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E R N I E ' S H O U S E O F W H O O P A S S
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June 14, 2011 | |||
Happy Flag Day. And No, He Didn't Ring Any Fucking Bells, Either..In the United States, Flag Day is celebrated on June 14. It commemorates the adoption of the flag of the United States, which happened that day by resolution of the Second Continental Congress in 1777. The June 14 date is also when Congress adopted "the American continental army" after reaching a consensus position in The Committee of the Whole. In 1916, President Woodrow Wilson issued a proclamation that officially established June 14 as Flag Day; in August 1949, National Flag Day was established by an Act of Congress. Man, you germans just can't get the hang of this blimp thing, can you? You know it's funny. Hardcore liberals call me a conservative asshole. Hardcore conservatives call me a bleeding heart liberal. I guess I'm doing something right, eh?
Ring the bell, fuckface, school is in. Of the thirteen years I lived in the Boston area, six of them were at Hanscom AFB. Right outside of the Route 2A gate, and I mean within 1/8th of a mile to the entrance is where Paul Revere was captured. There is of course a monument and a museum and a few National Park Rangers giving tours and whatnot. I've always been an armchair historian on wars, WWII being my personal favorite but with being so close to where the Revolutionary War began, I took interest in that as well. I had the chance to speak with several of the Rangers on occasion; a few times when I first got there, and again every time friends and family visited because it was the touristy thing to do. Mix in some tours of the Olde North Church, the South Meeting Hall, the old State House, Fanuel Hall... and while I'm no Cliff Claven, I'd like to think I can hold my own. So if my nieces or nephews asked me to explain what happened with Paul Revere -- and I'm doing this from off the cuff memory, no research -- I guess it would go something like this: For starters, what you read in Henry Longfellow's poem isn't really what happened. It's nice and its romantic and it rhymes, but it's not to be taken literally. For example, Paul Revere himself never once actually saw any lanterns in the tower of the Olde North Church, nor did he ride through any towns screaming, "The British Are Coming!" Paul Revere was also a member of a rebel group called The Sons of Liberty. He was also a 40 year man whose wife and newborn son had just died, so he was angry and bitter and had a lot of time on his hands. Typical members of the Sons of Liberty were from all walks of life, from stable hands all the way up to doctors and lawyers. Early in April of 1775, The Sons paired two 30 men (15 groups of 2) to spy on a British encampment in what is now the Boston Common. Just before midnight on the 15th they saw signs the Brits were getting ready to mobilize. Revere' brought this to the attention of his Sons of Liberty boss, named Joseph Warren, a local doctor. The next day on the 16th, Warren ordered Revere to head to Lexington so he could warn John Hancock and Samuel Adams that the British were headed their way very soon. Despite what you read in history books, this is the actual ride that warned the Minutemen of the impending British advance. It was made during the daytime, with no screaming or yelling. It allowed armed guards to be set up to protect that house where Hancock and Adams were staying, plus move some half a dozen artillery pieces out of danger of being captured. Now back some two hundred years ago, there was no Route 1 Tobin bridge going over the Charles River, so the British had two choices if they wanted to move their forces from the south shore of the river, over to the north shore. (A) They could stick everybody on boats or (B) they could march westward where the river narrowed and could be crossed by a footbridge. Since the Boston was under British control and the Revolutionaries couldn't afford to let the Brits know we had figured out their plan, it was agreed upon that a visual queue would be used to indicate which. Lanterns would be hung in the belltower of the Olde North Church, and this is what gives credence to, "one if by land, two if by sea." Now since Revere didn't have any home life (dead family) he was able to devote more time to spying on the British than some others. And even though he wasn't supposed to be on watch again until two weeks later, there he was on the evening of April 18 watching the British troops marching towards the north shore -- they were coming to board man-o-wars and sail to the north shore of the river (TWO IF BY SEA!). Revere alerted Joseph Warren, who made a tremendously smart move. He dispatched not one, not two but THREE alerts. He called for two lanterns to be displayed in the tower, and dispatched Revere AND another rider, William Dawes. Revere was to cross the river by boat and ride north then west to Lexington, Dawes to ride west through (what is now) Waltham and then north to Lexington. When Revere's boat made it to the opposite shore, he saw no lanterns in the tower. But he didn't need to, since he knew what to do anyway. He did as he had been ordered to and rode to give warning to Hancock and Adams. So his ride on the 16th was the real warning, "The British are coming, so get ready to move," and his famous ride two days later on the 18th was, "Okay, it's go-time, motherfuckers." He arrived in Lexington and guess what -- the armed guards almost shot him thinking he was British. But they didn't and Revere was able to give Hancock & Adams time to escape. Half an hour after his arrival, Hawes arrived as well -- so if Revere had ridden a little slower or had been captured, William Hawes would be the name we all know, instead of Paul Revere. Anyway, Revere and Hawes started to head back to Boston, heading south from Lexington to Concord. But they only made it halfway when they were charged by two British officers. The pair rode off, splitting up and while Hawes escaped, Revere through dumb bad luck, happened upon half a dozen more British officers. Officers who by the way weren't looking for him -- but deserters from the British army. They interrogated Revere and threatened to kill him if he lied even once. This was a time when honor meant a lot, so Revere answered all of their questions truthfully, including leading them back to the house where Hancock and Adams once were. Only since both had been given time to escape, it didn't make any difference. There was gunfire at the Brits arrival, only it wasn't directed at them, but to serve as a warning to Revolutionists in the area. The Brits realized the alarm had been sent out and after stealing Revere's horse, rode away to warn their side that Americans knew the jig was up. The End. Now that I'm done, I can actually look around online and realize I forgot a few things: Revere was chased and almost captured on his second ride out to Lexington, Joseph Warren was a surgeon (not just a doctor), that Revere was joined on his return trip by Samuel Prescott, that he and William Dawes were orignally captured right alongside Paul Revere but managed to escape, the house than Hancock/Adams were hiding out at wasn't Hancock's at all but that of the Reverend Jonas Clarke.... just to name a few. Point being, my memory is pretty good, but not perfect. Bygones. Anyway let's not trust my booze soaked memory, let's read about what happened to Paul revere, in Paul Revere's own words:
Now maybe I'm taking this a little personally because I lived in that area for so long. And unfortunately, there are only a small handful of things that people remember regarding the American Revolution: the city of Boston (the Boston Tea Party, the Boston Massacre), the year 1776, and a few names (Paul Revere being among them). Anything that doesn't fit into that little box gets twisted and folded until it does. I think that if you were to give an immigration citizenship test to the average person on the street, we'd consider ourselves lucky if we maintained a C average. When was the Declaration of Independence signed? 1776. When was the Constitution written? 1776. When was the Bill of Rights adopted? 1776. What year was the Liberty Bell forged? 1776. What year was Washington elected as our first President? 1776. But it's completely understandable to not know the exact role that Revere played that night -- again, most people only know what they've heard in Longfellow's poem. But I think a much better -- and more respectable answer might have been for her to have responded, "Well you know, I'm not entirely sure of all the things Paul Revere did that night, so one of the things I was hoping to accomplish during this trip was to separate fact from fiction and get a better understanding of our American heritage, and I encourage others to do the same." Instead? Call it a brain fart, call it a mental mix up, slip of the tongue, misunderstanding the question, whatever..... and I hate to crush your spirit Glenn, but yes, but Palin royally fucked the dog on this one. Getting that deer in the headlights look and spewing out a few key words such as: 'Revere' and 'British' and 'warning' and 'riding his horse' and 'gonna be free' -- amongst an avalanche of other mindless off topic drivel, does not make her anywhere near accurate in my book. If I gave that answer on an 3rd grade grade history test, I'd fucking fail. You know why? Because it's fucking retarded, that's why. Not in any way, shape or form can the bullshit that spews out of her mouth -- "He warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms, by ringing those bells. And making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were gonna be free." -- be loosely translated as accurate. And any fucking clown who tries to massage a wrong answer into some thinly veiled hint of the truth is a fucking idiot and deserves their own a clown song, you included. Otherwise I suppose one could say the Titanic wasn't a complete failure because hey, some seven hundred people ultimately made it to New York, right? You fucking moron.
I hate those yellow ribbon magnets because the only people who benefit from them are the fucking Chinese who make them. Oh, and here's an entire article written about Natalie Portman's ass, including charts and graphs. You're welcome. When we think of MMA Ring Girls – or Octagon Girls, as they are referred to in the wasteland – Arianny Celeste is the first name that comes to mind despite the many other gorgeous women who have graced us with their presence in the octagon over the years. But although Arianny may be sitting comfortably at the top of the MMA Ring Girl hierarchy at the moment, she may want to look out for a sexy, blond up-and-comer by the name of Kelli Hutcherson. Take a look at the images of Miss Strikeforce 2011 and you will know exactly what I'm talking about. so long, liberty belle, we hardly knew ye - inside the officer of aol (21 pictures) a behind the scenes look at how chrysler broke away from government control |
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