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Ernie's House of Whoopass! February 14, 2012
February 14, 2012

Happy Valentine's Day To All My Bitches.

On the morning of Thursday, February 14, 1929, St. Valentine's Day, five members of the North Side Gang, plus gang collaborators Reinhardt H. Schwimmer and John May, were lined up against the rear inside wall of the garage at 2122 North Clark Street, in the Lincoln Park neighborhood of Chicago's North Side, and executed. The murders were committed by gangsters allegedly hired from outside the city by the Al Capone mob so they would not be recognized by their victims. Two of the shooters were dressed as uniformed police officers, while the others wore suits, ties, overcoats and hats, according to witnesses who saw the "police" leading the other men at gunpoint out of the garage after the shooting. John May's German Shepherd, Highball, who was leashed to a truck, began howling and barking, attracting the attention of two women who operated boarding houses across the street. One of them, Mrs. Landesman, sensed that something was dreadfully wrong and sent one of her roomers to the garage to see what was upsetting the dog. The man ran out, sickened at the sight. Frank Gusenberg was still alive after the killers left the scene and was rushed to the hospital shortly after police arrived at the scene. When the doctors had Gusenberg stabilized, police tried to question him but when asked who shot him, he replied "Nobody shot me", despite having sustained fourteen bullet wounds. Gusenberg died three hours later, refusing to utter a word about the identities of the killers. It is believed that the St. Valentine's Day Massacre resulted from a plan devised by members of the Capone gang to eliminate George 'Bugs' Moran due to the rivalry between the two gangs. And if you don't have time to watch that entire movie, here's the big payoff with all of the bad guys using Chicago Typewriters. But not in the third sence of the phrase

And after seeing the background that I used last year, I have a sudden urge to make Pepto-Bismol ice cream. And just so there's no Valentine's misunderstanding, yeah I really am going to make that shit.

A quickie refers to a brief or spontaneous episode of sexual activity, with the act finishing in a very short amount of time. Generally the term presupposes that foreplay is skipped and that at least one of the partners climaxes. A quickie may involve an intercourse or be limited to manual or oral sex. According to some, a quickie between a heterosexual couple generally satisfies only the man's desire; others claim that quickies (with intercourse or some other form of stimulation of the vulva) can be "a major turn-on" for a woman, too, but still may not give a woman enough time to lubricate naturally, and so require the use of an artificial water-based lubricant. Some consider quickies a solution to unequal sexual desire in a relationship, but if they become the only form of sex, the relationship may suffer. So in celebration of Valentine's Day here is a guide to quickies, a note on quickie etiquette, some suggested places to have a quickie, and if you're so inclined, quickies in a sports stadium.

Yeah, some people play Valentine's Day pretty safe. Kids send the same cards featuring famous cartoon characters. Adults use Hallmark to write blandly complimentary things to each other. But what it would look like if people used valentines to express the awkward, vulnerable truth. Here are 23 Painfully Honest Valentine's Day Cards.


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