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Ernie's House of Whoopass! March 14, 2012
March 14, 2012

Oh, Thursday Doesn't Even Start, It's PIE-DAY I'm In Love.

At 05:11 PM 3/13/2012, Bruce Allen - wrote:

Long time reader and supporter until now....if you would like to give your daily political views feel free, its your website. I just cant stand another video of some reporter finding the dregs of society here in my home state and putting it out so that we all look like toothless minority hating rednecks. you should know Ernie, since you were here at Keesler AFB, that not all (just the non coastal counties) of Mississippi is like that. I usually find humor in whatever you post..but not today. I suspect my days as an EHOWA supporter have ended.

So let me just fucking recap here. In he last year I've linked to interviews done by: Australia's CNNN, interviews of Occupy Wall Street protesters, interviews with the Best of the Occupy Crazies -- pay close attention to that one, Bruce -- and interviews with people from Beck's Restoring Honor rally. But all of those get the Bruce Allen silent nod of approval. But as soon as I feature any of you toothless minority hating rednecks (your words, not mine) out of grand ol fucking state of Mississippi, well ding-dang-fucking-doodle man, it's on! Ya'll can't be breengin that thar Yankee shit down heyah, this is the the muthafukin Biba Bewt!

To show you how much I don't really give a shit what you think, I was actually going to print out your email and then take a picture of myself shitting on it. But then I thought to myself about how friends and family visit EHOWA, and let's be honest, none of them would really want to see me defecate even if it would be hysterically funny. So I had one of my dogs shit on it instead. No seriously, see for yourself. Actually, she looks rather relieved both from having has a pretty decent bowel movement, and because I finally stopped chasing her around the yard with a piece of paper and a camera. I had a few close calls but every time I got close she pinched off and moved; as you can see by these mysterious brown marks at the bottom of the paper.

Listen Bruce, I know this is America and you're entitled to your opinion and I'm entitled to mine. I'm just saying that nobody gives a shit about yours except my dog, who has I'll admit, managed to actually fall up stairs before. In short, after ten+ years of readership, only two fucking emails (one of which was to whine like a little bitch with sand in her pussy), and zero donations to my causes... I can safely say that I'd really enjoy it if sought out the Naked Life Coach and learned to play hide and go fuck yourself.

Pi Day is a holiday commemorating the mathematical constant Pi. In 2009, the United States House of Representatives supported the designation of Pi Day. Pi Day is observed on March 14 because of the date's representation as 3/14 in month/day date format. This representation adheres to the commonly used approximation of 3.14 for Pi. What some call "Real Pi Day" will be celebrated on March 14th, 2015 at 9:26:53 AM. These numbers (3/14/15, 9:26:53) correspond with the first 10 digits of pi (3.141592653). Pi is an irrational number, which means that its value cannot be expressed exactly as a fraction having integers in both the numerator and denominator. Consequently, its decimal representation never ends and never repeats. Pi is also a transcendental number, which implies, among other things, that no finite sequence of algebraic operations on integers (powers, roots, sums, etc.) can render its value; proving this fact was a significant mathematical achievement of the 19th century.

Hey Ern, This has it all, beer, frat house, a navy seal, roast beef sammiches....[EXTREMELY NSFW LINK] Enjoy. Eric

Ernie, actually to purchase a machine gun,suppressor,short barrel rifle/shotgun, it takes local sherriff approval, $ 200.00 and about 4-6 months. I have an SBR in the system right now I sent the application in December and I am still waiting. There are ways to avoid the sherriff approval but there is no way to avoid the ATF approval.Feel free to ask me questions, I live in a free state ( Nv) and I work in a store that sells class three items. Mark

Ernie my good sir! Indeed, that is what you would call linoleum flooring! On another note, do you know what a wood shaper is? In a nutshell, it's a really big router with a table attached. Anyways, to make a long story short, I work in the office at a cabinet shop and one of our guys in the door shop was running door edges on finished cabinet doors, when he ran his finger into the shaper head. Attached is a picture to grace your website's grodiest of the grody pics. Jordan

New Zealand's Hell Pizza is known for its controversial marketing campaigns, is now challenging customers to turn their dinner into a round of Russian Roulette with a chilli sauce it claims is equivalent to pepper spray used by police. Two drops of the potent sauce are added to one slice of the pizza. The gamble is, you don't know which slice it is. Here, let's watch someone play. Their slogan is, "It doesn't cost, but someone pays."

Every year thousands of Americans pretend to be Irish about as convincingly as Greeks pretending to be a horse: it's obvious, it's stupid and anyone falling for it will be very sorry in the morning. The most hilarious method is wearing an Irish flag as a cape. I see this every year and you could only advertise your Americanity harder by being sworn in as president. This might be a shock, United States, but most countries don't use their flag as a hybrid of wallpaper and glitter. We don't feel the need to plaster it over every available surface because patriotism isn't measured by the square meter. Unless you're strength incarnate and can list "punching Nazis" on your tax return, wearing your flag is hugely disrespectful.

In March of 2011, nearly 5 million inexpensive electric fans are being recalled after they were blamed as the cause of at least seven fires, the said. They were manufactured in the U.S. by Lasko Products Inc. of West Chester, Pennsylvania. The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission said electrical failure in the motor is the source of the problems with the fans. Consumers who have the fans are urged to unplug them until they receive a free plug safety adapter with a fuse that must be requested from the manufacturer. The box style fans were sold at major retailers nationwide between 2002 and 2005 for $12 to $25.

Imagine, for a moment, you are in a dark room. The lights are off and the sound is mute. Nothing is going on but the ominous sounds of the wind as it taps the windows ever so gently. Pretend that, in this room, there is a television the size of a Cadillac just waiting to be turned on like a true love on Valentine's Day. As you turn it on, a voice is heard from the TV. It says, "And with the tip-off, the 2012 NCAA Division I men's basketball championship officially begins." It is time for some March Madness. Now that you are picturing yourself sitting alone in front of that massive TV watching every game of the tournament, for the first time ever they will be broadcasting every single game live, you might want to add a little sexy in there. No, not from yourself. That is not what I meant. I am talking about the hot ladies of the NCAA. The sexy women that make the commercial breaks a little less annoying. You know, the hottest women of March Madness

Wow, I didn't think the Goofy Auctions website was still around anymore, but I guess it is after all.

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