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Ernie's House of Whoopass! June 9, 2011
June 9, 2011

No, I'm Taking The Day Off. No, I am. No, I am. No, Me. No, Me.

You know, at first I was going to take a day off, but I remembered that I can't be out of the office the same day as Ferris Bueller. And since he called out first, here I am.

Anyway, Liam Neeson was on my mind this morning. No, not like that, you homo. I had just read that Hollywood has given the full on green light to make a sequel to Taken, which I think is one of the better action movies that's come out in a long time. The whole, "man with a particular set of skills," scene? Outrageously cool, even when done by old people. And I've always felt bad for Neeson ever since his wife Natasha Richardson cashed in her chips after bonking her head. Plus before acting, he used to drive a forklift at the Guinness brewery? Pffft, I'm sold. So over on List Gazette -- where I try to keep most of the Top-X-Lists -- I just highligted an article titled, "10 Great Moments in Liam Neeson Badassery. Oh, and William G. Hillar, a self-proclaimed expert on counter-terrorism who often lectured to US government agencies over 12 years ending in 2011, including the Federal Bureau of Investigation, claimed that the film was based on a real life incident which claimed the life of his daughter. Hillar is not credited in the film's credits, does not appear to have lost a daughter to sex traffickers, and has been exposed as a complete fraud.

Do you remember the game Hungry Hungry Hippos from when you were a kid? Do you also remember that old saying, what goes in must come out? Exactly.

You should actually thank the great state of Florida for allowing that shit to go on by not having yearly state safety inspection for cars and trucks. It should be a crime to drive a car or truck with tires like that, totally uncalled for by putting innocent peoples lies at risk. Living in New Hampshire and working in mass for a garage i am very familiar with both states inspection laws ( they really suck ass ) but they serve a very good purpose and that is getting the pieces of shit off the road and keeping the rest of the shit semi safe. You think those tires are bad Ernie? If you saw the underside of many of those cars riding next to you i think you would shit. I can only imagine how many ball joints and tie rod ends are falling out or so loose you have almost 90 degree play in the wheel because they are not forced to fix there shit at least once a year. A ball joint snapping or a tie rod falling out at speed will kill you and others pretty quick. I have seen the pictures of your truck and from your previous post know you take good care of it. Unfortunately don't bring it back up north cause it wont be legal with your frame repair and body rot repair, Mass has gotten super strict on rot. Any frame repair at all due to rot is a automatic failure no questions asked. any rot holes failure. any rust falling out from under car or from rocker panels or shit like that, failure. Check engine light on Failure. I dont agree with a lot of what both these states fail for but for christ sake at least have a min safety inspection for tires suspension steering and brakes. - Kerry

I know that as of right now -- well actually as of about two years ago -- my truck would never ever pass a Massachusetts state inspection ever again. Aside from the ABS no longer working -- although its not required to in order to pass inspection -- mechanically it's in tip top shape. From the engine all the way through the entire driveline is solid as a rock. But when I shut the doors, the lower parts of the door skin rattle because the bottoms have rusted apart. When I close the hood, a tiny avalanche of rust bounces down through the front bumper assembly. So far the frame repair I had done last year seems to be holding its own, but I know Big Red has got a finite lifespan thanks to the salty New England winter roads. It gets me kind of bitter when I think about it; the same people who salt the roads that causes the your car to rust, can fail you for having a rusty car.

Attention Navy guys. Or, anyone with some maritime experience, I suppose. This ship in the background -- is it the stern of a warship (i.e. the helo deck) or is it a small civilian frighter? I can't tell.

The angry drunk's guide to the perfect martini: mix 4 parts gin over 1 part vermouth in a glass of ice, then strain it like a dying relationship. Pour into a cocktail glass shaped like the breast of the woman you love, and cold like her eyes on the day she left. There's no classier method of obliterating your consciousness may be had. Enjoy!

After viewing some link on your page, I ran right out and took advantage of the Arby's $5 5 roast beef sammich offer. Thanks, Eric

Ernie, A friend of mine is working on an indie film that might be right up your alley. They just released the trailer on YouTube. Here's the link, check it out if you get a chance. Zombie eXs - Teaser Trailer - "In a time of the zombie apocalypse, 2 best friends will save the world... a 3rd is just along for the beer." Dave

If you don't know who Biba Golic is, you just don't get it, do you? She's a "professional" ping-pong player. She's been referred to as the Anna Kournikova of table tennis, which I'm sure is not meant to praise her abilities. She played at Texas Wesleyan on a table tennis scholarship, which I didn't even know you could do. She's Croatian, she's 33, and she's hot enough to get by on her looks alone.

Before you view this last picture, do this. Hold your breath. For as long as you can. Until you see stars. Then try to go a little longer. Just a little longer. Just a little bit. Okay, now click this.

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old and busted: 150mph on a motorcycle. the new hotness: 150mph on a motorcycle. buckass naked.

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