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Ernie's House of Whoopass! October 24, 2011
October 24, 2011

Shhhhh, Or They'll Know We're Out Of The Kitchen.

Nothing to see here, just a re-enactment of the scene in From Dusk Till Dawn. You know, the one where the Richie and Seth Gecko fight Satanico Pandemonium. And on a related note Tia Texada -- I remember her from Third Watch -- has Bar Dancer/From Dusk Till Dawn listed in her IMDB movie credits, but fuck all if I can tell which one is her? Google Image search says it's this one, but I don't see it. Does anyone know for sure?

And with winter right around the corner, now is a good time to remember that water draws heat from the body 25 times faster than air. Like windchill, the effects of cold water increase when the current is fast. Cold water causes the constriction of peripheral blood vessels and collection of blood around the major organs of the heart and brain while hot water causes the expansion and relaxation of blood vessels. As a result of these changes in blood vessels your blood pressure will also be altered by changes in water temperature. Sudden immersion in snowmelt or spring runoff is extremely debilitating, causing a substantial loss of strength, coordination, and judgment rather quickly.

Like most Americans, I find soccer -- or football to you Euros -- to be extremely boring. How do you spice things up? Take your que from the Japanese and make the players wear binoculars. Now we've got gold on your hands, Jerry! Comedy gold!

While teams around the NFL continue to fight for league-wide respect and appreciation, their fans are battling to prove their worth to the camera and competing fanbases. It's a long season that is tedious in preparation, and only some of the many fans can handle the tough task at hand. Many will attempt to attract an audience and impress the camera, but only few can reach the upper echelon of beauty. With the timing of this list, some stats may have changed and several teams' records adjusted, but it's the aesthetic pleasure that matters most. Thanks guyism for the photos. Here are the 50 hottest NFL fans NFL. -- at least the Raiders are good at something.

Jeans are trousers made from denim. Some of the earliest American blue jeans were made by Jacob Davis, Calvin Rogers, and Levi Strauss in 1873. Starting in the 1950s, jeans, originally designed for cowboys, became popular among teenagers. Historic brands include Levi's, Lee, and Wrangler. Jeans come in various fits, including skinny, tapered, straight, boot cut, Mommy-cut, maternity, and flare. Jeans are now a very popular form of casual dress around the world, and have been so for decades. They come in many styles and colors; however, blue jeans are particularly identified with American culture, especially the American Old West.

This is valuable. I have had a hard time understanding what the Occupy Wall Street and Occupy Atlanta protesters really stood for. I believe this video both clarifies their position while at the same time gives us a clear vision of who they are. Enjoy! Shaw

Hey, have you seen this? A sneak peak at Zombies: A Living History, airing October 25 on the History channel. Tim

Whatever the History Channel puts out, it's got to be better than the first two episodes of The Walking Dead's second season. I got two words for you: snooze. fucking. city. The lost little girl? I don't care. The shot little boy? I don't care. Just kill more fucking zombies already.

Artificial nails are coverings placed over fingernails as fashion accessories. Some artificial nails attempt to mimic the appearance of real fingernails as closely as possible, while other designs may deliberately stray in appearance from real fingernails. Artificial nails are made from a wide variety of materials. One popular material commonly called polymethyl methacrylate acrylics is a mixture of a polymer powder and a liquid monomer (e.g. ethyl methacrylate). The mixture starts to harden in 30–40 seconds after application and continues to cure to final hardness typically within fifteen minutes. Powder and liquid acrylics can be removed by using a variety of solvents, usually acetone.

The 15th Annual Hooters International Swimsuit Pageant was earlier this year, and one of those contestants was the beautiful Lindsey Way, who represented the Fort Lauderdale location and ended up winning the event. Lindsey has an amazing smile and incredible blue eyes, so our photographer Paul Miller was able to get some amazing photos. Check out Lindsey’s slideshow, and check back as there will be more poolside photos of five more contestants in their bikinis.

An acoustic guitar is a guitar that uses only an acoustic sound board. The air in this cavity resonates with the vibrational modes of the string and at low frequencies, which depend on the size of the box, the chamber acts like a Helmholtz resonator, increasing or decreasing the volume of the sound again depending on whether the air in the box is moving in phase or out of phase with the strings. No amplification actually occurs in this process, in the sense that no energy is externally added to increase the loudness of the sound, as would be the case with an electronic amplifier.

I don't know how much NSFW submissions you get, but I saw this and thought, "Ernie might like to post that." Before you get uneasy, it's a bit of comedy. Let's just say, it's good for a quick wank! [Pinkie to corner of mouth, Dr. Evil-style] Cheers, Charley

Big Ern, On my way to the Covered Bridge Festival, I past a small Indiana town that warned anyone entering. Besides major groceries rejecting Schweddy Balls ice cream, some have cherished other nuts and melons. You the man. Keep up the good work pal. Steve. Two photos attached. [one | two]

A kayak is a small human-powered boat that traditionally has a covered deck and one or more cockpits, each seating one paddler who strokes a double-bladed paddle. Kayaks differ from canoes in the sitting position of the paddler and the number of blades on the paddle. In a kayak, the paddler sits on or near the hull of the boat and uses a double-bladed paddle. In a canoe, the paddler sits on a seat or kneels on the hull, and uses a single-bladed paddle. Sea kayaks are typically designed for travel by one, two or even three paddlers on open water and in many cases trade maneuverability for seaworthiness, stability, and cargo capacity.

Saying that ice is slippery is like saying that water is wet -- it's something we've known for as long as we can be said to have known anything. Presumably, humans as a species knew ice was slippery before we knew fire was hot, or that it existed. But ask anyone why, and they won't be able to give you any better explanation than one of those cave people would have. We just don't know why it is that you can ski on ice but not on boulders. Although at this point, most of you are probably screaming "It's water, stupid!" -- and that's more or less the answer that scientists have always concluded. Even in some modern textbooks you can still read the popular explanation: Unlike most substances, ice expands when it freezes. So when you walk on it, you're actually compacting it back into slippery old water. Sounds simple, right? Too bad that it's bullshit. Experiments have shown that your puny body doesn't exert nearly enough pressure on ice to squeeze even a tiny bit of it into liquid.

I'm not 100% certain, but I'm pretty sure this is for you roast beef guys.

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