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Ernie's House of Whoopass! January 13, 2012
January 13, 2012

Cancer Did What IEDs And Crazed Lunatics With AK-47s Could Not.

Airmen of the 92nd Security Forces Squadron at Fairchild Air Force Base paid their respects Thursday to one of their own. Lucky, a military working dog, survived five tours of duty in Iraq, Afghanistan and Kyrgyzstan. He succumbed to cancer last September at age 10, surviving two previous diagnoses of the disease. Several dozen service members gathered for a morning memorial service in the base community center. An orange box with Lucky’s ashes sat next to his portrait atop a travel kennel. So long Lucky, we hardly knew ye.

So the only thing that I really find puzzling about the Marine/corpse pissing video is -- why in the hell would you film it? Surely these guys aren't the first, nor will they be the last to spike the football, but what purpose could video evidence serve except to come back and bite you in the ass? Which is precisely what it's doing now? If they're lucky, the Marines involved will only receive bad conduct discharges; at the worst they'll spend some time behind bars. All because you let someone film it? Stupid man. Now they won't get to play with their Benelli M4's any more (0:13 to 0:17); the latest version is called the Benelli M4 H2O, which includes for the first time ever, a factory-installed telescoping pistol-grip stock, a full-length magazine tube (7+1 capacity) and NP3 coating—a seriously rugged weather-proofing that will withstand all the elements. I'm not sure I'd trade one for my Saiga 12, but I'd sure love to own one, none the less. Oh and the Taliban response to the Marine corpse pissing video: Meh.

The 2011 Vancouver Stanley Cup riot was a public disturbance that broke out in the downtown core of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada on Wednesday, June 15, 2011. The riots happened immediately after the conclusion of the Boston Bruins' win over the Vancouver Canucks in game seven of the Stanley Cup Finals, which won the Stanley Cup for Boston. At least 140 people were reported as injured during the incident, one critically; at least four people were stabbed, nine police officers were injured, and 101 people were arrested that night, with 16 further arrests following the event.

On that note, here is the cheerleading squad for the European Basketball League's Asseco Prokom. Trust me, YOU'RE WELCOME.

Driver Steve Nogas was told he was disqualified for reason stemming back to his qualifying burnout (disobeying a fire mashal), he forced his car through a group of officials and on to the track, and after a small burnout he was escorted from the track and his car towed away.

Hey Ernie, I'm pretty sure I saw this on EHOWA a few years back, it was a really horrible duet that a couple of old people did as an ad for their internet web service. They were kind of like "The Culps" from SNL, but much much much much worse. Any idea? Thanks,TK

Dear TK: I'm pretty sure you're drunk.

Old and busted: Rescue Breathing and CPR. The new hotness: Continuous Chest Compression CPR. And it's easier, too.

In geology and related fields, a stratum (plural: strata) is a layer of sedimentary rock or soil with internally consistent characteristics that distinguish it from other layers. The "stratum" is the fundamental unit in a stratigraphic column and forms the basis of the study of stratigraphy. Each layer is generally one of a number of parallel layers that lie one upon another, laid down by natural forces. They may extend over hundreds of thousands of square kilometers of the Earth's surface. Strata are typically seen as bands of different colored or differently structured material exposed in cliffs, road cuts, quarries, and river banks. Individual bands may vary in thickness from a few millimeters to a kilometer or more. Each band represents a specific mode of deposition: river silt, beach sand, coal swamp, sand dune, lava bed, etc.

Every woman you are about to see is not actually "wearing" a top, but instead has had one painted on, that covers her even better than Champ Bailey covers a WR. If you were never a fan of body painting, this is the time to head on over to another post, because I have compiled a super sexy list of the best body painted-on jerseys of all time. So look over your shoulder, turn down the radio, or stop doing anything else and relax for the steamiest body paint jerseys. Ever.

A false rumor that has plagued the National Kidney Foundation (NKF) and the aluminum industry for decades has recently resurfaced, perhaps fueled by the Internet. Individuals and groups believe they can donate the pull tabs on aluminum cans in exchange for time on a kidney dialysis machine. Such a program has never existed through the NKF, nor have there ever been programs through the foundation allowing people to exchange any type of item (box tops, product points, etc.) for time on dialysis. [via snopes]

The Puget Sound Naval Shipyard in Bremerton, Wash., welcomed the aircraft carrier USS Ronald Reagan for a year of maintenance work Tuesday. The 1,100-foot-long carrier's home port has been changed administratively from San Diego to Bremerton so families can join the sailors during the extended stay. Not all family members can come north but many have already arrived. The ship has a crew of about 2,500. In what may have been a strange sight for ship watchers, the carrier was transporting several hundred cars instead of jets on the main flight deck. Those are the cars belonging to crew members and their families. [article]

A keycard lock is a lock operated by a keycard, a flat, rectangular plastic card with identical dimensions to that of a credit card or American driver's license which stores a physical or digital signature which the door mechanism accepts before disengaging the lock. There are several popular type of keycards in use including the mechanical holecard, bar code, magnetic stripe, Wiegand wire embedded cards, smart card (embedded with a read/write electronic microchip), and RFID proximity cards. Keycards are frequently used in hotels as an alternative to mechanical keys.There never used to be "wardrobe malfunctions" at sporting events. You know why? Because athletes used to wear clothes from head to toe. Consider the famous running scene in Rocky. The Italian Stallion goes sprinting through the old neighborhood and up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art in a thick gray sweatsuit. Long sleeves, full-length pants. When was the last time you saw somebody jogging in a sweatsuit? Today, sports uniforms are tight fitting and made of lightweight material. The primary benefit of this evolution, of course, is performance. But the secondary benefit? Unexpected boob sightings. In fact, these days you can hardly watch a (female) sporting event without seeing a nipple, butt crack (this means you, Kerri Walsh), or tightly packaged derriere.

Secret is an antiperspirant/deodorant for women manufactured by Procter & Gamble. It is sold in the United States, Canada, and Mexico. Secret was launched as the first female deodorant in 1956, after more than 10 years of research that began in 1945. Secret is the only female brand antiperspirant/deodorant in Procter & Gamble’s portfolio of products, which includes male brands Gillette and Old Spice. There are currently more than 55 different antiperspirant/deodorant products sold under the Secret brand. Products are produced by company plants in Greensboro, NC and in Mexico City, Mexico, which are then distributed to retailers. Secret products are sold in a variety of channels, including supermarkets, drug stores and mass merchandisers. They are also available through various online retailers.

something like this can only improve go-kart racing

the official 2012 election election cheat sheet - 15 incredible escape tools made by prison inmates

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