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Ernie's House of Whoopass! November 3, 2011
November 3, 2011

Did I mention I Forgot All About The Zombiecon In Ft Myers This Year?

Here's a little bit of zombie trivia I didn't know: The Head Officer at Police Docks in Dawn of the Dead, and Captain Rhodes in Day of the Dead? Same guy, Joseph Pilato. Huh.

A tape measure is a flexible form of ruler. It consists of a ribbon of cloth, plastic, fiber glass, or metal strip with linear-measurement markings. It is a common measuring tool. Its flexibility allows for a measure of great length to be easily carried in pocket or toolkit and permits one to measure around curves or corners. The design on which most modern spring tape measures are built was patented by a New Haven, Connecticut resident named Alvin J. Fellows on 14 July 1868. According to the text of his patent, Fellows' tape measure was an improvement on other versions previously designed. Measuring tapes designed for carpentry or construction often use a stiff, curved metallic ribbon that can remain stiff and straight when extended, but retracts into a coil for convenient storage. This type of tape measure will have a floating tang on the end to aid measuring. The tang will float a distance equal to its thickness, to provide both inside and outside measurements that are accurate. A tape measure of 25 or even 100 feet can wind into a relatively small container. The self-marking tape measure allows the user an accurate one hand measure and mark without an outside device.

Hot girls and nerdy pursuits, even the less geeky among us probably wish our wives or girlfriends would hang out and play video games every once in a while. Clothing optional, of course. Check out these 25 chicks putting it all out there for the benefit of quite a few guy's most fervent fantasies.

A water slide is a type of slide designed for warm-weather or indoor recreational use at water parks. Water slides differ in their riding method and therefore size. Some slides require riders to sit directly on the slide, or on a raft or tube designed to be used with the slide. A typical water slide uses a pump system to pump water to the top which is then allowed to freely flow down its surface. The water reduces friction so sliders travel down the slide very quickly. Water slides run into a swimming pool -- often called a plunge pool -- or a long run-out chute.

I think I have you beat on your Pine Island escape. A little more than an hour away from my place we have a fishing camp down in Cocodrie, Louisiana. Only 2 ways in, not ideal, but it gets better. One road in is controlled by a drawbridge, which can easily be taken out, and the other way in is a two lane highway, surrounded by water on both sides. Coveintely hijack a few vehicles to block off that second road and you now have sportsman paradise all by yourself. Besides all the saltwater fishing and ample land for gardens and plants, every camp down there is at least 20 feet off the ground. Needless to say, stairwells can easily be blocked off when the shit gets hairy. Having the boat right across the street won't hurt either. Gotta love Louisiana! Asshole of the nation, but i'll be damned if it ain't a good place to ride out the zombie apocalypse! Here is a link. Just come rescue us before Hurricane season cause it can get pretty hairy that far south during a storm. The only problem is, I don't have nearly enough of an arsenal or the ammo to back it up. A measly S&W .45, 30.06 Winchester, 30/30 Winchester, and a Remington 870. Care to donate?? Take care Ern, Kade

Hey Big E, It's not just the University of Florida that recognize the importance of Zombie preparedness: The Center for Disease Control, also has a Zombie preparedness plan! -Smitty

And I don't give a fuck what anybody says -- a shotgun is going to be my first choice of weaspn for kicking some zombie ass. Once I get Pine Island isolated from the mainland, I'll feel quite comfortable with a nice deep channel between me and the hordes. That's not to suggest that I'd sit back and put my feet up for the rest of my days, but I wouldn't be looking over my shoulder every two minutes either.

A fecal impaction is a solid, immobile bulk of feces that can develop in the rectum as a result of chronic constipation. Symptoms include chronic constipation. There can be fecal incontinence and paradoxical or overflow diarrhea (encopresis) as liquid stool passes around the obstruction. Complications may include necrosis and ulcers of the rectal tissue. Abdominal pain and bloating could also be present depending on the severity of the condition. Loss of appetite can also occur. Dogs with fecal impactions pass little or no stool despite repeated and forceful straining, are lethargic, have no appetite, experience abdominal distension and vomiting, and may have a hunched-up appearance. Digital rectal examination reveals a large, tubular mass. A severe fecal impaction requires rehydration with intravenous fluids prior to removal. Most will need to be removed under general anesthesia using finger extraction and forceps.

When it comes to World Wrestling Entertainment, the storylines and fighting aren't the only things that are fake. In many cases, the chests of the gorgeous WWE Divas share that very same quality, which is one reason I'm aprtial to Kelly Kelly. However, I find myself having a much easier time accepting fake breasts, as opposed to fake wrestling. You will find some of those sexy WWE Divas and their lovely chests (both fake and real) in these images. You're welcome.

Ernie, I don't claim to be nearly the zombie expert that you are, however I am not so sure that your survival island plan is as secure as it might appear. In the book World War Z the single most zombie inhabited part of the earth was the ocean. Early in the Zombie Wars it was thought that dumping the zombies into the ocean would eradicate them. However, it only served to spread the zombie disease across world as the zombies simply fed off of sea life while walking across the ocean floor to emerge on the opposite shore. Andrew

Dude Ernie, Hate to break it to you bud but zombies can't drown and therefore can survive quite happily underwater only to walk out of the surf behind your drawbridge and barricaded causeway. All you've done here is isolate yourself on an island with very few avenues of escape. Now a fall back point on top of a mountain with sheer cliffs is the way to go in my opinion. Zs can't climb effectively so the more surrounded by cliffs you are the better. Means you have to blockade/patrol fewer perimeters. If you have enough time you can set up blockades to route the Zs into killing lanes. With even more time and manpower you can set up over lapping fields of fire and turn it into a zombie shooting gallery. After a few weeks or months you would've killed enough Zs in the area to live relatively free from danger of hordes. Patrols would still have to be conducted of course but it's important that you survive those first few months, after that life gets easier and hopefully there's still a government to offer some aid. Don't know if you read it but World War Z covers this topic pretty well. As well The Walking Dead comic series has explored the pros and cons of various living arrangements. Anyways just thought you should know. I too take zombie infestation very seriously. Mike K. ps. In your original zombie attack plan you called 28 days later a zombie flick. It isn't. those people are still alive but infected with the rage virus. They can die like anyone else and therefore, by definition, are not zombies. Mike

You can always tell someone who's taken their zombie cues from Max Brooks; they refer to zombies as Z's. Anyway, read both Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z. The first was pretty good, the second, eh I wasn't impressed. See two things that ol Maxie doesn't play into are water pressure and good ol Mother Nature's famous decomposition recipe. The deepest part of the ocean is the Mariana Trench, right where the Pacific and the Mariana plates meet. Way the fuck down there -- I'm talking Challenger Deep -- the water column above exerts a pressure of 1,086 bars (15,750 psi). That's over one thousand times the standard atmospheric pressure at sea level. If a zombie were to be dumped there, it'd be be squashed to the size of a fucking soccer ball. But even if we don't go there, the average water pressure on the bottom of the ocean in the deeper parts is hundreds of times what the pressure it is at sea level, so we're talking squishing a zombie down to what, maybe medicine ball size? I'll take those odds. And as for sea life? Just like on shore, wild/sea life are going to pick zombies apart. And building upon that, magical virus or not, I can't see how someone would expect a zombie's body tissue to be magically indestructible. As the tissues dry out, muscles atrophy, tendons stiffen up and snap, cartilage breaks, and as a result appendages are going to weaken and then fall right the fuck off. That decomposition is going to happen even faster underwater because I'm sorry, even the hungriest zombie can't eat microorganisms. And that whole 'feeding on sea life' idea? Horseshit. Sunlight doesn't usually penetrate beyond 200 meters so zombies will be rendered blind. They can't hear for obvious reasons. Their sense of touch will be greatly muted, along with crippled mobility. All that adds up to lots of zombie snacky cakes by crabs, lobsters, fish, starfish, sharks, et al. In short, Max Brooks can go fuck himself. And just for the record... May 11,2010: "This of course leads to the tower scene in 28 Days Later -- not technically a zombie movie, by the way -- where the father is dressed up in riot gear." That's right, who rules.

Costco Wholesale Corporation is the largest membership warehouse club chain in the United States. As of July 2009 it is the third largest retailer in the United States, where it originated, and the ninth largest in the world. As of October 2007, Costco is the largest retailer of fine wine in the world. Costco is headquartered in Issaquah, Washington, and was founded in Kirkland, Washington with its first warehouse in nearby Seattle. Costco focuses on selling products at low prices, often at very high volume. These goods are usually bulk-packaged and marketed primarily to large families and businesses. Furthermore, Costco does not carry multiple brands or varieties where the item is essentially the same except when it has a house brand to sell, typically under the Kirkland Signature label. This results in a high volume of sales from a single vendor, allowing further reductions in price, and reducing marketing costs.

Banana is the common name for herbaceous plants of the genus Musa and for the fruit they produce. Bananas come in a variety of sizes and colors when ripe, including yellow, purple, and red. In popular culture and commerce, "banana" usually refers to soft, sweet "dessert" bananas. By contrast, Musa cultivars with firmer, starchier fruit are called plantains or "cooking bananas". Today, bananas are cultivated throughout the tropics, in at least 107 countries, primarily for their fruit, and to a lesser extent to make fiber, banana wine and as ornamental plants. Bananas are also frequently used as a phallic symbol, as typified by the artwork of the debut album of The Velvet Underground, which features a banana on the front cover. On the original vinyl LP version, the design allowed the listener to 'peel' this banana to find a pink, peeled banana/phallus on the inside.

This list seems to get longer and longer - amazing as you scroll down the page it seems never ending. Paul

Hey Big Ern. That versatile green convertible that Eric asked about is probably the Pontiac Stinger. A $2 million design exercise that's worth ten times that in sheer traffic stopping ability. Man, the ass I could have gotten with a ride like this in the 80's. Raymond

The Toyota Corolla is a line of subcompact and compact cars manufactured by the Japanese automaker Toyota, which has become very popular throughout the world since the nameplate was first introduced in 1966. In 1997, the Corolla became the best selling nameplate in the world, with over 35 million sold as of 2007, surpassing the Volkswagen Beetle. May 1995 saw a complete redesign for the Corolla. Evolutionary technological improvements continued, however, and in 1998, for the first time, some non-Japanese Corollas received the new 1ZZ-FE engine. This generation was delayed in North America until mid 1997, where it had unique front and rear styling. Over the past 40 years, one Corolla car has been sold on average every 40 seconds.

You know how sometimes when you're watching a music video, the actual music is just unspeakably horrible, yet the lead singer's tits are so huge that you just can't look away, so you just end up watching the whole thing with the volume turned off? Yeah that's what you're gonna want to do with this Sabrina Sabrok video, although looking at her topless pictures isn't that awful.

The Pilot Pen Begreen Greenball Pen has a new technology that eliminates leakage due to air pressure changes. Made with a minimum 70% recycled materials reclaimed from manufacturing. Pilot has recently launched its first full range of Begreen recycled writing instruments. These consist of the same famous Pilot pens you are used to but in a recycled version, as well as new and innovative products that you have never seen before. Helping the planet doesn't have to cost much as the Begreen range are the same price as the standard range equivalent. The Begreen range of environmentally friendly writing instruments allows you to make your own contribution to being environmentally friendly.

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