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Ernie's House of Whoopass! October 6, 2011
October 6, 2011

Say What You Want, The Man Loved Innovative Technology and Turtlenecks.

So I was going to start this post by commenting how the only Apple product I've ever owned in my entire life is a 1Gb iPod shuffle. But then I remembered my Apple Newton; the predecessor to all the smartphones and tablets we have today. And let me assure you, it's 1993 technology did a much better job at handwriting recognition than anything since. Anyway, it was neat for the first year, a novelty the year after that, and a dust collector ever since. As I was preparing for the MA -> FL move back in 2005, I came across my Apple Newton buried in a pile of boxes in my spare bedroom closet. For shits and grins, I turned it on. Nothing. Then I remembered this thing was way before lithium-ion batteries. Yeah this bitch ran on good old AAA's. So i swapped out the batteries, slid the power button and fuck me if I wasn't greeted by the Newton's ubiquitous BONG! sound. Not one to throw away something functional, I stuck it in a box and it too made the trek down to the Sunshine State. Where it sat. In my (very humid) attic. For the last six years. Until this morning when out of tribute to the late Steve Jobs, I decided to give my Newton one more shot at glory. So clad in my pink bunny slippers, I pulled down the ladder to the attic, crawled up and rummaged through many boxes until I had found my prize.

Back downstairs my trust old Newton rested comfortably in its slide in case and as I pulled it out, it felt surprisingly familiar in my hand. I sat at my desk surrounded by 2010 technology and with trembling fingers, slid the power button on a device that was old enough to vote. Nothing. I chuckled as I remembered the batteries. So I popped the back cover off and there staring up at me were four of Energizer's oldest and most busted. I replaced them with four AAA's stolen from remote controls to my television and Blu-Ray player. Again, I slid the power button. Nothing. Then I saw the silver nickel sized CR2032 battery that's supposed to be the power source backup. And with a replacement cannibalized from one of my red dot scopes, I was once again ready to breathe life into my beloved Apple Newton. I closed my eyes and slid my fingers down the power switch a third time, waiting for the familiar BONG! to wash over my ears. But it never came. Frantically I flipped it back over, pulled down the battery cover and using a sharp number-2 pencil, depressed the RESET button. Again I called upon the power button to do its magic and again no BONG! greeted me. I tried several more times, even inducing some percussive maintenance techniques. Nothing.

Fuck you, Steve Jobs! My Apple Newton is a piece of shit! But seriously. The world of technology won't be the same without you. So long, Steve Jobs, we hardly knew ye.

Drawing from some of the most pivotal points in his life, Steve Jobs, chief executive officer and co-founder of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, urged graduates to pursue their dreams and see the opportunities in life's setbacks -- including death itself -- at the university's 114th Commencement on June 12, 2005.

Lifetime Real Women is a digital cable channel that is the sister network to Lifetime. It was launched in August 2001 and is available in over 10 million homes via digital cable. The network has a mixture of comedies, dramas, how-to, game shows, movies and real life stories that had once aired on Lifetime. Lifetime Real Women currently does not produce any original programming, relying entirely on imported series or reruns of previous Lifetime series. The station's current emphasis is on reality television.

NBC announced today that Mad Men 2 The Playboy Club has been cancelled after only three episodes. It’s not a surprise given the anemic ratings so far. The show wasn’t great, but it was beautifully shot, and Amber Heard was simply stunning as Maureen, the young Bunny caught up in the murder storyline. As you can see from the photos above, Heard looked like the perfect Bunny, particularly in the red costume, and her acting was solid as well.

Well, ESPN: The Magazine is set to drop its annual "Body Issue" on readers this week. And the first set of images has been released. Beautiful snowboarder Gretchen Bleiler and sultry soccer goalkeeper Hope Solo each grace one of the Body Issue covers looking hotter (and wearing less clothing) than ever. In contrast to last year's very much hit-or-miss issue, most of The Mag's 2011 subjects look pretty damned good. You can almost understand why they're willing to appear in public au naturel -- there are even a few nuggets for the ladies. Follow along as we run through the images released thus far and rank them from nottest (think Suzy Hotrod, Roller Derby) to the hottest (think Hope Solo, buck ass naked).

Since 1990 Bare Necessities Tour and Travel has been producing the finest clothing free vacations in the world. With charters on cruise ships both big and small and special rates for select resorts in the Caribbean, BNTT specializes in making your dream vacation a reality... naturally.

Hey Ernie, Thought you might be interested in this, regarding today's paragraph about Marines at the Wall Street demonstrations. Peace! -- Ned

Ernie, she's cute and all, but is that the best angle for a photo of her and her horse? heh. -Smitty

Remember that creepy four legged robot called Big Dog, that might one day be the modern pack mules for our troops? Well, he's got an even creeepier two legged cousin who kept asking something about Sarah Connor?

It had been no small feat for a brewery to reopen after the long period of prohibition. About 750 breweries did manage to open for business in post- prohibition period. Opening proved to be only the first challenge. Only a small handful managed to emerge at the end of the millenium. Unfortunately, for can collectors only a minority of the breweries actually invested in canning lines. There were fewer breweries in business after World War II than before the war. The 750 breweries operating at the end of prohibition shrank to around 400 in 1950. Local breweries were swallowed by bigger local breweries who were, in turn swallowed by regional breweries. The regional breweries became target for the big national breweries. This trend has continued unabated through today where the big three of Miller, Anheuser-Busch, and Coors control the majority of the market.

If you ever met Roberta Mancino at a bar (highly unlikely), judging from her looks you'd think God dropped one of his angels from the sky. If you actually knew who Robert Mancino was, though, you'd know that, more than likely, she jumped from the sky earlier that day, as she is one of the world's hottest, extreme B.A.S.E. jumpers in the world. Mancino, an Italian, has jumped from the sky over 5,000 times since she started skydiving back in 2001. She holds Italy's Free Fly record and is also Italy's freestyle's national champ. In her 5,000-plus jumps, Mancino has packed her parachute wrong at least five times and, obviously, lived to tell about it each time. When the beautiful B.A.S.E. jumper isn't risking her life by flying over buildings and mountains with her parachute skills, she's instructing others how to do it just like her. Just recently, Mancino posed for Men's Fitness, after online voters jumped at the opportunity to vote for her over 15 other sexy athlete women as the world's sexiest (extreme) woman athlete. And since we know Eurpoeans have no problem gearing down, should you desire a little more, ahem, spice in your photographs you can see the uncensored pics here.

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