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Ernie's House of Whoopass! March 23, 2012
March 23, 2012

Eight To Eighty, Blind, Green or Crazy.

I'm a day late I know, but happy birthday yesterday to the hippest Rocket Man out there, or as I know him, Denny Crane.

Yesterday a few people commented on the blue scooter in the back of my truck and wondered if I was adding to the Scooters of Anarchy. As cool as that would be, alas I am not. You see about six months ago, TBL went down on (hee hee) the black scooter. Nothing too horrible, she was only doing about 25mph when someone stopped short in front of her, causing her to lock up her brakes and when the front tires locks up, you're boned. Anyway aside from being shaken up and having some nice bruises, she wasn't seriously injured -- thanks in no small part to wearing the proper gear including long pants, riding gloves and a now scuffed up $100 helmet. The scooter needed a new signal light and mirror, but I didn't want to drop the additional $300 to replace the plastics on the left side which are still pretty scuffed up. Anyway, with the odometer on the injured one quickly approaching the 7,000 mile mark, we decided it was time to hit the classifieds and retire in in favor of one with less miles.

The Battle of Athens was a rebellion led by citizens in Athens and Etowah, Tennessee, United States, against the local government in August 1946. The citizens, including some World War II veterans, accused the local officials of political corruption and voter intimidation. The event is sometimes cited by firearms ownership advocates as an example of the value of the Second Amendment in combating tyranny.

For all the folks who found the Rednecks in Mississippi clip to be entertaining/intriguing/horrifying, here is the flip side of that coin: Parasites in New York City, which is equally entertaining/intriguing/horrifying. If you want to avoid Bill Maher's yammering, the fun starts at 04:30 -- thanks Mark!

The most common strategy for winning Monopoly seems to be buying as many properties as you can and then sort of hoping other people fall on them so that you can overcharge them into bankruptcy. While the game does require some skill -- knowing when to build, or trade, or tip over the board and tell everyone to suck it -- everyone knows that it's mostly about dumb luck. It's all about the roll of the dice, right? Well, everyone's wrong. There is a simple, winning strategy based on how often everybody winds up in jail -- you know, like New Yorkers. Anyway, someone on the Internet went ahead and compiled the exact probabilities of landing on any given square (because that's what the Internet is for) and found out that Jail is the place you're most likely to end up. By far. Considering this, the most visited squares that aren't Jail are....

Knock Knock... Who's there? JDAM - Ryan

Jesse Watters Spring Break Interview -- listen to the brilliance, don't stare at the bikini's. Jon

At 2:20 a.m. on April 15, 1912, the unsinkable R.M.S. Titanic disappeared beneath the waves, taking with her 1,500 souls. One hundred years later, new technologies have revealed the most complete -- and most intimate -- images of the famous wreck. You can also turn the clock back 100 years and follow the Titanic live on Twitter.

I'm not going to waste your time with a lengthy introduction for this list. Cheerleaders are just awesome. You know it. I know it. They know it. So I don't need to explain why I would do a list of cheerleader gifs any more than a short order cook needs to explain why he puts cheese and bacon on a hamburger. It's just a good thing. So, on that note, here you go: 25 cheerleader gifs to brighten you day. Some are funny, some are impressive, and some are—yeah, that's right—kinda hot.

stray dog saves st. pete teenager from sexual attacker

the staggering beauty of iceland's glacier lagoon - the battle of athens: restoring the rule of law

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

Insert Your Favorite So My Dad Is Visiting Fo...

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here....

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