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Ernie's House of Whoopass! August 1, 2011
August 1, 2011

Once Again, The President Is Caught Between Barack And A Hard Place.

Dont understand the debt ceiling thing? Here, let Richard Schiff explain it to you like you're Kristin Chenoweth. You're welcome.

Anyway, Bianca is up to to four -- count them four -- instances of vomiting on me on some way. Thinking it was an isolated incident the first time, I was able to get photographic evidence. Since then she has barfed on my shoulder while I was in bed, on my leg on the couch again, and once more on my shirt. Patient as I may be, I began to get a little pissed off at this repeated barf barrage, because what the fuck, getting puked on twice in six hours is not cool. I did my fair share of yelling after the later two deliveries, and I wanted her to understand that while yes, vomiting is a natural life function, just like pissing or shitting there are appropriate places to do it. On me does not fall into that category. But as my temper cooled and I was able to think about it more, I believe what's happening is as she is starting to feel nauseous she's getting scared, and thus running to me for comfort. Which would be kind of a compliment, were it not hand in hand with my dog emptying the contents of her stomach onto me. And as a bit of contrast: when Ike gets sick, he runs into the shower and pukes there. This is why Ike will go down in history as the Greatest Dog Ever To Have Lived. Although there's no fucking way in hell I could get him to wait patiently for dinner, especially with ten other dogs around, all eyeing his food dish.

Remember the crazy fucking Canton, Ohio co who threatened to execute the CCW holder? Yeah, it appears that performance was an encore for him. Oops.

E, Something has been happening of late and I'm not sure how to handle it. Would like your advice as someone who wore the uniform. I've been an amputee since childhood and something has been happening of late and I'm not sure how to handle it. I live near a military base so soldier's families are prevalent pretty much everywhere. Today in the grocery store, a kid about 8 or 9 walks by and gives me a meek and quiet thumbs up. In the checkout line, mom had a military ID in her wallet so I'm pretty sure they were the family of a soldier. I figure the kid thought I had lost my leg in service. I thought about it pretty briefly because they were leaving but I didn't want to embarrass the kid so I didn't say anything. A couple of weeks ago at a gas station, a woman walks up and asks me if I'm retired military. I said no but she immediately fist bumped me and thanked me for my service while I was trying to explain that I lost my leg at 10 and couldn't have served. I come from a proud military family, my grandfather retired from the Army after 20 years. (He started in the Corps but when WWII ended, he was sent home to re-enlist) My dad served over 20 in the Navy. My younger brother is currently in the Corps. My question is, am I obligated to explain myself or by just nodding and moving on, would I be doing a dishonor to their service? Thanks, Rob

I think that so long as you're not accepting anything under the pretense that you're an amputee veteran -- free drinks at the bar, an offer to jump to the front of the line at the store, or anything more official like a standard military discount somewhere -- then you're better off keeping your mouth shut and just politely nodding. Here's why. Take for example that young kid who gave you the thumbs up. If you had stepped forward and explained that no, you were in fact not a veteran wounded fighting those crazy bastards in Afghanistan, but instead just a guy who played too close to trains when you were a kid, that's going to cast doubt in his mind every time he sees someone who could me a military amputee. So then instead of going forward with a thumbs up -- something that would be a HUGE morale boost to a wounded soldier -- the kid is going to keep his mouth shut for fear of making the same mistake again. Personally I'd rather think of a kid saying 'thank you' to 19 military veterans and 1 civilian, than not saying it to any. So best to let him (and others) go along their merry way safe in the idea that they've offered a personal thank you to America's heroes. Now, should some chick saddle up to you at a bar and say, "Hey Soldier, let me buy you a Corona for your service," then yes, you'd better set the record straight. Otherwise while you would still technically be innocent of the Stolen Valor Act, you would be guilty of being a raging douchebag. And nothing says innocent like going out to party after your child goes missing. Casey Anthony is the obvious first choice and the inspiration for this very list. Anthony was accused of murdering her 2-year-old daughter, proceeding to party for a month whilst donning borderline-stripper outfits with a bunch of nasty looking dudes and crappy beers, then lying to police about the entire thing. She claimed that her daughter had disappeared in the trusted care of a babysitter who turned out to not exist.

Hey Ernie, Love the link to Wellborn Muscle Car Museum, I was just purusing some of the photos and this jumped out at me, the Panther Pink Charger R/T is labeled as a "71" but it definitely is a "70" How did I know? Well other than the front license plate stating it's a 1970 I recognized it being the twin (other than the color) to the one in my garage.... Have a kick ass weekend! Mike.

Hey Hey, Here is an awesome infographic that I thought you might like: The Cost of Mobile Internet Around the World. Enjoy the rest of your day! -- Thanks Danny.

Yesterday it was reported that Reggie Bush would be taking his talents to South Beach, as the former New Orleans Saint was traded to the Miami Dolphins after agreeing to a two-year deal worth $10-million with his new club. It is not yet known exactly what the Saints will get in return for Bush, but what the city of Miami will be receiving is a former Heisman Trophy winning running back and his sexy 29-year-old girlfriend, Melissa Molinaro.

Wicker Man has several unbelievable scenes, but nothing compares to Nicolas Cage dressed as a bear, sprinting across a meadow and sucker punching a woman.

the most underrated women of 2011 - 2011 lexus gs 450h gallery

old and busted: how to deactivate a cat. the new hotness: how to deactivate a dog

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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