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Ernie's House of Whoopass! July 21, 2011
July 21, 2011

Boy, A Sonic Boom Sure Will Get Your Ass Moving In The Morning.

So long Atlantis, thanks for the memories. And for scaring the everloving shit out of me at 5:51am this morning when I was trying to do the deed.

So they're remaking Evil Dead -- this scene always has, still does, and always will give me fucking goosebumps. But don't worry, it's got the blessing of both Sam Raimi and Bruce Muthafuckin Campbell, who will also have a cameo roll. So eh, we'll see. You know how I am with remakes.

The Batmobile built for and used in the 1966–1968 live action television show Batman and its film adaptation was a customized vehicle that originated as a one-off Ford concept car of the 1950s, the Lincoln Futura Show Car, originally created by William M. Schmidt and his design team at the Lincoln Styling Department. Its rakish lines are said to have been inspired by the mako shark and the manta ray. In late 1965 20th Century Fox Television and William Dozier's Greenway Productions contracted renowned Hollywood car customizer Dean Jeffries to design and build a "Batmobile" for their upcoming Batman TV series. He started customizing a 1959 Cadillac, but when the studio wanted the program on the air in January 1966, and therefore filming sooner than he could provide the car, Jeffries was paid off, and the project went to George Barris. Barris was trying to get Hollywood's attention with the Futura, but aside from "It Started With a Kiss" in 1959, the Futura had been languishing in his Hollywood shop for several years. With only three weeks to finish the Batmobile (although in recent years Jeffries says that his car was dropped because he was told it was needed in "a week and a half", he was quoted in 1988 as saying "three weeks" as well), Barris decided that, rather than building a car from scratch, it would be relatively easy to transform the distinctive Futura into the famous crime-fighting vehicle. Barris hired Bill Cushenbery to do the metal modifications to the car and its conversion into the Batmobile was completed in just three weeks, at a reported cost of US$30,000. The estimated 1966 value of the original Barris Batmobile was about $125,000, but today it is estimated to be worth at least $2 million. Or you can buy a perfect replica -- including a functioning a "rocket exhaust" propane flamethrower, for a mere $150,000. Or, if you're a fan of the remakes -- fucking GAG -- and want to upgrade to a newer Batmobile with a functioning a turbine engine? That'll cost you, too. But if you're operating on limited budget, you still have options but yes, they're rather limited to say the least.

Speaking of pimping cool cars, take a quick look at these two cars and spot the differences between them. The one on the bottom? That's a $146,000 Mercedes S-Class with a 510 hp 5.5L V10. The one on the top? That's a $46,000 Hyundai Genesis with a 429 hp 5.0L V8. Think about it -- that's $100,000 difference. I guess it's time to start giving Kim Jong Il a little respect, eh?

Here's a rather oddball question: if a penis is about 5 inches flacid, how big do you think it would be when erect? Why do I ask? Oh no reason, just curious.

nice co-workers as they sit there with there guns on their hips as the leopard tackles the poor SOB of the wall. Marty

True story: I was stationed inside Cheyenne Mountain as an IDMT from 1998-2001. I went into a clothing store in the local mall and saw some brand new FUBU logo merchandise. There was a cool looking jacket, so I took it to the counter. The salesperson was African-American and told me I couldn't buy the jacket. He said that FUBU stood for "For Us, By Us," and that the clothing line was for blacks only. Being in the military, I thought it was a military acronym like FUBAR (Fucked up beyond all recognition) and that FUBU stood for "Fucked Up Beyond Understanding." Naive me. Keep the great work going, Ernie. MSgt Carl V (Ret) in Vegas

For anyone who has ever wondered what a bitch slap looks like, here you are. TJ

Jon Stewart is also famous for interviewing everyone from Barack Obama to Miss Piggy. He is best known for his brilliant mockery of American political trends, but politicians and businessmen expecting an easy ride from this comedian are often shocked by just how penetrating Stewart's questions can be. Here are his most devastating interviews ever.

The 2011-12 NBA season could be locked out if the players and owners do not reach a new agreement in time, but the Laker Girls aren't letting the lack of a collective bargaining agreement stop them from holding their summer tryouts. Gorgeous women of all shapes and sizes showed up to an L.A. gym on Saturday, July 16, looking to impress the judges and earn a spot on the squad. One person who they did happen to impress was myself, and after taking a look at the following images, I'm sure you'll feel the same way.

Excuse me miss? That's a very nice jacket, is that a London Fog?

deleted scenes that would have ruined the film

girls of the summer redneck games: the good, the bad and the ugly

for the emo rednecks: iconic depictions of human suffering created in camouflage gear

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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