figured that it was my turn to contribute.... Maybe a little too much Bear Grylls? Drinking his own urine? I mean, he was in a swamp for Christsakes. I guess its possible that the water had dried up, but then by definition it wouldn't be a swamp. Anyways, love the site! ken

Hey Ernie, Love your site! A couple months ago, you had a pic of a receipt for steak and lobster paid for with food stamps. I wonder if this guy lost his receipt? Craig

Boy it sure feels good knowing that somebody finally caught up to that asshole. Kudos to the Menominee County Sheriff's Office and before you look, I already did and no their website doesn't have a mugshot gallery.

Generally I hate celebrities telling me what to do; who to vote for, what causes to get involved with, what countries to support. But, when that celebrity is the only guy on the planet who banged both Britney Spears and Jessica Biel, I guess I can hear him out.

Young couple put video their dog popping balloons. They forgot to put away the dildo. They then posted to Youtube (at the :28 second mark). Thank you reddit for this gem. Tim

How to handle Rep. Weiner's "Weinergate" - turn him over to Ms. Ballbricker! Keep up the good work! John

Ahhh, Porky's one of my favorite movies. I remember beating off to the Lassie scene more than once. It was procuced by Don Carmody, who went on to produce The Boondock Saints (great movie), 3000 Miles to Graceland (another great movieand The Boondock Saints II, which sucked. In fact, the only redeeming quality of the sequal was Julie Benz, who did a lot of screaming and crying in Rambo. And so, I'll catch you on the flip side, Dr. K.

leslie nielsen's final fart joke - your house is burning, what do you save?, the world's first and only truly free adult megasite. NSFW.

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