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Ernie's House of Whoopass! September 19, 2011
September 19, 2011

No It's Okay, I Didn't Pay Full Price For It.

This season, LIVESTRONG is encouraging their readers to be extra cautious of the sun's harmful rays. As youknow, the use of quality, high protection sun block is absolutely essential for preserving the health of our skin and combatting potentially life threatening skin cancers. Thinksport has launched a new kind of sun protection we can all get behind - LIVESTRONG sunscreen, which can be recognized by it trademark yellow bottle with black cap. So I'm not quite sure what brand this is, since it's a black bottle with a yellow cap. Anyone know what brand that is?

Pasties are adhesive coverings applied to cover a woman's nipples and areolae. Though pasties are commonly associated with burlesque and erotic entertainment, they are also at times worn as an undergarment and occasionally as beachwear. Pasties come in a variety of colors, diameters, and shapes. Though pasties come in a variety of sizes, they usually are not much larger than the areola. Pasties are usually applied with a special tape or glue fixative, often gum arabic. However, in some situations keeping pasties from falling off can be an issue, as can be their removal. Some women are allergic to some adhesives. Some pasties are for single-use, while others are washable and can be reused. Pasties are occasionally worn on beaches to maximize a sun tan, short of being topless or nude, and avoid the strap lines which bikinis produce. When worn on a beach they are sometimes called "strapless stick on bikinis." In parts of the United States, erotic dancers wear pasties in strip clubs to avoid prosecution under local public indecency laws.

In 2011, the FIFA Women's World Cup proved to the rest of the world why we all love to watch soccer, and especially women's soccer: Not only is it entertaining, but the women on these teams have become sexier with every World Cup. The most exciting game of 2011 in all of sports—not just soccer, belongs to women's soccer, when Team USA came from one goal down to score a tie as time nearly ran out. It was a shot by Abby Wambach that could only be described as incredible. In honor of their recent successes, here is a list of the hottest soccer player pics ever. Enjoy.

Sadomasochism broadly refers to the receiving of pleasure -- often sexual -- from acts involving the infliction or receiving of pain or humiliation. A subset of BDSM, practitioners of sadomasochism usually seek out sexual gratification from these acts, but often seek out other forms of pleasure as well. In extreme cases, sadism and masochism can include fantasies, sexual urges or behavior which cause observably significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning, to the point that they can be considered part of a mental disorder. However, this is widely considered to be rare, as psychiatrists now regard such behaviors as clinically aberrant only if they are identifiable as symptoms and or associated with other problems such as personality disorder and or neurosis. There is some controversy in the psychology professions regarding a personality disorder referred to alternately as "self-defeating personality disorder", where masochistic behavior may not be in relation to other diagnosed mental disease.

What do you know about President Theodore Roosevelt? Let's start with the only son of a president to be the namesake of a Muppet: Kermit Roosevelt. Kermit started his career in badassery by going on a lengthy journey up the Amazon with his dad, presumably to find something Teddy hadn't killed yet and then kill it. It went disastrously wrong, and it turned into a rescue mission to get Teddy out of the jungle before it killed him. Kermit's task: save his father from the terrifying wilderness, plus the rest of the party, and stop his dad from killing himself with a vial of morphine he had in his pocket. Oh, and he also had malaria and refused to take any medication, giving it all to his dad. They survived, and Kermit went on to fight in both world wars. His brother Theodore Roosevelt II, meanwhile, also served in two world wars, racking up a distinguished Service Cross, a Silver Star and a freaking Medal of Honor, which he got by bugging his superiors into leading the first assault at Normandy. Once there, he pretty much strolled around like it was a rainy day despite being in his 50s and having lots of Germans trying desperately to kill him. He died during the war, but not because of the Germans: He had a heart attack, as there is only so much masculinity a human heart can endure. Let's not forget the youngest of the Roosevelt boys, Quentin. He died in World War I, but was such a masterful fighter pilot that the people he was fighting -- the Germans -- buried him with full military honors after he was shot down over their territory. In short, we're pretty sure that all three of them jumped out of the womb with a bayonet between their teeth and punched the doctor in the dick for daring to touch their mother.

I've mentioned before that this scene from Evil Dead still freaks me out. But even I'll admit I could use a little help at figuring out what's after the Queen of Diamonds. It looks like a black... 2 or maybe 7?

The following two galleries were sent in by the same guy -- Bruno Barbieri -- who I'm going to go out on a limb here and say is Italian:

never use company car for personal activities, the company might be watching you. bruno

same car, two different occasions: they'd be better off with the empty tank. bruno

Well, that's a lot better than how I spent my weekend. bruno snapping pictures I mean, not the Italian guy fucking a hooker in his car.

Speaking of Italian cars, last year I read this article about the Fiat 500 which reported it was supposed to pull 57 MPG -- with a simple gasoline engine, no hybrid shit. Well, now that it's actually been imported into the United States, guess what? That's right: 27mpg city and 34mpg. So at first I thought someone was playing a joke on me, but no dice. It's like what the fuck, the little Twin-Air is the most effecient engine they make so what gives? Yep, not available in the import model. So I dunno if even the the J-Lo commercial for Fiat can save that blunder.

In the United States, crosswalks are sometimes marked with white stripes, though many municipalities have slightly different methods, styles, or patterns for doing so, and the styles may vary over time as intersections are built and reconstructed. There are two main methods for road markings in the United States. Most frequently, they are marked with two thick white lines running from one side of the road to the other. Crosswalk laws vary from state to state, so you should check your state's drivers' manual. In general, if there is someone in the crosswalk or about to step into it, yield to them by slowing down or, if necessary, stopping to allow them to cross.

Nothing to see here, just Otis, the skydiving Pug.

Tamara Faye LaValley Bakker Messner was an American Christian singer, evangelist, entrepreneur, author, talk show host, and television personality. She was married to televangelist, and later convicted felon, Jim Bakker. She co-hosted with him on The PTL Club (1976–87). The Bakkers' control of PTL collapsed in 1987 after revelations that $287,000 had been paid from the organization to buy the silence of Jessica Hahn, who claims a forced sexual encounter with Jim Bakker. Tammy stood by Bakker through the scandal, including several instances when she cried on camera. In 1989 Bakker was sentenced to 45 years in prison on 24 fraud and conspiracy counts. In 1992, while Bakker was still in prison she filed for divorce. She appeared twice on The Drew Carey Show in 1996 and 1999, playing the mother of character Mimi Bobeck, who was also known for wearing excessive amounts of makeup.

when not to quit: dead man revived after 96 minutes

boobs and amish mugshots: images that would make awesome dorm room posters

william shatner captain kirk on star trek vs. star wars

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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