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Ernie's House of Whoopass! June 15, 2011
June 15, 2011

So I Was Catching Up On My Ally McBeal This Morning...

Ha! Ha! Ha! I couldn't even finish that sentence. No seriously, I tried and snorted so hard I spent the next ten minutes cleaning snot out of my mustache. But in all honesty I did watch it when it first came out because right along with Aaron Sorkin, I'm normally a fan of David E Kelley's stuff. It started off with Peter MacNichol playing The Eel on Chicago Hope, graduated on to my crush on Lindsey Dole from The Practice, to Portia De Rossi's beautiful head of hair on Ally McBeal, to Jeri Ryan's more than ample Boston Public bosum, and finally Denny Crane from Boston Legal. They were all wonderfully written shows with very talented actors and dare I say some nice eye candy. So what in the fuck he was thinking with Wonder Woman, I'll never know. Sure, Adrianne Palicki has a nice body and looks good in her costume, but you can't base en eentire show on that, can you? Well, not since Baywatch anyway. What makes for a great body? Truthfully, that question could be answered many ways. Some prefer thin, some thick; some like tall, others short; some emphasize certain parts of the body, and others disagree. It isn't an exact science, that is for sure. But in sports, when stiff competition dictates an athlete's body be trained, toned, and strengthened, the ideal body is both sexy and muscular, appealing and chiseled. What do Miesha Tate, Laure Manaudou, Allison Stokke, and Gina Carano have in common? They all get my vote for The Best Female Bodies in Sports.

The national flag of Brazil (Portuguese: Bandeira do Brasil) is a blue disc depicting a starry sky spanned by a curved band inscribed with the national motto, within a yellow rhombus, on a green field. Brazil officially adopted this design for its national flag on November 19, 1889, replacing the flag of the second Empire of Brazil. The green field and the yellow rhombus from the previous imperial flag were preserved – the green and yellow colors representing the Braganza-Habsburg dynasty. A blue circle with 27 white five-pointed stars replaced the arms of the Empire of Brazil. The stars, whose position in the flag reflect the sky over Rio de Janeiro on November 15, 1889, represent the union's federated units – each star representing a specific state. The motto "Ordem e Progresso" ("Order and Progress") is inspired by Auguste Comte's motto of positivism: "L’amour pour principe et l’ordre pour base; le progrčs pour but" ("Love as a principle and order as the basis; progress as the goal").

As of this morning, the Youtube video for Cara Hartmann's eHarmony profile hoax is up to 7,200,000 views; remember that's 7,200 x $0.35 = $2,500 into her pocket so far. And while I'm sure the hits will start to taper off in a week or so, that's some pretty good cake for two minute Youtube video. But how does she stack up against some others? Well look at Rebecca Black's Friday video and do the math -- that's right -- somewhere upwards of $58k. That's more than some people earn in a year. Now who's laughing? Yeah when most of us plan a hoax, it's pretty small, like tricking our co-workers into thinking the printer is voice activated. Others? They think bigger. They fools newspapers, nations, and entire decades of people. Sometimes for the lulz, sometimes because of hate, these hoaxes fooled many people - sometimes with deadly results.

Ever hear the one liner, "The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and says, 'Make me one with everything.'" -- Yeah, neither has the Dalai Lama himself. So when this reporter actually tells him that joke? It gets pretty awkward.

Ernie, It saddened me to see the crash of the Liberty Belle. A few years back I was fortunate to take a ride in the old "War Bird." Here's a pic of me sitting in the cockpit, before the flight. It took a month to wipe the grin off my face after the flight. I piece of my heart went with her. Bo

Hey Ernie, Many times I've stood in line at convenience stores, gas stations, car repair shops, roadside, etc. I've ALWAYS put first, within service related trades, those who are serving. I've done the same with other Vets. And MANY times I've been told 'Thanks' and 'No Thanks.' It's cool that a city has issued that gratefulness. But there does have to be a time to back off on it. And as far as the yellow magnets go, maybe, psychologically, that's just a way for people to say maybe they're grateful for those who serve because they haven't served themselves..? Maybe a way to placate that they're sorry for those who have lost those who have served and they're grateful that they themselves haven't lost anyone. I don't know. I don't like the yellow magnets though. Natalie Portman's ass though... YUM YUM YUM said the big hungry bear!! So, in other words, at times, let a Service member go first. At other times, just shake a hand, say thanks, then shut the fuck up. Woody

Hi Ernie, I know, I know . . . a lot of people are probably sending you the same email. The Scores Report had a slightly deceiving stat in their description of Dirk Nowitzki: "Nowitzki was unbelievable in the Playoffs, averaging (a 36-minute adjusted) 52.6 points per game in the clutch (under five minutes to play with the score within five points), and deservedly won the Finals MVP." So I think they took his scoring from the last 5 minutes of each game, and then inflated it as if he was scoring like that all game long. By the way, the reason the Mexican guy thinks there is something wrong with his grandma's cooter is because it suddenly stopped pumping babies out! Bwaaahahahahaha! Cheers, Charley Los Angeles

Not that I follow basketball -- it's not exactly the sport of a 5'7" white guy -- I think the reason people are so entranced with the recent NBA Championship isn't so much that the Dallas Mavericks won, it's that Lebron James lost. If you remember, he's the guy who bailed on Cleveland to go to Miami, because he thought he had a better chance of winning a championship there. So to have him do that, make it to the finals and then wind up flat on his ass? Well let's just say that people in Ohio are pretty okay with that. Who is not okay? Hitler and the Miami Herald.

Anyway, I award extra points to Woody for his movie reference to Gardens of Stone -- around the 6:20 mark -- one of my favorite James Earl Jones movie ever.

A growing number of natural food dyes are being commercially produced, partly due to consumer concerns surrounding synthetic dyes. Some examples include a green dye made from chlorella algae.

Ernie, the real issue that defines this whole, blown out of portion, stupid media fueled flap is: What was Paul's intent/purpose in his ride? Was it to alert the colonists that the British were in fact coming (no matter the route..sea, land or air(Go Air Force!). It was to alert the colonists.Period. His and other rider(s) had no intention of telling the British anything. No matter that he told them what he knew when captured. Palin is an undereducated and ill-informed and incapable of learning.That is as nice as I will get on this person/subject. I'll give her credit for being a product of our educational, political and societal norms. Bert. And you can quote me!

About todays post . . . Why is it that if you dispute Sarah Palin's accuracy in history, that makes you a goddamn liberal? Did I miss it when you typed, "Sarah Palin is wrongaypower. Paul Revere did not ring bellsocialism or fire his gun to warn Britishighertaxes people." Charlie

Ernie, Your long diatribe regarding Palin was………..well ok I didn’t read it. 2 reasons: 1) I don’t give a shit about most politicians and their daily little squabbles b/c it’s all bullshit anyway and 2) I don’t give a fuck about your political view. That’s not what I come here for. I have extremely strong feelings about politics. In full disclosure I am a complete, 100% nutball of the hardcore variety. I’d let you guess which side, but I don’t imagine you give two shits about my views either. A few facts about politicians: 1. They are people. 2. They speak a language. 3. Sometimes they fuck up when they speak. 4. When they do fuck up, they try to cover it up. 5. Dumbass supporters always make excuses. 6. Blogs get set on fire with opinions. A few facts about Ernie: 1. He has his own blog. 2. He took fuckface to school. Cheers---------Martin

Ernie, Greetings from Massachusetts. I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed your refresher course on Paul Revere’s famous ride. I too am totally turned off by Sarah Palin’s backwoods horseshit, and just find her irritating. If she stuck to making Todd sammiches and fellating his horn, the world would be a much better place. But I digress. I have a brother who is similar to our boy “Glenn”, in that he will always spin things to make his heroes like Palin,look good. So I literally laughed out loud after reading todays EHOWA post. Her words, taken as they were spoken, are truly retarded. BTW, my politics are middle of the road, I voted for Obama, but now find myself with some buyers remorse.Anyway, keep up the good work, and if you ever find yourself in Western Mass., I would love to buy you a beer or ten. Regards, Paul

Hey I need your attention. Yo Andy! Yo David!

If you don't know who Kate Upton is, then you clearly aren't actually reading your copy of Sports Illustrated's swimsuit issue. Okay, fair enough, you've got a good excuse – beautiful women in bikinis have always appealed far more to male sensibilities than a well-written article – but, still, if you'd actually investigated some of the text, you'd know her name and would have remembered it when she was named the issue's Rookie of the Year.

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