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Ernie's House of Whoopass! April 2, 2012
April 2, 2012

Ahhhh, Gas Under A Buck. It Seems So Long Ago, Doesn't It?

Well, try as I might and as prepared as I was to finally hit the jackpot, I I did NOT win the lottery this weekend, dashing my hopes of eating 137,634,409 pounds of bacon. So I guess it's back to the grind.

So The Boss Lady accepted a new position at her workplace, and will now be floating around to various locations here in the SW Florida area, filling in as needed. Aside from a modest bump in cashola, the new spot also reimburses mileage at the IRS mandated rate of $0.555/mile. While that would be the kiss of death for someone like me driving Big Red, which gets 11mpg = $0.36/mile before you even consider routine maintenance, repairs and insurance. But thankfully I get to sit my fat ass at home, and she takes her motorcycle to work: $0.07 per mile before routine maintance and insurance. It's still under warranty for three more years so while I don't have to worry about any fixie-fixie-repair stuff, things always sneak up on you when you least expect them.... cough...cough... dead battery... cough. Anyway, with a commute that can hit 100 miles round trip in a day depending upon where they send her, having an economic vehicle is quite important. Now the good weather won't last forever down here in Florida, the raining season is right around the corner and there will be days where riding to work on two wheels won't be practical; especially if she has to cart shit around for work. So we've been kicking around the idea of laying down some cash for a new set of wheels. So looking in the hatchback arena, I'm not a fan of the rolling-bubble-onwheels (aka the Toyota Prius) I have to admit the Honda Insight isn't too horrible on the eyes, especially at 44mpg. Should we decide not to pull the hybrid-trigger, I think the Volkswagen Golf TDI is on the table (42mpg) and maybe kinds sorta the Subaru Impreza hatchback which pulls but also has the benefit of all-wheel drive and a longer warranty than the other two. or I dunno, maybe just hold onto the TT and run that fucker into the ground.

A walking stick is a device used by many people to facilitate balancing while walking. Walking sticks come in many shapes and sizes, and can be sought by collectors. Some kinds of walking stick may be used by people with disabilities as a crutch. The walking stick has also historically been known to be used as a defensive or offensive weapon, and may conceal a knife or sword as in a swordstick. In North America, a walking cane is a walking stick with a curved top much like a shepherd's staff, but shorter. Thus, although they are called canes, they are usually made of material heavier than cane, such as wood or metal.

If I said the name Nichole Hiltz, you probably wouldn't know who the hell I was talking about. If I further explained that ehs played Mary's younder sister on In Plain Sight, eh, that may or may not ring a bell depending upon whether or not you're a Mary McCormack fan. And iIf I were to take one step further and say that Hiltz was the star of 2008's Trailer Part of Terror, you'd probably want to punch me in my face. That is right up until I mentioned that the film included this scene -- sorry about all the hippie music, I couldn't find an actual clip from the movie. So why is this important? Oh just a small note.... she was engaged to Mike Smith. Who is that? Well remember that dumb fuck Bubbles from the Trailer Park Boys? You know, the one famous for his coke bottle glasses and clueless look? Yeah well he's the leading candidate to be sent into space. Fucking kill me.

Down here, a booming Brazil attracts immigrants from several south and central american countries, europe, china and of course lots of brazilians from other states. Bruno

A barcode reader is an electronic device for reading printed barcodes. Like a flatbed scanner, it consists of a light source, a lens and a light sensor translating optical impulses into electrical ones. Additionally, nearly all barcode readers contain decoder circuitry analyzing the barcode's image data provided by the sensor and sending the barcode's content to the scanner's output port. Omni-directional scanners are most familiar through the horizontal scanners in supermarkets, where packages are slid across a glass window. Omni-directional scanners are also better at reading poorly printed, wrinkled, or even torn barcodes.

Remember that absurdly sexy hula-hoop girl? Yeah, she's got another video out. You're welcome.

Ernie: Here's something we put together for April Fool's Day 2012 -- every April Fool's Day website prank of 2012 on one page. Thought the EHOWA audience would get a kick out of it! Thanks, John

Since ancient times, the rose has been highly prized for its source of perfume, medicinal use and nutritional properties. In fact so much so that, ancient Greeks, Romans and Phoenecians placed as much importance on large public rose gardens as they did on wheat fields and fruit orchards. Rose perfumes are made from rose oil, also called attar of roses, which is a mixture of volatile essential oils obtained by steam-distilling the crushed petals of roses, a process first developed in Persia and Bulgaria. Rose water is a by-product of this process.

Sonic weapons are a type of technology that governments have developed as a nonviolent alternative to traditional methods of crowd control (unless you consider headaches, vomiting and loss of balance to be violent, that is). This is highly unpleasant military-level technology here -- so obviously someone created an affordable gag version of it. The gadget works by generating a specific combination of sound waves calculated to make you physically ill. The effect varies from person to person: Users over the net have described it as a "slightly queasy feeling, almost like you have to belch but can't, and it's lasted about 15 minutes" and "disruption to concentration in some, heightened aggression in one individual and downright irritation to many younger people."

Good morning, I hope you had a good weekend. I have awesome article to share with you: 7 Landmarks Perfect for Surviving a Zombie Attack Give us a shout if you need any images/resized..etc! - Thanks, Danny

A waterspout is an intense columnar vortex, usually appearing as a funnel-shaped cloud, that occurs over a body of water and is connected to a cumuliform cloud. In the common form, it is a non-supercell tornado over water. While it is often weaker than most of its land counterparts, stronger versions spawned by mesocyclones do occur. Waterspouts do not suck up water; the water seen in the main funnel cloud is actually water droplets formed by condensation. Waterspouts have a five-part life cycle: formation of a dark spot on the water surface, spiral pattern on the water surface, formation of a spray ring, development of the visible condensation funnel, and ultimately decay.

A preauricular sinus is a common congenital malformation characterized by a nodule, dent or dimple located anywhere adjacent to the external ear. They are inherited features and usually appear on one side, but may be bilateral in 25-50% of cases. Preauricular sinuses and cysts result from developmental defects of the first and second branchial arches. Occasionally a preauricular sinus or a cyst can become infected. Most preauricular sinuses are asymptomatic and remain untreated unless they become infected too often. Preauricular cysts are treated with surgery which, because of their close proximity to the facial nerve should be left to an experienced surgeon.

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