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Ernie's House of Whoopass! August 22, 2011
August 22, 2011

Holy Crap, Wayne Newton's Hittin' On Mom!

I've been telling you guys this for years, maybe now some of you will finally believe me. of course now I'm going to need you to hop on your mom and come bail me out of the Las Vegas jailhouse.

Hey do you remember that scene in From Dusk Till Dawn when Salma Hayek dances with a snake? Yeah well this ain't Salma Hayek.

The U.N. estimates that over 3 million ships are located on the ocean floor, with fewer than a thousand that anyone has any plans to clean up. And that's not even covering all the defunct oil rigs down there. Enter the Halomonas titanicai, a bacteria that loves eating metal and could do all the cleaning up for us. Before Titanic was a convenient way to see Kate Winslet naked, it was actually a ship. And had anyone known how many movies she would get naked in after Titanic, we probably could have avoided the whole thing. Anyway, the real ship sank in 1912, where it sat undisturbed for over 70 years. Well, "undisturbed" isn't entirely accurate. During that time, a bacteria sprouted colonies all over the vessel and they are eating the Titanic. Because of the great work the bacteria is doing on the Titanic, researchers don't see any reason we can't use the same cultures to clean up other oil rigs and ships. Or, conversely, knowing exactly how the bacteria eats away at metal can inform how we build boats in the future so that they are stronger. By finding a way to prevent this bacteria from colonizing, we can ensure that oil rigs stay structurally sound for a lot longer. Then again, if one of them collapses and it's resistant to the bacteria, then we're right back where we started with steel trash on the floor of the ocean.

Hey man, ever gonna come join the party one of these years? I'm pretty sure you can bring your pistol with you, which is one one up on New York, haha. I'm heading out for some pre-cruising tonight with my 96' rust bucket Geo Tracker(great for some laughs) , my buddy drove in from Toronto with his 00' Corvette, and my father is showing up his is 71' Nova SS clone, that we stuck a corvette 454 into. It's more than just a cruise, it's a show. Clubs show up and pack the road with DeLoreans, Prowlers, Camaros, and you name it. Anything from classic muscle cars, to monster trucks, rat rods, boatcars, customs, dragsters.. The manufacturers rent out their own corners around 13 mile and Woodward, and show off their stuff too. Not only are tens of thousands of cars cruising, but you can literally walk from 9 mile and Woodward(ford rents out 9 mile for Mustang Alley every year), all the way to 14-15 mile rd. LINED with cars, on both sides. I think the 40,000 number was a bit on the conservative side. You'd have to come see it to believe it. Last year, I got a picture of 3 Ford GT's on display, no barriers, no guards, just showing off. We usually take my friend's miniature horse, Mickey, for a walk up and down Woodward too.. It's a show you have to see to believe. These pictures I sent are a bit old. I have a new digital cam now, that doesn't suck, so I'll try to snap some good shots for ya this year. Alan

Old and busted: Hoverhand so you don't touch the Playboy Playmate. The new hotness: Hover hand so the Playboy Playmate doesn't touch you.

Hey what was the name of that novel that told the story from the point of view of a black horse, who recalls his life through from his birth through his carefree life as a colt, and the many hardships he suffered after achieving maturity. He goes through many owners, both good and bad, until he finally finds happiness and contentment. What was that novel called? Anyone remember?

I remember this like it was yesterday. It was a mix of fear of the unknown, twilight zone is this really happening, and what the fuck have I done. Just when you think you got this shit under control, they ratchet up the intensity. The first few days of receiving barracks lull you into a false sense of security. Because when you meet your regular DIs, the real fun begins. I even got the Private Pyle choke the shit out of me treatment. Good. Fucking. Times. Raymond

Ernie, big fan, thought it was funny about the sons of anarchy post today and it reminded how I sold Winter Ave Zoli a car here in L.A, she was Lyla on that show, don't really follow the show but when she mentioned it I thought of you man. I included some pictures of a drive event for the 2012 Beetle, we drove it on a course where we could beat the fuck out of them, anyways, thought you'd want to see it before Oprah's goons get theirs. Keep up the good work and I'll be on board with lbeh again this year for sure. Joseph

Joe, if Winter ever trades that car in, let me know. I don't want to buy the car, just the driver's seat. Thank you.

Before they were famous: A-list actors had to start somewhere, usually in somewhat forgettable bit roles. Keep and eye out for: Angelina Jolie, Jim Carrey, Ryan Gosling, Keanu Reeves, Seth Rogan, Jack Black, Natalie Portman's breast self-exam, and remember to rub a black man's hair for ghood luck!

Snap-on tool boxes and tool storage units have been the overwhelming choice of demanding professionals for as long as tool boxes have been painted red. That's because Snap-on tool chests, tool carts, tool boxes, and tool box accessories have been making technicians' jobs easier for nearly as long as we have been making the tools that people need to put away.

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