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Ernie's House of Whoopass! October 20, 2011
October 20, 2011

Sometimes I Feel Like Ernie Nye, The Science Guy.

And no, this has nothing to do with God and the moon.

One of the most hotly contested topics -- right up there with guns and abortion -- is global warming. Or I suppose the correct term is climate change, since the weather shifts don't always indicate an increase in temperature, just a change from the norm. But I think one aspect that's beyond contention is the world is warming -- that much can not be disputed, simply by looking at the historical data. Global surface temperatures have increased about 0.74°C (plus or minus 0.18°C) since the late-19th century, and the linear trend for the past 50 years of 0.13°C (plus or minus 0.03°C) per decade is nearly twice that for the past 100 years. The world is -- on average -- hotter than it was -- on average -- one hundred years ago. But what is open for debate is the cause; is climate change being brought about, perhaps even exacerbated, by mankind and our yummy delicious greenhouse gases? Or is this all just part of a warming-cooling cycle that the Earth goes through every few hundred/thousand years? As to which one? i don't give a shit, that's not what this post is about. I just happened to remember some article I had read while waiting in the doctor's office, about some eco-warrior going apeshit at the thought of the average ocean temperature increasing by one tenth -- that's 0.10 -- of a degree.

Who cares, I thought. What's one tenth of a fucking degree? if my fat ass jumps into the Gulf and it's 75.7 degrees instead of 75.6, what the fuck do I care? But the more I thought about it, the more it dawned on me. We're not talking about short term temperature changes, like winter versus summer, we're talking long term. For example if the average temperature for the Pacific Ocean (and I'm puling these numbers out of my ass, just to make a point) used to be 67.1 degrees during the winter and 71.8 degrees during the summer of 1911, but have now jumped to 67.2 and 71.9 in 2011, respectively. That extra 0.10 degrees -- it's so minuscule, why even care? So, here's what I came up with. And as a reminder, I'm not taking one side or the other on climate change, I'm not saying it's real or imagined, I'm simply crunching some numbers and like your sister, spitting out the results.

First off if we're talking about warming all the water in all the oceans by 0.10 degrees -- and for your Europeans, that's Fahrenheit, fuck you and your Celsius -- let's find out how much water we're talking about. At any given time -- and this number never changes -- there are 332,500,000 cubic miles of water on Earth. That number includes moisture in our atmosphere (0.001%), all of the world's freshwater lakes (Lake Ontario, represent!) 2.5%, saline groundwater (0.93%), saline lakes (Utah, represent!) 0.07%, with the remaining 96.5% residing in our oceans. So, how many gallons are in a cubic mile? Easy -- and this is where you fucking kids got it easy -- let's just ask Google. So with 1,101,117,150,000 gallons in each of the 332,500,000 cubic miles of water we have on Earth, there are 366,121,452,375,000,000,000 gallons that could one day be frozen into tiny little ice cubes and used to chill my Jack Daniels. But we're talking just about the oceans here, so 96.5% of 366,121,452,375,000,000,000 gallons means there are 353,307,201,541,875,000,000 gallons -- that's 353 quintillion -- of ocean water for me to potentially pee in when I'm kayaking. This is the number we'll be taking a closer look at today.

A British thermal unit (BTU) is a traditional unit of energy equal to about 1,055 joules. It is approximately the amount of energy needed to raise the temperature of 1 pound of water, by 1 degree, at sea level.

So, just how much does 353,307,201,541,875,000,000 gallons of water weigh? Shit man, everybody knows that water is about 8 and 1/3rd pounds per gallons, but for the more precise mind let's narrow that down to, oh I dunno, 8.345404487 pounds per. So what's the total weight? A buffet busting 2,948,491,505,140,600,000,000 pounds -- just a hair shy of 3 sextillion -- or about 56 pounds shy of your mother. Now if we wanted to raise the temperature of all of that water by one single degree, it's be an even 1:1 ration to BTUs, but we're only going 1/10th of a degree so we simply divide by 10 and viola -- we need 294,849,150,514,060,000,000 BTUs. Or as stated above (294,849,150,514,060,000,000 x 1,055 joules) means we need 311,065,853,792,333,000,000,000 joules of energy. Well, that number is a little too big to compare to Ryan Dunn's Porsche or even the the Apache's 30mm bullets, so let's try and work with something larger, and perhaps more relevant.

Quick intermission here: I tried to find the average lifespan of a hurricane but there were so many varying factors, it was tough to nail something down. Sure every swinging dick with a keyboard can answer a Yahoo or Ask question with 5 ,8,9,10,20 days, but nobody could back those figures up. The only number I found that cited a source was 9 days but fuck me if I cound find anything regarding TCMC, 1976. So for the lack of any other number, I will use 9 days as the average lifespan of a hurricane.

According to the Atlantic Oceanographic and Meteorological Laboratory, the average hurricane needs 5.2 x 1010 (52,000,000,000,000,000,000) joules per day to maintain itself. That means over its 9 day lifespan, the average hurricane will absorb some 468,000,000,000,000,000,000 joules of energy from the warm ocean water. Now, as we just discussed, if our oceans have increased in temperature by one tenth of a degree, that means they have an extra 311,065,853,792,333,000,000,000 joules of energy to spare. or in other words, if our oceans have increased in temperature by one tenth of a degree, they have enough energy to spawn off 665 hurricanes, all lasting 9 days each. or one big hurricane lasting 5,982 days (almost 16 and a half years), whichever you prefer. Either way, it's enough to rock your face off, that's for sure.

But as that AOML page pointed out, "However, one can see that the amount of energy released in a hurricane (by creating clouds/rain) that actually goes to maintaining the hurricane's spiraling winds is a huge ratio of 400 to 1," a hurricane only releases 1/400th of its energy in ass kicking wind form. So those 468,000,000,000,000,000,000 joules absorbed by our plethora of hurricane would only expend (divided by 400) a paltry 1,170,000,000,000,000,000 joules upon the trailer parks of our coastal cities. Keeping in mind Little Boy unleashed 63,000,000,000,000 joules upon the residents of Hiroshima, that 1/10th of a degree increase is the equivalent to 18,571 Hiroshima bombs. Or in honor of the Soon To-Be-Russian -President-Again Vladimir Putin, about five and a half Tsar Bombs.

Now am I suggesting that if our oceans jump by 1/10th of a degree we'll all be facing 665 hurricanes and world destruction? Of course not. That energy will bleed of into warming the Earth's crust, fog, harmless clouds, regular ol thunderstorms, Nor'Easters, and a hundred other ways I can't think of. But if even 1% of that energy makes its way into hurricane form, that's an extra 6 hurricanes to play with. And when I lived inland in Chelmsford when I was 250 feet above sea level and 30 miles from the shore, I much like the honey badger, didn't give a fuck. But now that I'm 8 feet above sea level and 500 feet from the Gulf? Shit's not so funny.

After 17 years of cryo-freeze, three astronauts are marooned on a desert planet. What would YOU do? Thanks for watching. Matin

Ern, Hey big man, just thought you'd like to add this chick to your Hot Chicks in Florida Mug Shots collection. She's from over here on the Space Coast, and a quick google search turns up what seems to be an extensive little record. Keep kicking ass. You may have to click through, she's like number 20, I think. Mike

Dude, if you consider that hot, we gotta have a long talk. Besides, there are a lot better looking Florida bad girls to choose from.

More science: Magnetic levitation is a method by which an object is suspended with no support other than magnetic fields. Magnetic pressure is used to counteract the effects of the gravitational and any other accelerations. Earnshaw's theorem proves that using only static ferromagnetism it is impossible to stably levitate against gravity, but servomechanisms, the use of diamagnetic materials, superconduction, or systems involving eddy currents permit this to occur. In some cases the lifting force is provided by magnetic levitation, but there is a mechanical support bearing little load that provides stability. This is termed pseudo-levitation.

Zinc pyrithione is a coordination complex of zinc. This colorless solid is used as an antifungal and antibacterial agent. This coordination complex, which has many names, was first reported in the 1930s. Zinc pyrithione is approved for over-the-counter topical use in the United States as a treatment for dandruff. It is the active ingredient in several anti-dandruff shampoos such as Head & Shoulders. However, in its industrial forms and strengths, it may be harmful by contact or ingestion.

Hey Ernie, I was just at my kids elementary school and I saw these pictures posted on the wall by another class in the school. The sign above the pictures said "Some of my favorite things." At first glance.... well, you look at it. Mike

Hi Ernie!!All I can say about this one is SHITE! SHITE! SHITE! 2 year old run over twice and passed by 18 people before being helped. Gotta love China. See ya - Don

The amazing Alisha Lucik in a beautiful home in Orange County. The pool and waterfall photos make you want to move to California. Alisha shows off her incredible athletic body in bikinis and sexy lingerie. You can also watch Alisha on the football field as she plays for the Los Angeles Temptation of the Lingerie Football League.

The F-Series is a series of full-size pickup trucks from Ford Motor Company sold for over six decades. The most popular variant of the F-Series is the F-150. It was the best-selling vehicle in the United States for 24 years and has been the best-selling truck for 34 years, though this does not include combined sales of GM pickup trucks. In the tenth generation of the F-series, the F-250 and F-350 changed body style in 1998 and joined the Super Duty series.

It is safe to say that NFL cheerleaders in Halloween costumes are always a good call. I am not sure when they started to do this, but it has become a tradition unlike any other. Each year, almost every NFL team has their cheerleaders participate in Halloween festivities by dressing up as something very naughty. Why? Because 70,000 fans—mostly men—would love to see their favorite women cheering on the home team while dressed as a French maid. That makes the NFL worth watching again. Here are 145 more reasons to enjoy NFL during Halloween. Enjoy.

P.S. Muammar Gaddafi is dead.

detroit firefighter footage shot with contour hd helmet cameras

a reveler at a music fest decides to have a dance punch off with the biggest guy in the crowd

exploring the eerie underworld of belgium's abandoned crypts

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