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Ernie's House of Whoopass! August 19, 2011
August 19, 2011

Yeah, I Know You. You're Snake. Snake Plissken.

If this girl had watched this video first, then she would know how to properly tie a Single Windsor knot.

Confession time. As a kid growing up, I used to beat off to Madonna's videos incessantly. Not kidding. If you spent any time around me growing up, there was a 50% chance I had beaten off to a Madonna video within the previous two hours. And then when these pictures were published in Penthouse? Oh boy. Anyway, my personal choice was Open Your Heart, but it was a little tricky at the same time. in order to get the timing right, you had to get warmed up when they said that video was coming up next. otherwise doing the deed would take too long and the last thing you want to do is cross the finish line then that little kid was dancing up the street. But somehow time seems to have caught up the Material Girl, overtaken her, pushed her down, and taken her lunch money.Because now when I look at her? Man, I just feel dirty.

Color association: black:death, green:life, white:virginity or purity, pink:girl, light blue:boy, purple:royalty, gold:first place, blue:sadness, red:anger, but why is yellow:cowardice?

Animal print, or leopard print, is a clothing and fashion style in which the garment is made to resemble the pattern of the skin and fur of an animal such as a Leopard, Cheetah, Zebra or Giraffe. Animal print is also used for handbags and footwear and even some jewelry. A major difference between animal prints and fur clothing is that animal prints today very often use fake fur instead of animal coat. Animal prints have long been a popular style for many reasons. For one, they are generally expensive and considered rather exotic; hence they are a symbol of wealth and status. Throughout history, kings and other high people have used animal print rugs and such as a sign of status just as mounted animals are kept as trophies. Animal print became popular for women in the United States in the late 1960s during the hippie movement.

The Woodward Dream Cruise is the world’s largest one-day automotive event, drawing about 1.5 million people and 40,000 classic cars each year from around the globe. Spectators can see muscle cars, street rods, custom, collector and special interest vehicles dating across several decades. The majority of the cars on display are those that were available and prevalent during the 1950s, 60s and early 70s prior to the OPEC oil embargo, which led to the Corporate Average Fuel Economy regulations of 1975 and the proliferation of more pussified automobiles. However, the Woodward Dream Cruise also welcomes vehicles of all models whose owners have either scrupulously maintained or customized their car to create a unique vehicle or statement.

As a member of the 42 Aircraft Maint. Unit during Desert Storm, I was thrilled to see this story about one of our planes. The aircraft in this story was #66-0016. It looked funny being the only one around with an Iraqi flag painted on it near the cockpit. After the retirement of the EF-111A's, this plane was placed as gate guard at Cannon AFB, NM. The names of the aircrew from 66-0023 were painted on them. This plane was the only EF-111A lost in combat, but that's another story. I enjoy your posts every day, but this one was extra special. Thank you, Parrish

When you need to leave a note for your boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, cat sitter, etc. , is to write your message on a mirror with a white-board (dry erase) marker. The marker will come off with a swipe of a kleenex or washcloth, and you'll be relatively certain they saw the note. I leave notes to myself on my bedroom mirror if I remember something I need to take to work the next day.

Electronics are very delicate and expensive pieces of hardward, don't leave a bowl of cereal sitting on top of the damned thing. That's just asking for trouble.

Charles Patrick Murray, Jr., (September 26, 1921 – August 12, 2011) was a United States Army officer and a recipient of the United States military's highest decoration — the Medal of Honor — for his actions in World War I: "For commanding Company C, 30th Infantry, displaying supreme courage and heroic initiative near Kaysersberg, France, on 16 December 1944, while leading a reinforced platoon into enemy territory. Descending into a valley beneath hilltop positions held by our troops, he observed a force of 200 Germans pouring deadly mortar, bazooka, machinegun, and small arms fire into an American battalion occupying the crest of the ridge. The enemy's position in a sunken road, though hidden from the ridge, was open to a flank attack by 1st Lt. Murray's patrol but he hesitated to commit so small a force to battle with the superior and strongly disposed enemy. Crawling out ahead of his troops to a vantage point, he called by radio for artillery fire. His shells bracketed the German force, but when he was about to correct the range his radio went dead. He returned to his patrol, secured grenades and a rifle to launch them and went back to his self-appointed outpost. His first shots disclosed his position; the enemy directed heavy fire against him as he methodically fired his missiles into the narrow defile. Again he returned to his patrol. With an automatic rifle and ammunition, he once more moved to his exposed position. Burst after burst he fired into the enemy, killing 20, wounding many others, and completely disorganizing its ranks, which began to withdraw. He prevented the removal of 3 German mortars by knocking out a truck. By that time a mortar had been brought to his support. 1st Lt. Murray directed fire of this weapon, causing further casualties and confusion in the German ranks. Calling on his patrol to follow, he then moved out toward his original objective, possession of a bridge and construction of a roadblock. He captured 10 Germans in foxholes. An eleventh, while pretending to surrender, threw a grenade which knocked him to the ground, inflicting 8 wounds. Though suffering and bleeding profusely, he refused to return to the rear until he had chosen the spot for the block and had seen his men correctly deployed. By his single-handed attack on an overwhelming force and by his intrepid and heroic fighting, 1st Lt. Murray stopped a counterattack, established an advance position against formidable odds, and provided an inspiring example for the men of his command."

So long, Colonel Murray, we hardly knew ye.

"The Aristocrats" is an exceptionally transgressive dirty joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians since the vaudeville era. Throughout its long history, it has evolved from a clichéd staple of vaudevillian humor into a postmodern anti-joke. Steven Wright has likened it to a secret handshake among comedians, and it is seen as something of a game in which those who tell it try to top each other in terms of shock value. It is thought of as a badge of honor among expert comedians and is notoriously hard to perform successfully. It is rarely told the same way twice, often improvised, and was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. It received publicity when it was used by Gilbert Gottfried during the Friars' Club roast of Hugh Hefner in September 2001. It has been told by everyone from Bob Saget to Cartman from South Park. But IMHO, those versions pale in comparison to Eric Mead's version using cards -- that's some fucking skillz right there.

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