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Ernie's House of Whoopass! July 14, 2011
July 14, 2011

Come Quietly Or There Will Be... Trouble..

First there was 1978's Dawn of the Dead, which was remade in 2004 and also spoofed in Shaun of the Dead of the same year. The "-of The Dead" mantra carried on into animated short Fawn of the Dead and stuffed animal assisted Dawn of the Ted. Who is the latest on the craze? The Goddamn Cubans with their Juan of the Dead. In the end, remakes are nice and spoofs are flattering, but original ideas will always trump recycled ones.

So when I first heard they were going to remake Robocop I thought, Oh Jesus Christ. But since they obviously can't look to Charlie Sheen for the starring role, producers have instead cast Captain Kirk Chris Pine in the lead role. I liked him in Star Trek and Unstoppable, so I dunno maybe this remake will be better than you'd first think. Not as good as the original of course, but they never are, are they? By the way, Peter Weller -- aka the original Robocop -- teaches Roman and Renaissance Art History at Syracuse University in New York. Creep.

Old and busted: Steve Buschemi eyes. The new hotness: Steve Buschemi dress.

Hi E, Long time lurker, first time I've sent anything. After reading today's post, I dug out my aneurysm images. Long story short, last July the wife and I went out with friends. I had too many shots of Cabo Wabo and after some carnal "exercise" I got an awesome headache. Next morning the puking started. I just thought I had an epic hangover. Finally gave in and went to the hospital 4 days later. 3 days and an MRI after that my doc says "you have a vascular abnormality" and are being transferred. The neurosurgeon at the next hospital tells me I've had a brain bleed and need surgery immediately. (They go in through your groin and up your spinal artery to get to your head) 1 year, 3 surgeries, 23 platinum coils, and getting fired for exceeding FMLA later, my 11mm baby is almost fixed. I'll find out in 8 months if the coil packs hold. I'm lucky, same thing took my next door neighbor's life 3 weeks ago. RIP Patty. Love the site. - Mike

Wow dude, that's some crazy shit. I hope you will have a few celebratory drinks when that's all over. Just you know, not too many. Then maybe take a nice vacation, maybe some some place warm, like Israel. No man, I'm serious, been there before. They have great beaches.

Nothing to see here, just a young Clint Eastwood holding an baby armadillo.

Hey Ernie, We have a bit of a different sketch for you here. A political parody using Lord of the Rings. The Two Towers - Freeing the G.O.P. Sincerely, Travis

Ernie- Here is a gorgeous Mom who didn't want her daughter groped by the TSA in TN. There is a picture of the Mom in her glamour mug shot as well. V/r Steven

Fuck it, my hat is off to anyone who refuses to allow a TSA agent to molest her kid. My favorite part: "No, it’s not an X-ray," Birge told Abbott. "It is 10,000 times safer than your cell phone and uses the same type of radio waves as a sonogram." Yeah fuck you lady. 10,000 times safer than your cell phone, my ass. Because I'd rather have my fucking arms pulled off rather than have to deal with those TSA douchebags, but I suppose if you expect to travel across the country at any pace faster than 70 mph, you don't have a choice. Which is what I'm going to have to do next month, dammit. So, if push came to shove and you were forced to choose, who would you rather: poke vaulters or tennis players? Be honest.

And as a subtle reminder to everyone, please roll up your car windows when you head into a gas station, even if its only for a minute. There are so many thieves willing to take advantage of such an opportunity and reach in through the open windows to steal. Excuse me, I have to go. Somewhere there is a crime happening.

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