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Ernie's House of Whoopass! June 13, 2011
June 13, 2011

Diamonds Are Forever. And So Are Fake Tits.

Just a quite note on Debbie the crazy cat girl. Much like the girl who praised God after the Japanese tsunami, this Debbie video was indeed a spoof. In fact if you look at her Youtube Profile, you'll see her name is really Cara Hartmann, and she's a fucking genius. Why a genius, you might ask? Well, since she owns the video, she gets to draw Google/Youtube ad revenue from it. Let's assume a rather modest pay rate of $0.35 CPM (cost per 1,000 displays) -- since her video is about online dating, she's probably getting a better rate than that, but let's stay conservative in our estimates. As of this morning she was up to 5,300,000 views, so 5,300 x $0.35 = she's just shy of $2,000 in ad revenue. And it took her two and a half minutes to earn. So like it or not, you've got to give the girl a hand. Keep that in mind as you're facing just the start of a very long work week.

Also in the lots-of-money-for-not-much-work department, German basketball player Dirk Nowitzki was named the playoff's Most Valuable Player, after his team the Dallas Mavericks defeated Lebron James' Miami Heat. Nowitzki is the first European to ever win this award and was unbelievable in the Playoffs, averaging 52.6 points per game. So just for the record, Tiger Woods (black) is one of the greatest golfers ever, Dirk Nowitzki (white) is currently the best basketball player in the world, and Barack Obama (black) is the President. Does this mean we can finally get rid of affirmative action now?

Old and busted: a little gosling trying to stay awake. The new hotness cuteness: a little ducking trying to stay awake.

Robert Remus is an American former WWE personality, and semi-retired professional wrestler better known by the ring name Sergeant Slaughter. Sgt. Slaughter held numerous regional titles early in his career and experienced his first major success in the National Wrestling Alliance (NWA) capturing the NWA World Tag Team Championship with Don Kernodle. He then signed with the WWF and was pushed as a heel. Between 1980 and 1981, Slaughter wrestled in the WWF under the guidance of the Grand Wizard. He quickly rose to the status of number one contender on the strength of his "Cobra Clutch" challenges where he would seat wrestlers in a chair in the ring, and apply the hold, offering $5000 to anyone who could break it. He would eventually face Bob Backlund for the World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight Championship across the WWF territory in 1980, earning two-or-three main event matches in most markets. Slaughter then engaged in a feud with Pat Patterson, which stemmed from Slaughter calling Patterson "yellow" and offering him $10,000 (double the usual amount) to try and break the cobra clutch. Patterson accepted on television and was escaping from the hold when Slaughter released it and put a beat-down on Patterson, starting a hot feud which culminated in an "Alley Fight" in New York City's Madison Square Garden. However, his career took off after he turned face and defended America's honor against the hated Iron Sheik in 1984. Slaughter and the Iron Sheik engaged in many matches throughout 1984, culminating in a boot camp match which took place before a sold out Madison Square Garden that summer. However, with the emergence of Hulk Hogan as the WWF Champion and lead face within the company, Slaughter left for the AWA. On Vince McMahon's McMahon DVD, Slaughter said he was fired by McMahon in Toronto after no-showing an event in protest of McMahon's refusal to give him six weeks of paid vacation. Other interviews with Slaughter and McMahon have revealed that Slaughter left the company more over a dispute that emerged due to the WWF not allowing Slaughter's role in the G.I. Joe toy line. At the time of his departure Slaughter was easily the second biggest "face" in the company, surpassing "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka, and even André The Giant, with his popularity rivaling that of Hulk Hogan's.

They don't cover the .45 Auto round. Ballistic Effects: 9mm to 50 Cal. You quickly see why our troops hate the M-16/M-4. No 'Knock Down' power. Joel

Many,many,many tasteless stories. From orange seepage to tearing the shit stained kotex that got stuck to her vagina off in a clean rip. Thanks for all the comedy relief/boobies in my life and keep up the great charity work. Shane

Hey Ernie, saw this on ebay . Wonder whats wrong with his grandma's vagina? Rob

Speaking of vaginal surgeries, ATTENTION ARBY'S CUSTOMERS. Vaginoplasty is a plastic surgery reconstructive procedure for correcting the defects and deformities of the vaginal canal and its mucous membrane, and of vulvogainal structures that might be absent or damaged because of congenital disease or because of an acquired cause (e.g. physical trauma, cancer, herpes, etc). This should not be confused with labiaplasty, which is plastic surgery of either the labia majora or the labia minora or both — the external folds of skin surrounding the structures of the vulva — in order to reduce the size of elongated labia. The medical and sociologic reasons for labial reduction include the correction of labial damage occurred during childbirth, the elimination of pain and discomfort consequent to larger and enlarged labia, and for personal, aesthetic reasons, as cosmetic surgery. Now I know you guys in the Roast Beef Club would probably consider that one of the most ridiculous plastic surgeries known to man, but to me, I'd probably pick breast reduction for that honor. Besides, does anyone else remember the joke with the punchline, "like a bulldog with mayonnaise coming out of its nose."

And dear blonde lady with big tits: when you're trying to take a picture of you and your fellow big titted friend, the camera faces towards you, not away.

astonishing pictures show how japan is recovering just three months after tsunami

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