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Ernie's House of Whoopass! March 2, 2012
March 2, 2012

I Just Can't Word This Sandy Cootch Joke Right.

Wow, nice fucking weather today, eh?

This might be kind of racist -- not as racist as a watermelon tattoo -- but the Urban Dictionary defines "nigga rich" as: Coming into a large sum of money such as a student loan refund or some form of a backpay. Instead of spending said money responsibly, this short lived windfall usually results in shopping sprees and a few good nights of partying. The money is typically gone within days.

The 2012 Daytona 500 got off to a bit of a shaky start, didn’t it? For a while there, it was starting to feel more like a Major League Baseball game than a NASCAR race, with fans having to wait out not one but two rain-delays. However, once the race actually got underway Monday, we were given a spectacle no baseball game could ever provide: a fire delay. Juan Pablo Montoya lost control of his car and crashed into the back of a jet dryer truck carrying 200 gallons of kerosene, which set off a massive fireball. I know, the odds were about Juan in a Million, amirite? So, as always, just when you start to think auto racing is kind of boring, something blows up. Today, we celebrate the awesomeness of auto racing with 15 insane crash GIFs.

A cataract is a clouding that develops in the crystalline lens of the eye or in its envelope (lens capsule), varying in degree from slight to complete opacity and obstructing the passage of light. Early in the development of age-related cataract, the power of the lens may be increased, causing near-sightedness (myopia), and the gradual yellowing and opacification of the lens may reduce the perception of blue colors. Cataracts typically progress slowly to cause vision loss, and are potentially blinding if untreated. The condition usually affects both eyes, but almost always one eye is affected earlier than the other. Several factors can promote the formation of cataracts, including long-term exposure to ultraviolet light, exposure to ionising radiation, secondary effects of diseases such as diabetes, hypertension and advanced age, or trauma; they are usually a result of denaturation of lens protein.

Interesting nature tornado zee purlin sculpture, one block south of main entertainment street in Branson, MO. Rocky

WTF? Other bad burgers.....ALL other burgers are bad when compared to 5 Guys! - Greg

The idea that you should change your car's oil every 3,000 miles is so pervasive that it has its own Wikipedia page ... specifically debunking it. This misconception has its roots laid all the way back to the 1970s, when oil technology was still developing and the engine operating environment wasn't nearly as smooth and controlled as it is today. Back then, 3,000 miles was actually a pretty good rule of thumb. However, just like international relations and grooming habits, engine and oil technology have improved drastically over the decades. The life of the oil in your car has now increased far beyond that allegedly sacred 3,000-mile barrier.

The Persian carpet is an essential part of Persian art and culture. Carpet-weaving is undoubtedly one of the most distinguished manifestations of Persian culture and art, and dates back to ancient Persia. In 2008, Iran’s exports of hand-woven carpets was $420 million or 30% of the world's market. There is an estimated population of 1.2 million weavers in Iran producing carpets for domestic markets and international export. Iran exports carpets to more than 100 countries, as hand-woven rugs are one of its main non-oil export items. The country produces about five million square meters of carpets annually—80 percent of which are sold in international markets. In recent times Iranian carpets have come under fierce competition from other countries producing reproductions of the original Iranian designs as well as cheaper substitutes.

Big Ern or Ernie, First, congrats on getting your Pops gun back. I had a similar (but no so involved problem) getting my Dads Vietnam issued sidearm back when he sold it off. I enjoy it to this day and hope to hand it down to my unborn son when it is time. A couple of us at work are die hard readers and are really happy for you. I know you are a huge walking dead fan and had to pass this along to you. It has a major characters killing off in the series spoiler, but we all knew it was coming. I dont know about you, but i kinda am looking forward to the zombie apocolypse, if not to feel like a king walking around, taking what i want out of stores, and protecting my family by shooting the random walker. Love the site, keep up the good work. G

Well, not to be a spoiler-spoiler, but if they keep to the comics, Carl will shoot Shane in the neck.

Old and busted: The 570hp Lamborghini Gallardo Superleggera. The new hotness: The 700hp Lamborghini Aventador.

In 1900, women began competing in the modern Olympic games. Sixteen years later, at the University of Minnesota, women begin to play ice hockey officially. Following that feat, Sybil Bauer, in 1924, broke the record for 100-meter backstroke at the Olympics. She became the first woman to break a man's world record. It wasn't until 1940 when Gussie Moran showed the world that women can be sexy and competitive at the same time by showing up at the 1949 Wimbledon tournament with the shortest tennis skirt ever worn in professional sports. On behalf of every man, woman and teenager who reads these articles, we thank you Gussie. Thanks for proving that sex and sports is a great combination. There is no telling what new outfits we will see in the future but one thing will always be true—female athletes just keep getting hotter. Now let us judge the best decade of sexy female athletes by taking a glimpse of some of the sexiest sports stars over each of the past eight decades.

C'mon man. It's getting so you can't even hike up the side of Biggin Hill anymore without getting buzzed by a guy in a glider. Thomas Crowne was unavailable for comment.

25 people who think obama killed andrew breitbart

old and busted: oregon's faces of meth. the new hotness: south bronx's faces of addiction

12 extremely depressing facts about popular music

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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